Taeler L.

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Feeling Troubled?

How to help a friend who may have an eating disorder

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It can be scary when a friend develops an eating disorder. What you can do:

1. Learn as much as you can about eating disorders before confronting her.

2. Tell her you are concerned about her and suspect she might have an eating disorder. Offer specific observations like, "I heard you throwing up in a bathroom stall twice last week."

3. Suggest she be evaluated by an expert. It's doubtful she'll be receptive but Important that you tell her.

4. Hand her a list of resources:
The Renfrew Center, www.renfrew.org
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, www.anad.org
National Eating Disorders Association, www.edap.org
Academy for Eating Disorders, www.aedweb.org

5. If she gets angry and refuses to talk about it, don't push her. End the conversation immediately.

6. Tell a professional (nurse, guidance counselor, coach, teacher) that you suspect your friend has an eating disorder.

7. Realize you've done what you can. You can't force help on someone who doesn't want it.

8. Also realize telling your friend you're worried, and that you love and support her, definitely matters!

BY ANDREA T. ON 9/8/2009 8:00:00 AM 86 COMMENTS

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86 READER COMMENTS

MOD-I'm 13, I am 5'2" and I weigh 140 lbs. I don't look fat, but my wieght doesn't match my looks. I don't think it's muscle because I don't play any sports. where is all this weight coming from?

Hey girlfriend, you're young and your bod is still developing so there are more changes for your bod to go through, you won't be that size forever. But if you're feeling really self conscious you can always exercise to loose a few pounds.

Lynae P.

chocogummi on 2/10/2010 5:50:32 PM

VITAL ADVICE! ♥
Thanks!

[xganzxalleinx] on 12/9/2009 12:07:18 AM

MODMODMOD i'm 14 and i really do look fat. my weight is fine, but i LOOK fat. that may not make sense. i've lost a lot of weight, but it's not affecting how i look! it's not a eating disorder btw, i just need some advise maybe clothes i should wear to make me look skinnier/

Hey girl, you may look bigger than what you are because of your clothes. Try to buy things that fit you, not tightly, but comfortably. When you feel comfortable and can move, you have picked out the right size.

Lynae P.

lilprynxess on 11/21/2009 9:43:37 PM

MOD MOD MOD!!!
My older sister's BFF has an eating disorter but her friend (Lets call her...M'dog...) Doesn't want to admit it. "M'dog's" thies dont toutch when her feet are close together and you can practicly see her ribs if she stands up strait. My sister has told "M'dog's" parents, and they try to do something about it, but "M'dog" always blows up in there face. My family and sister and M'dogs parents are all SUPER worried about her.
PS: "M'dog" Just turned 16 in August.

Hey girl! You need to talk to her parents and suggest that they might need to get medical help. You want to make sure that nothing bad happens.

Eryn G.

popcorn159 on 11/11/2009 4:19:21 PM

LEASE DON'T READ THIS, YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BY THE LOVER OF YOUR LIFE. TOMMORROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. NOW YOU'VE STARTED READING THIS, DON'T STOP, THIS IS FREAKY.

1. Say your name 10 times.
2. Say your mom's name 5 times.
3. Say your crush's name 3 times.
4. Paste this to 4 other quizzes. If you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday, but if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck! SEND THIS TO 5 QUIZZES IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOU'RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH'S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKS

Tutts on 10/18/2009 4:25:59 PM

PLEASE DON'T READ THIS, YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BY THE LOVER OF YOUR LIFE. TOMMORROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. NOW YOU'VE STARTED READING THIS, DON'T STOP, THIS IS FREAKY.

1. Say your name 10 times.
2. Say your mom's name 5 times.
3. Say your crush's name 3 times.
4. Paste this to 4 other quizzes. If you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday, but if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck! SEND THIS TO 5 QUIZZES IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOU'RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH'S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKS
- Me

witch3197 on 10/16/2009 10:33:04 PM

MOD, MOD MOD---two of my friends have anorexia. my bff (let's call her "maria") keeps refusing to eat lunch. i never see her eat these days. i've told her i'm worried and i've talked to my school counselor. what do i do now? the other is a guy but he's been getting help. but how can i help "maria" if she refuses to get help? she doesn't have a good relationship with her family at all so my efforts can't do much because she just thinks her mom is paranoid.

Hey girl! You need to talk to her parents and tell them to bring her to the doctor.

Eryn G.

