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My BFF and I have been friends since pre-K, but she’s been hanging with this girl who doesn’t like me. How can I tell her it bugs me without making her feel she’s being pulled in two directions?


 
Friendship triangles are tough—especially when someone involved isn’t your biggest fan. Instead of resenting the situation, talk about it. Tell your BFF you understand she wants to branch out and meet new people but that you don’t want to lose her friendship. Let her know you don’t expect her to hang out with you 24/7, but that you would love it if she could find the time to get together—just the two of you. If you guys can work out a balance, it will feel less like you and your friend are growing apart.

BY ANDREA T. ON 9/4/2008 4:04:00 PM 51 COMMENTS

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51 READER COMMENTS

*MOD*
this guy i used to like didnt like me, but kind of as a friend, but then he started kind of flirting with me like wanting me to wear his tux jacket after a choir concert we had,a dn hugging me and now this year in 7th grade we are like best friends and he keeps looking at me and saying how pretty i am. but also kind of quuiet and almost nervous around me... my best friend thinks the guy likes me

do u think thats true???

m&mcutie on 9/4/2008 5:01:08 PM

I know exactly what you're going through!!! The same exact thing happend to me last year. I wasnt in the same class as my bff and she made friends with three girls that were. I sat with them at lunch cause i always sat with her andthey were always laughing and joking about what they did in class i felt so left out cause it had nothing to do with me. i talked to my friend and she practicly spat out saying she had a right to have watever friends she wanted and that her new friends thought i didn't fit in because i never talked at lunch! I tried to explain what it felt like not having her in my homeroom and the others did and thats all they would talk about but she wanted nothing to do with me. I ran off in tears just the thought of losing my bff that i have had forever(literally) moved me to tears. I have moved on since then and found new friends that care about me. Even though it's hard to get over just think that other girls have gone through the same thing and that you arent alone! Smile

calliann925 on 9/4/2008 5:12:07 PM

Hi Hi Hi

cjlizzy on 9/4/2008 5:16:57 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD

can i still kiss m BF if i havent gotten my cervical cancer shot yet? please helpp!!

beautytipper411 on 9/4/2008 6:12:01 PM

~~MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD~~
~~MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD~~
Dear MOD,
This is kinda like me. My bff still treats me like a bff, but she hangs out with another girl who is real popular and always talks about bad things and cutting herself. when we all three are in a class, we all sit together, but i don't like her. my bff doesn't like one of my other friends and she always tells me and puts my other friend down, with out thinking about hurting my feelings. i wanna tell her that i don't like the girl that she is starting to hang out with, but i don't want to hurt her feelings AND i want her to know that she hurts my feelings when she puts down my other friend.

p.s.- she doesn't like my other friend because a few years ago they started fighting over me, because they both wanted me to be their best friends and she won't understand that i became friends with the other girl because my bff's other friend was taking all of my bff's time.
sorry this is long, but i really don't know what to do! thanks
emily
(also it might be confusing because i don't want to say names, sorry)

emily96 on 9/4/2008 6:54:45 PM

ooohhh, that can be hard sometimes. the same thing happened to me, and i was so sad! because i introduced my bff to my other friend and they endded up being bff's and they were mean to me. now they sort of drfited off because they werent TRUE friends, and now thy r nice to me. it will all work out.

sweetie_pie_167 on 9/4/2008 7:33:37 PM

wow that's really considerate thinking of your friend that way.

buggynes on 9/4/2008 7:34:46 PM

MOD-My bff is very clingy.I try to make other friends,but My friend either says she doesn't like her,or starts talking to me when I'm talking to her.

shrimpsauce on 9/4/2008 7:47:12 PM

MOD

i think my mom is being overprotective. she treats me like i'm 7! every morning my mom reminds me to not answer the door, use the microwave, etc. when i get home from school. then she stands by me when i wait for the bus in the morning. then she yells, "bye sarah, i love you!" when the bus comes.
my mom always thinks i'm lying about everything. she thinks my pants size is 16 in juniors, even when i tell her it's size 10 (and 10 is somewhat baggy on me).
i'm about 13 years old. what should i say to my mom to make her treat me less like a 7 year old?

