I get asked out by the wrong guys. Whenever I'm friends with a guy or get to know him at all, he begins to like me. The only thing is that I'm only buds with boys who I want to be friends with, not boyfriend/girlfriend. I've decided to try and become friends with guys who could be potential boyfriends, but I always choke up when talking to them. If they talk to me first, it's OK because I can talk back to them, but when it comes to striking up a conversation, it's a disaster!
To the guys who I WANT to be my BF, I'm just the shy, smart girl in the corner who only talks when called on by the teacher. There's a guy who sits in front of me in French who I'm kind of making a breakthrough with, but I still can't just talk to him; he's always talking to me first. It's so bad, I can't even say "hi" or ask what the homework was to a cute guy unless he's a friend or generally unattractive.
Hey girl, when it comes to guys, I know exactly what you mean. I used to be way shy too and just didn’t have the guts to talk to that cutie I was into. The good news though? Shyness can easily be fixed! It’s just a matter of stepping out of your comfort zone little-by-little. Your sitch has two parts to it, though, so let’s break it down.
The BGF to BF Problem: You meet this guy, and you click. Sure, you wouldn’t date him, but you want to be pals. The prob? He wants to be more. When it comes to guys like that, it’s a matter of gently letting the boy down. When he brings up dating, steer him away from the idea of dating you. For example, last spring, a friend of mine and I were walking in the park. I had always seen him as a little brother, so when he started talking about prom, I encouraged him to ask someone, differentiating that “someone” from me. He caught the drift I wasn’t into him without the awkwardness of a rejection.
If one of your BGFs tries flirting with you, it’s all about defusing things before they get too hot. Don’t return his advances if he tries to make a move. Remain friendly and make it clear that you see your relationship in the friends-only zone. Encourage him to get to know other girls. Should he ask you out, politely decline. Tell him you’re flattered but you really only see him as a bud. It may hurt, but it will establish where your relationship will be. Always be there for him, but make the line clear: you’re just friends.
The BF Friend Problem: Shyness can get everyone sometimes, especially when it comes to talking to that cute guy in your class. The thing to remember though? That you DO have what it takes -- you ARE good enough and this guy isn’t going to reject you or ignore you (and if he does, he’s not worth it anyway!). You have all these guy friends because you’re a great and fun person to be around. With those guys you see as BF material, it’s all a matter of taking a deep breath (in-and-out!) and treating them the same way you would your BGFs. Remember deep down they’re just like your other guy friends—just a little more attractive on the outside to you.
With new cuties, sometimes comments as small as “I like your shirt” can act as the launch pad for a great convo, friendship, and even romance without being awkward. You’ve just gotta push yourself to take that extra step. And that French garçon? Look at what’s already going on. He’s making an initiative to talk to you, and it’s a way good sign he wants to get to know you. Start with small talk—maybe ask him how he is (three words!) or how the HW went—and let the conversation take off from there. I know it’s hard, girlie, but if you start small, big things will happen in the long run! Be confident, stay fierce, and just be the same ol' lovely Y-O-U. You’ll be great!
Infinite xoxo’s,
Alyssa B.
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BY CAITLIN R. ON 9/25/2009 7:00:00 AM 92 COMMENTS