Kerra S.

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Dealing With Loss

IF YOU HAVE A FRIEND WHO'S LOST A LOVED ONE...

IF YOU HAVE A FRIEND WHO'S LOST A LOVED ONE ...

BE A GOOD LISTENER. Let her tell stories about her loved one, even if it's repetitive. You don't have to say anything to her--she just needs you to listen and understand.

LET YOUR FRIEND CRY, GET ANGRY, BE MOODY. Expressing her emotions is all part of the healing process.

AVOID CLICHES. Phrases like, "You'll feel better in time," or "At least he's not suffering anymore," diminish the importance of tier loss.

KNOW THAT THERE'S NO RIGHT WAY TO GRIEVE. Even if your friend's behavior is down-right bizarre, don't criticize. Just be patient.

LEND A HELPING HAND. Offer to help with homework or household chores. She'll appreciate anything you can do to lighten her load.

BE COMPASSIONATE. Remember that loss is a major life-changing experience, and you may have to give more time and energy to your friend than you ever have before. That can be trying but, by sharing this experience with her, you'll become closer than ever.

BY JIAE K. ON 10/16/2009 12:00:00 PM 67 COMMENTS

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one of my friends lost a brother to cancer, another lost a realy close cousin in a car accident ):

leslie5544 on 11/15/2009 1:09:31 PM

I lost my grandfather a little while ago, i miss him a lot and i still feel like crying everytime i think about him. what should i do? i cant cry 'out of the blue' anywhere, i always get tears in my eyes and people ask me whats up, i just say i yawned..

lip-smacker on 11/8/2009 7:24:48 AM

MOD!!!!
One of the girls I'm really close to at camp lost her dad last year. They were hiking on a vacation with my two cousins and their parents(3 kids, 4 parents) And Her mom slipped, but Her dad went to catch her, and the dad hit his head and fell down a water fall and died right before their eyes. now shes with her mom and her mom wishes itwas her because he saved her life, and out camp passes fathers day, and I reall don't want her to fell bad, but we make a poster saying "Happy fathers day" and take a picture and send it to all of the dads, and she was REALLY close to him. And i don't know what to say.

Hey girl, I know it may be hard, but the best thing you can do when it comes to tragedies like that is offer your support. Let your girl and her fam know that you're always there for them and if your girl needs someone to talk to, you'll always listen. It's the most you can do. When it comes to topics like dad, just be sensitive and careful when you answer or ask about them. Remember your friend is still hurting and she'll never fully heal completely. Just be cautious and you'll be fine.

xoxo

Alyssa B.

souper101 on 11/5/2009 6:47:11 PM

There's a girl in my class who lost her uncle this weekend and her auntie is in the hospital with seriouse injuries. I'm not really close to her, but i feel sorry for her that she has to go through this. I have never lost a close one, except for my great grandpa and grandma but i only saw them like twice i my life that i remember. Anyway thanks for posting this. It will help alot!! Oh and they got in a HUGE car accident if you were wondering.

kelsabrams on 11/2/2009 9:41:31 PM

my bffs dad got cancer b4 she was born. then after he recovered from it they had my friends older bro then her and her lil bro. 4 years ago he got cancer again and died. 3 days b4 it happened i was at her houz and he was fine. the next day he was in the hospital and the next he was dead. it was the saddest thing ever for me and especially her because we were both rly close with her dad.

mrs.pattinson on 11/2/2009 11:25:30 AM

This is really cool that you guys cover these types of stuff. My BGF lost his dad in a motercycle accident just over a month ago, and he's been slowly but stedily getting his life back on track. He has to help a lot around the house because he has 3 younger sibs between the ages of 8 and 2. Really, if you're just there for them, it helps a lot, and sometimes your friends who have lost someone dear to them will tell you that. My BGF said that it helps a lot that I'm just a phone call away. I also try to call him often just to see how he's doing. I hope this helps for all the girls going thru something like this!

Twilighter134 on 10/27/2009 6:53:00 PM

My friend's dad died of cancer 2 years ago. He mainly pushed everyone away. I gave him alone time to heal but everytime I saw him he would look sad. So I tried and started hanging out with him. He seemed guarded at first, but after a few months he seemed great!! I know he is still hurt by his dad dying but now he will come and talk to me about it.

justalilcrazy on 10/25/2009 11:12:19 PM

When my BFF's Grandpa died she was SOOOOO crushed!

