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I'm NOT Perfect!

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Sometimes I feel like my parents expect too much and I have to do everything at once.

Be a perfect daughter, super student, great athlete, good friend, and participate in lots of activities, and I get stressed out.

—Totally Stressed Out

Dear Totally Stressed Out,

If it’s your parents who expect too much, tell them you’re feeling stretched too thin. They may love that you’re a good person and an achiever, and may not realize how stressed you feel. You may find, however, that you’re actually pushing yourself, not just getting pushed. For energetic people with lots of friends and interests, life can be exciting—and sometimes exhausting.

Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, down-time, and nourishment. Remind yourself that you want to enjoy life, not just live efficiently or squeeze everything in or do everything well. Remind yourself, too, that if you’re anxious about the school play or cast party afterward, that is Positive Stress. Too many activities? Which can you do without? No time to get together with friends? Touch base on the phone or on-line.

Want More Advice? Order Carol Weston’s Girltalk Fourth Edition: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You. It’s got the answers to all of your most important questions. So if you're looking for tips, quotes, advice, or just plain info about growing up, friends, boys, school, family stuff, substance abuse, or any problems big and small, check out Dear Carol's Girltalk or For Girls Only. They'll help you feel confident, inspired and energized!

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.

For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com.

Can't solve a catastrophe? Never fear, Carol's here! Just click SEND A QUESTION to get Carol's expert advice.

BY CAITLIN R. ON 6/12/2009 7:00:00 AM 97 COMMENTS

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I have the same problem with my mom. It seems like no matter how well I do its not enough sometimes!

rockinrebecca on 7/27/2009 1:09:31 AM

I feel like that too. My parent have these exspectations for me and stuff, but you just have to tell them how you feel and mabe they'll understand, mines did. Good luck

WWE_Diva on 7/12/2009 2:28:29 AM

MOD HELP! LISTEN! IDK!***********
this article just made me want to vent a little, idk why, maybe because the only place i can open up is online, and there starts the problem
my parents are always saying that i am so "put together", little do they know...
see my brother just got kicked out of college, sure, that's rough, but i can't sympathize too much, because of what he did to me when i was younger, probably when i became closed off
and now the whole ordeal is ALWAYS conversation and my parents always say to their friends that i am soooo together
but that just makes me soo stressed, and i get easily stressed
they have no idea how i feel, how alone i feel, and how i cut myself just to feel SOMETHING AT ALL
and i really have no idea why i am posting this, probably just to vent, but i have no idea what to do...

Hey babe, it's good that you're opening up about your feelings. Tons of girls put on happy faces when inside they feel totally different so don't think you're alone in this. Talking to a counselor would really help you feel better and help ya sort through some of your emotions right now. It's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about so if you just tell your parents that you're feeling a little anxious lately and would like to talk to someone, I'm sure they would be happy that you're being open with them and would find you someone to talk to. If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone immediately, please call this 24/7 number where a counselor is there to talk by clicking this link: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2008/08/04/HELP!2.aspx

katelin s.

sunandsky on 7/6/2009 9:08:00 PM

MMMMOOOODDDD!!!! MODMODMOD!!! ok so i really like this guy blake and he says he really likes me to but when we were texting the other day and i was dropping real indiscreet flirting hints he texted me and said "i think you wanna go out with me" and i said 'well...yes" and he said " i really wanna say yes very much but im gonna say no" and when i asked why he said it was because of his beliefs (hes a christian whos very devoted to God) but mostly it was because he knew i could do better than him. and i was like 'aww thats so sweet but i dont wanna do better than you because going out with you would not be settling for you because i really do like you a lot" and hes like "yes i know and i like you too but i just cant. im really sorry." and i sort of get where hes coming from but not realy. but we r still friends and its not really akward or anything its just that my heart is hurting and im really quite sad not only for myself but also for him because it seemed like he really did feel bad about himself and i dont want him to be like that. can you please tell me what i should do about my guy sitch!

