Stuck between fighting friends

There is always a problem between my friends. They are always fighting! Even though I like everyone, they expect me to pick a side. They fight over really stupid things. Like, these two groups of people have been fighting for over two years now, and I'm not even sure what they are even fighting about anymore.

They always try to make something up so they can be mad at each other. What should I do? Should I say something? If I should, how do I say it?

Hey babe, it can be totally annoying when groups are butting heads and wanting you to pick a side! It seems like you've got a good grasp on the sitch though, and know to stay as neutral as possible.

Some people like to cause drama just 'cause they're bored. Really. It sounds a little ridiculous, but like you said, they prob don't even know what they're even fighting about anymore! Maybe they do it to feel better about themselves by saying stuff to put other people down, or maybe a fight really did start over some sort of argument or misunderstanding and has just escalated into a big deal—either way, it's most likely nothing that you should spend your time worrying about.

Enjoy the time hanging out with your pals and if someone happens to mention a fight or says something mean about anyone else, ask her what happened between them to make her feel that way. Maybe you could say something like, "Well, since it's been so long I'm sure you guys could start over." Encourage her to talk to you about what happened so you can try to get her to see that is probably isn't that big of a deal. If she starts to get annoyed by you asking, just say that you're trying to understand her side, that's all.

The best thing to remember, though is to stay out of it as much as possible. If someone brings up a fight, then sure, ask about it, but don't push the subject too much or you might get caught in the middle...which would be a definite lose-lose situation any way ya look at it!

Here are some other great tips you should check out here this article about being Stuck in the Middle.

FRIENDS GOT YOU FRANTIC? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/18/2009 7:00:00 AM 22 COMMENTS

Oh no! Is my friend anorexic?!

I think my friend might be anorexic. She only brings one piece of fruit for lunch every day. Sometimes, she doesn't even eat it.

My other friends and I tell her to eat more for lunch, but she just says she's fine or not hungry. Is eating only one thing for lunch a sign of her becoming anorexic?

Hey hon, your friend is so lucky to have a great gal like you watching out for her. But before you confront her, it’s important to find out as much as you can about anorexia, a potentially life-threatening health issue. Anorexia nervosa is when someone starves herself on purpose and is unable to maintain a healthy weight.

A lot of factors help determine someone’s healthy weight—height, body type and fitness level. Some symptoms of anorexia include an intense fear of gaining weight, overexercising and restricting food or types of food. Your friend seems to be severely restricting what she lunches on, so her problem might be serious.

Get your girl one-on-one so you can talk it out alone. Don't corner her in a group where she might feel intimidated. Let her know you’re concerned about her health and you think she may have an eating disorder. Tell her that you care about her SO much and really want her to be the happiest and healthiest she can be.

Eating a healthy diet and exercising are good, but there is some such thing as overdoing it. Believe me, my college roommates pulled me aside when they thought I was hitting the gym too much and not eating enough. They helped me before my health became a huge issue.

Remember, you’re her friend, not her doctor. You can’t force her to do anything. If she is still showing symptoms of anorexia, politely suggest she talk to her doctor or the school counselor. For more help, CLICK HERE. You’re doing the right thing. She may not thank you now, but she’ll appreciate your concern. Best of luck, girl.

FRIENDS GOT YOU FRANTIC? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/11/2009 7:00:00 AM 57 COMMENTS

My BFF is desperate to fit in

I'm in eighth grade and ever since the beginning of the year my bestie has been acting really weird. For example, I'll see her in the hallway and excitedly say hi but she will just pitifully smile at me. We aren't in the same classes this year.

Hey girl, I'm so sorry to hear about your bestie. It's hard when the people you care about change who they are just to please someone else. When it comes to approaching your BFF you gotta be careful.  Chances are your girl is feeling a bit insecure and popularity's always appealing (hello, who doesn't WANT to be well-liked?). But there's def a way to make things a li'l better! How? Show your BFF you love her just the way she is.

Ask your pal when you're alone and out of school if something's going on. Have a heart-to-heart. Maybe it's harder for her to make friends now that you're not in her classes. Let her know that you def understand what's up but tell her she shouldn't have to give up who she is to make new friends. People should like her for the amazing girl she already is—after all YOU do. Think her friends are bad influences on her—like you heard she's tried drinking (eek! Dangerous!) at a party just to fit in? Stress that she should never do anything she isn't comfy with just to impress other people, and if they pressure her, they're not worth hangin' with.

As for saving your friendship from falling apart? While you may be in separate classes, make a point to spend more time outside of school together. Try scheduling special sleepovers every Saturday. Join a new sport together. See if you can get a part in play together or take a class. Activities like these will keep you and your girl together and a constant part of each other's lives. Let your friend know you're there for her no matter what. The best friendships don't let distance (or separate classrooms) get between them—they stick together and last through thick and thin.

In the end, friends should accept each other for who they are. While you can't change the way your amiga is acting, you can def be there and ask her what's up. Remind her that chicas should like each other for who they are and that she should never have to change herself for people. And to wrap up? Tell her you love her just the way she is. Sometimes all it takes is those three little words to remind your bestie why you're BFFs in the first place.

FRIENDS GOT YOU FRANTIC? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/4/2009 7:00:00 AM 75 COMMENTS

Make new friends...but keep the old?

My BFF and I have been friends since we were really little, and suddenly this year she is hanging out with a whole other group! I don't care if she has other friends, but whenever I want to hang out with her, she usually ignores me and talks to her other peeps.

Also, all of her new pals are really popular. I'm kind of shy, so I don't fit in with them. I want to stay friends with her, but I just don't want to get mad at her and ruin our friendship.

Hey babe, I totally feel your pain. I think every girl has gone through something like this at some point in their lives and it can make you feel really lonely and confused. You have to remember that if your friend is true blue she's not going to just ditch you as soon as a new group comes along.

Your pal is probably enjoying the new excitement that comes when you start hanging out with a new group of people. Give her a little time to get to know her new friends without putting pressure on her to hang with you every sec.

When you think you're ready, talk to her about what's been going on. Maybe you could plan an outing just the two of you with a movie and pizza. When the time is right, tell her that you've missed her. Can't get the words out in person? Write it out in a note. Ask her if you can come with her the next time she hangs out with these new girls. Chances are, if she likes them then you will too, and vice versa.

And don't forget that it's always great to make new friends! So why don't YOU seek out a new group to hang with, too? Join a new club or sport that you've always been interested in. You'll meet a whole bunch of buds who share your passions so you'll have puh-lenty to bond about. Go for it!

FRIENDS GOT YOU FRANTIC? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/28/2009 7:00:00 AM 83 COMMENTS