GirlsLife.com - BFF dilemma: My mom hates my buds!

Hey kgirlpanda, sounds like you guys both have good points to me. Instead of continuing an argument, it's always best to agree to disagree. Both of you need to accept each others opinions and move on. That's how she feels and this is how you feel, no prob. I have different viewpoints than my friends all the time, but that never stops us from being friends. It makes the friendship better because we learn from each other. Hope this helps! Xoxo

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One of my friends and I had an argument today and it's awkward now. Our argument was about old people being racist. Her point was that some old people, like her grandma in Ireland, don't hate certain races but lack awareness about ethnic diversity because they've grown up in a predominantly white culture. She said it isn't really racism, it's more of a "cultural thing". She's not talking stuff like "(whatever race) is horrible" but more like "those people do that because they're (whatever race)". I disagreed. I said that blaming racism/negative stereotypes on your culture or accepting other people doing it is unreasonable and wrong. I also said if being racist is your culture, that's not a good culture. I think the problem was that she thinks I meant her grandma is racist (which I don't) and that she's white (I'm multi-racial) and she has never had to deal with negative stereotypes or racism. Basically, I think SHE lacks awareness. What can I do without telling her she's wrong? Lynae P.

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So lately I've noticed how pushed aside I can be with one of my best friends. When it's just me and her, she's amazing and we're great friends. She always tell me how amazing I am and how much she loves me, and she is always there for me like I am for her. But when it comes to these other girls that we both know and have talked to/hung out with before, she never really invites me along when they make plans. I don't really get why? The girls don't not like me, I know that for a fact because they'er always nice to me whenever I get the chance to talk. And my bestie is not the jealous type, so it's not like she doesn't want me to get close to them. Am I not pushy enough?
I wasn't as social back in grade school, only this year did I finally start branching out...but it wasn't soon enough. I've been on summer break for about a week now and I've barely done anything, whereas people are already getting settled into summer just fine, having plans every day. I feel like a loser...

Hey girl,

First of all, you're definitely not a loser! I'm so sorry that your friend is leaving you out. If you want to stay friends with her, it's important that you tell her the truth about how you feel about the way she's treating you. That way, you can work it out! She might apologize and say she didn't realize what she was doing. But if she keeps leaving you out and hurting your feelings, it might be time to look for some other friends to hang out with, too.

Meghan D.

by PunkRose88 on 6/9/2012 12:33:09 AM

by kgirlpanda on 6/5/2012 6:30:37 PM

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my parents won't let me sleepover at my friend's house!! they keep saying i'm not old enough but i'm already 12! what can i do to change their minds?? THANKS!

Hey chicstaa!

You have to prove to your parents that you're mature enough to handle the nights out! Put together a pro/con list of reasons why you should and shouldn't be let out (make sure you include the negatives, that way you've really thought about why your parents might be saying no!). Sit down with them and ask them what they think you could do to prove your responsible habits. And if it doesn't work out- well, everything happens for a reason! Just maximize the time you have with friends until you can go out! Showing that you think your ready could help your parents to change their minds a little sooner!

Tess M.

by sugar7410 on 5/31/2012 11:46:24 AM

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i had a friend since 4 grade(4)Then in 6grade,she got into "populargroup" and changed.Then we friended another girl(6) who liked the same things 4did.6 started being mean to me calling me weird and about how I look.I dont usually get mad so when I do,I get MAD.I talked to my mom and counciler and they suggested sending notes to 6.I did, and nothing got better.Then,I was so sad and jealous that 4 liked 6 better than me, I sent 4 a letter saying I was mad at her that she was replacing me and how it seemed like she didnt care (called me when 6 was over at her house saying how much fun they were having).After reading she asked if I was mad and I said yes.then she started crying to her friends.
Then I sat alone at Lunch, my other friend(5)deserted me, and I was a total outcast.I dont like talking on the phone unless someone calls me first... She never called or came up to talk.
Was it all my fault that I lost my bestie?
PS: where do i look for an answer to a comment? xD

Hey girlie,

It wasn't your fault that you lost her - it sounds like a mix of lots of things that happened, most of all that you guys grew up and grew apart. You can't force anyone to be your friend, and it's clear that they didn't care you were feeling bad. That's not how friends work - a good friend would feel guilty or upset that they made YOU upset, not calling you to rub your face in it. It sounds like they let their new "popular" status go to their heads - and girl, you are so much better than that! Try to take a deep breath and look at this in a positive way. You've cleared out all the negativity in your life and all the people who bring you down - now, you can get involved in a new club, new sport, or snag a part time job to meet new people who share your interests. And over time, those people will become good, strong friends - not like these girls who let you down! <3

Lauren C.

by luv2micky on 5/27/2012 5:14:07 AM

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i have a problem! so ive been friends with these 2 girls since first grade, and their my best friends. but we never had any middle school classes together so i became super close with these other girls. lately i havent been liking my best friends. theyve been dirty and they swear a lot and their kind of being b****s! i like my other group of friends so much better! but i cant just ditch my best friends cause ive known them forever! what should i do?????

