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My BFF has super low self-esteem--and it's driving me nuts

My best friend and I are very close, but she has such low self-esteem. She’s always saying things like “I’m dumb,” or, “I’m so ugly.” Then she...
39 Comments | Add Yours

MOD MOD MOD! (and mod on my last post but I didn't know to write mod) I know a girl who dances with me. Ballet already makes people more body conscious, but my friend has been worrying me. She always says that she's too fat and everyone else is thin, when her stomach is flat. There's a boy she's talked about in her school who obviously likes her, but she doesn't think he does because she can't believe someone would like her. We all tell her that she's thin, but she worries that the # on the scale is too large for her age when it's NORMAL! She talks about needing to work out more and not eat so much sweets. I don't think she has an eating disorder, although I never see her in a scenario where it would be made obvious. How can we make her see she's a beautiful girl?


Hey girl, I think you need to get an adult to talk to her. It sounds like she's completely normal and thin but is sliding down a slippery slope where it can definitely get dangerous! Try and have another serious talk with her too. Sorry this is happening to your friend! 

lauren r.

by dragonsrox1000 on 12/1/2012 12:41:10 PM


I am 14 and a female and i'm 5'3 but i'm 10 pounds overweight.My ''friends'' make fun of me and stuff and it's to the point where I like get all upset and stuff and cry and won't eat for days at a time because they make me feel like disgusting and stuff and then it gets to the point where my parents tell me that if I don't eat they'll take me to the hospital.I guess the point is should I tell them how I feel or try to find some new friends?


Hey girlie! I answered this question on your other post, but it boils down to this: let your friends know how you feel and give them a chance to be better friends.  If things don't get better, ditch 'em for some new friends who make ya feel good. xoxo 

Kate G.

by taylor6158 on 8/24/2012 1:09:50 PM


My best friend has been my best friend now for basically 10 years. I love her! But we have had some differences lately but thats ok. Anyway on Instagram she takes photos off the internet and says they were taken by her and they weren't. The last time we hung out she was rude to me and i feel that i need to expose the fact that she does this. It't to many photos!!!!!!! EVERY single one of my photos are taken by me!!!!!!!!! It bugs me so much because she gets a lot of likes on them and she lies about a ton of other stuff to! She went to a summer camp and said that she will do a gymnastics program there every morning and i went on the camp site and theres no such thing as gymnastics there. Im fed up with it!!!!! What should i do?

by bridget.murphy134 on 8/23/2012 5:05:08 PM


Thanks so much!

by Appleduck101 on 8/17/2012 2:51:49 PM


I used to go to a regular school but then I transferred out and went to a gifted school and got very advanced in music. Now whenever, I go and see my old friends from my neighborhood school, they all consider me as some kind of genius. It's not only the kids, it's everyone. I guess that's not a horrible situation, but some of my old friends think I'm some kind of know-it-all and that I'm trying to be arrogant. I can't even talk about my school or music without feeling like I'm bragging. What should I do to prove to them that I am just as down-to-earth as I was before I left?


Hey girlie! If you're sure you aren't bragging (sometimes people do it without realizing), then the best thing you can do is avoid the topic altogether for a little bit.  If you only answer questions about school when you're asked, then people will calm down and you'll feel less like you're bragging.  If you don't want to avoid talking about school or music (and I wouldn't blame you!), then just remember to keep stories shorter and relevant to what everyone is talking about. xoxo 

Kate G.

by Appleduck101 on 8/17/2012 1:46:43 PM


I when ever I sleep over my BFF's her older sis is always with us. She's really mean to my BFF and to me. When ever I leave she tells my BFF that everything goes wrong when I come and that I'm ugly and fat and makes really mean comments when I'm around. Its gotten to the point to where I ask my mom to pick me up WAY earlier than usual. I have really low-self esteem and this isn't helping. What do I do?


Hey girlie! Tell your mom or your BFF's mom, this girl is ABSOLUTELY bullying you and you can't let her make you feel down.  Until somthing can be done, have your best friend stay at your house so you don't have to deal with her sister. xoxo 

Kate G.

by cupcake8715 on 8/17/2012 1:45:52 AM


hi mods
i have a lot of baby cousins, but the ones i am closest to are 4, 1, and 1. The one year olds are twin girls and the 4 year old is a boy. They always talk about me babysitting them, but when im older. How old do you think i should be? Should i be over 13 because im 12 and dont know how to change a diaper yet. Whenever I ask them they just say that i can babysit them when im older. What should i do?