popmusic on 9/4/2008 8:00:19 PM

first comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : - )

frankfurt8 on 9/4/2008 8:06:44 PM

same thing happen to me
but i decided to become friends with the person i didnt rly like now we dont exactly hate each other but we're still pretty good friends =]

goodluckcharm on 9/4/2008 8:15:40 PM

First comment?

yea,i know it's annoying,but i can't help it!
Anyway, i know how you feel but this is a great oppertunity to meet new people! Take advantege!

girly_girl_247_ on 9/4/2008 8:30:25 PM

MOD I'm already having a ton of homework and it's only the second day of school. I'm soo tired I feel like I'm gonna fall asleep. What should I do? Thankss. Laughing

~Tokio Hotel Forever~

MunkQoo on 9/4/2008 9:18:54 PM

m&mcutie

its true.your bff likes you

Kimm23 on 9/4/2008 10:01:34 PM

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ MOD @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
thanks so much for reading this. It's almost my birthday (September 11th) and i have no ideas for my party. My mom recently told me that we have absolutely no money to spend. What should I do? Please help. Thanks

ps im turning 12! yay! Smile

juiceybox on 9/4/2008 10:05:45 PM

hey gurlies...
any thrifty party ideas? im on like, a real real low budget Frown

juiceybox on 9/4/2008 10:07:18 PM

So I had the same issue kind of my friend ditched me at lunch just for a min. but I knew she didn'y reizie it so fill her in. My friend felt bad but you would want your friend to tell you

volleygal on 9/4/2008 10:52:42 PM

um beatytipper411
yes u can kiss ur bf if u want. it has absolutely nothing to do with the shot.

fashionista8613 on 9/4/2008 11:09:40 PM

the could just be messing with you because guys luuuv to do that

fashionista8613 on 9/4/2008 11:10:06 PM

That's totally me, too! my best friend is always kinda saying how she doesn't like how her one friend tells her what to do. But then she's chumming it up with her. It's kinda dumb. I really hate that girl cause she thinks she's all that. I mean, one of her own friends put some peanuts on the lunch table, so she ate some knowing that she was allergic to them! Then she called the girl that put them there stupid!

bunnyrabbitlalala on 9/4/2008 11:46:00 PM

~~MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD~~
~~MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD~~
(i already posted this, but no one answered)
Dear MOD,
This is kinda like me. My bff still treats me like a bff, but she hangs out with another girl who is real popular and always talks about bad things and cutting herself. when we all three are in a class, we all sit together, but i don't like her. my bff doesn't like one of my other friends and she always tells me and puts my other friend down, with out thinking about hurting my feelings. i wanna tell her that i don't like the girl that she is starting to hang out with, but i don't want to hurt her feelings AND i want her to know that she hurts my feelings when she puts down my other friend.
p.s.- she doesn't like my other friend because a few years ago they started fighting over me, because they both wanted me to be their best friends and she won't understand that i became friends with the other girl because my bff's other friend was taking all of my bff's time.
sorry this is long, but i really don't know what to do! thanks
emily
(also it might be confusing because i don't want to say names, sorry)







hey girl!

Just tell your friend how you truly feel. If she is your bff then she will respect what you had to say.

<3 Brianna 

emily96 on 9/5/2008 3:57:15 PM

MOD-
I really want a bf. Not just cuz everyone else has one, (some people do, some don't) but I don't think anyone likes me! I know I'm not THAT ugly cuz I had one at camp, so what do I do??? And PLEASE don't say that, "the right guy will eventually come my way."




Hey girl!

