How I dealt with my crush dating someone else

Crushes. We've all had them—and some of us know all too well that crushes can, well, "crush" your heart. When I first started high school, I had the *biggest* crush on this boy in my grade (let's call him Luke). To me, Luke was perfect—he was nice, smart, good at sports, and best of all, he was cute with a capital C. 

The first few months that I liked him, I was too shy to even talk to him. I wanted him to notice me, but all I could manage was to make eye contact with him as we passed each other in the halls. My confidence slowly grew, though, and we eventually started talking on Snapchat. Our conversations were nothing special, just me asking how his basketball games went, and him asking me how my day was... but nevertheless, the more we talked, the more I liked him. 

My crush on Luke lasted for around a year, but I was always too nervous to make a move and tell him that I liked him. Despite all of this, I still held out hope that he liked me back, and would one day ask me out. That day never came, though. At the start of 10th grade, I heard through a friend that Luke was interested in pursuing another girl in my grade (let's call her Emily). At first I brushed it off, thinking it was just a silly rumor going around... but the following week, I saw the two of them doing everything together: eating lunch, walking to class, hugging each other in the halls. It's safe to say that I was totally crushed—and MAJORLY jealous of Emily. 

When the news broke that Luke and Emily were *officially* boyfriend and girlfriend, I was so upset. The guy I had liked for so many months now belonged to someone else. I cried when I got home from school, and couldn't help but think, "why did he choose her over me?" My mourning period lasted for a while, as I listened to sad music and continued to wallow in my feelings (which was probably not the smartest thing to do). Eventually, after a lot of self-reflection, I decided it was time to move on from Luke and onto bigger and better things. It wasn't easy, though. Here's how I did it:

Get your feelings out. For me, this was a lifesaver to help get over Luke. After I had liked him for so long, I was definitely dealing with a lot of feelings. Instead of bottling everything up inside, I decided to grab a pen and paper and just write whatever I was thinking and feeling. I'm pretty sure I filled up four whole pages with my thoughts, but I felt *a lot* better afterwards. Getting your feelings out (whether it be through writing or talking it out with someone) is great for self-reflection and is super helpful in order to stay in touch with your emotions during a time like this when you feel sad. 

Know that it's okay to be sad. To truly get over something (or in this case, someone), it's totally okay (and healthy!) to let yourself feel whatever emotions may arise. If you need to cry, cry. Embrace it—letting your emotions flow freely will speed up the healing process rather than if you try to play the situation off like you're 100% fine. But this "sad period" can't last forever, though—also give yourself the self-love you deserve, and surround yourself with people and things that make YOU happy. 

Accept the situation for what it is. As upset as I was that Luke had decided to date Emily, I had to tell myself to accept the reality of the situation and not to stay too sad over it. Getting *too* upset isn't exactly the healthiest thing to do, and you definitely don't want to get to the point where you become obsessive over something you can't control. Remind yourself that while you may rightfully be sad or upset in the moment, these feelings should only be temporary. It's important to move on to things that will bring happiness and meaning to your life instead of staying stuck on the same upsetting situation. This mindset will make it much easier for you to remember your worth, accept the reality and move on.

Remember there are other fish in the sea. As hard as it may be to let go of someone you've become attached to, it's important not to get too hung up over one person. At the time, Luke was my dream boyfriend, but looking back on the situation now, it's probably better that we didn't end up together. I came to this realization by remembering how many other millions of people there are in the world, and felt better when I realized that one day I was going to find the perfect person out there for me. To get over someone, you, too should remind yourself that that person isn't the only one in the world. There are SO many more people you're going to meet in your lifetime, and eventually, you'll find the right one!

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by Maya Camu | 9/16/2020