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Friend fight 411: What to do when you're stuck in the middle

You and your two besties have been like the three musketeers since forever. But now, they’re having a huge fight, and you’re caught in between. Here’s how...
63 Comments | Add Yours

When I do something wrong my friend yells at me and calls me names like dimwod, stupid, or retard. We we're walking home from the third day of school and I didn't know their was a car pulling in and I didn't stop she pulled me back and called me stupid in front of everybody. I told her to stop and she got mad at me she didn't talk to me on the way home even if I tried to work it out with her. What do I do?


Hey girl! You were right to tell your friend to stop calling you names.  Try talking to her in private and telling her how it makes you feel when she calls you names. Assure her that you still want to be friends with her, but her behavior needs to change. If you tell her how you feel and she is still mad at you for standing up for yourself, she doesn't sound like a great friend.

Lauren I.

by gracieob on 8/17/2012 4:33:11 PM


I'm starting high school in 2 weeks and I'm SUPER nervous! I'm always bullied for silly reasons like being sensitive, being extremely shy, and who knows what else those bullies would point out about me! Even my so called "friends" join in. I always tell them it hurts but they keep doing it anyway. How can I make new friends, stand up for myself without getting teary eyed AND stay clear of my "friends".



Hey girl! If you feel like you're gettin' teary eyed, take a deep breath and think about something else.  Let your friends know what they are doing is mean and bullying (they might stop, which is great, but if not, it's time to find new friends).  Join a new club about something you are interested in and make an effort to speak to a new person every day.  Eventually, small talk will seem more natural and you won't have to worry about being so shy.  Good luck! xoxo 

Kate G.

by hinatagal on 8/8/2012 1:59:08 AM


So, I have these 3 'friends', okay? Last year I moved to a new school, in hopes of making a better life. So, theres this exclusive circle of friends, lets call them the Circle. The first one of my 'friends' was apart of that, she's a backstabber, liar, and gets mad at me for no reason. Then theres another 'friend' she's annoying, clingy, and hits me all the time, and prys stuff out of me, but she's had a bad life so far, so i would feel guilty. Then theres another 'friend' she's nice, but mean, clingy, and she's really awkward, over-dramatic, tells my secrets, and fights with 'friend' 2. Friend one, trys to make me dump Freind Two and knows my secrets and would use them against me, if I don't do what she wants. Friend Two, bullies me, and would make me feel guilty for dumping her. (Which I've already tried.)Then Friend Three, is nosy and she just isn't someone I would want to be friends with. It would be longer,so help!


Hey chica! Sounds like you need a whole new group of friends.  Instead of dumping any of them (which would be mean), just try to spend a little less time with them and a little more time with other girls.  You can make new friends by joining a new club or sitting with a new girl in homeroom. Eventually, you'll have friends who love you for you and don't try to se anything against you.  xoxo    

Kate G.

by MingMingToo on 7/27/2012 1:11:36 AM


My mom invites my ex-friend and her family up to my cabin without telling me, she just says it the day before "oh they are coming up this weekend" my mom doesn't know that I really can't stand her, she annoys me and she creeps me out by asking really wierd questions. My mom is friends with her parents so she invites them up too, but at the end of the weekend i am SICK of her. If I tell my mom she will yell at me and say that "I am not being a good friend" and then she would call up the mom she is inviting and gossip about it. Any tips?


Hey girl!  Instead of complaining to your mom afterwards, talk to her before. Tell her that this girl makes you uncomfortable and that you two have drifted apart.  Clearly, your parents and her parents are friends and your mom can't be rude and not invite this girl to come with her parents, but you two can work out something for weekends that she visits.  Maybe you can bring a friend up so it isn't just you and this girl alone (but you'll have to be nice and include her in stuff) or you can plan more activities when she's there so you two don't have to entertain yourselves as much.  You can't keep her from visiting, but you can make sure that you and your mom have an agreement to keep you having a good weekend.  xoxo 

Kate G.

by mainbunny1 on 7/24/2012 10:57:52 AM


One of my friends has been hanging out and becoming really close with my BFF of 5 years. My BFF and my other friend didn't used to be close, but after my BFF became depressed, the other friend started hanging out with her more and more. Whenever I ask my BFF about her plans, she's always with my other friend. We hardly ever get to hang out. I feel like I'm being replaced by her! It seems that she only started hanging out with my BFF because she felt sorry for her. I told my BFF how I feel, and she said that she'd try to spend equal amounts of time with both of us. But whenever we try to hang out just the 2 of us, my other friend invites herself to join us. I'm just so mad and jealous I don't know what to do.

