LIFE

There is this girl at my school. She is what we would probably call the “queen bee.” She hangs out with the same people all the time and is sort of rude to everyone even her “closest friends.” I also heard rumors that her mother physically abuses her at home, but I'm not really sure if they are true.

What can I do to help her? Because I actually do believe that rumor, I've seen signs of it.

Hey girl, I’m way to sorry to hear about this chica. Sometimes kids with a bad home life really take to those powerful queen/king bee positions; it’s their way of having control at school 'cause at home things get pretty crazy. The most important thing you can do is see past the mask. So nice of you to want to help, but you gotta realize that if you're not good pals with her, getting involved might seem totally nosy. But if it is true, abuse is a scary and serious issue.

First thing first: make sure she’s OK. While you and she may not have the relationship where she’ll openly tell you what’s up, her BFFs do. Talk to one of her close chicas and see if you can learn more. Abuse is a big deal, and if it’s clear it’s happening, her girls need to get an adult involved. If you're really concerned there's an issue but no one's piping up, head to a parent or guidance counselor. You can tell the adult you talk to that you'd like to remain anonymous, but you want this girlie to get the help she so deserves. The abuse can’t stop until someone speaks up.

As for the queen bee act? Make sure this girl doesn’t go too far. While a bad home life is an explanation, it’s not a full fledged excuse for totally uncool treatment. Tackle one problem at a time right now: focus on getting this girl help if she needs it and if you're close enough pals with her, support her through the process. Not great pals with this chica? Just giving a simple smile or hello in the halls will be enough to show you care. Being super-sweet to a meanie can catch them totally off-guard AND cut down on the "tough-girl" act. By helping her life a little bit at home, you’ll help your school have a more benevolent ruler—if any ruler at all.

By taking a stand, getting to the bottom of what (if anything) is going on at home and telling an adult, you can give this princess the wake-up call she needs to take action. Abuse is a problem, but it can be stopped. All it takes is one person raising her voice. Good luck, girl, and stay strong!

1/12/2010 7:00:00 AM