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Dump That Dude!

Have you lost that lovin' feeling? Thinkin' of calling it quits with your current boy toy?
How do you do it without hurting his feelings or breaking his heart?
GL's got four easy-to-follow steps for making a clean break with your BF.

1. Planning Makes Perfect

Make sure you've thought about WHY you wanna dump your BF. It's easier if you write down a list. He deserves an explanation so you don't just spring it on him. Organize what points you want to make. Take a break and come back to it. And um, don't read him the whole list. Number 45: He smells a li'l sweaty after hockey practice, isn't a great reason to give a guy as to why you're calling it quits with him. Some of those reasons are better to just keep to yourself!

Also, decide before you talk if the relationship is totally over or capable of being worked out. You don't wanna be swept up by his charm and go back on your decision if you're sure that you want out. A constant on-again, off-again doesn't really benefit anyone and it wastes a lot of time and energy. Be strong, stick with your decision and get the point across.

Another way to plan this out? Talk to your bestie about it. It's a big help to have a friend work through your reasons and problems with you. Sometimes, a third party BFF can offer a great unbiased opinion. Tell a friend or two but not the whole school. You don't want him to be the last to know...eek!

2. Faceoff, Unfortunately

Sure texting, IMing and calling is easier and relieves a little awkwardness. But your tone (and um, the entire meaning on the convo) can get easily warped through texting and online chats and phone calls make it too easy to just hang up. Unfortunately, ladies, it's time to take a deep breath and tell your soon to be ex-BF that you wanna chat face-to-face.

When you break up, you'll want to look your guy in the eye and plead your case. He'll understand your side better if he can actually see how it's affecting you and you can read his signs to see how what you're saying is affecting him. 

It's also helpful to gauge his response. Does it seem like he's not listening to you? Or is he getting SUPER upset? Meeting in person allows you to react to his reactions.  

3. Keep It Under Control

You might have been the one that initiated the break-up, but don't assume that he has no say in it. Allow him to speak his mind, too. Let him say his side, step back and put yourself in his shoes. Maybe there were things in the relationship you could have done better. Try to understand his point of view, too. Don't try to have the upper-hand the whole time. Think of it more as an equal back-and-forth discussion.

If you've thrown your guy way off guard and he wasn't expecting a break-up,he might be really shocked, hurt and upset for a while. Let him work out his frustration and don't allow the break-up to get ugly.

You might be tempted to start naming all the bad qualities you see in him now, especially if you're breaking up with him for a bad reason. Try to stay calm and remember that at some point you cared about this guy. He's got feelings too, so you don't wanna leave it on a sour note. 

Oh, and don't rub it in. Avoid gossiping about it with your friends and his friends. Tell one (or two) BFF all about it, and leave it at that.  But you shouldn't ignore him either. After you talk with him and let him down gently, give him some time to think on it. Tell him that you'll give him a couple days. If he wants to talk about it, you're open to it.

4. Wait til' ya Date

If one of the reasons you're dumping your BF is because you like another guy better and want to date him, wait a while. Rebounding right away doesn't give ya time to recover and learn from your last relationship. Re-coop and spend some time with your girls. 

Enjoy being a single lady (helloooo freedom to flirt with WHOEVER you want!) before you jump into anything else.

Let your ex get used to the idea that you're not together anymore until you start dating again, too. This doesn't mean you have to wait forever, just enough time that you're able to commit to a new guy and it won't be a huge shock and sting to your ex. Especially if you wanna stay pals with your ex, it's best to wait awhile before you date another dude. 

BLOG IT OUT! Have you ever dumped a dude? What did you do? Tell us now and give advice to your other GL girlies

BY KATIE SHUTT ON 5/19/2009 7:00:00 AM


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