Here are some flirting tips to get a guy to notice you. Just remember to be yourself and be true to yourself.

http://www.girlslife.com/post/2007/11/17/Flirting101.aspx

<3 Brianna

 

angelrachel95 on 9/5/2008 5:51:43 PM

MOD MOD MOD
thanks so much for reading this. It's almost my birthday (September 11th) and i have no ideas for my party. My mom recently told me that we have absolutely no money to spend. What should I do? Please help. Thanks
OMG Happy birthday! I have the same prob, except we do have some cash to spend. I don't know what to do!




Hey girl!


I so wish I could offer some
great advice. Unfortunately since I’m not an expert on the matter, I don’t want
to point you in the wrong direction. Try having a chat with the good old
‘rents. I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to help you get things squared
away.    
, Your Blog Patrol Babes



 

angelrachel95 on 9/5/2008 5:53:20 PM

****MOD****
I'm under 16 and I want to make some money. Not including baby/pet-sitting and helping parents and neighbors, what else can I do?




Hey girl!

Sorry but there isn't much you can do if you are under 16. Keep on baby/pet sitting and helping out to earn money. And then when you turn 16 you can find a job.

<3 Brianna 

xylophonegirl on 9/5/2008 6:17:21 PM

to juiceybox...
just have a couple friends over to stay the nite listen 2 music,play games and watch movies...u kno normal teenage girl stuff!!!

hollisterxoxoxo on 9/5/2008 6:26:47 PM

MODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMOD!!!!! ok so over the summer my friend dated 18 year olds, and she hasnt turned eleven yet! she is so caught up with boys, that she doesnt care about her friends at all, she wont even date middle school boys anymore! just highschoolers, and she is being a jerk and doesnt care about our ( her friends) feelings! we all aree and we want to tell her but dont know how, help!

 

She might just have to learn for herself, if she's not listening to her friends. Smile Laura

sailortalk125 on 9/5/2008 8:58:19 PM

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ MOD @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ thanks so much for reading this. It's almost my birthday (September 11th) and i have no ideas for my party. My mom recently told me that we have absolutely no money to spend. What should I do? Please help. Thanks ! ps. im turning twelve, and need thrifty party ideas too! thanks !!

 

What about just having a sleepover? Smile Laura

juiceybox on 9/5/2008 9:04:43 PM

Hey, i had the same thing except it was the opposite. see, i was hangin with arahim all the time and then my friends got angry but then she moved and then i got all my friends back and it made our friendship SOO much stronger! we couldnt be tighter. Smile)

~iheartcharlie~ on 9/5/2008 10:14:58 PM

I'm with ya sista! I have a friend who dosn't like my other friend too. Not everybody gets along.

shopperlove5 on 9/6/2008 8:02:37 AM

****MOD****
today is my first contest for marching band and im so nervous our football game got cancelled and we havent performed in front of an audience. what should i do im sooo nervous!




Hey girl!

It is ok to be nervous. Just take a deep breath. You will be ok.

<3 Brianna 

kim;<3 on 9/6/2008 10:56:36 AM

Hey Gurlie.
Give the girl some time. She might just be trying to find some new friends. I'm a new kid at my school... And when you are trying to make friends its really hard. You try to find some people you like but If they dont like you. It really hurts. Just give the girl some time.. Yall could have a great friendship. =]
*******MOD**************
please help! I started a new school this year. And I really like the girls I'm hanging with. I have them if they are okay with me eating with them and suff and the always say of course and stuff but How can I really tell if they are okay with me Eatin with them? REPLY ASAP PLEASE! GIRLS COMMENT TO AND PUT MY NAME IN THE TOP PLEASE!




