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Tough Stuff

Getting back in-control

 

I suffer from depression and used to hurt myself. I am also dating someone who is abused at home and used to be depressed and cut, too. We helped each other out of it, and are both doing a lot better now, but I am still having trouble. He used to call me late at night when he felt suicidal, and I would help him get through it, but I have never been more terrified in my life. Sometimes I still feel afraid at random times, and I'm not sure what is wrong with me.


Whenever it’s "that time of month" I get especially depressed  and sometimes suicidal almost. And I often still have bad urges to hurt myself, even though I really don't want to. I'd like to say I am in-control of myself, but I am not. And I have no idea how I should handle what I thought I was done going through, and I think there might really be something wrong with me.


-Not in-control

Hey girl,

Sorry to hear you're going through some tough stuff right now. But since you helped your BF when he was having problems, don't be afraid to let him help you.  When you're feeling bad, it's OK to call him up to just vent.  And the best part about it is that he knows exactly what you're going through. Now that he's doing better, he'll be able to help you out, especially since he's been there himself.


Us girls always get moodier and more easily upset when it's that time of month. I know I get sad about the dumbest things, so I can only imagine how scary it must be for you. Because you used to cut yourself, it's normal that you sometimes feel like you want to do it again.  But, I'm glad you realize that you don't really want to hurt yourself because knowing that it doesn't help will get you through all this. I know it's a scary thing to do, but def consider getting a counselor. A pro can help you find out how to get back into control. If you don't want to go alone, ask your BF to go with for added support.


Also, focus on the positives. Instead of looking at all of the bad things that have been bothering you, try to concentrate on the good things. When you get a good grade on that tough test, congratulate yourself. And when you know you're looking good, acknowledge it. Busy yourself with activities you enjoy and spend time with fun peeps who make ya laugh.  Surrounding yourself with positive energy will help bring you out of your dark urges. And count the good stuff that you've already got going for you--like you're awesome BF who is helping you through these tough times, and who I'm sure will continue supporting you.


Things may be tough now, but they can and will get better. Don't worry, be happy. Good luck, girl!


xoxo
-Kristen Y.

GOT YOUR OWN TOUGH STUFF SITCH? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk!

BY CAITLIN R. ON 8/11/2009 7:00:00 AM 76 COMMENTS

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76 READER COMMENTS

helping your bf just comes to show that you have the power to be in control. when your suicidal thought become severe during your menstrual cycle get help! they have child support hotlines you can call. if you truly feel unsafe go to a trusted friend's house!

indian_97 on 2/13/2010 12:22:04 PM

I have a friend who used to do this and they recently stopped.
This is a very hard situation to deal with.
Just know that when you do this, you are slowly taking away your life.
Your family loves you and so do your friends.
Never feel like you are not good enough.
If you can't stop, talk to someone!
Anyone will be willing to help you.
Hope this helps!
ky Smile

ky :) on 10/1/2009 4:56:44 PM

MOD*MOD*MOD* I feel like this a lot, too- I don't know if it's exactly suicidal, but I feel worthless and I'm always depressed. I feel like I want to cut myself and hurt myself and I don't know why I feel so horrible all the time. My best friend doesn't listen anymore and I'm afraid to tell my parents because I don't want them to be mad at me. I don't want have to do therapy and I don't want people to think of me as 'that suicidal girl', I just want these feelings to stop! I want to feel happy again!

 

Hey babe, it's important that you realize that there's something wrong and that is a very good thing. But, you owe it to yourself to get better. You don't always have to feel this way and there is help out there for girls just like you! Def talk to your parents. They will understand and want to help you. They won't be mad rather glad you're being honest with them. Check this page out if you feel like you need to talk to someone ASAP.  http://www.girlslife.com/category/get-help-now!.aspx

katelin s.

purplewalls23 on 9/17/2009 9:00:51 PM

modmodmodmodmod
okay so this is a really long story. i have 3 best friends (elle david and hailey) so hailey and i both have issues with hurting ourselves. david and elle are going out and david is really disapointed in us but he thinks hailey has stopped(she hasnt) and he totally freaked out on me today over texting when he found out i still do. elle says she doesnt really mind as long as we arent trying to kill ourselves. i was only suicidal 2 times in the last 2 months. i want to stop but its an addiction and people just dont understand. i WANT to stop. how can i?




