bridgge2010's Profile

All About Me!

Star Sign: LEO!! August 16th!!!
Three words that describe me are: smart, athletic, and me
My Lucky #: 8
I’m crazy about this color: lime green and orange
My sibs: 1 sister

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181 COMMENTS


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yep

LoverGurl12 on 8/6/2009 11:33:17 AM

hey people! I have A Short story i wrote below and i want feedback. i can take criticism so speak your mind! here it is...
(1st revision)
"New at Elks Middle School"

I hear people talking to there friends in the hallway.I see others hugging their friends they never saw all summer. I wish I could be back at Danville Junior/High School with all my friends.
I walk into the school's office. I go up to the front desk.
"Umm," I stammer, "I am new here and I uh need my class schedule."
"Welcome to Elks Middle School! What is your name?" The lady at the desk asks.
"Mallory Owens." I say.
"Ah Mallory Owens," she says, "My name is Mrs. Patersky I am the school secretary. I know everything you need to know about this school."
Mrs. Patersky shuffled through some papers.
"Here is your schedule. Your first class is in room 801. It is right down the hall and to the left."
"Thanks" I tell her staring down the long list of classes. History, Life Science, Algebra...
"You better get moving. Mr. Snizer doesn't like to wait for people." stated Mrs. Patersky.
I saunter down the hall, past a few people. I hear them whisper and point. They are probably saying, "There's the new girl." "I hope she's not in my class!" I trek on. "Down the hall and to the left" i repeat in my head.
I step through the door. Every one is staring at me. My cheeks are probably tomato red.
"You must be Ms. Mallory Owens." says the teacher.
I nod.
"There is a seat open behind Ms. Tanya Konswalki." he states.
I take my seat.
Tanya turns around.
"Hi." she shyly says.
"Hi," I say back, "You must be Tanya."
"Yea I am." Tanya answers.
"Girls no talking in class." the teacher says.
The bell rings.
"My name is Mr. Snizer for all of you that do not know me. I will be you History teacher." states Mr. Snizer in a monotone voice.
"More like Mr. Snoozer." comments Tanya loud enough for only me and a few other people around her to hear. I giggle.
"Ms. Owens," says Mr. Snizer with a slight edge in his voice, "would you like to tell the class what's so funny?"
"No, Mr. Snoozer, I mean Snizer." I say embarrassed.
He glares at me before turning back to the class. "Open your books to page 12. Chris start reading."

i will add more later because i g2g 4 now bye!

Bridgge2010 on 8/6/2009 10:36:43 AM

hey i read your story and i agree with sweetreddancer and hit.the.surfs. if it is in -(dont you love my use of 2 letter words that start with i???? lol)- first person, she wont know her name is tanya. but i would love to read the rest when you finish!!!!!

Hershey on 8/5/2009 8:30:01 PM

and u kno wats worse im sick
really bad

lucy24567 on 8/5/2009 5:11:30 PM

hi girly!

I have some comments about your story.

I hear people talking to there friends in the hallway, others hugging those they hadn't seen all summer. I wish I could be back at Danville Junior/High with all my friends.
I walk into the school's office and shuffled up to the front desk.
"Umm," I stammer, "I am new here and I, um need my class schedule."
"Welcome to Elks Middle School! What's your name?" The lady at the desk asks.
"Mallory Owens."
"Ah, Mallory Owens," she says, "My name is Mrs. Patersky I am the school secretary. I know everything you need to know about this school."
Mrs. Patersky shuffled through some papers.
"Here is your schedule. Your first class is in room 801. It is right down the hall and to the left." I take the schedule and read through the long list of classes. "Well don't just stand there dear, class starts in three minutes!"
"Thanks" I mumble.
I saunter down the hall, past a few people. I hear them whisper and point. I catch a few words from their conversation. "There's the new girl." "I hope she's not in my class!" They giggled and I kept walking.
I step through the door. Every one is staring at me. I can feel my cheeks begin to burn.
"You must be Ms. Owens." says the teacher.
I nod.
"There is a seat open behind Ms.Konswalki." he states. "Ms. Konswalki, please raise your hand." She smiles wide as I make my way toward her and take my seat.
Tanya turns around.
"Hi." she shyly says.
"Hi," I say back, "my name is Mallory. You are?"
"Tanya." she answers.
"Girls back there, no talking in class."
Tanya and I nervously giggle and she turns around.
The bell rings. A familiar sound.
"My name is Mr. Snizer for those of you that do not know me. I will be you History teacher this year." states Mr. Snizer in a monotone voice.
"Obviously" I hear a girl snicker across from me.
"More like Mr. Snoozer!" comments Tanya loud enough for only me to hear, "He NEVER does anything fun in his lessons!"
"Ms. Konswalki," says Mr. Snizer with a slight edge in his voice, "if I catch you talking again, I will give you a check mark!"
Tanya turns around in her chair and rolls her eyes at me. I smile. She smiles back. I think this is the start of a good friendship.

