Kelli S.

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Girl Talk

I want to be ME!

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My mom is always comparing me to my friends. Like, when we're out shopping and she sees something that she thinks is nice for me but I don't like it she says, "I bet your friend so-and-so would wear this." I want her to know that I'm not my friend. I'm ME. And that's all I want to be. How do I tell her without making her mad?

-Sarah

My mom used to do the same thing. I came to realize that she wasn’t comparing me to my friends; she was just using them as leverage to keep me under her wing. Your mom doesn’t want you to grow up. She wants to pick out your clothes and make your lunch and brush your hair. You will always be little to her.

When she picks out something in the mall and you don’t like it, you are showing her that you have become independent, more yourself than her and that’s scary to her. I highly doubt she says those things because she wants you to be like your friends, she just thinks you want to fit in with them and uses that as a way to convince you to take her advice.

If it hurts your feelings just remind her that you love her but you have your own style and you are at the point where you like what you like and would prefer to pick out your own things. I think a parents’ really try to make sure their child feels as though they belong somewhere, and often that means giving them everything their friends have so that they don’t feel inadequate. Reassure her that you are capable of being your own person.

xo,
Jana

BY JIAE K. ON 10/17/2009 7:00:00 AM 35 COMMENTS

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And also, a few of my guy friends like me, but I don't like them like that. I feel like I keep hurting them, and the feeling is killing me. How do I get rid of this pain?

Hey babe! It's okay and normal if you don't like them! You can still be their friend! You can have them as guy-friends! That way no one gets hurt!

Megan R.

lexibear41 on 2/16/2010 8:17:10 PM

MOD MOD MOD
I'm extremely confused with myself. For the past five or so years, I've hated everything about myself. But lately, I'm seeing myself for the awesome girl I really am. I can tell it's not PMS or moodswings or anything like that. Can you help me understand what's up? And also, I want a boyfriend, but I don't likelike any guys at school. I mean, I keep seeing shows and movies that have the kissing people, you know the ones. And it makes me want a boyfriend so bad! I mean, I want to have someone that I can kiss a lot like those movie people! And I know a boyfriend will do that (well a bf or a bud-with-benifits) and I want someone who can do that! BUT I DONT LIKE ANYONE AT SCHOOL!!! Can you help me understand??

Hey babe! Yes i can definitely relate to that. It's all apart of going through middle and high school. Trying to find out who you are, who you want to be, and where you're going in life. You are an awesome girl, I think it's great that you're starting to see it for yourself too! And don't worry, you will have a mutual connection with a guy eventually! It's great that you realize what you want and one day you will find a connection and have a relationship! It may come sooner than you know!

Megan R.

lexibear41 on 2/16/2010 8:15:38 PM

MOD. How do I stop feeling guilty about the past and move on?

Hey girl! You need to forget about the past and look to the future and think about what you can do.

Eryn G.

hip_hop_hottie on 1/24/2010 8:46:24 PM

MOD, How do i gain more confident ? And also stop being guilty about stuff i've done in the past ? How do i get over the fear of ppl hating me and all that ? Is there some kinda trick that i could use to help me in those three problems I have ?

Hey babe! You could try writing everything you love about yourself down on pretty paper, and then making collages of things that set you apart from the crowd. Hang it in your room, and read the positive list everyday when you wake up! Believe in yourself! Remember you're loved! And you only live once, so get out there and be yourself! good luck!

Megan R.

hip_hop_hottie on 12/29/2009 6:37:55 PM

Mod-
Do I pin the straps to the shirt?

Tiger Lily on 12/21/2009 10:27:47 PM

Mod!Mod!Mod!-
I have a party tommarow and I'm waring a flowy top. I'm afraid that my bra strap will show.

Hey babe,

Try using a safety pin on your straps on your back to make it look like a halter. It'll help keep your straps from showing.

xoxo Keltie

Keltie E.

Tiger Lily on 12/21/2009 9:47:43 PM

MOD,
I get so frustrated that people always blame me for doing anything that i think lots of people do and its soooo frustrating cause people complain about the way i talk and i know i don't have the perfect voice because I do have an accent and i just came to a foreign country like a year and half ago and its so hard being in grade 8 but to make it worse people make it seem like a big deal and that really hurt me and makes me hate myself even if i act like i don't care . Today on my bus, this guy says i scratched him during basketball and i know i didn't (well i think cause i rarely was around him ) and then this girl ( i don't really like anymore and i think she knows ) just says that she knows atleast 3 ppl that says i scratched them during basketball and i'm like who and she says she can't tell me cause i might start a rumor about them ( like what the hell!) its just so fustrating it makes me feel like i'm too aggressive and all and i'm always injuring people and my accent is funny , its like people here expect me to be this or that or underestimate me or something

. its just so sad i just don't know what to do.