Hey babe,

This is a really serious problem and your friends are right to be concerned. You and your friend need to talk to an adult that you trust and get help before you hurt yourselves really seriously, even if you don't mean to. You have each other for support, but this is a bigger problem than either of you can handle. Take care of yourselves and each other and get help!

xoxo Allie
Allie S.

yola purple princess on 9/11/2009 7:16:34 PM

MODMODMODMODMODMODMOD!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME! one of my bffs just got into a really confusing sitch and shes gotten depressed and even cut herself a couple times. i told her that since she was such a good friend that i didnt want her to do it anymore and she said she wouldnt...then she did. i dont know what to do im the only one that is on her side and ive never been in this sitch before and i have no idea what to do now! please help me!!!!!

 

Hey girlie! You should speak to an adult or a professional. Your girl needs help that you probably can't give her. Still be supportive and understanding, though! She'll need you!

-Taeler

Taeler L.

♥teamjacob♥ on 9/8/2009 1:05:52 AM

modmodmodmod
i have ben cutting my self for 3 yrs because of depression
i cant tell my parents i all ready had and they just threatened me
how can i stop




Obviously your parents don't understand what you're going through. I suggest you go to your school counselor and tell them what's happening. They can help you fix your depression. Feel better girl! Kristen
Kristen Y.

Larenzy on 9/6/2009 6:56:11 PM

*****MOD!!!***** Two of my friends have started getting in bad stuff. Besides what they did and almost did, they're both really fun to hang out with and they've never pressured me to do anything. What should I do?

 

Hey girl,

 

It's sad when your friends start to change for the worse. It's good that they aren't pressuring you to do any of it, but you still need to keep your guard up around them. Try to hang out with other friends you have who aren't as wild and rebellious. These friends of yours can still be your friends, but you can distance yourself from them a bit to protect yourself.

 

Megan P.

Megan P.

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missprezofPGK on 9/2/2009 2:27:14 PM

MOD
heey im really scared bout putting a tampon in....can u lose ur virginity? can u die if u leave it in 2 long?

hippyprincess122 on 8/24/2009 8:23:16 PM

HELP ME PLEEEEASSSSEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I have been recently going through a lot of drama with my BFF...that has to do with my Bf..long story , but long story short her mom got involved , cussed out my Bf and got my mom involved and its this big mess...so in the middle of all this i went to vist my grandma for 2 and 1/2 weeks and during that time I was very depressed so much so i was physically sick. My sleep was around 2-4 hours a night , my eating was random to nothing and i dry heaved and eventually started forcing my self to throw up to get relief . I have been a mess and ive been through a lot in my life before. My mom died when i was young from a drug OD. and now my dad's drinking again ..out of nowhere.Its just soo frustrating . I told my Bf i was throwing up and he convinced me to stop and so did my best guy friend ..and my cousin just died 2 days ago getting hit by a drunk driver..Im fine now but i dont know what to do about my dad ..he makes me mad sometimes cause even though 2 of my cousins have died from drunk drivers recently he still drove down the street drunk today and my mom called the cops ..but still he is such a smart yet dumb at the same time..what can i do for him???? I love him but I think sometimes he gets depressed about my mom and his dad abusing him.




Hey babe, it sounds like you've been through a lot! Since you have so much on your plate to deal with right now, it's important to recognize that you are not responsible for making everyone else ok, too. You have to first work on yourself. Talk to a close relative or neighbor who you really trust to see about making an appointment with a counselor. Your school might also offer counseling, so check with a trusted teacher. Just talking about it will make you feel a whole lot better. Hang in there girl! 
katelin s.