I changed a few things, they'll probably be obvious to you when you read through. I love the idea of the story though! I can't wait to read more. If you write more I will gladly 'edit' it for you!

ttys,
ash

sweetreddancer on 8/5/2009 4:59:58 PM

hey i like ur profile!! i saw ur short story posted on another page and i thought you might like some feedback!! (I hope i don't sound too criticizing
It's a good story, but this part doesn't make sense:
-----"There is a seat open behind Ms.Konswalki." he states.
I take my seat.
Tanya turns around.
"Hi." she shyly says.
"Hi," I say back, "my name is Mallory. You must be Tanya." ------
It doesn't make sense because all he says is "Ms. Konswalki," he never says that her first name is Tanya. So the main character, Mallory, shouldn't know that the girl's name is Tanya.
But that's pretty much the only flaw in the story. Nice story, overall. I really like writing too, mostly novels about fantasy/high school-middle school life. lol. comment back!!

hit.the.surfs. on 8/5/2009 4:25:27 PM

neat lol! happy early bday!!!

xoerlaxo on 8/5/2009 4:14:03 PM

hey ppl! I HAV A SrORT story i wrote below and i want feedback. i can take criticism so speak your mind! here it is...

"New at Elks Middle School"

I hear people talking to there friends in the hallway.I see others hugging their friends they never saw all summer. I wish I could be back at Danville Junior/High School with all my friends.
I walk into the school's office. I go up to the front desk.
"Umm," I stammer, "I am new here and I uh need my class schedule."
"Welcome to Elks Middle School! What is your name?" The lady at the desk asks.
"Mallory Owens." I say.
"Ah Mallory Owens," she says, "My name is Mrs. Patersky I am the school secretary. I know everything you need to know about this school."
Mrs. Patersky shuffled through some papers.
"Here is your schedule. Your first class is in room 801. It is right down the hall and to the left."
"Thanks" I tell her
I saunter down the hall, past a few people. I hear them whisper and point. They are probably saying, "There's the new girl." "I hope she's not in my class!"
I step through the door. Every one is staring at me.
"You must be Ms. Owens." says the teacher.
I nod.
"There is a seat open behind Ms.Konswalki." he states.
I take my seat.
Tanya turns around.
"Hi." she shyly says.
"Hi," I say back, "my name is Mallory. You must be Tanya."
"Yea I am." Tanya answers.
"Girls no talking in class." the teacher says.
The bell rings.
"My name is Mr. Snizer for all of you that do not know me. I will be you History teacher." states Mr. Snizer in a monotone voice.
"More like Mr. Snoozer." comments Tanya loud enough for only me to hear, "He NEVER does anything fun in his only lessons!"
"Ms. Konswalki," says Mr. Snizer with a slight edge in his voice, "if I catch you talking again, I will give you a check mark!"
Tanya turns around in her chair and rolls her eyes at me. I smile. She smiles back. I think this is the start of a good friendship.

-Bridget B.

Bridgge2010 on 8/5/2009 3:28:29 PM

ur profile is cool
i luv ur icon i read all of the clique books

clumsy4567 on 8/5/2009 10:05:00 AM

heyy! i love the clique! i read all of them! cute profile

MauraP on 8/4/2009 9:36:32 PM

hey COOL icon i like miley cyrus the climb really good too could listen to it forever check out my profile

LoverGurl12 on 8/4/2009 7:59:05 PM

hi clique fan!! can u nawt wait for alphas!? im dying 4 it, chica

flutestar on 8/3/2009 4:05:05 PM

I saw that you were looking into a fitness/health club and that is exactly what my club is about!!!! You should check out my profile for info about it!

health Club on 8/2/2009 11:54:24 PM

Cool icon!!! I think Ive read every single book. So which is your favorite character? Mine has to be Claire.

flower14 on 8/2/2009 2:22:05 PM

omg whered you get your icon???????? i <3 the clique

heart2swim21 on 8/2/2009 2:06:13 PM

yeah i now theres nothing 2 do in my house

lucy24567 on 8/1/2009 4:08:37 PM

cool pro!!!!!! i<3 the clique!!!!

xoerlaxo on 8/1/2009 12:55:34 PM

Cool profile! I love the clique too. Where did u get your icon? It is really cool!

musiclover95 on 8/1/2009 12:32:06 PM

i luv the clique 2! best books evr! check out my profile plz!

mangobelly19 on 8/1/2009 11:54:14 AM

omgosh i have been watchin NCIS 4 like 3 daays straight not literally but there r marathons on USA like A LOT!!!!!!!i am wathcin 1 now!!!