Hey chica! Babysitting little kids (like babies and a 4 year old) is a big job, and made even bigger when the babies are twins.  There are lots of things you need to know about babies to make it safe for you to be with them alone- think, if something happened (like one of the babies got sick), you wouldn't be able to do much to help them out. Instead of babysitting, ask if you can help watch your cousins when their mom or dad is home.  That way, you'll get some practice in babysitting them, but you have their parents in case you don't know how to handle a situation.  The parents have to decide when THEY think you're old enough to babysit- there isn't a magical age, it's all about how comfortable they are leaving their children at home with you! xoxo 

Kate G.

by pandasrock292 on 8/7/2012 11:21:54 AM


mod mod mod!!!
I've been friends with a girl for a really lllooooonnngggg time, but lately she keeps pointing out everything I'm insecure about and blowing it out of proportion. like one time I was sitting there minding my own business and she's like 'gosh ur chubby!!' i know I'm not fat but I'm not exactly skinny either. I've told her 2 stop but she won't. I think I'm starting 2 believe her. other than that she's been a really good friend and I don't want 2 lose her friendship but I want her 2 stop calling my fat. also she talks about one of my other friends that she doesn't get along with.


Hey chica! Everyone has a friend that they love 90% of the time, but that is a bully that other 10%.  The key to dealing with friends like that is to brush off their remarks as a little bit of jealousy.  This girl probably envies something about you and is making herself feel better by putting you down.  Don't worry about what she says. If you're comfortable with your body, keep reminding yourself that and just brush her comments off as insecurity on her part.  xoxo 

Kate G.

by nutmeg814 on 7/27/2012 12:39:04 AM


My best friend has 2 best friends like every other person. Me and another girl. The other girl is moving 2 Florida. That's very far away from where we live. At first i felt bad for her and thought we would be closer than ever. That's not exactly the case..She does sailing every summer and there are 2 girls who do it and they are soon 2 be 8th graders. We are soon 2 be 7th graders. My BFF is also god sisters with a friend in their group of friends. All she has been doing is hanging with them. I have heard they are nice girls. I know most of them. One of them i go on vacation with her every year. But she's more friends with my older sister than she is with me. My older sister is going into high school but she hangs out with kids that are older than her. Thats what my BFF is doing. She hurts my feelings whenever i text her she always is bragging about how her and her "friends" are having such a great time. My BFF and i had a sleepover last night and hung out. She was nice and prettybitchy

by bridget.murphy134 on 7/21/2012 7:08:30 PM


So my best friend has 2 best friends like most people. Me and another girl. The other girl is moving to Florida and that's waaaaayyyyyy far away from where we live. At first i felt bad for her and thought we would be closer than ever. But that's not really the case.... She does sailing every year in the summer and there are girls soon to be 8th graders and we are soon to be 7th graders. Don't get me wrong i hear their nice girls. But she has been hanging out with them ALOT. Like whenever i text her "Hey what's up?" She will always say "Downtown with (soon to be 8th graders)" She hurts my feelings because she's ditching me way to much for them. One of the main reasons i don't hang out with them is because my sister. My sister is going into high school but she hangs out with kids that are a year older than her. She made all of those friends because she switched schools in her first year of middle school. Thats how my BFF made her friends. (Sailing and school) One of the girls in their

by bridget.murphy134 on 7/21/2012 6:56:29 PM


I have been having really hostile mood swings. I go from being happy go lucky to being completely depressed in a matter of minutes. i was just at the beach with my family and spent half the vacation upset about how things werent fair and how my sister got all the attention and i just have been feeling depressed and upset.i dont know what i should do.

Hey girl!  Mood swings are a totally normal part of growing up.  We all go through them!  Try to keep yourself calm by talking a walk or practicing some deep breathing when you start to feel a mood swing coming along.  xxoo 
Maggie P.

by FairyKari on 7/19/2012 12:17:00 PM


I have been best friends with my friend for three years and now I can't stand her. She makes fun of me and my other friends and I am tired of it. When summer starts up I feel like I won't have any friends.


