My BFF is desperate to fit in

I'm in eighth grade and ever since the beginning of the year my bestie has been acting really weird. For example, I'll see her in the hallway and excitedly say hi but she will just pitifully smile at me. We aren't in the same classes this year.

Hey girl, I'm so sorry to hear about your bestie. It's hard when the people you care about change who they are just to please someone else. When it comes to approaching your BFF you gotta be careful.  Chances are your girl is feeling a bit insecure and popularity's always appealing (hello, who doesn't WANT to be well-liked?). But there's def a way to make things a li'l better! How? Show your BFF you love her just the way she is.

Ask your pal when you're alone and out of school if something's going on. Have a heart-to-heart. Maybe it's harder for her to make friends now that you're not in her classes. Let her know that you def understand what's up but tell her she shouldn't have to give up who she is to make new friends. People should like her for the amazing girl she already is—after all YOU do. Think her friends are bad influences on her—like you heard she's tried drinking (eek! Dangerous!) at a party just to fit in? Stress that she should never do anything she isn't comfy with just to impress other people, and if they pressure her, they're not worth hangin' with.

As for saving your friendship from falling apart? While you may be in separate classes, make a point to spend more time outside of school together. Try scheduling special sleepovers every Saturday. Join a new sport together. See if you can get a part in play together or take a class. Activities like these will keep you and your girl together and a constant part of each other's lives. Let your friend know you're there for her no matter what. The best friendships don't let distance (or separate classrooms) get between them—they stick together and last through thick and thin.

In the end, friends should accept each other for who they are. While you can't change the way your amiga is acting, you can def be there and ask her what's up. Remind her that chicas should like each other for who they are and that she should never have to change herself for people. And to wrap up? Tell her you love her just the way she is. Sometimes all it takes is those three little words to remind your bestie why you're BFFs in the first place.

FRIENDS GOT YOU FRANTIC? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/4/2009 7:00:00 AM 51 COMMENTS

Make new friends...but keep the old?

My BFF and I have been friends since we were really little, and suddenly this year she is hanging out with a whole other group! I don't care if she has other friends, but whenever I want to hang out with her, she usually ignores me and talks to her other peeps.

Also, all of her new pals are really popular. I'm kind of shy, so I don't fit in with them. I want to stay friends with her, but I just don't want to get mad at her and ruin our friendship.

Hey babe, I totally feel your pain. I think every girl has gone through something like this at some point in their lives and it can make you feel really lonely and confused. You have to remember that if your friend is true blue she's not going to just ditch you as soon as a new group comes along.

Your pal is probably enjoying the new excitement that comes when you start hanging out with a new group of people. Give her a little time to get to know her new friends without putting pressure on her to hang with you every sec.

When you think you're ready, talk to her about what's been going on. Maybe you could plan an outing just the two of you with a movie and pizza. When the time is right, tell her that you've missed her. Can't get the words out in person? Write it out in a note. Ask her if you can come with her the next time she hangs out with these new girls. Chances are, if she likes them then you will too, and vice versa.

And don't forget that it's always great to make new friends! So why don't YOU seek out a new group to hang with, too? Join a new club or sport that you've always been interested in. You'll meet a whole bunch of buds who share your passions so you'll have puh-lenty to bond about. Go for it!

FRIENDS GOT YOU FRANTIC? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/28/2009 7:00:00 AM 75 COMMENTS

Sharing is Caring!

My best friend is great, but she has one little flaw. She doesn't share. She has admitted to me that she doesn't really like to, and I get it. But sometimes it really bugs me.

I try to openly share food at lunch, pencils, or other things with her so that maybe if she won't give me anything I can say, "Well I gave you this...." But she still doesn't share. I don't know what to do!

That’s a total bummer about your friend, but awesome that you want to help her change her ways for the better. Hopefully with a little encouragement she’ll do a total 180 and you’ll be sharing clothes, pencils and food with her in no time.

It sounds like she needs a little lesson in kindness and generosity. Be empathetic and allow her to borrow things that are important and meaningful to you. Emphasize just how much you value these belongings, but how you trust her enough to enjoy and return them in the same condition that you gave them to her.

People have a tendency to be selfish unless there is something in it for them. You could also try to show her some tough love. Your friend might not like to share, but she might ask to borrow things from you. If she keeps up her unsharing ways, don't let her take your stuff. Tell her that you trust her with your belongings, but sharing is a mutual thing and if she wants to borrow from you then she should be willing to share, too.

FRIENDS GOT YOU FRANTIC? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/21/2009 7:00:00 AM 97 COMMENTS

Newcomer in our clique

My two best friends have been hanging out with a girl who I don’t really want to be around. She talks about people (sometimes our other friends) behind their backs.

Plus, whenever we hang out, all four of us, they go off on their own without me. It's like she hogs them. Should I confront her? Stay away from her? I’ve tried ignoring her, and I’m afraid that if I get close to her and we get in a fight that she’ll end up talking about me. What should I do?

Hey babe, adding a new girl to a close group of friends can be really frustrating and stressful but trust me, it happens to all of us at some point and it usually isn't as big a deal as we make it seem.

The important thing to remember is that these other girls are your BFFs. They obviously like you for a reason and they're not going to ditch you the second a new chica comes along. Don't worry about what COULD happen. Just figure out how to handle what's going on right now.

What to do about the newbie? Figure out if she's truly an evil friend-stealer who you should stay away from, or someone who mighta gave you the wrong first impression. Were you being too judgmental because you were intimidated by her and the new relationships she made with your pals? It's normal to feel this way, and we all do it without even realizing it. Try to start over with her and take a fresh approach. Does she have any redeeming qualities? Just think, this could be the start of a great friendship.

Gave the new girl a shot and she still seems sketchy? Talk to your friends about what she's saying and doing. News flash: talking about people and leaving others out is so not cool. So, it's better to get these things off your chest before you ruin friendships with your besties, too.

I'm sure you can work it out, girl. Just give her another chance. If that doesn't work I'm sure you can find a compromise between you and your best chicas.

FRIENDS GOT YOU FRANTIC? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/14/2009 7:00:00 AM 129 COMMENTS