Fighting With My Father!

I need help with my dad. It seems we hardly go a day without fighting. I try to talk and be civil, but he won't listen.

No matter how perfect I am, I'm not perfect enough.

When parents act like ogres, it may have little to do with you. They may be tired or hungry, or things went poorly at work, or their own dads were mean. Don't give up on your dad.

But don't transfer his dissatisfaction or impossible standards onto yourself either. You're not perfect but maybe you ARE perfect enough. (P.S. Any chance you can ask your mom to buy him a book on parenting? How would he react if you took one out of the library?)

BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/6/2009 7:00:00 AM 28 COMMENTS

I'm Afraid to Die

This might sound silly but it’s true: I’m afraid to die. I think about it mostly at night. I look to each birthday with dread knowing that the older I get, the sooner I’ll die.

I really love my grandma, and I hate to think someday she’ll die. I’ve already talked to my parents. Please give me advice.

Few of us look forward to the inevitable, but the good news is that you probably have decades and decades and decades ahead. When it comes to death, many people find comfort in religion. Many try to glean wisdom from philosophers and writers (from Plato to Camus to Woody Allen) and many just go into a happy, healthy denial and do their best to make the most of each day and not give the grim reaper much thought. If morbid thoughts are keeping you awake at night, say to yourself, “Self, now cut it out. I know what you’re up to, and I won’t go there.” Then think about your crush, favorite song, best friend, last vacation, or the sound of the surf, or just picture yourself floating on a cloud.

I wish you and I were both immortal. We’re not, but life is long and while you’re here, you might as well figure out what makes you feel good, how to love and be loved, and how to help others. It’s fine to be a deep person who ponders the big picture; but it’s also OK to turn on some tunes and get into living. My suggestion: Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”

BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/30/2009 7:00:00 AM 157 COMMENTS

Is My BF TOO Boring?!

My boyfriend is really sweet but he doesn’t do anything. We’ve been going out for several months but he is shy and I’m the one who asks him to dances, movies, the roller rink, or anything like that.

My best friend’s boyfriend does all of that plus gives her gifts for no reason and requests songs on the radio. Should I dump him?

Some boys are more attentive, romantic, and talkative than others. You can break up if your romance isn’t all that fun. Or you can accept your shy guy as is. Or can you say, “I usually invite you out and I’d love it if you would invite me out.”

BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/23/2009 7:00:00 AM 113 COMMENTS

Mom and Dad Might Get Divorced

Today my dad was talking about leaving my mom if some things kept happening. I have friends whose parents have gotten divorced, and it doesn't look the least bit fun.

Is there anything I can do?

You can say "I love you both and I hope you can work things out." You can even suggest marriage counseling. But your parents are adults and are going to do what they feel they must. Although divorce is definitely not fun, for some kids it works out better in the long run than living with parents who stay together despite rage, scorn, or indifference.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/16/2009 7:00:00 AM 70 COMMENTS