When a friend is cutting...

One of my great friends recently started cutting himself. He's not depressed and I'm pretty sure he just does it for the attention. I've read that it is a cry for help. A couple of days ago, he came to school with a few scratches on his wrist. I decided not to take it too seriously because it was the first time.

The next day, he came in with more cuts that were much deeper than before. I told my teacher so he can get the help that he needs. My teacher had a meeting with his parents to discuss his needs the next day. Last night I sent him a very nice text asking how he was feeling. He responded, “Thanks a lot. Thanks 2 u everyone hates me. My parents grounded me for 3 months!” I was shaken. I knew I had done the right thing. I responded, “I’m sorry ur parents grounded u. But w/ counseling I think u will come 2 forgive me.” I know after a while he won't hate me anymore, but for now it hurts. What should I do?

First of all, you did the right thing! Don’t second guess yourself or feel guilty about anything. Your friend needs help with his cutting and with the cause of his cutting—which seems to be a lack of confidence.

Now that you've opened up, hopefully he can get the proper help from school counselors and his parents. All you can really do is let him know that you were worried about him, and that’s why you got him help. He will come around eventually, especially if he sees that you are supporting him through the whole process.

Your pal is probably angry because he feels like you betrayed him. Give him some time. Once he goes through counseling he'll realize you didn't mean to hurt him at all. After things have calmed down a bit you may want to write him a cute, heartfelt card about how much you care for him. Include funny pics, your fave song lyrics, your apologies...whatever you think will make him chin up.

Let him know that you're there for him if he needs you, but give him space and time to get professional help. Just remember that you made the right decision, and that any good friend would have done what you did. If he chooses to cut you out of his life, then let him. It’s his loss for losing such a fantastic friend!

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BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/3/2009 7:00:00 AM 69 COMMENTS

Grieving for Grandpa

My grandpa passed away suddenly a few weeks ago. He didn’t have significant health problems, he just died in his sleep. My siblings and I were pretty close to him and it feels like a part of me is lost.

Hey babe, I'm very sorry to hear about your grandpa passing. Death is a very hard thing to deal with and there's really not much anyone can say to make the pain go away. But don't keep all your feelings bottled up.

Your family members are probably feeling the same. It might feel better to talk to your siblings about what they're going through. This way you'll know that you're not alone. If it feels weird to say your feelings out loud, jot down some of the thoughts you're having in a journal. Just getting it out on paper releases a lot of your pent-up emotions.

Write down some of your favorite memories you've had with your grandpa. I bet your mom would appreciate hearing some of those stories. That's a great way to open up a convo with her. I know she's sad too, but even she would probably like to have someone to talk to. Right now your mama needs your support as much as you need hers.

It's going to take a while for you to feel better. Grief takes different amounts of time for different people, so be patient and supportive to your entire family. If you still feel really alone, see if you can set up an appointment with your school counselor. You could show him/her your journal entries or just talk about what's been going on since he passed away. Keep your chin up and you'll be able to get through this, babe.

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BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/27/2009 7:00:00 AM 38 COMMENTS

Dad's changed...

For the past year, my dad and my mom have been going through this really rough break-up and it seems like they might split up. My mom, my sister and I all think my dad is mentally ill because he keeps on saying and doing terrible things, like threatening to kill himself. Then, he goes back to being a really good dad who I have so much fun with.  

You said you can’t stop thinking about how he'll be the fun dad that he once was. Try not to think about that too much and instead think about all the fun times you did have. People change, so sometimes we have to adjust to new behaviors and attitudes. If you only think about your dad in a negative way, you might start to feel hateful toward him. You just need to remind yourself that he’s still your father and you can still have a good time with him. Add a reminder of the fun stuff you used to do in your note. Tell you pops that you'd love to go back to having great times like that. Maybe even suggest some ways to get back to hanging with dear ol' dad. Weekly brunch dates, anyone?

BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/20/2009 7:00:00 AM 43 COMMENTS

My BFF's brother committed suicide

My friend's brother recently committed suicide. He was a great guy and it came as such a surprise when it happened. My pal seems to be dealing with it well, but it's almost like she doesn't believe it happened. I've been to their house since then and it's almost like he just left for college.

Also, it doesn't seem like she has trouble talking about him. My other BFFs and I are surprised about that because it's so hard for us to talk about it. I can't imagine that she's not impacted by this.

What can I do to help her? She knows she can talk to us about it if she wants to, but she hasn't. We haven't brought it up once, but she seems fine with sharing memories of him and saying his name. Is this normal?

Hey girl, I'm so sorry this is happened to your friend. I can't imagine what she's going through, but it sounds like she's really lucky to have BFFs like you around who care about her so much.

It's hard to tell how someone deals with a loss like this. In person she might seem like she's doing well, but you never know how she's grieving alone. It's great that she's open to sharing memories. It might seem weird that she's talking about it a lot, but that's prob just her way of coping. Let her know that you'll always be there to listen and encourage her to keep talking to her family and a counselor about how she's feeling.

I'm sure she's relying on you to be a big comfort right now. Besides being there for her, show her that you care by crafting up a cute card, baking a batch of her fave brownies or having a sleepover with her fave flicks. Anything that'll ease the pain is sure to help your girl out.

Sure, it's more traumatizing for your friend who lost her brother, but it's also a little scary and confusing for you, too. I'm sure you have lots of unanswered questions. So if you feel like you need help, don't be afraid to talk it out with a guidance counselor.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/13/2009 7:00:00 AM 78 COMMENTS