Book Club on 7/31/2009 10:27:44 PM

aww sweetie,
i saw your story about the nude pics.... here's my advice:

Okay, are you sure this "friend" is a real friend?? If she made you take nude pics of yourself when you didn't want to, then are you sure you really want to still be her friend?
I can understand that you wouldn't want to talk to your 'rents, but thing is-they'll love you no matter what, girlie! Sure, they might be mad at first, but they'll get over it. Besides, it wasn't only your fault-it was mostly your friend's, from what it sounds like. And although I highly think you should talk to your parents, if you don't want to just yet-is there some other trusted person that you might be able to talk about this with? Like maybe your BFF, or if you have an Aunt or Grandma or even teacher that might understand, try them!
And in the mean time-try to get over it! We all make mistakes in life, and nobody's perfect-right? That might not have been the best thing to do, but always remember to love yourself no matter what!
Chin up!
<3
Bella

iloveseattle21 on 7/31/2009 8:04:21 PM

Lols.

Purpleboo on 7/31/2009 7:51:04 PM

oh okay

sugar957 on 7/31/2009 4:42:30 PM

Heeeyy Girlie...
Great profile!! I heart NCIS too!! And, as u can see, I heart the Clique series too!! I'm on Beatfest at Tiffany's- how about u???
VISIT MY PROFILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never Forget,

hearttheclique_17 on 7/31/2009 1:03:44 PM

hey!

thats cool so how long have u been swimming 4

sugar957 on 7/30/2009 11:04:11 PM

Oh sweet! I just found out that my school bans certaain colors!!!!!!!!!! Right now it is Royal Blue. But what next? Pink? NO WAY!!!!!!!

Purpleboo on 7/30/2009 5:31:23 PM

hey so whats up?

lucy24567 on 7/30/2009 5:25:48 PM

Hi! I love ur icon i like the clique too! what's your favorite book? comment back pleez!!!

~*XoPeaceXo*~

-cupcake*cutie

Check out my profile girls!!!

cupcake*cutie on 7/29/2009 3:53:22 PM

Can i join the Club Leo??? My b-day is July 30th!!!

heath girl on 7/26/2009 10:51:25 PM

lol no problim (np in thxed form)i only know cuz my one friend when she thx will be all like wub(wats up buddy) hau (how are you)imf (imfine) lol=]

dancengirl on 7/26/2009 1:12:18 PM

hahahah. i love the clique series me and my friends bought the whole series and then we switched off readin books. HAVE FUN!

xbrenbrenxo on 7/26/2009 8:07:59 AM

you should definitely read it. it's good

hollisterchick on 7/22/2009 11:04:08 PM

i luv the clique series even tho i only read 3out of all tha books teehee

lucy24567 on 7/22/2009 6:47:50 PM

i love you profile how did you make the hearts??? check out my profile TTYl

blazerz on 7/22/2009 3:08:24 PM

your profile is awesome i love the hearts. the clique was a really good book

dogluver82 on 7/22/2009 2:40:17 PM

ur welcome so do u swim for ur school?

sugar957 on 7/22/2009 2:20:23 PM

Sweet! So what up?? Hae u gone school shopping yet? I have, i got three notebooks for taking notes in english and pre algerbra but i dnt know if i'll need more.

Purpleboo on 7/22/2009 12:36:35 PM

I love your profile!
Check out mine!~
~i♥shopping

iheartshopping on 7/18/2009 12:02:49 PM

Heyyy chica!!!!!!! I am President of Club Glory! Club Glory would like to be sister clubs with Leo. I am also a leo and i would like to help out anyway i can. I am sooo excitied, my b day is next friday! Peace!!!!!!

Purpleboo on 7/16/2009 6:15:26 PM

Hey, thanks for checking out my profile. Sorry it took me so long to comment on yours! Anyways, how are you?

Furuba309 on 7/16/2009 3:03:07 AM