KSN1 on 8/17/2009 11:35:41 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD ok so my dad reads most of my text messages and 2 days ago i found out he reads my emails... its not like i write anything wrong in them. I was emailing my friend cuz i was trying to get advice about love cuz i thought i was in love with my BGF... well the next thing i know, my dad is giving my a lecture on... yeah, you guessed it, LOVE. i feel like my dad doesn't trust me and he never has. i wouldn't be surprised if you read my journal. what can i do to make him trust me? HELP

 

Hey girl!  That is totally upsetting, but it may not be because he doesn't trust you.  He may just be curious.  The best way to sort this out is to talk to him.  Explain that you don't do anything he wouldn't approve of, and it does feel like an invasion of privacy.  If it turns out that he doesn't trust you, show him you're responsible by taking care of yourself, helping out around the house, doing homework on time, etc.  He should understand.  best, Kristen

Kristen Y.

<3jesusfreak<3 on 8/17/2009 6:17:36 PM

OK I NEED SOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM HERE! LOL THAT SOUNDS STUFFY! XP
I'M THINKING MY FIRST DAY OUTFIT IS GONNA BE A DARK GREY V-NECK SHIRT WITH A BLUE CAMI UNDER. AND LIGHTER GREY SHORTS (I HAVE PE FIRST DAY Frown) WITH THESE REALLY CUTE MAGENTA FLATS. THEN I HAVE A NECKLACE THAT MATCHES THE COLOR OF THE FLATS WITH A LITTLE SILVER STAR! WHAT DO YOU THINK? AND I'M GONNA PAINT MY NAILS PALE PINK AND MAYBE ADD A FRENCH TIP! TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER OR ANYTHING!!!!!

pearlnagem on 8/16/2009 11:16:44 AM

omfg i feel da same way sometimes but mi mom hides dangerous things from me and mi family is very spiritual so i feel alot better wen i go to mi nana and my bf doesnt no i feel like this becuz he lives in atl and im in maryland.... so i tlk to friends and family so im getting better hope u get better like i do
-call me jae Tong aka a newby...

jaebabi1997 on 8/15/2009 3:14:48 PM

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What up girls! Plz come and take the polls posted on my profile at the bottom of “My Healthy You Profile” section. They will be updated often and it won’t hurt to just answer them! Don’t worry it’s not a club. It’s just something fun to do and you can see what other girls say too!
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musicrox on 8/15/2009 12:53:38 AM

Hey everyone! Do you have a problem or question that u want advice on? If you do, I can help you. I can help you with any kind of problem or question. I give great advice and I am known in my school for doing so. Many of my peers come to me with their problems and questions because they know that I care and that I know what I'm talking about. My advice is proven to work. Come to my profile and comment your problem or question and I'll get back to you on your profile ASAP! I hope I can help you in the near future! xoxo--Anna

Anna Beesley on 8/14/2009 5:18:51 PM

omigosh.....so sorry, but never comite suicide! my friends brother was high and comitited suicide....dont put yourself or your family through that!!! love your life!!!

igotdgiggles3567 on 8/13/2009 11:45:30 PM

Ya i can relate. i struggle with self injury as well. im sorry bout wat u r going through. i am healing and i hope you do too. "the wounds on the inside can heal but the ones on the outside stay as a reminder."

glgirl94 on 8/13/2009 1:21:49 AM


Sorry u have 2 go through that!

samigurl on 8/12/2009 8:41:01 PM

Totally understand ya

4lz_Valentine on 8/12/2009 6:43:44 PM

i feel so srry 4 u but just thing that you are a beautiful young individual and nobody can get you down. and about the " time of month " most girls get depressed. trust me, your not the only one. and you should really talk to your parents about this depression thing but if you don't want to you can get counsling at school or even talk to ur BF

codian on 8/12/2009 6:33:32 PM

Im sorry you have to go through that...Thats good that you have your boyfriend though!!!Its awesome that you guys support eachother like that!Hope things get better for you.