Hey cutie! Sounds like this girl isn't really your bestie.  If you've already let her know that her constant put downs are hurting your feelings and she just won't listen, then it's time to start spending time with other friends.  As long as you don't join in with the teasing, your other friends will understand and I'm sure won't abandon you.  Good luck!  xoxo 

Kate G.

by macainwa on 7/18/2012 2:54:49 AM


I have a friend who thinks that acting a certain way will make her more likeable. For example, if my other friend and I order salads when we have a low-key lunch or snack, she will order a salad too just to look super healthy, she doesnt actually like salad but she does it to make herself look good whereas my friend and I will order the salad because we simply like it! She thinks she is too fat and she will take any comment about how she looks to mean that she is too fat or 'ugly'. She is neither. How do we tell her that she isnt fat or ugly and let her know that she doesnt have to do certain things to look good???

Hey babe, that's a bummer that your friend has such low self-esteem. Try to help her out by complimenting her. Don't go overboard, and don't always focus on her looks. But you can give her props on the things she does to help her feel better about herself. And if she's out with you guys, maybe you can try ordering something that you know she likes once in a while, just to show her that there's nothing wrong with liking what she does. 
Carrie R.

by cmfox99 on 7/16/2012 10:29:58 AM


That sounds just like one of my friends! Normally when she starts to fish for compliments I just tell her that it isn't true and she needs to stop bringing herself down. That normally does the trick.

by zozo2903 on 7/15/2012 12:24:56 PM


Hey Rainbows_rawr, pick a celebrity whose style you like. Save or print pics of them and look at some of the pieces you wear, so when you go shopping or putt outfits together you'll know what to wear. Also ask some of your girly friends about the places they shop. Hope this helps! No worries ask me all the questions you want, I'm here to help. Xoxo

How can I be more on a girlish side? I mean like they dress very pretty and they are pretty. But me, I dress bad I have no sense of fashion, and I'm just like I dunno how to describe myself. How can I get more on a girlish side?
( by the way sorry for the bugs I give you ) Lynae P.

by Rainbows_rawr on 7/11/2012 8:45:28 PM


Hey Rainbow_rawr, everyone gets a little emotional sometimes. This could just be a phase or something you'll have to work through. Whenever you feel yourself getting angry, take a few deep breaths and calm down. Writing out your feelings might help too. Hope this helps! Xoxo

I think I'm under stress or something! I keep getting angry and annoyed for everything people do, I dunno it gives me a headache and I feel like I wanna punch them in the face or I just want to scream! Also when people tell me something I feel like their yelling at me and I want to cry! Please help! Lynae P.

by Rainbows_rawr on 7/11/2012 8:31:51 PM


I'm really insecure, I weight (weight omitted by mod), I have acne in my nice, chin and forehead. WORST OF ALL I don't know who I am! HELP ME PLEASE

Hey girl,

Not many people can say they "know who they are" at your age... or 5 years older... or even 10 years older! Life is a process of learning about who you are, what you like, what you don't like, what you deserve, what you want to do, where you want to go, etc. Try to keep an open mind and don't pressure yourself to be a certain thing or act a certain way! Try new things and tackle each issue individually, without convincing yourself it's the end of the world. Like I said, your tween/teen years are all about adjusting - your bod is going through crazy changes, your life is speeding by and you're starting high school/college, AND on top of that you're still learning about your personality. It's not easy, but we're all doing it together! Smile Here are some article categories that might help ya:

Healthy Recipes, which are a great place to start if you're feeling like you could get healthier/lose weight (But remember - before you decide to lose weight/go on any type of diet, talk to your doctor to make sure you actually need to lose weight and you're doing it in a healthy way.) 

- Workouts, to get you moving and feeling great! Exercise doesn't only get you in shape - it makes you feel more confident, healthier, and happier! We swear! Choose a variety that sound like fun to you and enjoy Smile

- Get Rid of Acne, a whole list of articles to help ya clear up your face and get your confidence back.

<3 <3
Lauren C.

by Rainbows_rawr on 7/10/2012 9:22:37 PM


My family tells me they want me to be a girly girl, they tell me that when I was little I was cute and girly and now I'm a tomboy and I'm ugly my brother makes fun of my weight, and my acne on my face. What should I do? How can I have a healthy life style?