BFFsR4eva on 10/10/2009 1:30:11 PM

mod**
so i KNOW my friend is anorexic. she talks about it openly. she doesn't say that shes anorexic, but she tells us that she doesn't eat because she wants to lose weight. one week, she told me that she lost 10 lbs in 5 days!!! she's a beautiful girl,and she doesn't realize that, even though we tell all the time. she has a lot on her shoulders and i'm just worried about her. i talk to her about her eating all the time, but i'm not getting through. is there anything else i should do?

Hey girl! You need to talk to an adult so that she can get help.

Eryn G.

littlestarr22 on 10/10/2009 12:39:20 PM

one of my friends is like really skinny but she refuses to eat and is constantly working out. it worries me that she's like this. she weighs like 110 pounds. she's the skinniest of all our friends and it bothers me. and to add to it she is involved with self destruction. she cuts herself and is always depressed. and she always ticks me of by saying she doesn't want anything to eat or that she wishes she was dead. HELP! -B

flyleafismylife on 10/6/2009 5:19:29 PM

MOD MOD MOD
I need help! My BGF and I were taking, and he was pulling his cell phone of of his pocket and a lighter fell out... Does this mean he smokes? Should I confront him about it? HELP!!!

Hey girl! I am not sure, but you might want to talk to him about it just to make sure.

Eryn G.

lollipopshazam on 10/2/2009 11:55:30 AM

MOD!!! i have a friend who thinks she's fat but she really isn't! i try to tell her but she just dosn't listen 2 me. she's practically anorexic looking. she's always been really skinny but now she's trying to starve herself!! she's always compairing herself with me and our friends. but i can tell u right now she weighs less then all my friends. i'm really scarred for her. please help!!!!

Hey missy, in this type of situation it's important to get outside help. Tell a trusted adult or counselor about your friend, so they can provide the type of assistance she really needs.

Lynae P.

ImAStrangeChild on 9/25/2009 10:58:45 PM

mod
thanks for that but what if you think your fat cuz your friends weigh less than you?
It looks like my friends weigh less than me.
We're on a cheer squad, dance team, and are in gymnastics!
Help!
~fashionista305

fashionista305 on 9/19/2009 5:45:45 PM

mod
what if your the one who has the eating disorder?

Hey girl! You should talk to someone you trust.

Eryn G.

fashionista305 on 9/19/2009 2:39:46 PM

-MOD-
If you lose ur period becus of an eating disorder, can u ever get it back or have kids?

Hey girl! You might be able to, but its important that you are healthy. You should talk to your parents or a doctor about this.

Eryn G.

SportyGal on 9/12/2009 4:15:08 PM

MOD MOD MOD i live in a pretty tough neighbourhood and i HATE walking home when i walk home every bush i happen to see there people hiding inside them .... and this makes me feel realy uncomfortable ... should i tell the police or is this not serious enough ... please help me

MOD MOD MOD MOD

I wouldn't call the police unless you see something that is against the law occuuring. Talk to your parents and let them know how you feel. Maybe they can arrange something so that you don't have to walk home by yourself.

Olivia

Olivia A.

lollypop09 on 9/10/2009 4:00:09 PM

hey girls! if you need advice on anything at all just let me know on my profile! i'm great with advice and have helped tons of girls here on GL before and with situations at home and offline. so come check out the advice section of my profile now!! you won't regret it!
~ellie~

hugatree95 on 9/9/2009 8:49:41 AM

I did a report on eating disorders and let me tell you the effects are devastating. If your lucky you get caught with little probs other than mental, if your not lucky, you can end up dead.
~lasagna~

