What to do when you're *always* the one making plans

We’ve all been through this: You probably have those friends that never text you to hang out, but when you text them, they’re always down. Here’s how to deal with being the only one who steps up in your friendship.

1. Ask yourself why it's happening. 
There are many reasons your friends may not text you. Honestly, they’re probably lazy, forgetful or they have just come to expect you to be the planner. But if they’re down to hang when you text them, they probably aren’t ignoring you. Maybe you’re super busy, so your friends wait for you to communicate first. Maybe they’re shy or insecure about asking to hang. Or maybe they look up to you because you always have the best ideas! The sad truth is that a lot of people aren’t bothered enough to make an effort, even if you are really tight. While you may tend to be the more organized friend who values structure and planning, your friends may just not have it together. 

2. Make sure your friends appreciate you.
If you’re okay with being the one always making plans, it’s important to make sure that your friends appreciate and recognize your efforts. When you get together, you should feel like the relationship goes both ways. You shouldn’t be the “back-up plan” for when your friends have nothing else to do; that’s not true friendship. You should feel like your friends are genuinely enthusiastic about spending time with you. If not, then the relationship is imbalanced, and you should consider whether you are okay with that. 

3. Don’t text them for a while.
This is a good way to determine if the relationship goes both ways. If they don’t hear from you and still make no effort to contact you, that’s not a good sign. It shows that they aren’t bothered, don’t care enough or are too flaky to recognize that it’s time for them to step up. None of these are good signs, and this means it is time to communicate properly about your concerns. 

4. Communicate with your friends.
If you are a little disappointed in always having to text first, then tell your friends! Or if you’re not comfortable doing that, drop little hints. Next time you want to get together, text something like “I don’t know what to do. Anyone have an idea?” Maybe someone in your friend group will take the reins for once and organize something. Chances are your friends might not even realize that they never contribute towards the planning. If you’re bothered about it, you have to mention it. The key to a healthy and good relationship is communication. With true friends, you should feel like you can talk to them about anything.

Do you feel like you're always the one making plans? Let us know in the comments below! 


by Amrita Bhasin | 8/15/2017