Hey babes, hanag in there, the language barrier is hard. My boyfriend was from Colombia and had a heavy accent, it is hard for english speaking people to hear the tones of someone whose primary language is not english. I think its cool that you have something that sets you apart. Dont worry. You are not the problem. xo JANA

jana k.

hip_hop_hottie on 12/8/2009 9:08:04 PM

MOD! I think i'm 50% Depressed because i'm in a new country,continent, i have to pretty-much start my life all over again i'm 12 and i've been in this new place since when i was 11 and to make matters worse my parent don't help and i'm not close to them and they are one of the people who actually hurt me and as if thats not enough Ever since i started junior high a yeah ago (11yrs old) i find it hard to mae friends and i don't think things are working for me,i always try to make myself happy its not working, i loose interest in alot of things even the things i Love its just this past few months i've been a little better but sometimes i just suddenly feel bad and sad like my life is soo pathetic and i always feel guilty about everything i've done in the past everytime i just sit down . It just hurts alot and i don't want to tell my parent cause they actually talked to me but they weren't really understanding about it infact i'm not even 10 percent close to them. I really hope thiers another way to deal with this without telling much people...(adults etc)

hey girl! Try making some friends at school. It will help a lot, I promise. If you are just nice and friendly, there's no reason people won't like you. Join some clubs and get involved in things that you love. It will keep you busy, and you'll also meet people who have similar interests as you. It can be really frustrating, I'm sure, but just try to be positive. Focusing on the bad things going on will only drag you down. If you surround yourself with positive energy, it will be contagious. Try something new and put yourself out there. Smile often, be friendly, and get involved! I hope things get better Good luck! Kristen <3

Kristen Y.

hip_hop_hottie on 11/15/2009 7:49:05 PM

MOD!MOD!MOD! Sorry no urgent matter just needed your attention. My mom is so contraversy and it's confusing. Say if I were to use some of whatever it is she owns without checking with her she would yell at me about asking to use things and saying that she would have shared if I had just asked. But if I ask to borrow something she owns she would go on a rampage about how she wants her own stuff. I do rspect her and I know I am a good child (it is my sister that borrows her stuff but she is little so I cover for her) but im so confused its like one way or another she needs to take her stress out on me. Thats just an example though anything that happens can be screwed around so that its my fault. Like if my brother jumps on me while I'm sitting and i tell him so get off of me she yells at me because i yelled. While he's choking me. Help me PLEASE!!!

Hey girl! It sounds like you're just going through a phase with your mom and it will pass. Try dealing with it as it comes. Ask her before you borrow and try to be as nice to your sibs as possible. I know it's hard but it will make your sitch with you mom a little more bearable.

-Taeler

Taeler L.

kita10pony on 11/9/2009 12:07:47 AM

MOD ! Most people in my school are really out going and pretty much talk to anyone casually which is different from my own idea of makeing friends (which is kinda old school were something happenes and me and someone start talkiing about it and we click and stuff) but i feel like i'm not being myself and it makes me depressed and it feels like i'm soo different sorta. And i don't really know how to be myself anymore and i don't even think i know myself anymore !

Hey girl! You could just be going through a phase most people go through around your age. Try doing some things for yourself. You may be able to get to know yourself a little better. Try to figure out what books you like best or music. It will help you identify who you are and who you want to be!

-Taeler

Taeler L.

hip_hop_hottie on 11/8/2009 10:13:50 PM

My Mom gets mad at me whenever I do something that my friends do too! I have no Idea why!!

Pamethyst on 11/6/2009 6:41:24 PM

i know how that feels it stinks but u should compare her with her friends and see how she feels my good idea huh?

-elaya

eayla on 11/6/2009 11:42:43 AM

My mom is the same way i like being my crazy fun self not her perfect little angel

soccerrox1997 on 11/4/2009 8:20:40 PM

mod mod mod my dad got layed off in May and he is still layed off. i am worried that he will never get his job back. my friend says not to worry because she has been through the same kind of thing when she was three. i know i should not worry about things like this. what should i do

Hey girl! So sorry to hear about you dad! Don't worry though, I'm sure a job for him will turn up soon! Concentrate on yourself and focus on what you have to do!

-Taeler

Taeler L.

alljonas on 11/3/2009 8:11:34 PM

im so glad my mom isnt like that. she doesnt even try to pick out my own clothes anymore and she talks to me about a lot of the stuff i need help with. I feel sorry for that girl. Her mom needs to realize that her little girl isnt so little anymore.

eagle on 11/1/2009 3:43:26 PM

Hey girlies!,

If you have any questions on guys,periods or anything else,just leave a comment on my profile and I'll answer as soon as posible!

