My mom and dad are separated and my mom works a lot. She buys all this stuff trying to make us happy. But we are having money problems. I have to tell her we need groceries, do the chores, laundry, and cook. I take care of my family and I don’t mind cooking, and stuff. But I want a life, too.
I have a younger and older sister and it just doesn't seem fair. I love my mom to death but she needs to grow up. How do I tell her to grow up?
Wow girl, it sounds like you must be going through a lot of emotional trauma with the separation of your 'rents. This is your time to be worrying about school, friends, makeup and boys. You shouldn't have to stress about playing mom on top of everything else.
The separation has had its negative effects on you and your sisters, and it’s clearly getting to your mama, too. She is probs at a point in her life right now where she feels incredibly alone, and she's not sure how to act. This is clearly a new fam dynamic, and she has to remember that she’s the adult, not the child! It’s best to confront your mom in this sitch.
Tell her how you feel—if you miss your dad, if you’re angry, etc! Let it out. Chances are, she'll spill some of her feelings, too. Let your mama know that you love her SO much and want things to work out. Tell her that you love lending a helping hand, but it’s really putting a lot of pressure on you to have to do it all the time.
Try to work out a family helping schedule between you, your mom and your sibs. Say, you cook Mondays and Wednesdays, your sister Tuesday and Thursdays and your other sister on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Same goes for cleaning, laundry and other chores. Spread out the work so that it’s fair and everyone does their share.
And girl, you gotta de-stress. When home-life is crazy I like to take time focusing on things that I personally enjoy, instead of dwelling on the pain. See if you can join a club at school! It will give you a chance to hang with your friends, do something you love to do and spend time outside of the house. Find whatever it is that you love doing and use it as an outlet.
Lastly, whenever I’m dealing with a stressful sitch, I vent to my BFF. Talk to your bestie about how bad you're feelin' just to get some of it off your chest. You can also talk things over with an older cousin, sib or a trusted family member like an aunt or grandparent. They probably have useful insight into this sitch and may even be able to talk to your mom or help out a li’l extra around the house so you can have more of a social life. Still totally stressed? Try talking to the school’s guidance counselor for even more help.
Just remember it’s not your fault, and it’s not your responsibility to be the parent. You did nothing wrong. Hang in there, girlie!
-Jackie E.
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BY CAITLIN R. ON 9/5/2009 7:00:00 AM 36 COMMENTS