I'm sure they enjoy eating with you.  If they didn't you would know.  Don't worry about it. 

allyjewel on 9/6/2008 12:55:13 PM

*****MODERATOR*****
i really like this guy at my school, (we'll call him sam) but i dont know if he likes me. a few years ago, my old "friend" told me that sam was saying bad things about me, so i said something really mean 2 him and it turned out that he really wasnt doing anything that she said. i apologized and he seems 2 have forgotten. he never brings it up but he also doesnt kno why i said that 2 him. i like him alot but i dont kno what he thinks of me. does it matter what happened in the past? also, i want 2 ask him 2 dance at the next skool dance but he is out of my league and i dont even know if he has a gf. help me plz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Forget the past and move on.  I'm sure he has.  Don't think that he is out of your league! Ask around and find out what his deal is, if he is single or not, then you can decide whether you want to ask him to the dance. 

mockingbird on 9/6/2008 3:09:03 PM

This story is kinda like me. in 6th grade my bff told me that the entire dance team hated me and diddn't think i was a good dancer, later i found out she was lying and we stoped talking for a week or so... then it blew over. we're freshmen now and total bffs. she slept over last night and we were up until like 11 taking stupid pictures and laughing until we snorted. in conclusion unles you bff did something totaly horrible give her some time and it'll blow over. im sure glad i did if not i dont where id be...i dont have very many other good friends...

tappingfeet772 on 9/6/2008 5:19:19 PM

hola GL peeps! Waz up?! OMG... i've had soooooooooooooo much h.w. in Science... it's ridiculous!:/

neatfrk101 on 9/6/2008 8:53:38 PM

MOD and Girls, please help me!!! I really need help!!!
I have this one friend let's call her linda. Linda told my brother that she knew someone who liked him and her other friend (um... pam) pam would give him a clue. pam told my brother that linda liked him. Now linda told my that pam is pressuring her to tell my brother she likes him. Pam also did this for my linda's other crush. I am worried that pam told him too and isn't being a good friend and lying to linda. Should i tell linda about my worries and that pam told my brother or keep it to myself and not make things worse?




hey girl!

It is always good to talk to others about how you feel about a certain situation. I think you should talk  to Linda and Pam about how you feel.

<3 Brianna 

ashpi512 on 9/6/2008 9:07:30 PM

ALLYJEWL!! ALLYJEWL!! ALLYJEWL!!ALLYJEWL!!

Go near them and Act like u r lookin for a place to sit ....then see if they say Hey! come over here. they may invite u over!

whitney13 on 9/7/2008 10:19:14 AM

i had the same problem as you! I've had this one friend since I was 5 years old, she even has two little sisters the same ages as my little sisters, and it's just been an amazing friendship for 8 years. Then she started hanging around this girl who literally hates everything about me. for a long time my friend ignored me, and i thought it was because her friend had convinced her that i was a bad friend for her to have. but when i talked to my friend, she said she wasn't talking to me because she thought that I was mad at HER for befriending a girl I didn't like. We talked it out, and now we're closer than ever.

best of luck!

hpisawesome101 on 9/7/2008 10:44:50 AM

mod! pleaseeee help me. ok so i've liked my bgf for a really long time and i think he might be starting to like me too. like a couple days ago he asked me if i wanted to do a duet with me in band and he even said he'd soo go ice skating with me! but then he found out a friend of ours likes him and he said he "kinda liked her" so he was gonna ask her out! i don't know what to do, cause it would ruin everythingg.

 

 

Hey Girl, I think you just need to tell him how you feel about him, cuz when he knows then he may want to be dating you too, hes prob afraid of rejection just like everyone else and thats why he started like this other girl cuz he knew ahead of time she likes him.. *Cara T*

luv4coco on 9/7/2008 1:34:33 PM

mod, my comment isn't coming up!

luv4coco on 9/7/2008 1:35:22 PM

MOD
I really like this one guy but he likes my best friend. she kinda likes him and she doesnt know i like him and she said she doesnt know if she likes him more than a friend. i really want to tell him that i like him but he really likes my friend. it kinda hurts me. all my other friends are trying to encourage my friend to go out with him. what should i do?

tootsie-roll on 9/7/2008 6:39:00 PM

at this age (teenagers) this happens all the
time it's happened to me twice! if this is
the same girl that has been wetting her
overalls with you since pre-k she really
should understand and if she doesn't i would
get a hole new set of amazing friends!