lasagna on 9/8/2009 8:34:38 PM

I'm Chase. And this is my story. Well my best friends story.
Let's call her... Riley.
Riley was a gorgeous smart funny popular girl. She had friends and a great family. This was only 4th grade but still... Before you enter 5th grade you think your so cool that you can try big kid stuff. Well Riley tried not eating. It worked. She entered 5th grade not looking much different but by the end we thought she couldn't get any skinnier. we knew she had an issue. we tried making her eat... she just got really made and stomped off. She was so tiny when she entered 6th grade. around November she was forced to go to a counselors. she started hating her mom for making her go. She hated eating and called her counselor fat. By February she lost her period. now she can never have kids. she looked like a ghost. I was really scared. my best friend was melting away. In April she told me everything. How there was a voice in her head... it told her she was fat. it tole her to stop eating. It told her she was gross. How she loved her dad cause he had it too. So he understood. How they both were anorexic. It was the most scary thing i ever heard. I was bawling. About a week or two later her mom got engaged again. Riley loved her soon to be step dad he was really nice. but she didn't want to move in with her 4 new stepsiblings. this didn't help things. You think this far is bad? not at all
Summer came. we were excited for 7th grade. july 4th or 5th Riley went to the doctor. for a check up or something. the doctor was already keeping a close eye on Riley.
Well the doctor saw how little Riley weighed and rushed her to the hospital. when i heard i cried for 3 days. i finally went up to visit her. Her face was sunken in. she was more pale than i had ever seen. i held it together while she told me how much she hated it here. how they forced so much food down her throat. how she wished they would all die. A week later she got out. But had a day camp for anorexia and bulimia. for 3 weeks. this is where she turned sour. She absolutely hated her mom for sending her there. although it wasn't her moms fault.
we started school back up and she looked so much better. fuller. more healthy. everybody knew what happened and she was mad. she hated her mom more. she moved in October. this is were she went downhill again. she began to eat less once more. she always was telling her mom that she hated her. her mom just apologized. this horrible cycle continued until June. In june is where she would throw away her lunch and just drink a bottle of water with no carb flavoring. Now it's the summer of 8th. she looks the worst she ever has. she's always grumpy. She doesn't realize she could end up back in the hospital and if that happens she will have to stay back. She already stayed back when she was 6 or 7 so she would be 2 years older than everyone. i've distanced my self but at night i still cry. her heart could stop beating any second. and it scares me to bits. my best friend is anorexic. I would give anything to see her better. I would switch places with just so she would be healthy. i would give my life for the promise that her heart will keep beating.
I'm just waiting for the call saying she's back in the hospital.
It should pretty soon, sadly.
*CHASE*

ChAsEmEhOmE on 8/25/2009 4:06:25 PM

I understand where anyone anorexic is coming from. I'm nawt anorexic but I DO wanna lose weight. It just seems so much easier 2 starve urself. I tried that 1nce but I felt so light-headed and headachy and tired that I never wanna do it again. I hate vomit so I can't be bulimic soo I'm not gonna do either of those. I'm not sure if there ARE any other eating diseases (i mean besides being an overeater). but not any other eating diseases 2 make a person skinner.

tinxangel12 on 7/6/2009 7:08:04 PM

I have a friend who is on the verge of anorexia. She stopped eating for a while, and my friends and I talked to her about it. She wouldn't ever bring a lunch to school,(if she did, it was junk food) and her parents didn't know. I didn't know her mom, but friend B's mom did. I told friend B's mom, and she called friend A's mom. But, my friend lied about eating her lunch and stuff. I was sick of her excuses to us and to herself. So, instead of bugging her about eating, I made her a healthy lunch. (chicken salad) When I gave it to her, she saw how much we cared about her, and she realized how eating healthy can be good for losing weight, instead of eating nothing. Just being there for your friends, and showing them how much you care about them is really great. It's hard on friends and family when people have and eating disorder.

smartblonde1128 on 7/1/2009 2:02:31 PM

MOD
i think i'm fat! I'm 12 and I weigh 50 pounds!!! Help me! I'm Anorexic too...... please

Hey girl, this is a serious problem. Eating disorders should not be dealt alone or with mere words. Because GL wishes you the best, you have to talk to a trusted adult and get some help. <3 Jeannie

Jeannie L.

LoveLife12 on 6/11/2009 4:21:10 PM

im soo happy im not anorexic bcuz i weight 113 pounds and im 12 and my height is 5"6 OHH AND if ur ANOReXIC i think u dont have your period until like you gain weight or else you never have it and dats bad any way check out my profile it rox like demi lavato and selena gomez !!!!!!!!!!!!!

9079155 on 4/4/2009 9:51:27 PM

Tobie E. so you think i should tell some1? im kinda afraid......my guy friends would kill him....

Yes i think if it persist you should tell someone about it def. its not cool to do tat to someone weather your a boy or a girl. get red of him and then if he keeps it up tell someone about it see ya tobie

Tobie E.

have_a_heart on 1/31/2009 8:39:22 PM

MODDDDDDDDDDDDD i think im not positive but i think my bf is abusing me...what do i do?

well what is he doing to be abusive. you have to give me something here see ya tobie

Tobie E.

have_a_heart on 1/31/2009 7:11:23 PM

My aunt has this thing where she wakes up in the middle of the night and makes food and the next morning she doesn't know she ate anything or woke up. Its weird. Thats why she wonders how she gains weight

LilGirl08 on 1/30/2009 11:49:41 PM

OMG!!! I saw somone say that they think they are fat becuz they are 12 and weigh 87! Kids at my school have some wierd idea that since you wieghed like 70 pounds when you were smaller that you are going to still weigh that much when you are older. I am 11 and I weigh 103 and i am skinny!!!