Hey girl, it sounds like Blake is a really nice guy. However, it also sounds like this relationship won't be able to go any further than a close friendship. It's great that you are still friends and don't feel awkward around each other, and it sucks that you feel badly. But you should realize that a romance probs won't happen for you two. Move on the best you can and develop your friendship. Who knows? He might end up being a better friend than a boyfriend, anyway. Everything happens for a reason, you know... ~Alexa

alexa e.

yola purple princess on 7/4/2009 10:23:24 PM

woops teehee fogot to check the see more comments:") sorryy i wrote that 3 times

skatergrrl on 6/28/2009 8:44:28 PM

MODMODMOD!!!
how will i know when carol answers my question?

Hey girl, Carol gets a lot of questions every day so she might not get to yours for a while. Did you send it via internet, or through the mail? If she can't get to it, usually another GL babe will help out and answer your question. Just sit tight, babe! ~Alexa

alexa e.

skatergrrl on 6/28/2009 12:40:09 PM

MOD!!! How will i know when carol answers my question?

Hey babe, it can take up to a month or so to know but you can always ask a question to a mod if ya want!

katelin s.

skatergrrl on 6/27/2009 9:35:23 PM

I asked carol something. how will i know when or if she answers?

Hey girl, you'll get a reply in the mail if she answers. Love, Jeannie

Jeannie L.

skatergrrl on 6/27/2009 8:25:10 PM

Believe me i know where you're coming from! My parents put a lot of pressure on me to be perfect. i guess it's just 'cuz they care'. hang in there

skatergrrl on 6/27/2009 8:22:53 PM

hmm...
so I'm goin out wit this guy who has been on and off wit this girl for like a year now. They broke up for good then we got together. The girl and I used to be good friends but now we hardly talk and she gets all jealous when she's around me while she was the one that ripped his heart out not too long ago. Dont you hate it when people do that? And this guy treats me perfect- like im his angel...but seriously-should I ditch the friend and tell her to grow up?

artistlove6 on 6/27/2009 4:58:36 PM

I sometimes hate the pressure of always having to be the best, that is why I like summer so much. It is because I can relax and have nothing to worry about but having fun!

luckykel on 6/26/2009 6:58:46 PM

MOD???
my best friend has been avoiding me for about a month, and today i find out its because she is in love with my boyfriend. she wont talk to me in person so i tried to talk to her about it on the phone, because i really dont mind, but she said she will do anything to take him from me, then hung up!!! weve been best friends forever and a day!!!!! is there anyway i can possibly save this friendship??
lovelovelove~~
Lissa

Hey girl!

It's always tough when you and your BFF are into the same guy - especially when he picks one of you over the other. If you can't talk to your friend in person or over the phone, try sending her a letter, an email, or text message - whatever you feel like would be the best way to get in contact with her -- and tell her how you feel. She might need some time if she is really into your BF, but hopefully over time, your friendship will be able to survive this.

<3 katy

katy j.

*polka*dot*hearts* on 6/24/2009 3:01:56 PM

Mod, OMG! My grades are EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!! I've never received a B on my report card in my life! Yet, my parents NEVER show any emotion. I mean, I've had straight A's my whole life - it's like they just think it's getting old! I have NO idea on what to do.

cats_r_the_best on 6/24/2009 9:16:56 AM

***MOD***
All my friends and I went to camp together last week and I got to know this guy who I already knew but didn't talk to. Now I think I like him but I'm to scared to talk to him. What should I do/say???

