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My BF asked me inappro questions

It makes me super uncomfortable and I'm sooo not into that. Should I dump him?

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37 Comments | Add Yours

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MOD MOD MOD
I have a thing with my best friend, I did stuff to him and now he keeps asking to do stuff to me...but when i was little a girl did some stuff to me and now I'm really scared for someone to touch me down there again. i can't tell him because I've never told anyone. But he keeps pressuring and i might lose him because he thinks that i don't like him...what should i do??

Hey girl,

Starting to push him away now because you're scared will only give you an excuse to do this FOREVER to everyone who tries to get close to you. The truth is, you have to face what happened before - and you should face it right now. Instead of pushing it away and not dealing with it, you have to be honest about how it made you feel. Someone took advantage of you when you were young and innocent, and that is not ok. It IS ok to feel sad, confused, angry, scared... but no matter what, remember it was NOT your fault. That one bad experience can really make you feel overwhelmed - and you're not wrong or weird for feeling that way. It might also make you feel that sex/sexual things are bad, dirty, or wrong - but they're not, if you're in a healthy relationship and, most importantly, if you feel READY and mature enough for them to happen. I know it freaks you out because someone stole your trust (so that makes it hard for you to trust people now), but try talking to him about it. You trust him enough to think about doing stuff with him, right? You feel comfy with him and know he cares about you? So you should trust him to talk about something that's bothering you. (If you don't want to talk to him, you should open up to a counselor, clergy person, or another trusted adult.) And if you get all this out, you WILL feel better. In the future, remember never to push yourself to do something you aren't ready to do. You can absolutely overcome this and learn from it - you just need to be straightforward and face it so you can work through it <3

Lauren C.

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by prettyingreen on 4/26/2012 8:59:19 PM

Thanks Kerra S., that makes me feel better. Sometimes we forget we all go through things and if you are older you have already dealt with some of those thoughts, so thank you for the advice.

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by luckykel on 4/26/2012 2:49:05 PM

MODMODMOD
My boyfriend and I have been going out for a little over a year. He's only mentioned going further once, and at the time I didn't want to. He was perfectly okay with that, but now I think I WANT to. Should I tell him, or just wait for it to happen? Should I do it at all?

Hey Chica,

I think what's most important in a relationship is the ability to talk! You guys have been together for a while and he's already proven to be a good boyfriend by understanding that you weren't ready to take it to the next level before! Now, if you want to go further, talk to him! You guys should be able to share your thoughts and emotions and find out if you're ready or not! With that being said, there's no rush at all! If you're not ready, that's absolutely fine, too! This is your life and you need to think about what you want and how you feel before making decisions like that! Sleep over it, talk to your BFF or just write in your diary. Sometimes it helps to write down how you feel to see on paper what worries you! Hope this helps

alicia m.

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by lys96 on 4/26/2012 11:24:33 AM

MOD MOD,
I am totally against having guys talk that way and for some reason a lot of them do it. My bf is very respectful and knows when to say certain things and when not to but I have had guys talk about doing things and touching that were very inapro. And I know guys are talkers while we may think certain things we dont blurt it out like guys do.
So, I sometimes have thoughts about guys and my bf that may be like this article and I sometimes feel guilty about having them. Is that normal, and almost always I keep it private and to myself but I still get them. I realize a lot of it is related to hormones and puberty but is there a way I can not feel as guilty about those thoughts?

Just know that mostly everyone has those thoughts. While they may not ever admit it I guarantee everyone with hormones has had those exact thoughts at least once. Ive had them. All of my girl friends have as well. So what is there to feel guilty about? As long as you respect your body and yourself enough to not do anything youre not 10000000% comfortable with then you have nothing to be guilty about. Dont fret hon! xoxo kerra

Kerra S.

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by luckykel on 4/25/2012 10:39:54 PM

just talk to him about it. or the next time he asks you say no or something. stick up 4 urself!

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by Glitterheart16 on 4/25/2012 10:14:41 PM

That is kinda disgusting.....make sure you let him know yor opinion.

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by Amileofroses on 4/25/2012 9:49:50 PM

I think the people saying "eww" are being immature. He's a teenage boy. He wants to experiment, which is completely normal. Tell him that you would like to wait for those type of activities. If he truly loves you, he'll accept your choices.

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by jackieluvz on 4/25/2012 8:33:38 PM

Break up with him! If he's acting like that then you shouldn't have to tolerate that. If he asks you if he can touch you in an innapropriate place say " Hell no" and break up with him. If you guys are both comfortable with making out, more power to you. But anything else NO.