Micah217343 on 1/27/2009 4:47:52 PM

***!!!MOD!!!***
ok... my mom is a teacher at my school and all 3 of the teachers told her that i look really thin!! when the thing is i really think im pretty normal!! they told my mom to just watch me, to make sure i am eating..so my mom always tries to get me to eat when i am trying to watch so my stomach doesnt get big becuz i like where it is right now!! sooo... how do i stop this cuz if i am becoming anearexic and loosing weight i am totally not aware of it!!
PLEASE HELLP!!

just make sure you are eating a healthy diet. You've probably lost weight if your teachers are noticing. L

laura f.

tygrballa11 on 1/25/2009 10:04:45 PM

MOD my friend is about 5'7'', 14 years old, about 80 pounds. she is super skinny!! You can see that there is no muscle or anything on her legs, arms, ect....no one told me if she has an eating disorder and i don't want to ask her. Help!!

If she seems to eat full meals then she probably isnt L

laura f.

smcc_volleyball on 1/23/2009 9:20:33 PM

hello

lolalove on 1/23/2009 8:42:37 PM

If you think you are "bigger" than other people then you should just work out. Doing simple workouts and eating healthy can make you healthier and can make you fit without becoming anorexic or bulimic. Situps and crunches are very good for abs. So are trunk twists.

Check out my profile. post comments
I give advice.
see ya

coolestsis on 1/18/2009 9:28:34 PM

MOD
an awesome friend of mine has cancer, hes about 2 or 3 years older than me and moved to Oregon when we were little. i miss him so much! whats a good way to cope?

Hey babes, I'm so sorry! Remember that some forms of cancer can be curable! Your friend might be on their way to recovery. But also remember the family needs your support right now. Why not write letters remembering good times and just rely on good old fashioned prayer? I'm not advocating you to any specific religon, but prayer or moment in silence in general can help you calm down. xo Annemarie

Annemarie D.

CaliSuz3 on 1/13/2009 7:53:04 PM

MOD! MOD! MOD! and girls if you have suggestions!
So I have kind of a weird body type and I was wondering if you could give me suggestions on how to tone it so it looks normal?.. Im 13 and 5'5, my boobs are big-ish(34C) and I have proportionated hips but other then that my torso looks like a big box. I have like no natural wasit, its weird..Are there any exercises I could do to define my waist?

Hey Girl, I would prob suggest running, and try sit ups and different abb work outs. *Cara T*

Cara T.

boblondie on 1/10/2009 3:16:43 PM

!!!MOD!!!

My best friend had to go to the emergency room because she had a HUUUUUGE stomach ach and she can't even sit up without crying because of the pain. I'm so sad for her. I called her at the hospital and asked her if I could do anything. She said no. But I want to do somthing. O yeah when my mom told me I believed her but I started cracking up. Why did I do that???????

Ella26986 on 1/10/2009 12:38:30 PM

i have a friend with an eating disorder. ive tried everything i could do by myself and with our other friends, but nothings working. should i tell someone?

SftB4ll3rx3 on 1/7/2009 5:13:15 PM

mod!!
ok i am 12 and weigh 85 pounds but i think i am fat and try to starve myself!! how to i stop and start eating!!!! my parents do not even know i do this!!! they think i eat at school!!!! please help!

Hey, Girl! Sorry for the “stock”
message. We’re psyched you’re here but since this is a super busy time, mods
aren’t able to answer personal advice or contest questions. We’re approving
your comments now so the girls can start offering feedback right away! If you
still have questions, please come back, we’re happy to help…or just let the
other chicas answer now! (They give awesome advice, trust us!) Love and thanks!
♥, Your Blog Patrol Babes

Ashley R.

kitkat23 on 12/26/2008 12:54:44 PM

****MOD*MOD*MOD*****
there is a girl in my class and she is SUPER skinny!! i think she has registered on girls life but i dun know her username. i tried talkin to her but she does'nt listen(to any1)!
any advice???
(this would help me and her (because she is one of my friends))
PLEASE ANSWER ME!!!!
lots of luv,
Lexy
<3

Hey girl!

Some girls are just naturally skinny and they can't help it.

Ashley <3

Ashley R.

XX_Dead_Roses_XX on 12/24/2008 8:32:19 PM

What is MOD cuz I'd like to ask them a question

hey girl!

A MOD is an older girl who is here to help answer questions for the girls on the site. If you have a question just write MOD and then ask the question.