Hey Girl, Def talk to him! Maybe next time you see him ask him if he had fun at camp or tell him a story about you and your friends at camp to get the convo going! *Cara T*

Cara T.

swimmer1014 on 6/22/2009 1:38:45 PM

nobodys perfect and it may feel like your parents expect so much out of you. my parents are the same when they think when im lazy and they say im not filling in to my potenshel! (sry if i spelled it wrong)

perrygirl01 on 6/20/2009 11:52:49 PM

Dear Totally Stressed Out,
Don't be too upset. U R not the only 1 out there. I hav the same prob. I mean, I am the oldest child in the family (12, almost 13) and my parents want me to "set a good example". That is soooo not my job. If they want a good example set, they can do it. Then, i have no chance of messing it up, right?? Good Luck Girl!! Hang in there!
-Kate10196

Kate10196 on 6/19/2009 9:33:18 AM

i paly basketball all year around. i play for three diffrent teams. i am good at it but my school team i started last year but this year i am not because my parents are nobodys at my school. the preson who took my play was a doctors girls and i no i am better then her but my couch doesn't think so any more and it is starting to make me mad because my famly is putting more presher on me now. i hav not seen 1 of my friends this summer cause of the practices and ever thing.

ali3cat3kat3 on 6/18/2009 11:40:51 PM

I have the same problem, only its my parents, teachers, friends parents, parents, little kids, and my siblings....lots of pressure!

me girl on 6/18/2009 9:37:30 PM

yea parents are like clothes you like them at first but then you get tired of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chivas Grrl on 6/18/2009 9:25:39 PM

GIRLIES!!!!!
I GIVE ADVICE, COMMENT ON MY PROFILE W/ANY QUESTIONS! THANX!

xoxo, D

laneybug24 on 6/18/2009 8:38:02 PM

Trust me, i feel the same way. i'm in the gifted program so my parents feel that my average should be 100%. Then when i played basketball my dad would always be like "you were doing that wrong." it's very frustrating. plus im expected to have my room spotless
<3 krly

krlyhiles on 6/18/2009 8:33:38 PM

check out my profile and comment

supersweetie563 on 6/18/2009 3:23:41 PM

maybe you should have your "own time". take at least 5-10 minutes of your day just thinking about the good things that happened, and then what you want to do better.
as for your parent's pressure on you, throw it aside. they mean well, but you have to do YOUR very best. they should except that.

amazingxxxx on 6/17/2009 10:57:32 PM

Mod mod mod mod mod! I need some help!
Okay, I'm having a friend over on friday and this is the first time she's come over and I need some ideas for a fun sleep over! I dont want it to be just us playing boring videogames and watching youtube all night. Please give me some ideas!

Hey Girl, maybe you can have your own little spa night! Or do makeover on each other! *Cara T*

Cara T.

gussing-girl on 6/17/2009 10:07:28 PM

MOD MOD MOD~~~~~
I suffer from verbal abuse. But I love the person who verbaly abuses me. They would get mad and be even meaner if i said they need help. please help me MOD

Hey Girl, you really need to reevaluate why you love this guy..no one should be verbally abused ever and you deserve far better! *Cara T*

Cara T.

Suchablonde98 on 6/17/2009 9:06:43 PM

yeah nobody's perfect

karenrocks2 on 6/17/2009 7:43:21 PM

Don't worry! You're parents probably don't expect that of you, you probably just have been so good at being the "perfect" daughter all your life, you started to expect that from yourself. Up until seventh grade, I was like this. I was a straight A student, but, in the third quarter of the year, I got an 89 in math. I was really upset, but then I realized that I was proud of what I had done otherwise,and realized I had tried my best with my math grade. Honestly, stressing isn't going to help you- it only makes things worse. I got my math grade up to a 97 because I stopped stressing myself out. I do my best with everything I do, and I now realized that's all anyone can ask of you.

renee95 on 6/17/2009 6:22:08 PM

Here is what you do you go and stand up for yourself. At the momment they might seem mad but afterwards if they think about it they will realize that they are expecting to much from you.

naja98 on 6/17/2009 12:47:00 PM

ATTENTION ALL GL GIRLIES!!!

I need ur help. Come here and list all the reasons you love Taylor Swift. Thank you!! SO much. I love you guys!