When my Godfather died none of my friends understood how hard it was for me so they didnt wanna be near me! So please girlies help out your friends if they are dealing with a loss because you want them to be there for you.

peacelovecandy on 10/25/2009 11:45:24 AM

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD!
I am really worried about my great grandparents on both my mom and dads side. My GG on my moms side had a terrible accident where she fell and had to get surgery and wear a big metal thing on her head called a halo. And just a week ago she was in the hospital because she wouldn't eat or drink. she is out now but I am still really worried about her. And my great grandma on my dads side broke her hip and was really sick and almost died, but she miraculously lived. She lives in Italy and I never get to see her. This worries me day and night and i am always distracted at school thinking of them and it is becoming hard to sleep. I am just so worried. Please Help.

Thats a tough situation. It's hard to not be worried about them. Especially since theyre old and in bad health. This past year both my grandparents died within 6 months of each other. It was very tough and upsetting, but things got better. Just know that whatever happens things will be ok. As long as you love them nad know they love you, everything will work out. Don't let it bother you and worry you 24/7. That wont fix anything. Good luck girly. xoxo kerra

Kerra S.

spazzychick101! on 10/17/2009 9:03:58 PM

Very helpful!

lasagna on 10/17/2009 1:04:07 PM

modmodmod! about two months ago, there was a terrible accident, killing my boyfriend my two bestfriends and there dad. my bday was in a few days, and there funeral was on my birthday. his mom gave me a necklace he had in his pocket. how do i cope?

Oh my gosh, I am so so sorry girl! I can't even imagine how I'd be in your sitch. All you can do is remember all of the amazing times you had with them. Even though you will miss them so much, they will always be in your heart. Things like this really help to put things in perspective. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow, so live your life with no regrets. Go out and try anything that interests you, don't get upset over the little things, and make your mark on the world. It'll take a long time to be ok, but they would all be so proud of you for being so strong. If you ever need to talk, turn to your friends, family, and even the mods and girls on this site. We're all here for ya! I really hope this helps, girl. Stay strong Kristen <3

Kristen Y.

Detty on 10/17/2009 12:06:10 PM

losing people is the hardest thing in the world. having friends loose people is the second hardest thing. like i said before my really close friends mom died a couple months ago. my friend and her family are the nicest people in the world. im crying right now thinking about the veiwing, the hardest thing to do in the whole world.

swimmerxox on 8/26/2009 9:31:54 AM

mod
you never tell someone who lost a loved one hope you feel better soon. do you know how insensitive that sounds to think of it as somehting you just get over and can feel better soon with. Thats almost like an insult to the person that you can just get over it!

fired up on 7/26/2009 10:25:58 AM

MOD My brother died in afghanistan and whenever i talk to my friend about it she kind of changes the subject shes a good freidn she just isn't good with dealing with people's emotions

Some people aren't. Your friend probably feels awkward because she hasn't had anything that sad or serious happen in her life. I feel for you girl... we all do at GL and why not let your friend know she doesn't have to say anything to you but it would be nice if she just listened. Sometimes it just feels good to vent and have an extra set of ears listen so explain her support is all you need! I'm sorry about your brother and hope you feel better soon!

Brooke E.

fired up on 7/22/2009 8:48:14 AM

This helpd so much. my friends mom died a couple weeks ago. this helpd me know i did the "right" thing if there is a right thing to do

swimmerxox on 6/30/2009 8:16:54 AM

shes sadder about it cuz i didnnt kno my dads mum vry wel and they new each othr mor and her granddad has a grlfriend now

ladygryffindor on 6/19/2009 4:39:08 PM

me and my budd both of our dad lost their mums

ladygryffindor on 6/19/2009 4:37:55 PM

MOD
I used to have 3 outdoor cats I loved all of them and really close to them then one day they went outside and never came back. That was in March and i am still not over it everytime i look at one of their pictures i cry. None of my friends seem to get what im going through, HELP!

Hey Girlie, I'm really sorry that happened. I totally understand. have you talked to your fam about getting any other pets? It might help out a lil. xo Annemarie

Annemarie D.

cecedotcom on 6/14/2009 11:32:06 PM

i know how that feels. my best friend lost her mom late last year. she has her good days and her bad ones. ill never forget when i got the call. i cried for hours. the best we can do is be there and care for her!