AshleY<3

Ashley R.

vanilla on 12/24/2008 5:35:49 PM

Okay, Thank you.

luvgr8tennis on 12/23/2008 12:22:08 PM

**************MOD PLEASE HELP ME***************
Help! I am 13 years old, 14 in June, and everyone in my school, besides my little sis, thinks I'm anorexic, but I'm not! I weigh 72 pounds, but my doc says that is normal. But my friends who are also 13 going on 14 weigh in the 100's and their docs tell them they are normal! I am really skinny, but so is my family! And also, the people in my school always come up to me in gym class and go, "Geez girl~ u need to eat more! R u anorexic or something?" I never know what to say! I have talked to my doc and she says there is nothing to worry about! If there is nothing to worry about, y am i worrying? !!!!!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!

if you are eating enough, you have nothing to worry about! L

laura f.

luvgr8tennis on 12/19/2008 11:06:29 PM

****MOD*******
Im 14 and 5'7" and only weigh 95 lbs. all my friends that are like heads shorter than me are about 20 lbs. heavier than me. Everyone calls me anorexic but i eat more than they do. I get made fun of at school because of it. I've passed out once and seen my doctor twice about it and he tells me to eat more. so now i eat high protein and carb snacks every hour and big meals. I don't think i have a eating disorder but it looks like i do. Is there something wrong with me?

Hey girl!

I don't think anything is wrong with you but you should go see a doctor just in case.

<3 Brianna

lawls on 12/8/2008 7:13:10 PM

People! Girls! Listen! if you are going anorexic because someone's making fun of you, you're only making them feel better! Don't let them win! They are the one's who need to lose weight! they need to lose the weight of being a bully! They only feel good if they are stepping on someone else. Quit being a stepping stool! stand up and show them that you are better than starving yourself! Do not let them win! I repeat: Do. Not. Let. Them. Win.

Queen of Scots on 12/6/2008 10:02:50 PM

im researching anorexia in my english class and i found out lots of interesting stuff. like girls with anorexia often never get their period, and they dont even realize they are sick. But people who are bulimic (idk how to spell it my friend is researching that one) those people KNOW they have an eating disorder but anorexic people dont know they just think they are fat it is really really sad

PrettyNPink on 12/6/2008 11:46:24 AM

i dont have a eating disorder and i guess i am in the middle but when i look at the other grils there r sooooo skinny!! help please

boyluver100 on 12/4/2008 8:48:13 PM

I do not have an eating disorder and to be honest all of my friends are skinny but they dont have an eating disorder.

Sk8ergirl96 on 12/3/2008 3:51:48 PM

MOD
Oh yeah Im 5`1 so is my friend and she said that if you are 12 and are 5`1 that you should weigh 120.
My friend she said that she is over wieght
You can tottaly tell what can I do So I can loose weight??
Thanks

GalsPals66 on 11/28/2008 2:11:13 AM

MOD or Gals
Ok so Im 12 and I weigh 130!!!
Like a week ago or 2 weeks I was 120
And lately I havent been either feeling hungry or full!!
What can I do so I can lose wieght??
Thanks!

GalsPals66 on 11/28/2008 2:09:13 AM

mod. im 12 years old and i weigh like 135. it sounds like alot. im not fat, im actually pretty fit and on dance team. is it true that muscle weighs more than fat? thnx!

rayray96 on 11/27/2008 10:00:41 PM

mod or gals
ok even though i don't like the girl this is about i'm scared for her. i'm 100% convinced that she's anorexic. shes VERY thin (under 75 lbs.) but complains that she's fat. she wears baggy clothes and i never see her eat. how can i confront her without making a fool of myself if she doesn't have anorexia?

Hey girl, It might be a good idea to talk to a teacher and tell them you are concerned for this girl. They can talk to her parents and keep an eye on her better than you can. xo Annmarie

imwithstupid on 11/14/2008 7:20:06 PM

I also have high cholesterol and high sugar!

coolestsis on 11/7/2008 8:21:28 PM

*MOD* I am 13 (14 in a few weeks) and I only weigh 80 pounds! I am not exagerating! All my friend think I'm anerexic but I'm not! I'm eating all the time! I eat fruits, wheats, dairy products, vegetables! (And the occasional chocolate bar!) All my friends weigh in the 100! Do I have a non-weight-gaining disorder???

Hey chica, There are a bunch of medical reasons for people not gaining weight, but it's also true that some people just have small frames. Either way, it is prolly' a good idea for you to check with your doctor. Why not tell mom and dad and make an appointment? xo Annemarie

coolestsis on 11/7/2008 8:18:48 PM

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Taeler L.

is modding

Feeling Troubled?

How to help a friend who may have an eating disorder

86 READER COMMENTS

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