You don't have to totally ditch your besties, but you CAN hang out with other people! And that's totally ok! Try spending less time with your besties and more time with your newer friends. It's ok to still be in touch with your BFFs while you're making friendships with other people - it's natural for friends to grow up, drift apart, change, etc. as they get older. Over time, you might realize you just don't click anymore and you've all started to lose touch. Or you might all reconnect. But if you don't feel comfy around them anymore, try to pull away and be a little more distant. Spend your time with your new friends and get to know even more people. Use this time to explore who you are and who are the best friends for you - "friends forever" are awesome when they happen, but don't feel locked down to the people you've known the longest <3

by sparkles333 on 5/24/2012 11:15:47 PM

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On my fb I have friends from my old school (the last school I went to before I was homeschooled). I feel so left out of their activites and stuff I see them posting pics with eachother,talking about the teachers I knew,field trips etc. IDK why I feel like this! They practically ignore me on there. How can I move on from them cause I've never felt like this before with pass mates. EVER. Its always on my mind 24/7! Im tiered of being like this. Like I cant let it go.
Please help me with this

Hey Girl!

The way you're feeling is totally normal-you just miss your old school and seeing your buds everyday. To feel better, try to think about your school in a positive light. Don't be sad because you're home-schooled now, be happy you had the opportunity to be there at all. Try reconnecting with your friends. Ask them to hang out on the weekends or text them about the big homecoming dance. I'm sure they miss you, too. When your old buds can't hang out, try meeting some new kids. Is there anyone your age in your neighborhood? On your sports team? I'm sure there are plenty.

Marisa D.

by Super8fangirl98 on 5/18/2012 12:54:51 PM

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My Mom likes my friends, she does! But she keeps pushing me to get more friends. I am fine with 2-4 friends. But she keeps telling me to get peoples phone numbers and I try but I am honestly just too shy to even do that!I am just not comfortable taking the lead in a situation like this... And my Mom is trying to figure out whether I need to go to a smaller school or not and I believe it would eb interesting to try but I have moved schools over 5 times because we have gone through some tough times... I am sick of moving and having to make new friends! So I always disagree with going to a smaller school (plus, in the sport I am in, there is less competition in the small schools) I am slowly becoming more social and I am taking my own time, but my Mom seems to be rushing it... I hate it everytime we get on the subject, what should I do? Please Help!

It sounds like you need to sit down and talk all of this through with your mom -- switching schools is a big deal, so you should talk to her calmly about it and listen to what she has to say. She'll be more likely to listen to your opinion that way! If you have some friends now, why not ask them to invite their friends next time you hang out? That way, it will be less intimidating to meet people!

by Kat235 on 5/11/2012 10:29:57 PM

I've got a problem :/ i don't have a best friend and i find that really sad. I really want a best friend but everyone seems to be taken. i have casual friends and all that but i want that one friend that will alwayyyyysss be there for me. what should i do?

by PAWS911 on 5/10/2012 10:28:35 PM

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ok so recently i started dating this boy, but i found out this guy i had been mega crushing on for monthes was going to ask me out that same day. but then i realized the guy i was dating was better as my friend, so i broke up with him. it was the best thing for everyone. But then the guy i liked asked me out, and i didnt want to say no, so i said yes. now were dating and its totally awesome, i mean we get each other. But now some girls are calling me a slut, and "easy". ive never been called anything like this before, and ive basically spent all night crying. what should i do about it?

People are always going to talk - if they want to say something bad about you, they'll find something to say - even if they really have to stretch the truth. The point is that you remember how this makes you feel, so you don't actually start acting "easy." It's no big deal if you want to date one guy and then, after you break up, you decide to date another! You didn't do anything wrong. But if you bounce around from guy to guy without giving yourself time to be single in between relationships, you might develop a little reputation. Just try to brush off the comments they're making now, show them you're committed to the guy you're dating now, and learn a lesson to be a bit more patient next time

by BaybeeDoll on 3/22/2012 11:18:27 PM

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Sooooo,.... there was this girl in fifth grade, lets just say she turned all my bestest buds agaisnt me (even my bestest friend) And the girl who started all this.. she wants to be my friend again, my best friend and I were talking to her just last night and she wants to come over and hang out even though she was the reason I almost didn't make it to middle school. My best friend says she doesn't want anything to do with her but she sorta made nice because her twin brother told her to make nice with this girl( twin brother dated mean girl)
What should I do? Make nice or get catty?

You probably shouldn't "get catty," especially if she's sorry, but I'd be careful about hanging out with her in case she does anything mean again. If you're ready to be friends with her, that's really big of you and great, but it's also okay to want to spend some time apart.

by cleopatra300 on 3/3/2012 9:31:55 AM

Caroline M.

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Lauren R.

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Lynae P.

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BFF dilemma: My mom hates my buds!

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