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CRUSHES

Dating

Two Girls, A Guy and…One BIG Problem

Never in a million years would you let cute boys come between you and your best friend. Right?


Boys have no business messing with the BFF bond. But boys do, especially if they’re really irresistible. And, guess what? That’s because girls let ’em. It doesn’t matter how solid the bond; a super babe enters the picture and, too often, it’s every girl for herself. This is especially sad when you consider the average teen romance has a two-week shelf-life. A few heart-fluttering phone calls, a slow dance, maybe even some hand-holding. But then it’s more over than Ricky Martin.
Unfortunately, friendships are put in jeopardy every day because BFFs fight over a guy. A guy! Maybe your BFF is flipping over some cutie, but he likes you. Or you can’t stop crushing on your best bud’s boyfriend. Those are just two examples, but there are plenty more sticky romantic detours that can lead best friends straight into big fat fights.


Unfortunately, these fights can be the beginning of a dead end for some perfectly righteous friendships. This is why all girls need to know how to get through any BFF/boy roadblocks. GL’s Traffic School of Love is now in session.


Love Jam No. 1
You both like the same boy

If you and your BFF didn’t like a lot of the same stuff, you probably wouldn’t be best friends. You and your BFF both listen to Usher or play lacrosse. You even wear your Mudd boot-cuts to school the very same day. And, there are only so many cute boys around to pick from. But liking the same boy can create competition between you and your girl.


It’s no biggie if…
You can both dig the same guy from afar, say you both crush on Efrain from Everwood or the senior who doesn’t know either of you exist. You can both agree he’s positively dreamy and talk about him in detail. It’s fun. He’s a “safe” crush you can both swoon over like your mom dreams about, say, bumping into Tom Cruise at the dry cleaners.


It’s a problem when…

One of you decides, “Yeah, he’s the one and I’m goin’ in for the Big Flirt.” The crush is no longer at a distance, and the friendship will suffer because now it’s you vs. her. Or, what if he likes one of you back? Yay! But…oh, sorry for you, girl friend. See how hairy this can get?


Best friends forever?

If you’re both just crushing, getting territorial is stupid—stop that. However, if you each reach a point where you’d like to pursue the guy for a BF…forget about it! That’s unthinkable because he’s just too great? Find out who he likes. Maybe neither of you are on his radar screen, so it’s a non-issue. If he likes your BFF, as a cool friend you should gracefully step aside and be happy for her—seriously. If he likes you, remember that she’s not feeling so great about herself (she’s just been passed over). So don’t flaunt it.

Love Jam No. 2
You like him but he likes  your BFF, or Your BFF  likes him but he likes you

Why, why, why? You dreamily convinced yourself that you and this guy are perfect for each other because you both like
pizza and the Strokes or whatever. Then Dream Boy turns around and likes your BFF. What? They are so wrong for each other! Now take that thought and put it in your BFF’s head when her crush likes you. Super complicated and confusing.


It’s no biggie if…

As her nearest and dearest, you know she always likes fellas whose only intellectual commitments are to books such as The Pocket Guide to Jennifer Love Hewitt. And he’s cute? On what planet? So never mind that he likes you—what’s an issue is your BFF’s crush likes someone other than her. Same for your crush digging someone besides wonderful you.


It’s a problem when…

Your BFF didn’t give your crush the time of day, but now that he likes her, she’s been hit with Cupid’s arrow. If this is the case, we hope Cupid’s arrow is made of cement and aims for her knees. Same goes for you, Missy, if you’re suddenly loosening the bonds of friendship because—oh, victory!—her crush is paying you two minutes of attention. No guy is worth dumping a good friend. We mean it. Don’t make us come over there.


Best friends forever?

The next time your BFF’s crush is talking you up while ignoring her, be polite but don’t do anything your BFF can translate as you flirting with her crush. If you flirt, she’ll feel betrayed. Your crush groovin’ on your BFF? Let’s hope she shows you the same courtesy. Then go celebrate your friendship by finding new guys to like.

Love Jam No. 3
Your BFF and BF hook up

She’s your numero-uno. He’s the sauce on your enchilada of life. So why did they both betray you? And, sure, there were circumstances, like they smooched only because it was a kissing game at a party. Or someone dared them. Or she sleepwalked into his lips. Temporary insanity? Whatever the feeble excuse, your heart is pummeled from both directions. We feel your pain, Pumpkin.


It’s no biggie if…

Was there really and truly a game of Truth or Dare happening? Because, honestly, some kisses mean nothing. When you and your BF kiss, it could be so cinema-amazing that for the few glorious seconds your lips are touching it’s as if you understand the French language. But this? Maybe they were dared or something and didn’t really hook up. Not like you’re trippin’ on, anyway.


It’s a problem if…

If your BFF says this: “We’ve always had a ‘thing,’ and he said you’re a done deal…so you should be happy for me!” Do this: Wish her luck with your now-ex, and then take every letter she ever wrote you complaining about her pesky back acne and post them on the Internet. If they for-real hooked up, then she’s made her choice—and it’s him.