Hey girlie,

I answered another mod from you with links to lots of articles that will help ya Smile As for your family, the next time they say something that hurts you, try opening up and actually talking to them about how it makes you feel. Don't freak out and don't start an argument - just be calm and honest, telling them it hurts when they tell you to be one way, because you really just want to learn how to be yourself. Tell them you love them and their opinion matters to you, so it hurts when they tell you they don't accept you for who you are. Ask them to support you, not criticize you. I think if they realize that they're not just joking - that their words are actually making you feel bad - they'll think twice next time before they say something so critical <3
Lauren C.

by Rainbows_rawr on 7/10/2012 9:21:10 PM


i can totally relate to your bff

by income7thgrader on 7/9/2012 6:59:27 PM


And it's even more irritating because she's SO pretty! She has red hair and perfect skin and she's really nice . . . I don't get it. It probably doesn't help that I weigh 10 pounds less than her, but I'm not gonna gain weight to make her feel better. She's actually not fat, though she's pretty skinny.

by 7200wolfgirl7200 on 7/9/2012 6:26:40 PM


Wow, sounds like my BFF's clone.

by 7200wolfgirl7200 on 7/9/2012 6:25:14 PM


OMG! This girl sounds EXACTLY like my BFF! I hop to GOD that Carol's advice works on her.

by Glamor#7 on 7/8/2012 11:08:10 AM


Sounds exactly like a girl that I used to know.
She always put herself down, but still took me down with her. Her focus was always on herself and how "horrible" her life is. She never listened to me. It was all about Gracie.
Whoops! Got overboard, there! Sorry... But give your friend a hug from Mikayla. I'm thinking about her!!!! :*

by mikabean on 7/7/2012 11:47:22 PM


How can I be more feminine,I'm 13 I have hair in my arm pits, [down there], bad acne in my nose! I have an obsession for Evanescence I listen to them 24/7 (no joke!) I dress BAD! and I'm (edited by mod) lbs. How can change for the new school year soon. Not only for the school year but I want a healthy life style. I love evanescence I never want to lose my love for them. BUt I can't only listen to them. I' just afraid that if I listen to other people i will lose my love for Evanescence. I'm also very insecure. PLEASE HELP ME!

Hey girlie,

Your love of a band, a certain type of music, a movie or whatever shouldn't define who you are. It's a big part of who you are because it inspires you, makes you happy, and makes you feel safe, but it doesn't have to be the ONLY thing that people know about you! Make an effort to branch out - try new things, join new clubs, talk to new people, and give things a chance, even if you think you'll hate them at first. You might find that the new band or that dress in the store isn't for you, but you also might surprise yourself! The important thing as we're growing up is to stay open minded. You never know how you'll change and grow as you get older, so embrace all the changes and never automatically say "no" to anything if it could be a good growing experience. Be smart and stay away from the dangerous stuff, but take every other chance to enrich your life with new experiences. (Picking up an instrument, taking a dance class, learning to cook, jogging or kickboxing, painting, writing, whatever!) Instead of making your goal "being more feminine," just try to be a good, well-rounded person. Smile
Lauren C.

by Rainbows_rawr on 7/5/2012 7:22:21 PM


I have had a crush on a guy for 3 years! Then I when my friend starts showing signs of liking him I started to think, was he my crush or my good friend? I came up with the decision of good friend. When I told my friend this, she instantly confessed to liking him. But I hung out with him for a whole day and all the feelings came flooding back! My friend is going to a different school next year. And part of me is happy and part is ofcourse sad! My crush told me yesterday that he considers my friend just that, a friend!!! I have so many mixed emotions I'm not sure what to do anymore!! HELP!


Hey chica!  Be honest with your friend, just like she was honest with you.  Tell her that you're still crushing, even though you didn't think you were anymore.  She might be okay with it, considering she and this dude won't see each other much once she changes schools.  If she cares majorly, make a pact for both of you to move on.  She'll probably find a new boy at her new school and you'll be determined to find a fresh crush and I bet you'll succeed at it!  xoxo 

Kate G.

by Snoopyfan2015 on 7/5/2012 3:17:00 PM


I mean i cant help it but it doesnt make me upset everyday 24/7 its just when i see pretty girls on youtube and on ads

by kelly268 on 7/3/2012 7:15:54 PM


Im actually the same way as her bff. But my self esteem isnt as low as hers.

by kelly268 on 7/3/2012 6:53:22 PM


I have a problem! I'm really insecure about my nose...its that one imperfection that makes me tick! I'm only 13 and i really want a nose job, but there is nooo way my parents will let me get one! Is there any way i can make my nose skinnier? special makeup? anything? PLEASE HELP! thanks xoxo Smile


Hey girl! There are no ways to change your nose and make up won't make it look natural, so for now, focus on other parts of your face (eyes and lips especially) to highlight, and that will keep the attention away from your nose.  Also, remember everyone has features they hate and you may not notice other people's, so they probably aren't noticing yours! xoxo 

Kate G.