Tell ur friends too!! Thanks!

taylorswiftfanclub!!!!!! on 6/16/2009 11:23:27 PM

Sometimes I feel the same way, but ur parents love u for who u r and u should talk to them and tell them how you feel. If you need any advice just check out my profile and leave a comment and i will get back 2 u as soon as i can,, my profile is being moderated right now so it may take a while.

dogluver82 on 6/16/2009 9:02:46 PM

Hey girlies please check out my profile. I can give u advice on anything so please leave it on my profile.

bella1234a on 6/16/2009 8:27:17 PM

I've been there! Wait...I'm still there. My mom's like "To be perfect, you have to get into Hunter & to get into Hunter you have to have perfect test scores". I don't have the best test scores but I do try my hardest.

cc0622 on 6/16/2009 5:50:57 PM

Yes!!! During the school year I feel so pressured. Last year, I barely got to hang out with my friends because I was trying to be a good sister and daughter. Plus, my parents are divorced so as the older sibling I get a lot of things put on me. I get really exhausted and depressed. This article just made me feel a lot better. Thanx

futureleader on 6/16/2009 3:23:19 PM

--------MOD-------
I don't know what this feeling is i have but its like i CAN"T be happy. Everytime i try to put on a smile it just doesnt happen. I'm sad all the time but i don't know why. All i want to do is hide out in my room and listen to my music. I don't want to talk either. find myself crying sometimes too.. what is going on??
thanks so much.

Hey chica,

I can only imagine how tough things are for you. Because we wish you only the best, it’s extremely important that you speak to a trusted adult, such as a family member, doctor, guidance counselor, teacher, etc. If you want to talk to someone closer to your own age, you can try teenlineonline.org. Check out this page for more info: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2008/08/04/HELP!2.aspx.

<3 Allie

Allie S.

Julie Jean on 6/16/2009 2:02:42 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD!
Today I am going to a barbeque party thing at my friends house and I was going to wear a cute dress from Forever 21 its blue and i am going to wear silver gladiator shoes and silver earrings and a silver necklace. do you think this is too dressy? Thanx! ☺

Hey girl,

Your outfit sounds super cute! If you're worried about it being too dressy you can leave off some of the jewelry. If you have a bag with you, you can take it with you and always put it on later if you change your mind. Have fun!

xoxo Allie

Allie S.

peace.out.☺. on 6/16/2009 11:37:16 AM

**MOD MOD**
ok.!
Well im gonna get a bob. short in the back longer in the front =] Well i wont know how to style it =/. When my hair is long or medium it is curly/wavy (: but when it's short it stays straight

. What are some styles i can do with it.?? What are some good stores that i can go shopping but are not so expensive.??
Thank Yous & Love Yous.!!

Hey girlie,

Try pinning back the front with hair clips or barrettes, or try headbands. If your hair is long enough you can even do cute little mini pony- or pig-tails!

xoxo Allie

Allie S.

peace-love on 6/16/2009 2:04:07 AM

I am like this 2 , My family has wayy high expectations n school , i have soomany activities after skool , and i also tutor my brother ad help mi sista out it's crazy ! i sometimes feel soo stressed out but my friends are a major help they always know when i am getting stressed and alwas know what to say to calm me down idk what i wuld do witout them !
xoxoxo

batonluvr13 on 6/15/2009 9:46:04 PM

Gosh, that's awful. But I'm pretty sure everyone feels that way once in their life...

gladiator*girl on 6/15/2009 8:10:58 PM

****MOD**** MOD**** MOD****
ok so every time i'm being "sassy" my parents are all like is it your time of the month???? an i'm all like NO!!! can't i be angry without it being "my time" of the month!!!! what can i tell them so i can get them to stop saying that!!!!!!!!!! :O

Hey Girl, honestly tell them just that! But try it in a calm way when your not so angry so they know your serious and not lashing out! *Cara T*

Cara T.

emerald-girl18 on 6/15/2009 4:27:55 PM

luv this mag.<333

torijonas3 on 6/15/2009 4:08:15 PM

mod!!!
i just read the new poll and i AM grounded.. all summer, except my rents are divorced and its only while im staying with my dad. what should i do while im stying with him cuz i can hardly get on the computer and i cant go anywhere. thanks!!