<3<3<3<3,
queenchloe14

queenchloe14 on 6/13/2009 3:49:13 PM

MOd
my grandpa died when i was 3 (two months away from being 3) anyway i was soo close to hime it's not funny and even though i was lil i remember everything about the funeral and i wish he was bck but i am very happy/sad cuz my dad and 3 unclles r having a memorial race since he loved racing i love my grampa and miss him so much i can barely eat our fave food tomato soup i feel weird cuz i wanna cry cuz i happy bout the race but also cuz it makes me remember granpa wat do i do and wat should i wear to the race

Hey girl,

Maybe make a cute t-shirt that reminds you of your grandpa...some inspirational quotes or some stuff that you guys used to do together. and relax! It's great that you're doing this race so just have fun with it.

Caitlin R.

Angel07 on 6/13/2009 9:28:13 AM

thanx Annemarie! ill keep that in mind!

miss_giggles on 6/8/2009 8:33:42 PM

Hey Babes, I'm so sorry and I totally understand. I lost someone very very close to me, too. What you need to remember is that when people decide to do that, there mind is made up- nothing could ever have stopped them. Try to remember how they wanted you to feel and I'm doubly sure they would NEVER want you to feel as sad as they did, ok? If you still need to talk, dont be scared to visit the school guidance counselor, or come back to talk with us. <hugs!> xo Annemarie

Annemarie D.

miss_giggles on 6/7/2009 9:48:58 PM

Go to ClubMOD today!
Get TONS of advice,
Make TONS of friends
we even have our very own site!
How cool is that?VERY COOL!
Go to ClubMOD today!

skyhorsestar on 5/29/2009 12:06:14 PM

I can only imagine how tough things are for you. Because we wish you only the best, it’s extremely important that you speak to a trusted adult, such as a family member, doctor, guidance counselor, teacher, etc. ♥, Your Blog Patrol Babes Sherryn D.

Sammi33 on 5/26/2009 10:34:37 PM

bluebirdprincess, i am sorry about your great grandpa. one way to tell your bffs is say something like latly i have been feeling relly sad or say i think i need to talk. i hope this helps.

softball48 on 5/25/2009 4:54:06 PM

ok, so i have 3bffs and we are all so close we tell eachother everything and we share everything, we are like sisters. but recently my great grandpa got skin cancer so bad that he can't have chemo therapy so my family is just spending time with him..and watching him die... and i really need my friends or someone to comfort me because he and i are really really close and he's dying. but with finals for school and all of the stress of end-of-the-year homework, none of them have time to be there for me and i am keeping all of this hurt in and i want to try to give them a hint to show them that i need them, but i don't know how. please help.

bluebirdprincess on 5/25/2009 1:40:31 PM

MOD MOD MOD
my uncle dided in early jan. we lived far awawy from each other so we were kinda close but not alot. ever sence he dided he is all i can think about.

Hey girl,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. If you're having a hard time getting over this, talk to a good friend, a sibling, or a parent. You can also try to channel your feelings by writing in a journal, playing music, or drawing/painting. Sometimes you just need a little distraction, or a way to let the emotions out.

xo Lisa

Lisa B.

softball48 on 5/25/2009 11:08:28 AM

it did. THX!!!

twilightluvr316 on 5/25/2009 9:13:38 AM

twilightluvr316, you can't help what has happened. Nobody can bring back th dead. What you can do is be their for the people. Everybody will have their days when the ones they have lost is all they can think about and all you can do is be their for them. If you lose someone it will be hard, but know they are in a better place. You could try talking to a counsler or someone in your family. As for dealing with it try writting it in a jurnol, talking to an adult, or(i know this sounds dumb) talking to your room/dog/stufffed animal. I hope this helps.