by KatieBieber on 7/3/2012 12:47:14 AM


Ever since April, I've been afraid of my dad, he always says that he's going to pack up his stuff and leave me and my twin sister. And once he even tried to hit her! One night, me and my sister were outside and we were walking our puppy and my dad said to my sis "if you let go of that leash, i will beat your ass!" i cried and cried for so long. I want to tell him I'm afraid of him and I want to live with my mom and take my dogs with me, i'm so afraid of him! What should I do? Frown Frown


Hey chica, I'm so sorry about your fear of your dad.  We want the best for you, so please speak to a trusted adult (your mom, a neighbor, a grandparent, aunt, or uncle) about what he says.  One of those people can help you.  If you can't get help there, http://www.girlslife.com/post/2008/08/04/HELP!2.aspx can help you.  xoxo  

Kate G.

by dancingirl1613 on 7/2/2012 10:53:07 PM


Need advice on something? I answer any kind of question you have, from a new studying tactic, to friendship drama! Just come to my page and ask any questions!
Twilight*gurl Smile Smile Smile

by twilight*gurl on 7/2/2012 7:35:06 PM


There's this girl in my dance class, who's my friend. She's really skinny, and a great dancer and gymnast! But she's always saying things like "I'm sooo fat!!!" or "I'm such a terrible dancer!!" or "Why can't I be as good as you guys?!" and it drives me insane! Is she doing it for attention or could it be that she's anorexic? Thx-a-million!!! Xox<3


Hey chica!  It's hard for me to know for sure whether this girl is just asking for attention or if her low self esteem could really be hurting her, so you're going to have to trust your gut on this one.  When you two hang out outside of class, do you notice her eating less than she should for her super intense workout sessions in class?  In class, have you noticed her getting skinnier, even though she's already skinny?  If so, you should bring you concerns to your dance teacher or your mom.  They'll be able to help you figure out what the next step to take is.  Until then, continue to tell your friend what a great dancer and friend she is! 

Kate G.

by Vjazzy08 on 6/26/2012 10:10:44 AM


my friend does the same thing! i get mad cuz my friend super awesome and she just insults her self! i feel really bad for my friend and i feel 4 u and ur friend.

by Prim on 6/25/2012 2:53:32 PM


My BFF is like that to - she's always like '' I'm going to fail this test''
'' I look horrible''
'' Somebody's gossiping about me.'' Ugh!!! Shut. Up!!!

by Sarah510 on 6/25/2012 1:13:59 PM


While there is a possibility that she's doing it for attention, there's also the chance that she really, honestly feels that way. Don't get upset with her, I'd ask if something is going on that's upsetting her. Lend an ear if she wants to talk. Drop it if she doesn't.

by OMGabi on 6/25/2012 9:22:26 AM


My mom told me to tell him that he can't tell me what I should do and it's up to my parents with what I do. I don't want us to break-up so is there a nicer way to tell him that? Thank you.

by FaithPetrowski on 6/24/2012 9:34:05 PM



by Abbydabbers on 6/24/2012 8:34:58 PM


My friend is the exact same way!!! I love her to pieces but it drives me INSANE!!!!

by Foodiejr99 on 6/24/2012 9:57:18 AM


How do I make a club?

Hey babe,

Check out our Clubs Frequently Asked Questions page, where you'll get all the deets on starting a club!

Lauren C.

by LilyBS123 on 6/24/2012 9:50:39 AM


I have had my period for over a year now and haven't wore tampons yet. Now I now its totally optional, but this summer even in the past week has been tremendously active with swimming,kayaking,running,biking and hiking so pads aren't really cutting it. I have felt how soft tampons are but every time I look at the one I think of them being hard and I get scared. Any advice on how to get past that?

Hey girlie,

Instead of trying to "trick" yourself into thinking about tampons a certain way, think about all the stuff you're going to miss out on if you DON'T use them. All the swimming, all the hiking, all the biking and playing around - you'll feel uncomfortable (or will even need to skip out on the activity) if you're wearing those pads, right? So focus on the end goal! Check out this article, my fave on how to insert a tampon: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2009/06/23/007-Period-Advice.aspx And it could help to remember that MANY girls/women use tampons. I use them! And we all had to start somewhere too. It wasn't easy at first, but the more you use them, the easier it gets. Your bod will adjust to the feeling of having something "down there," and before long you won't even feel them Smile
Lauren C.

by timekeeper on 6/24/2012 3:58:04 AM

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