Hey Babes, Check out some of the ideas at the link below. xo Annemarie

http://www.girlslife.com/category/weekend-fun.aspx

Annemarie D.

nickjonasfuturegirl3000 on 6/15/2009 12:08:52 AM

I always have that problem when school starts... it'll be worse this year. I have to get a job

heartts on 6/14/2009 8:51:37 PM

Awww...I know how you feel. I try talking rationally to my parents but nothing changes.....

*CupcakeLexa* on 6/14/2009 5:34:01 PM

I would like to be a candidate for head of wirting and creativity.

LizCassie on 6/14/2009 5:13:56 PM

MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!MOD!!!!!!!HELP ME PLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY Dad kills me with that STUFF!! I transferd over to a new school this year, right after christmas time and this school gives out bumper stickers for student of the month(which I got for only being there for half the year!)and honor student, while my dad would keep bothering me EVERYSINGLE day about not having a bumper sticker for honor student and that REALLY BUGS ME!!! And also the high school I will be going to is like HUDGE when it comes to marching band and anything band and when you get to high school you have to try out and my dad pushes me really hard about because Iam only going to be in 7th grade! But I LUV to play flute I just dont like when he pushes me so hard to get in to high school marching band and I hate when he does that because band is something that is supost to be fun!! What should I do I HATE it when he pushes me so hard tobe what he wants me to be I just want to be my self!!

Hey Girl, sounds like you should really try talking to your dad or both of your parents about the issue and let them know your working hard but you dont need the extra pressure from them and that extra support from them would be more pro active for you! *Cara T*

Cara T.

annaelizabeth on 6/14/2009 12:52:48 PM

MOODDD..........
i know this sounds funny...
but no guys like me..every time i go to the movies or the mall with my best friend..all the guys think shes hot and not me. i really hope im not sounding like im into myself but im just wandering..it makes my self-confindece kinda go down when that happens becuz i feel like im not as prettyy as my other friends

can you help me??

Don't let it get you down! Know that we all find different guys who like us at different times, and just because it's obvious that they like your friend doesn't mean they don't like you! As long as your confident in yourself, and you are patient, the right guys will come lookin' to crush on you and only you

Katie P.

smileygirl! on 6/13/2009 8:41:33 PM

mod..thank you for the advice on the guy i like!!

smileygirl! on 6/13/2009 8:38:32 PM

MOODDDD!!!
ok so there is this guy and weve dated 4 times...he says that he likes me but we doesnt wanna go out.every time we go out he breaks up with me. but i seriously think that he is the perfect guy..im in love with him haha. but i cant get over him.
he is literally all i think about every second of every day.
do you think it is dumb to like him that much??

never dumb! but make sure he's the right one for you--sounds a little sketchy when he seems to unreliable. If you really like each other, everything will work out!

Katie P.

smileygirl! on 6/13/2009 8:18:27 PM

*MOD*
I think I may be suffering from panic attacks. I want help, but I don't want to tell anyone I'm close to because I'm afraid they'll think I'm making it up. What should I do?

dont' be afraid! those are serious and you should be at least letting people know how you're feeling. tell someone you're comfortable with, and ask them if they'll help you help yourself. good luck!

Katie P.

and we're all too small to talk to god on 6/13/2009 7:31:33 PM

hey girlies i am writing this to tell you about this new band i just learned about. they are called never shout never. they are so good! and they are really catchy songs. so anyway check out my profile and leave comments and i give advice on anything! on music, TV, movies, friends, boys, fashion and anything else you might need help with

God bless

summerlover0116 on 6/13/2009 7:17:48 PM

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