CheckOutMyProfile && leave a comment <3

Maddyrox92 on 8/12/2009 4:06:06 PM

red_orange_yellow_green_blue:
is it your 1st hole or your 2nd?

the 1st hole when getting your ear pierced dont even hurt. after an hour or so it might feel pressurey or a lil stingy, but thats worse case senario. the second hole might sting more, but my 9 year old sis got em done a few weeks ago for her 9th bday and shes FINE!
comment on my profile! hope i helped! Smile Smile Smile

periodworrier17 on 8/12/2009 3:18:21 PM

MOD- my bf just got home from staying with his mom for 2 months. he doesnt have a cell phone, so i have to call his house, i called yesterday but he wasnt there. do you think it would be rude to call again today because theres this festival tomrrow and i want him to go with me. thanks a ton!

lara-jane! on 8/12/2009 12:47:31 PM

That's really sad, but at least you have a BF who knows what it's like. Please don't hurt your self in any way.

readerhi1234 on 8/12/2009 4:07:25 AM

i hope u n yur bf pull thru

missginnyweasley001 on 8/12/2009 3:50:36 AM

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD!
I HATE my doctor! let me explain why... he told my mom its time to have "the talk" !!!!!!! im not even 13! (i will be in 60 days) my friend agrees that my doctor is totally wrong! i'm not even planning on having sex in high school, so y would i in middle school?! HELP!
- mad at my doc




Hey babe, I don't think your doc means any harm. He prob just recommends that parents talk to their kids before they hear "stuff" (and sometimes wrong "stuff!") from their friends at school. Your mom will be able to make the decision if, and when, to talk to you so I wouldn't worry too much about it. 
katelin s.

dancer10196 on 8/11/2009 9:43:05 PM

I'm so so so sorry sweetie!!
Mod, I'm getting my ears pierced and I'm so excited. But I'm afraid It'll hurt. Also, I have cramps, discharge, and headaches. Will I get my period? I also feel bloated and sore, if you know what I mean.
Love and Peace




Hey babe, your ears will prob sting for a few seconds but it goes away quickly. It's worth the tiny bit of discomfort! You might be showing signs of getting your period, but it could also  just be changing hormones. There's no way to tell really, you just have to wait it out and see what happens. 
katelin s.

red_orange_yellow_green_blue on 8/11/2009 9:23:30 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
Hey, i know this is really off topic but i have a really really really hard time getting a tampon in and its taken me a long time of trying and trying over and over again but i cant get it! ive taken out the little cotton thing that goes in and pushed it up there and that works. would it be safe to take that out and push it up? or do i have to put the applicator and all in?? THANKS!!!
XOXO cross_country_luver




Hey babe, when putting a tampon in, you only put the cotton part in - the plastic thing is just the applicator to help you insert it, but it does not stay in. If you find it easier to not use an applicator, then try to get applicator-free tampons at the store. They sell them. Try that and see if it works. 
katelin s.

cross_country_luver on 8/11/2009 9:08:11 PM

tammyakamiko: Well said... "don't be quick to call people who are sad 'emo' or 'goth'. TRY TALKING TO THEM FOR A CHANGE!"

24/7_daydreamer on 8/11/2009 9:01:39 PM

That's sad...and I know how you feel. I used to cut also. Now I think "These people (or the situation) is making me upset. But who cares about that, I am me, and I will live for me." It seems to help...haven't cut in over 5 months.

24/7_daydreamer on 8/11/2009 8:59:34 PM

i almost have the exact same prob! whenever i argue with my mum or something minor happens to me, i feel totally horrible for the rest of the day. i end up thinking that the world sucks, my life is meaningless & that no one can save me. sometimes, when i'm really depressed, i'd starve myself for the entire day & end up binging in the night. but it makes me feel worse to know that my mum & grandmum's getting very concerned about me & lately i've hardly been talking to my friends. usually when i'm depressed, i get excruciating headaches & i end up listening 2 angry music that hurt my ears & make my headaches worse. depression is a serious struggle & people should really understand that reaching out is CRITICAL to someone who needs it. don't be quick to call people who are sad "emo" or "goth". TRY TALKING TO THEM FOR A CHANGE!

tammyakamiko on 8/11/2009 8:56:17 PM

I am so sorry. But I think it's awesome how you and your BF helped eachother!

gladiator*girl on 8/11/2009 8:53:55 PM

Hey GL Girlies! Are you tired of your workout playlist? Bored with the songs? Here's my workout playlist so you can get some ideas! Enjoy and I hope it helps!

