Lauren R.

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Girl Talk

My BF has a Bully

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So there's this older kid on my BF's bus and he won’t leave my BF alone! Apparently he calls him names and hits him, but my BF only tells me and his parents.

He's getting really sick of it and his parents told him to beat the kid up (which I do NOT agree with). He asked me if I would be mad if he did this and I said no. But maybe I should have said yes? Because I'm worried that he will get hurt, or in really big trouble!

What should I do? I don't think this is the right way for him to handle the situation. I tried giving hints to him to show him how I feel, but you know how boys are!

-Lauren

Violence is definitely not the answer and I’m really glad you recognize this. Bullying is also totally not cool and your BF needs to stand up for himself. But that doesn’t mean he has to throw any punches. In fact, he’d probably more effective if he talked to the bullies and told them to stop calling him names than if he were to hit them.

However, if the peaceful approach doesn’t work, then your BF needs to tell someone in authority, such as a teacher, a coach or school counselor. It may be a little hard for him to do this, so it’s extra important that you be there for him and that you’re 100 percent supportive. He needs you now more than ever. Let him know that you care about him and that you really don’t want him to get hurt.

Hopefully he’ll respect you and respect himself enough to stand up to these guys. Most people who are bullies have self-esteem issues and are insecure, so they pick on other kids to make themselves feel better. If your BF lets them know he’s had enough, then the bullies will more than likely lose interest and leave him alone.

Lots of love,

L’Oreal

BY JIAE K. ON 8/16/2009 7:00:00 AM 34 COMMENTS

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34 READER COMMENTS

my boyfriend and i are constantly being scrutinized and bullied by boys AND girls. its really starting to bother us. sometimes i just feel like crying.
i can deal with people bullying me, but i love my boyfriend and can't stand seeing people bully him. it just breaks my heart.
i want to just yell at all of the people who are mean to us. i want to tell them that we love each other and just because they've never experienced love doesn't mean they have to traumatize those who are in love.

strawberrysmiles on 1/15/2010 11:05:19 PM

that's sad, I was in a situation similar to that. I'm sorry your boyfriend is being bullied.

sixteengirl93 on 12/14/2009 4:53:11 PM

MOD MOD MOD
K so this is gonna be really long but, there's this girl who i used to be BFFs with, and she was always a leeeeetle on the heavy side. not overweight and not fat, but a bit chubby. she always looked really healthy and happy. then in 6th grade she became friends with this girl and stopped talking to me, then after a few months she begged for my friendship & told me how mean this other girl was (which i later discovered was a bunch of lies) ANYWAY so we became friends again. over the summer she seemed less chubby than she used to be. as the summer went on she got thinner and thinner. it started to scare me. also she had anxiety problems. then when school started again she got mad at my best friend and at lunch she sat with that girl who she said was so horribly mean. she spent the entire summer lying to me (yes, we talked about the mean girl a lot) and my best friend and i got mad. so we stopped hanging out with her but we weren't exactly MEAN to her. but eventually she kept insulting us and copying what we do and it got REALLY frustrating. my two best friends started snapping at her whenever she talks to us. several times, they have apologized. and i have explained to her that i'm not trying to be mean, I'm just hurt by what she has done (twice now she backstabbed me) and i think it would be best if we weren't friends. however she continues to be all sad and have her buddy info on aim as some
analogy that explains how horrible we are. (plus she's just stealing my idea, i had an analogy first.) she's just insulting me and my friends and is trying to get our attention. and you know how i said she was getting thinner? well I am 12 years old, so is she. I'm 5"3, she's 5"2 1/2. I weigh 95 pounds, she weighs 82!!!!!!!!!! That's horrible! she's anorexic! she acts really weirdly and never ever ever admits what she does wrong. also whenever she talks to people she doesn't ever make eye contact, ever. I realize now that she has some problems. but, i simply cannot handle her friendship. and if I even talk to her, she follows me around and calls me her best friend. i feel as though i am being too hard on her, being that she has these problems she isn't really aware of. am i doing the right thing by not being her friend?

Hey girl! If you feel you are doing the right thing, then you are. It sounds like it might be healthier for you to stay away.

xoxo

liz

Liz L.

helloimkelly on 12/10/2009 5:41:54 PM

MOD MOD MOD I just heard today that my BF gets picked on. I never knew it, but it turns out some guys always make fun of him. The weird thing is, most of those guys are reall nice to me. So I was surprised when I found out. What can I do to help my Bf with these guys?

Hey girl! Just tell him to shrug it off. They're just being boys and there's no need to worry about it. If he asks for help, you can try talking to the guys but other than that, don't worry too much about it!

-Taeler

Taeler L.

justalilcrazy on 10/25/2009 10:22:33 PM

1. Say your name 10 times.
2. Say your mom's name 5 times.
3. Say your crush's name 3 times.
4. Paste this to 4 other quizzes. If you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday, but if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck! SEND THIS TO 5 QUIZZES IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOU'RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH'S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN.

angelz191 on 10/16/2009 4:02:21 PM

MOD! My straitener does not work. My friend used to have curly hair and now it's so strait! Why does it not work on my hair?