dragonblood5 on 9/8/2008 5:55:30 PM

this is kind of happening with my friends. theres these two new girls at our school that my friends have become attached to. one of them is really jerky and annoying and the other one is okay, but wierd. yup.

aerogirl1987* on 9/8/2008 6:14:40 PM

***MOD****
okay i need your help;
i was sitting on the bus with my firend and across from us is a guy in my english that i have to sit beside EVERY DAY (and do NOT like him), and my friend started talking to him how our night job (which is sooo not true for me I AM NOT LIKE THAT) is "working the streets" . i know she was joking but i still want people to respect me and i think he might of believed her... i do not want that to influence how people see me. oh and she also asked him if he thought i was cute/hot and he siad yes. I DO NOT LIKE HIM, i have to sit beside him everyday too! please help!!!!

sweetheart <3 on 9/8/2008 7:57:55 PM

omg that is so weird because that is what is happening with me and my friend tonya!

girlygirlrocks101 on 9/9/2008 5:16:07 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD and GURLIES dear mod and gurlies i need ur help fast, please!! my guy friend seems to like me and i guess i like him but i really like us as friends. so i was talking about it and he said even if we did go out it wouldnt hurt our friendship later if we broke up. the only thing is that he is black. i not races because most of my friends are black. but anyway, my friends say that once u date someone out of ur race ur race of guys wont like u anymore. so is that true? and if he asks me out what should i say? thanks so much!!! Smile

 

Hey girl, if you think youd be better friends then stay friends. As for the race thing thats entirely untrue. The only people that would be unaccepting of you are guys you shouldnt date anyway. I am white and I dated a Colombian for 4 years. Yeah sometimes people might look at you funny or makea rude comment every now and then, but who cares? They arent in the relationship with you. I am glad that you see people as people and dont really take skin color or ethnicity into account.

.:MsCool:. on 9/9/2008 6:07:00 PM

MOD i need help my best friend is good at every thing and i am not she say things like" yea i am sooooo rich" and "ewww that bag is so last season!!" TO ME!! ARENT WE BEST FRIENDS?? SO WHY DOES SHE BRAG AND INSULT ME?? please help!!!! mod!!!! XOXO SUMMER BLOND AMBITION....

 

 

Hey Girl, you should have a serious talk with her about that, cuz if you ask me, no real bff would act like that to you. *Cara T*

happiness2 on 9/14/2008 1:05:06 PM

~MOD~ I'll get straight to the point. I used to have a best friend. She replaced me with another girl...a new...more exciting BFF. (This new friend that befriended my best friend tried to steal away my best guy friend.) So, I didn't like this new girl very much. That whole time was very hard and I thought I had moved on...but then I saw my old BFF again...she seems to still like me but I can't bring myself to love her the way I used to. She's still friends with me on MySpace but whenever I try to talk to her she ignores my messages. Part of me wants to be friends with her again but the other part of me wants to just delete her off my friends list and never speak to her again. Would that be too catty? Should I discuss this with her or let it be? I've always felt that I was the only one who noticed our friendship being torn apart...she seems so blissfully unaware...:/

 

hey babes, every best friendship has a rough patch. Dont be immature about it. By letting this other girl come between the two of you, you are showing that you have no faith in your relationship with your bud. Be her friend, reach out to her beyond myspace messages, those arent personal anyways. Call her up to see if she wants to grab ice cream so you can work things out. xo JANA

emo_penguin_x on 9/17/2008 6:13:10 PM

Thank you, Jana. Smile

emo_penguin_x on 9/17/2008 6:36:33 PM

If it's bothering you then just let your friend know that!

madpick on 9/21/2008 9:29:40 AM

I have felt the same way when my friend got a new boyfriend
just tell her
if shes says anything your telling her how you feel instead of holding it back
try it out
worked 4 me

galgirl45 on 9/24/2008 9:02:21 PM



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