RaiderGurl's Playlist:

1)Boom Boom Pow (Black Eyed Peas)
2)Born For This (Paramore)
3)Decode (Paramore)
4)Don't Stop the Music (Rihanna)
5)Fire Buring (Sean Kingston)
6)Hot N Cold (Katy Perry)
7)Jump (Flo Rida)
8)Just Dance (Lady Gaga)
9)Misery Business (Paramore)
10)Poker Face (Lady Gaga)
11)Right Round (Flor Rida)
12)So What (Pink)
13)For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic (Paramore)

RaiderGurl on 8/11/2009 7:33:49 PM

hey i know what your going through...i've done the same thing...but what i found that helped the most is finding the lord...he has helped me in some of the worst situations....one time i had to be rushed to the hospital cuz i cut a major vein...but after that i've seen how important life is...and never too look on the bad side...i know how hard it is...but i mean we all have ppl that love us in our life and sometime you have too reach and take their hand...

punkprincesshm on 8/11/2009 7:31:45 PM

suicide is a very very very (infinite very's) bad idea. cause even if today you feel like it can't get any worse and you think there's no point living, tomorrow could get a lot better. if you kill yourself now you are totally eliminating the chance of it EVER getting better. so it won't help anything.

kgirlpanda on 8/11/2009 7:17:49 PM

aww that sucks alot Frown
it will get better tho♥


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demilovato4real on 8/11/2009 6:57:30 PM

oooh...i fell so sorry 4 u!!! but don't even think about suicide!!! i think u should go to a counsler or a physciatrist.
COMMENT ON MY PROFILE!!!!

PicturePerfect on 8/11/2009 6:52:44 PM

hey girls. need friend, family, or boyfriend advice? come to my profile. leave ur question on my comments and i will get back to u on ur profile AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. i can help with so many things ranging from problems with relationships, self-image, and healthy diet and exercise, to pshicological problems and problems with ur social life, school, tough stuff, and even style and how to talk to ur crush! I can help u with anything and everything because my advice is proven to work. i am known in my school for giving great advice, and many peers come to me with their questions. I can help u! --Anna

Anna Beesley on 8/11/2009 6:10:49 PM

MOD

im not ready for this lololol!

tayloris2cute4u on 8/11/2009 5:48:18 PM

MOD MOD
okay thats is exactly wut i ask my to do...i ask her to go to another resturaunt... and geuss wut she says....no
and also frind#1 is lyk my bff and she dont ever answer my fone calls and txt messages or anything!!!! but i dont really lyk friend #2 and she does answer my fone calls and everything!!!!!
friend #1 and friend #2 are alwys w/ eachother!!!! the live right next door to eachother which is not even fair!!! the ydo lyk everything together! and i cant find any other friedns b-cuz...well i feel lyk they r te only ones i can trust!!!
~help!




Hey babe,

If your parents won't listen to you, you'll just have to be strong and decide how much you're going to let yourself eat. don't go crazy trying to deny yourself something, you can always just be extra careful to eat healthy for the next few meals to make up for it. I'm not sure what your other question is referring to, but it sounds like you need to talk to your friends and let them know how you're feeling.

xoxo Allie
Allie S.

tiarrald on 8/11/2009 5:45:16 PM

hey girl, just hang in there! things WILL get better!! Just remember that this new school year is a chance to start over. Do things you know will make you happy like hanging out with your friends or watching a funny movie. Your BF is there for you so talk to him about things that make you sad. All of us on girls life are here for u 2 so talk to us, too. If things get worse, DEF see a counselor cuz it's their job to help you. My friend saw a counselor a few years ago and she's doing great now. Good luck, QUEEN ASHLEY

queenashley37 on 8/11/2009 5:44:16 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
okay thx..... if my family go to a fast foodd resturant,, i really cant stay away from the burgers and fries and stuff!!!!! i really cant wut do i do?