Best friends forever?

If your BFF and your dude do hook up, the friendship is toast. That’s harsh, we know, but she disrespected you in a big way. How can you trust her? And without trust…there’s just dust. If the kiss was a one-shot deal and you can forgive her, then do that. Grudges are ugly, anyway. Now, about your guy. If you can do the same and forgive your boy, do it. Otherwise, his butt gets to meet the new chunky heeled boots you’re going to buy as a reward to yourself for dumping a cheating jerk.

Love Jam No. 4
You like your BFF’s boyfriend

There you were, minding your own business when, suddenly, you were overcome with undeniable feelings for your BFF’s  BF. You and he get along so great, and they, well, fight a lot. When he’s not around, she complains about him. When she’s not around, he’s a different person, happy. This crush…it just happened. Hey, you can’t see it, but you’re getting a dirty look from us right now.


It’s no biggie if…

You’ve had little unromantic crushes, like on a puppy or new pair of jeans, right? This could be like that. Crushes have degrees, and you might like this guy because he’s nice. That doesn’t necessarily mean romance. Crushes are feelings of fondness. You can recognize that he’s attractive, which is not the same as being attracted to him. Get it?


It’s a problem if…

Are you spending every waking minute looking for clues of trouble in paradise so you can take him for yourself—and she doesn’t have a clue? You know when you finally kiss him, it’ll be magic because you appreciate everything about him and she appreciates nothing since she’s stupid? Problem.


Best friends forever?

There are only so many guys out there, but then here’s this great boy right under your nose. You met him through her and realized he was worth liking. But, if you respect yourself, your best friend and the bond you share, you will not give this any more energy. She’s your BFF. If you want her to stay your BFF, remember that he’s her BF.

Love Jam No. 5
Your BFF is a boy magnet

The hottest guy at the party saunters over to you and says, “What’s up?” and your heart goes badum-badum. You smile and say, “Not much,” so cool and mellow, and then, like in a movie, he touches your shoulder to lean in and whisper, “Does your friend have a boyfriend?” Is it your imagination, or does your BFF have some magical boy-attracting
powers? She has one who e-mails her, one head-over-heels for her, one she just dumped. You? You have Booger Bobby from the bus writing you love poems with Lord of the Rings metaphors.


It’s no biggie if…

Your BFF’s not a supermodel and you’re pretty darn cute, so what’s going on? We’ll tell you: Signals. She’s sending ’em out and probably doesn’t even know it. Think of her as your personal boy beacon—she lures them over to the two of you, you charm a few random fellas with your genius wit and, thereby, score yourself a BF by virtue of knowing this magnet of a girl. What a gift!


It’s a problem if…

Does she hog all the boys? Call dibs? Girl, you’re beautiful. Boys notice you. But you worry too much about how many boys your BFF’s getting or why no boys like you. Some girls have what we call “dating dust,” and some girls don’t. Sounds glamorous, but think of all the guys like Booger Bobby and multiply that by 10. Would you want to fend off that many yucky admirers? If you compete with your BFF because she’s got the dust, you’re being jealous.


Best friends forever?

Look at it this way: You’re blessed with a boy-magnet BFF. Remember that for every boy she snags, he’s got a whole crew of friends who can double-date with you. If you’re smart, you’ll learn to work with her magnetism. But resent her for being a magnet? Get over it.

Love Jam No. 6
You like your BFF’s EX

How long have they been broken up? Six days? Six weeks? Oh, wait, they held hands when they were 6, so that means you can never even think about him in a BF way, right? Because everyone knows the love between two 6-year-olds when they’re bonding at naptime is sacred.

It’s no biggie if…
Ask yourself these three questions:
One, was your friend in love with this ex? Two, does she still have feelings for him? Three, did he break her heart? If the answer is yes to any of the three, steer clear of this guy. If it’s no, no, and no, tell her you’re into him and see what she says. If she dumps her lipstick Caboodles over your head, that means, “I’d rather you don’t date him.” So don’t.


It’s a problem if…
If this boy meant something (or still does) to your BFF, then liking him is disrespecting her. Very few exes are fair game. If, on the other hand, her attitude is more, “If I can’t have him, no one can,” you’ll have to find a way to convince her of how lame that is with lots of sincere communication. Or, arm-wrestle over it.


Best friends forever?

If you talk to your friend and she’s OK with you liking her ex, then you’ve got yourself a green light. If she says, “Sure, go ahead and date him,” but her body language suggests she’s not at all cool with it, back off. Wait a few weeks, and then see what’s up. If that doesn’t work, she’s just being possessive. We suggest you offer to trade something you cherish—like that one shirt she’s always asking to borrow—to show you can let go of something important to you. If that doesn’t work, dump her (we’re kidding). Good luck.

-Jodi Bryson

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7/2/2009 12:00:00 AM
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