Hey girlie,

Remember that it's ok for your friends to have other friends - in fact, it's healthier that way! And it's normal for you to drift apart or drift closer to certain friends as you grow up, depending on what you have in common. Try asking your BFF to hang out again - tell her that you miss hanging out one-on-one with her, so you should both go get lunch on Saturday and catch up. If the other friend shows up again, enjoy your time with your friends and then talk to your BFF afterward. Tell her that you love hanging out in a bigger group, but you also would love one-on-one time too. It's all about balance! Also, remember not to be too needy - there's nothing more frustrating than a clingy BFF who won't let you grow, breathe, or meet new people. Use this as a chance to hang out with your other friends - you never know who you're going to "click" with when you have the opportunity to grow closer to someone!
Lauren C.

by DirectionerDD on 7/19/2012 5:23:47 PM


Hey i really need some advice. So my two closest friends really don't like each other and one of those friends goes to online school and my other friend goes to school with me and asked me if I wanted to be locker partners with her this year and I said yes but she is such a messy person our locker was nasty and she hasn't been being very. Nice and she is very possessive and controlling of me and my friend who does online school decided she was going to be coming back for 8th grade and asked me to be her locker partner and I said I couldn't be her locker partner because I already promised my other friend I would be her locker partner but I really want to be my onli e school friends locker partner... How do I talk to my friend that I said I was going to be locker partners with about this and If I tell her now she has half of summer to find another locker partner but keep in mind they hate each other... I really need some advice


hey! I think that since you already told your messy friend that you would be her partner you should stick with her. You could have said no the first time, but now there's no backing out. Just remember this for next time she asks. 

Helen S.

by Roxizzy on 7/17/2012 8:15:30 PM


I wasnt sure on what column I should ask this on so I'm posting it here. I play on a basketball team (not travel, though) and everyone on the team are people that I am friends with. One of my BFFs plays on the team too, but she disrespects our coach, doesnt focus in practice, insults other teammates' playing even though she isnt such a great player herself, and brings our team down during games. She says she likes being on the team because she gets to see all of her friends. I dont want to sound mean, but she stinks at basketball. She doesnt even show effort at practices or games. She reads when she's on the bench at our games! My teammates and I are sick of putting up with her non-sense. Is there a way that we can plitely ask her to maybe find another sport? Its not like we hate her or anything!

Hey girl, that is annoying, but the best thing you can do is to set a good example for her. It's the coach's job to talk to players about stuff like that, so all you can do is encourage her to participate, give her tips on playing better, and ignore her when she insults your coach or teammates. Hopefully if you guys are being nice and playing well, she'll get the hints to step up her game. 
Carrie R.

by cmfox99 on 7/16/2012 1:30:29 PM


okay so right now im in a fight with my bff or at least i think she was she never invites me over and she didnt talk to me when she came over my house with her friend. and she even invited someone else over to! and didnt talk to me! Should i say bye bye bff or sorry sorry?

by lysalove123 on 7/13/2012 1:09:05 AM


i need help reconnecting with an old friend. I miss being around her and I dont know wht to do. we had drifted apart. she has new friends and one of them does not like me! please help

by neo6m on 7/11/2012 1:57:54 PM


I have three close friends. One of which is my BFF, and the two of us never fight. However, my two other friends, "Liz" and "Ann" are always arguing and/or fighting about something or other. My BFF and share pretty much the same beliefs about our friendship. Liz and Ann are very sneaky about convincing my BFF to pick sides in one of their squabbles, though. For example, Liz will tweak the story a bit so that my BFF will be on her side. Liz is insecure, and always needs someone to "back her up". Ann does the same thing, and both girls get genuinely offended if my BFF and I dont each pick a side. I hate picking sides because it always ends up 2 on 2 between the 4 of us and I hate disagreeing with my BFF bout something that doesnt even concern us! It stinks to have to hangout with only Liz or only Ann to avoid cat-fights. HELP!

 Hey girl,

Yikes! That sounds like an annoying situation. Does your BFF agree with you about their behavior? You two should agree to not pick sides and stay out of their fights. If one of your friends tries to turn you against the other just say "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Why don't we do something else?" 

best of luck

simone s.

by cmfox99 on 7/10/2012 1:15:58 PM

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