♥Love Christina♥

Coca-Cola Fan on 10/30/2009 9:55:40 PM

MOD MOD MOD!!! My mom is constantly telling me "it could be worse". Whenever I complain about anything, she pops out that same line. I can't complain about zits, I can't complain about school or boys, because I know shee'll just say it could be worse. And on top of that, I can't talk to her about anything. I've had oubic hair for 3 years, and she only found out a few months ago, because she wouldn't listen to me when I talk to her! She talks to my BEST FRIEND about zits and boobs and boys and problems at home, but not me! I'm her KID!!! Doesn't that count for ANYTHING? It's like in every conversation we have, it's either "it could be worse" or it's something about her boyfriend. And I can't complain because I told her it was okay for her to talk about hima as much as she wants! What do I do? (Sorryabout the long post...)

Hey girl, I know it may be hard when your mom is kind of imposing a double standard, but the best way to handle the sitch is to be upfront. Tell her 'Mom, I know it could be worse, but I need your help so it doesn't get worse. Having you in my life means a lot to me.' Be open and honest. Your mom should appreciate the fact you want her to be there.

xoxo

Alyssa B.

Peanut47 on 10/29/2009 5:10:42 PM

MOD! How do i gain more confident and look faboulous and be me when i'm in a school that has 3 programs and i'm in the only program that wears Uniform but my Crush is in the program that doesnt

Hey girl! Uniforms can be a pain, but you can totally add your own sense of style to your uniform. Don't be afraid to try and express yourself! Check out our post Style 911: School Uniforms at http://www.girlslife.com/post/2008/08/05/STYLE-911-School-Uniform.aspx. And be confident in how you look! You are gorgeous the way you are, and confidence is always a head-turner. Best, Kristen

Kristen Y.

hip_hop_hottie on 10/25/2009 7:15:55 PM

Heyyy music lovers!!!! Join *clubmusichearts*!!!!! We have everything and anything about music!!!!

Like: advice, polls, sharing and loving each others music, support you stage fright girlies, having more fun then anything, blah blah blah, plus...... WERE AWESOME!!!!!

So why not join!!??!

See yall there!!!
Gabster

*clubmusichearts* on 10/23/2009 4:54:01 PM

MOD MOD MOD I feel like I can't be myself around my friends. For example, my most favorite movie of all time is Titanic, but none of my friends are allowed to watch it. I love the Twilight Saga, but none of my friends are allowed to read it. I love skinny jeans, converse, and zebra print, but I am afraid that if I ever did anything about it (like if I ever do wear these) than I am afraid my friends mom's won't let me hang out with them. It's who I am and I can't change it. I feel like I have to be someone else when I am around them (my friends). At lunch I don't talk to anyone, I just sit and listen to all the other mindless chatter. I stay shut up in my room all the time just reading or doing homework. I have lots to say, just no one who will listen.

Hey babe, it's great that you're your own person and aren't afraid to show your true colors. Your friends like you for you and you shouldn't worry that little things like movie taste and fashion sense are going to change their minds. Just keep being who you are and be proud!

katelin s.

Artemis1212 on 10/22/2009 9:17:31 PM

Ok Girl i get watchu say, my mom is SO like that

but one day when yur mom wont let you do somthing say
I Betchu my friend so and so's mom would let her do that, then wen your mom says"but Your not SoandSo, say EXACTLY!!"and explain how you feel, dont get boxed up!!or else youll be boxed up for lifE!!!

ItsjustmeNayeli on 10/21/2009 11:11:41 PM

MOD MOD MOD i kinda sorta like this guy (let's call him Dempsey) and i think he probably likes me back. but my friend (let's call her Claire) is always pressuring him to tell me he likes me . yesterday Dempsey got so frustrated becuz of Claire trying to make him that he came up to me at recess and said to my face "massie i don't like you, i like you as a friend" and now I'm really mad at Claire and we're not talking. Dempsey still likes me though I'm ALMOST positive. but he's shy and Claire is the kind of person that can easily annoy you. what shpuld i do in terms of Claire and my friendship and also in terms of Dempsey? response appreciated thanx

Hey girlie,

Claire sounds a little immature. Tell her she needs to stop acting like you guys are in second grade. Tell her how much you like this guy and how you don't want it to be made into a huge deal and scare him off. As for the guy, tell him that your really sorry your friend was getting in his face and being all dramatic and that you like being friends. Then give it a couple weeks to smooth over and you will probably have a good chance of him being comfortable enough around you to tell you he likes you.

