Allie S.

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Dear Carol

The Ugly Sister

My sister is prettier then I am. I know it. I’m not very pretty.

-Bad looking sister

Dear Sister,

Ideally, sisters should think of each other as teammates, not rivals, but sisters often do compete and one sister may have strengths, the other does not. Instead of comparing yourself to your sister, become aware of your strengths. Are you friendly? Funny? Artistic? Musical? Great with kids? A runner? A scientist? Cook? Computer genius?

Focus on what you can do and enjoy. As for appearance, what makes you attractive is smiling and feeling good about yourself. If you need a boost, get yourself a great haircut or new vintage clothes. Sometimes a change in style can lead to a change in attitude.

Want More Advice? Order Carol Weston’s Girltalk Fourth Edition: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You. It’s got the answers to all of your most important questions. So if you're looking for tips, quotes, advice, or just plain info about growing up, friends, boys, school, family stuff, substance abuse, or any problems big and small, check out Dear Carol's Girltalk or For Girls Only. They'll help you feel confident, inspired and energized!

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.

For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com.

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BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/20/2009 7:00:00 AM 22 COMMENTS

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I have no friends. I’d do anything for one good friend. I don’t want to sit alone at lunch.

People say, “Just talk to someone,” but it’s not that easy.

-Friendless

Dear Friendless,

It’s not that easy, but it’s not impossible either. Try these suggestions.

#1. Notice if there is anyone new in school who may not have lots of friends yet and ask what she misses about her old school and likes about this one.

#2. Say hi to at least four girls each day and try starting a conversation by saying “That test was hard, didn’t you think?” or “Want a piece of gum?” or “Did you hear that…?”

#3. Join ballet, jazz ensemble, science club, yearbook, lacrosse, tap dancing, something!

#4. Call someone at home and ask about homework. Talking on the phone can be easier than in person, and you can even scribble a few conversation topics down ahead of time—I’ll never tell.

It takes courage, but if you are friendly (not clingy), and if you get to know people and let them know you, you will make friends. Keep noticing which girls seem happy to talk with you (versus the ones who act like they’re doing you a favor) and which make you laugh (versus the ones who make you feel stupid). Then don’t hang around the stuck-up crowd—even if they are considered popular.

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.

For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com.

Can't solve a catastrophe? Stop stressin'. Carol's got ya covered! Just click SEND A QUESTION to get Carol's expert advice.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/13/2009 7:00:00 AM 113 COMMENTS

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I need help with my dad. It seems we hardly go a day without fighting. I try to talk and be civil, but he won't listen.

No matter how perfect I am, I'm not perfect enough.

-Not Perfect Enough

Dear Not Perfect Enough,

When parents act like ogres, it may have little to do with you. They may be tired or hungry, or things went poorly at work, or their own dads were mean. Don't give up on your dad.

But don't transfer his dissatisfaction or impossible standards onto yourself either. You're not perfect but maybe you ARE perfect enough. (P.S. Any chance you can ask your mom to buy him a book on parenting? How would he react if you took one out of the library?)

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.

For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com.

Can't solve a catastrophe? Stop stressin'. Carol's got ya covered! Just click SEND A QUESTION to get Carol's expert advice.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/6/2009 7:00:00 AM 57 COMMENTS

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I'm Afraid to Die

This might sound silly but it’s true: I’m afraid to die. I think about it mostly at night. I look to each birthday with dread knowing that the older I get, the sooner I’ll die.

I really love my grandma, and I hate to think someday she’ll die. I’ve already talked to my parents. Please give me advice.

-Scared to Death

Dear Scared to Death,

Few of us look forward to the inevitable, but the good news is that you probably have decades and decades and decades ahead. When it comes to death, many people find comfort in religion. Many try to glean wisdom from philosophers and writers (from Plato to Camus to Woody Allen) and many just go into a happy, healthy denial and do their best to make the most of each day and not give the grim reaper much thought. If morbid thoughts are keeping you awake at night, say to yourself, “Self, now cut it out. I know what you’re up to, and I won’t go there.” Then think about your crush, favorite song, best friend, last vacation, or the sound of the surf, or just picture yourself floating on a cloud.

I wish you and I were both immortal. We’re not, but life is long and while you’re here, you might as well figure out what makes you feel good, how to love and be loved, and how to help others. It’s fine to be a deep person who ponders the big picture; but it’s also OK to turn on some tunes and get into living. My suggestion: Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”