Hey babe,

It might not be a very good straightener. The best ones are usually ceramic. They're a little more expensive, but if you use it a lot it's worth it.

xoxo Allie

Allie S.

ecogirl4457 on 8/28/2009 7:57:28 PM

Thats really weird how he's parents told him to be him up. Every parent I know would totally dis approve of it. I sorta agree to beat him up but then again it's wrong. Hope it works out girl!

babiiechica7 on 8/27/2009 10:09:31 PM

Mod! Your BF's parents are really stupid! (no offense 2 you of course) But if he tells a teacher/authority figure at school and that doesn't help (which i highly doubt) then he should do what his parents told him. But ONLY AS A LAST RESORT!!!

BeachyKeen on 8/25/2009 5:18:52 PM

HELP MEEE.
im going to seventh grade on sep,9th.
i need to buy new bras but i cant find a store that will let me try them on any sugestions?

earthyartist on 8/25/2009 5:03:08 PM

Mod i really need help! Some of my boyfriend's friends just got caught for smoking pot. One of their mom's called the cops. all his friends said he was doing it too, but he wasnt! now the police are gonna go see them tomorrow....what should i tell him to do??

Hey girl, this is something you have control of. If he's innocent then the truth will come out. However, it's best that you don't interfere with this matter because it might affect you. Just let him know that you believe him and that you will be there to support him. <3 Jeannie

Jeannie L.

blondie456 on 8/23/2009 7:44:35 PM

wow that is really sad i would tell him that he shouldnt beat the bully up but tey and talk to the guy and work things out! i mean for all he knows the guy could be jealous!

summerchica101 on 8/23/2009 6:27:03 PM

ur right about that. its not smart if ur bf fights that older kid he can get really hurt.

twilmarina on 8/23/2009 4:44:43 PM

Hi girls,
Do you girls need any adcice about friendship, family, boys, life, etc.??? well, you can now leave me a comment and i guarantee i can seriously help you!!!! xxCOMMENTxx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love you girls!

dontlolmeplz on 8/23/2009 1:02:22 AM

well, that happened to someone i know. even the teacher was saying all he had to do was hit him. after that, the kid left him alone

ash_hollow on 8/22/2009 11:46:14 PM

wow. i feel really bad for ur BF. thats awful that some boy is picking on him. i agree w/ u about how he shouldnt beat the other kid up. he could get hurt, in trouble, and just create more unnecessary violence. i get y ur so confused about what to do.

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Club*Girl on 8/22/2009 4:02:53 AM

I question why his parents told him to beat the other kid up. They should talk with the bus driver or principal. Not just use violence!

lasagna on 8/21/2009 1:25:39 PM

Yeah he shouldn't beat him up.COMMENT ON MY PRO!

Join club PEACE GIRL today!

actress96 on 8/20/2009 3:51:40 PM

ok, strange parents.
and also i think the boys just trying to be all "macho". But then again...what do i know?

lovetokill21 on 8/20/2009 11:50:48 AM

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happyhamsters! on 8/19/2009 6:46:02 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD right i think i have a problem i have witnessed some pretty bad things happen to people of teenagers for nothing ... since they have happened im terrifyed to go out i still do but if i see anyone come up to me i panic .. my heart races i feel like i want to cry or scream and run and i feel like if i tell someone they will think im just being dramatic ... ive never had a problem with people before just after thes events and im starting high school in sept and i know i have people to go to if anyone picks (which has never happened ever) on me but i want to be able to cope myself what would you suggest.. HELP MOD MOD MOD MOD

Hi girlie,

I'm not sure what you saw happen to those people, but I do know that it must have been extremely difficult for you to see. What you described to me sounds like you are having panic attacks. Panic attacks are probably alot more common than you think, but you need to see a counselor. It sounds like you have post-traumatic stress syndrome. That's just a fancy way of saying that you saw some bad, scary things happen and now you are having stress and anxiety because of it. Please see a counselor about this or at least tell your parents. You're going to be okay! Thanks for posting!

Megan P.

Megan P.

lollypop09 on 8/19/2009 2:43:29 PM

ya i dont think that violence is the answer and why would his parents tell him to hit him?!! i also totally agree with eckogirl567 and im sorry about what happened to eckogirl and ur BF.

cutieme03 on 8/19/2009 11:33:38 AM

***MOD HELP PLEASE***
OK, so this is out of the blue, but what the heck! I wanted to know, when will my profile be viewable?
Thanks!

Hey babe,

As long as you clicked "make my profile viewable" it'll be up as soon as your profile is finished going through moderation, which will probably be in a day or so.

xoxo Allie

Allie S.

Faith265 on 8/18/2009 8:35:14 PM

Periodworrier17,
I'm so srry ur Mom knocked u down a few knotches (more like all the way down to the floor and maybe farther) Anything I can do for ya girlie? Let me know!

Girls always stick together!!! We are sisters! All of us!