softball48 on 5/25/2009 12:25:32 AM

lots of my family & friends have lost someone close to them. my mom's closest friend (and the nicest accordding to my dad) died of small cell cancer a few weeks ago. she came to pick me up after school when i was done with girls on the run and she was in tears. i hated seeing my mom cry. she told me wat happened and that she got an e-mail from a friend saying she had died. it made it so hard that my mom hadn't seen her fo years cuz we had moved away and then back and she was alwasy busy with coaching (volleyball) and she didn't know she was sick. it was hard for me too cuz she was my friends' mom.
My dad's friend died right in front of him. he was crushed by a machine at work (the ford plant).i didn't see my dad cry much. in fact, i don't even remember seeing him cry before that! he kept blaming himself and saying he couldv'e saved but all he did was call for help. his friend was still breathing while he called for help. he cryed for days. i stood by his bedside with my mom listening to him blame himself.it was sooooo hard on him.
my brother lost a friend too. a kid on his baseball team was shot accidentally by another friend. they were playing with his father's gun and it was loaded. it shot and killed him. when my brother found out that HIS friend, not just some kid with the same name, died, he was so depressed. he didnt cry but he didnt say much and he talked in such a deppresed voice.
my best friend didnt know someone who died but recently her friend left her without reason. she just came up to her one day and said, "im not ur friend anymore." she was so sad. she wasn't a sensative person at all and NEVER ERVER cried. she laid her head in my ;ap with her head down and said nothing. i comforted her and we sat there saying nothing. no sound but us breathin. she didnt even wanna eat lunch. the girl i knew who once said ," the world shouldn't stay in their shells" was know saying "im never coming out of my shell" every one i know has lost someone except for me. saddness is around me 24/7. i can't take it. how do i deal with it? what if i lose someone someday? they're all sad and i feel like i can't help or change anything. please help me!

twilightluvr316 on 5/24/2009 1:39:31 PM

help ur friend give a card r flowers be kind and not let her sad all the time cheer her up sometime don't let her sad and despioppn

lakeidra on 5/21/2009 3:37:28 PM

MOD
My BGF's grandma just recently died and I think he was really close to her. And right after he found out he called me and was crying. I feel so bad for him and I feel selfish because He lost all but one of his grandparents and I have six. And I don't know how to cheer him up. Please help!

Just be there for him and be patient with him. It's all you can really do..

Sherryn D.

pinkster526 on 5/16/2009 11:49:01 AM

Thanks Lisa B. I really appreciate the advice!

HeartOfSong on 5/6/2009 11:48:42 AM

MOD
A few years ago, my great-grandma died very suddenly. The day she died, I was going to hang out with my bff (RJ) so I woke up early excited. But I actually spent the whole morning with updates on my Ma-maw while she was in the hospital, until finally we got the news that she was gone. Me&Ma-maw were really close, and I loved her so much. I canceled my plans with RJ(my dad called and told her what happened), but promised to call her later. And I did, hoping for some words of comfort, but instead i got "Actually, I'm watching a movie with mom&dad now, can we talk later?" and I agreed. When we finally talked (hours later), she just kept babbling about some stupid story she was writing. I never got a word in. We never talked about Ma-maw, and to this day I cannot speak to her about anything personal like that. I want to finally get over it, but I don't know what to do. Please help.

Hey girl,

I'm sorry to hear about your great-grandma. And it's totally awful that you can't talk to your BFF about it! You should tell her how much it hurt you that you couldn't talk to her when you needed her the most. Keep in mind that she loves you, and probably had her own reasons for not wanting to talk about it. Maybe she was scared that she wouldn't be able to say the right thing--a lot of times it's tough to talk about death. Once you tell her how much it means to you that you guys can talk about personal things like that, you can hear her side of the story, and your friendship will start to heal.

Lisa

Lisa B.

HeartOfSong on 5/6/2009 11:15:09 AM

I lost my Uncle yesterday. He was in Afghanistan for the armey. I don't really have any friends that I can talk to so It's really hard. We all love you and miss you Jimmy!

Furuba309 on 5/2/2009 11:37:51 PM

this guy at my school was hit by a bus when he was 5. (it was when i was in jk and he was a year older than me so i don't remember) the school planted a tree in his honor and his picture is in the front hall. last year they had a ceremony in memory of him on what would have been his 12th b-day. people were like crying. it was really sad.

RIP kevin

kgirlpanda on 4/30/2009 5:56:17 PM

my friend's grandpa died on dec. 24. she was okay because she hardly saw him but it was her dad's dad and she said her dad was really sad. she e-mailed me and told me that she was scared to look at her dad because he was so sad. but they take her gramma out on weekends. and it's fine now.

kgirlpanda on 4/30/2009 5:49:24 PM

MOD
My best friend lost her mom really suddenly, and a lot of times she'll text me saying she really misses her mom. I never know what to say to comfort her, cause she can be very sensitive and i don't want to make things worse. What should I do?