Hey babe,

Try to get your family to go to a different fast food restaurant like subway or something where you won't be tempted or just go for a smaller portion. The best way to deal with temptation is to give into it a little bit every now and then. 

xoxo Allie
Allie S.

tiarrald on 8/11/2009 5:33:06 PM

MOD MOD MOD
is there someone always avalible modding?
and i asked a really long question a long time ago and no one has answered it yet!
i asked it twice and i dont fell lyk re-typin it!




Hey babe,

We have someone modding from 10am to 1am. There are a few questions left over from the last shift, but if I haven't answered your Q in the next half hour or so you can try asking again.

xoxo Allie
Allie S.

tiarrald on 8/11/2009 5:21:07 PM

Hearing that made me realize;
That feelings and good moods
are like a caterpiller,
Trying to come out
Of the chrysalis
But thinks she can't.
She knows that
She does have other caterpillers
Now butterflis, waiting,
Watching for that moment
When the she comes out
As a butterfly.
Her wings are beatiful,
Like the face of the angel
Whos dark feelings
Came out and shared them with
Others that love her.
The angel's good and happy,
And cheerfull mood came out
To shine like the rest;
And so did the caterpiller,
Now a wonderful butterfly.


I wrote this poem special for "Not In-Control" and all the others that sufer from depression. I hope you liked it and that it also made you realize that you are beautiful, and yours, and absolutley NO body can take that away from you.

love always,
Jacqueline F
A.K.A jsara97



'Comes Out As a Butterfly' by Jacqueline F******
"The Book of Poems: In a Wonderful World" by Jacqueline F******

Please, don't coppie other peoples work, including mine. Thank You!!

If you would like me to write you a poem, please fill out this form and copy + paste (comment) on my profile. Poems may take 1-3 days, including time to post. NO PRICE! POEMS ARE FREE!!


What would you like your poem to be about?

Is poem for you or any one special?

Would you like yours or someone else's FIRST NAME ONLY to be in the poem? Please type the names.

Where would you like me to post the poem when you are done? (a URL, your profile or a friends profile on GL)

Also, if you choose to give the poem to a friend, please type the user name and first name (ONLY FIRST NAME and ONLY if you no the first name).

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Any other information you would like in the poem please type so I can make the poem as special for you or somebody else as possible.


Thank you so much!!!!!!!
Don't forget to check out my profile and comment!!!!!!

jsara97/Jacqui/Jacqueline










jsara97 on 8/11/2009 4:10:34 PM

The best thing to do is talk to someone you trust and maybe counseling. I know it may be cheesy to you to go to a counseler, but when I was having some really bad problems in my life I went and saw one and it isn't that bad. You don't have to tell your friends that you do that, but if they are your true friends they won't care if you see a counseler.


Check out my profile; I give the best advice!

Abriella123 on 8/11/2009 4:10:28 PM

Don't be depressed. I would be the last person to be depressed. I am always happy and fun. Plus, I don't see why ppl hurt themselves and hate themselves. I am seriously. Ouchie! Frown

RMLuvvr on 8/11/2009 3:51:55 PM

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Club Survivle! on 8/11/2009 3:40:51 PM

it may be that is problems are effecting you and makes you more depressed


hey girls please check out my profile

SmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmile

wednesday1408 on 8/11/2009 3:09:35 PM

Omg

LipglosskisserI on 8/11/2009 2:44:04 PM

Hey girl!

even though times are rough, you should always look for a silver lining..... meaning you shouldnt be suicidal..... its not the right answer.

Hanna_1221 on 8/11/2009 2:05:37 PM



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Sassy sun dress? Fabulous floral print? Send us a snap of yourself wearing your spring dance best and you could be featured as part of a Love My Look spring dance special! Send 'em in to lovemylook@girlslife.com


Hurry, we're only accepting 11 girls!
 

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