I think I am a toxic friend. To start, I am very selfish. When one of my friends needs something. I say I'm busy or can’t lend anything to them. I only call when I’m bored, and sometimes I use them to get to boys or other people.
I have also noticed that I put them down a lot. Some of the things I say are mean or sarcastic. I am constantly comparing myself to my friends. I feel like I need to be better than all of them. When something good happens to one of them, I act elated, but instead of feeling happy for them I feel jealous and like I have to strive to be better than them.
I don’t know why I need to do this to my friends. I feel really awful! Could you PLEASE help me?! How can I stop myself and become a better friend?
-Toxic
Hey girl, first off, kudos to you for admitting that! It's a really hard thing to comes to terms with the fact that you might not always be the best friend all the time but you've showed that you realize this and want to make a change, which is a step in the right direction! Be proud of yourself, really.
Most of what you say you've been doing is normal. All girls get jealous of their friends at some point or other, and it will happen again. It's unavoidable. It's how you react though, that makes the difference.
Take it one step at a time. Try to be a little more giving when your friends ask you to borrow something. Instead of saying "no" right away, say, "Sure, you can borrow this, but I'd like to have it back as soon as you're done." That way your friend will know that you're being generous and also responsible with your belongings.
Next time something good happens to a friend, try to put yourself in her shoes. Ask yourself, "How would I want her to react if this happened to me?" You don't have to dote all over her, but tell her congratulations and let her know you're happy for her and just leave it at that.
Just remember that you've picked them to be your friends for some reason or other and vice versa. Just enjoy being with your pals and don't worry about "who's better.” Just have fun!
-Katie S.
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POSTED ON 7/20/2009 7:00:00 AM
POSTED IN dealing with jealousy, self-esteem