Hey Girl, just let her know you are here for her no matter what even if she just needs someone to listen to her, just be sympathetic and patient for her, no one can truly imagine or understand the feeling of a lost of a loved one if you havent gone through it . *Cara T*

Cara T.

pinklemonade on 4/25/2009 10:46:03 PM

my best friend lost her dad and i've been trying to help in any way possible. this has really helped, so thankyou.

narlyynatt on 4/20/2009 3:34:42 PM

When my grandma died (we were close) I cried and was so depressed. my BFF was so supportive. We talked on the phone for hours and then one day I got a card in the mail From her! it was wso sweet. it really showed me how much she cared

dancer329 on 3/22/2009 1:19:35 PM

*****mod***** and girls *****mod*****
4 people in my family have died since february and 3 of my friend's realatives have died in the last week y does it weem like every1 is dieing at the same time and y r they and how do i deal with all of the loss at the same time?????????

Hey babe, I'm sorry to hear that. Death can be scary and hard to deal with which is why you should def get all of your feelings out. Talk to your fam about how you feel and consider talking to your school counselor, too. Just talking should make you feel better!

katelin s.

froggie823 on 3/21/2009 9:59:49 PM

wthyu. get a heart! these people lost someone. how could u be so selfish.

ajago12598 on 3/21/2009 8:45:34 PM

i lost 3 freinds in a terrible accident less than 2 months ago and its so hard to go on. I think about them every day but i've realized its always gonna hurt and you have to grieve but keep them in mind. if that person was still here with you they wouldn't want you to hurt all the time. after all there so lucky there in such a better place. they love you and will always be watching over you. Most of all STAY STRONG..YOU WILL MAKE IT NO MATTER HOW HARD IT HURTS. god never gives you anything you cant handle.

january 29th, 2009
R.I.P
<3Shea,19
<3Shawn,23
<3Emily,19
i love you guys.

inluvwit2 on 3/20/2009 3:06:49 PM

my friends dad just died from cancer yesterday and she is really sad hes been fighting cancer for awhile but no matter wat he always was on our field trips or at school track meets and now hes not there she is very sad and i want to be a good friend but i dont want to mention her dad to her i think it will make her more sad wat do i do to be a good friend and help her at the same time

rocker108 on 3/18/2009 8:47:17 PM

My mom died 3 years ago. It really sucks sometimes but i know that she's in a better place now. This is exactly what needs to happen but sometimes we just need to be left alone.Thanks for posting this!

joannaw on 3/15/2009 2:12:30 PM

I just lost a really close friend. He was older, actually my brother's friend, but he was still really important to me. (Actual age 21) He was a Marine and he was in Afghanistan. He suffered from serious burns when his Humvee ran over an IED. He lost a leg while over there and he had a leg amputated. He also lost a hand. He would have had to have his other hand amputated, but his mother told the doctors to take him off life support. When he died, I was an emotional wreck. I cried so much. My friends told me that everything will be okay and that he doesn't have to suffer anymore and that made things a lot worse! His funeral was this past week and I bawled my eyes, but during that time I learned who my real friends were. Rest in peace Kevin.

katttieeexo on 2/24/2009 5:16:26 PM

MOD
I listen to this song called Alyssa Lies by Jason Michael Carrol and if you've ever heard it you know it's about child abuse i love listening to it i can't stop but when i listen to it i think "wat if this would happen to pam(my bff)" how can i stop thinking that way

Hey girl, just try thinking about different things when you do think that. It will be easier to get your mind off of it if you work at not thinking about it. -lauren

Lauren H.

Angel07 on 2/22/2009 4:27:50 PM

thanks

superpapermario1 on 2/16/2009 1:08:30 PM

Mod Mod Mod Mod My cousin who was 21 died yesterday when he was going to wawa because a drunk guy hit him and i don't know what to do because it was so unexpected and everyone is grieving. What do i do? Please help me.

Hey babe, I'm really sorry to hear that. Your fam will be going through a rough couple of weeks so just let them know how you're feeling and talk to them about how they're feeling, too. Sometimes these things can make you feel really scared and out of place so consider talking to a school counselor about things you might not feel comfortable talkin' to your fam about. Don't be afraid to talk to close friends about it, too. Hang in there sweetie!

katelin s.

superpapermario1 on 2/16/2009 1:00:35 PM

this really helped me comfort me friends who had just lost her brother in a moto-accident.

thnx ...amanda

Jacob and Edward Lover on 2/13/2009 3:34:38 PM