Love ya-
Jordan (a.k.a Faith265)

Faith265 on 8/18/2009 8:04:51 PM

mod mod mod mod mod mod mod mod mod HELP SERIOUSLY HELP! lets cut to the chase: yesterday I had a crying breakdown. i calleed my bff. after we decided to make a GDO- either at the mall or a sleepover (so i can get outta my house!! yes!!) or both! this has almost never happened at in a few hours she's gunna call me telling me what her mom said. I'm still dealing with some confidence issues (body), my mommy's multiple sclerosis, money issues (not too bad but ya know) and depression. I can't say im in depression cuz as soon as i talked to my bff I felt better. so i wake up this morning feeling all happy and excited from yesterday to find this reply from my mom from an email i previously sent her (i think you can figure out some stuff i said/asked before by her reply): Your life is not as horrible as you make it out to be. Where do you want to shop then? The clothes in Wet Seal and Forever 21 are guess what- JUNIOR SIZES. Do u feel ur life is sooo miserable because u don't go to the mall??? Open ur mouth and ask me to take u to the store.This is ur life sorry it doesn't meet up to ur standards. Do u have a shopping schedule that u would like? Not every kid ur age fits med. There are kids of all sizes out there, ur not looking very good. Do u think everybody is going to always be the same size? So u feel ur life would be so much better if u go to the mall and shop? Or is there something else that's bringing u down? I'm sorry if it's me, I can't help my disability. Perhaps if u were a little more open about what ur thinking and feeling, it won't boil up. Instead of always trying to solve ur problems yourself, let me know what u want. That is why I'm hesitant about Facebook or anything, because if someone or something comes up, u won't tell me and u could end up in trouble because ur too confident that u can handle anything. I have to look and see what/who the insurance covers. Is there something urgent going on? (a therapist). NOW I FEEL AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT I CAN'T CALL MY BFF cuz she's still sleeping! and that would get me into a bad habit of calling her everytime. PLEASE HELP AND IM SOOO SOO SOOO SORRRY THIS IS WAY TOO LONG!!!

Hey girl,

That's a tough sitchy! I think you totally need to have a long talk with Mom about how you feel. It seems like she's totally open to talk. Maybe you should take this day to do that and see what happens. See if you can reschedule the GDO with your bff and get some things cleared up with Mom. I'm sure everything will work out!

Mel

melany t.

periodworrier17 on 8/18/2009 12:13:18 PM

I have exactly the same problem, a guy friend tried to help me and now he bothers him too! My family told me to beat him too, cuz I had tried everything, so one day I beat him but that only made him laugh more. I told a teacher about it and she said that I shoud bother him as much as he does, I tried and Guess what? It didn´t work neither . And of course I´ve talked to him but it seemed like he didn´t understand cuz he continued bothering. Any ideas of what sholud I do?

ReginaAA17 on 8/17/2009 11:39:07 PM

well, i dont agree with that... at all.. you knw what i would do? invite ur bf over and , well... i would do this if my crush was in this sitch( xd <33333)) watch a movie together , tell him how you feel. say, listen, i really love you. i dont want you to get hurt. im nto syaing ur not tough... but please, dont do this for me... i love you

happyhamsters! on 8/17/2009 10:00:05 PM

Yikes! He should definatly not fight back! But he should handle this face to face with this guy. Like, tell him what HE'S thinking.

halfbritone on 8/17/2009 3:51:14 PM

if i where his parents i would of defintetly not told him him to beat up the bully, Even though its old fashion, i would of tolf your bf to tell the principal or something? Good luck

naley23oth on 8/17/2009 9:24:19 AM

I hope everything works out between you and your bf and the bully.

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glamgirlteen on 8/16/2009 6:07:41 PM

Wow, violence is never the answer to ANYTHING!

dancerhn on 8/16/2009 6:04:35 PM

He should not go out and beat the kid up, but he has every right to defend himself if he is in danger of being hurt. Maybe he could look up some very good comebacks to respond to the name-calling. If all else fails, get the principal, or tell the bully's parents about their kid.

Somebody on 8/16/2009 4:22:19 PM

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musicrox on 8/16/2009 11:45:10 AM

I can't beleive ur BF's parents told him to beat the bully up! and yeah he does need to stick up for himself but not in a violet way. Also if he does tell an adult go with him for support!

Check out my profile girls, and please leave a comment, thanks!

SportyGal on 8/16/2009 9:20:44 AM

WHY WOULD HIS PARENTS TELL HIM TO HIT THEM BACK????? 1. The kid who picks on him is older 2. That would make the situation worse and he'll be more hurt. 3. He should tell the principal of his school. That happened to me once with 3 older girls from another school who bullied the 6th graders at my school. Once I saw a girl snatch money right out of this kid's hand. And she flew herself into me twice but the second time I pushed her back really hard in self-defense and I turned around, crossed the street and told the principal of my school and she helped fix the situation but it took about 2 months. It's a really scary situation, so make sure your BF feels comfortable around you and his friends. It'll help him, trust me.

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eckogirl567 on 8/16/2009 8:57:42 AM

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