Megan P.

Megan P.

loveZac18 on 10/21/2009 4:12:37 PM

MOD MOD MOD!!!!!!!!!!hi my mom is totally the same way and she is really hard on me and i have an older and younger brother that she treats better.usually its supposed to be the only girl being treated better but no she treats the guys better.she doesnt want me to be a bussiness manager and artist(wich i really want to be)she wants me to be a doctor or a lawyer????PLZ HELP!!!! ~brokenhearted~

Hey girl! Just do your own thing. She may be a little harder on you because she trusts you more. Let her know how you feel and maybe you two can come to a compromise!

-Taeler

Taeler L.

bluemily on 10/20/2009 7:00:19 PM

what dose MOD mean? just out of qustion????

Hey girl! MOD means moderator. If you post a question or need advice and include mod somewhere in your post, one of the girls at GL will get back to you with a few tips or tricks!

-Taeler

Taeler L.

punkpopemo on 10/20/2009 10:42:32 AM

my mom dose the same thing all the time!!! then i just TOLD her that i was going to the mall with some of my friends from school and that we were going around 7:00 am and be back round 5:00 pm. she saod ok, i whent to hot topic and got a bunch off emo/goth outfits. because she always gets me prep out fits and she just then found out that i am independent and she rarly dose it any more!!!!!!

punkpopemo on 10/20/2009 10:40:55 AM

MOD
i really want to be myself but when i see other people being goth or sk8er i want to do the same thing and when i follow them i just change my mind and go bizzark please help

Hey girlie,

It's normal to want to try out other looks, but the most important thing is that you are happy with who you are. Express yourself in a way that you want to be known and don't let other people influence how you should be because that's how they are.

xoxo Keltie

Keltie E.

*BEAUTY* on 10/19/2009 10:12:57 PM

say ur name 10x
say ur mom's name 5x
say ur crushes name3x
post this 4 places and ur crush will kiss you on friday

nicki_rox_ur_world on 10/19/2009 4:39:21 PM

My mom does same exactthing(sometimes). for some reason my mom never lets me do anything my friends do. don't get me wrong i want to be ME! but sometimes i'm like if my friends are my age and they're parents let them do that kind of stuff. i understand that parents have diffferent ways to raise their child but seriously.

loyal474 on 10/18/2009 7:45:14 PM

hey girlies!
if you need help with anything check out the advice section of my profile and leave me a comment! i have lots of experience giving advice and would love to help you out! talk to you soon!
~ellie~

hugatree95 on 10/18/2009 4:35:52 PM

We appreciate that you girlies wanna post on GL, but we’ve received tons of comments about spamming with chain letters. To keep everyone happy we’ve decided to take ‘em down. Thanks again for posting.
Lynae P.

Tutts on 10/18/2009 4:24:30 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD
OMG the exact OPPISITE happens to me! When i say "all my friends have this" or "my friends don't do that" or "No family eats -then i say some kind of ukrainian dish she is serving (my family is Ukrainian)-" and I know there is a reason she is doing all this and SHE doesn't want to be like everyone but c'mon, I don't eat some of the stuff she serves, im just not used to it! I don't want to hurt her feelings... and she doesn't eat 'spagetti O's' for dinner she eats babalabashingdong or whatever. And she doesn't buy mini skirts and leggings with a cute tank she buys Turtle necks and boot cut jeans! What should I do!

There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Best, Miliana

Miliana B.

Jojo_is_loved on 10/18/2009 10:19:35 AM

Tell her you want to freely express yourself so you can get the best out of life.

Check out my profile; I give the best advice!

God Bless!

Abriella123 on 10/17/2009 10:55:10 PM

Nice advice. Moms like to hang on to us one way or another.

lasagna on 10/17/2009 1:07:25 PM

LEASE DON'T READ THIS, YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BY THE LOVER OF YOUR LIFE. TOMMORROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. NOW YOU'VE STARTED READING THIS, DON'T STOP, THIS IS FREAKY.

1. Say your name 10 times.
2. Say your mom's name 5 times.
3. Say your crush's name 3 times.
4. Paste this to 4 other quizzes. If you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday, but if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck! SEND THIS TO 5 QUIZZES IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOU'RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH'S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKS

Heather4eve on 10/17/2009 11:06:52 AM

Great advice Jana! All moms are like that at one point you just gotta show her that she did a good job rasing a good daughter and she'll leave ya alone ;)

Check out my profile girls, and please leave a comment, thanks!

SportyGal on 10/17/2009 9:18:04 AM