For the past year, my dad and my mom have been going through this really rough break-up and it seems like they might split up. My mom, my sister and I all think my dad is mentally ill because he keeps on saying and doing terrible things, like threatening to kill himself. Then, he goes back to being a really good dad who I have so much fun with.
When I was younger, we used to have such a good time together. Now that I know that'll never happen again, I can't get my mind off it. I keep hoping he's going to go back to being that fun dad I had loved so much. What should I do?
Hey girl,
It can be really rough when parents decide to split. It adds a ton of stress to your everyday life and learning to cope with it can be a challenge. Your dad’s behavior probably makes things even harder.
Let it out
From what you're saying about his major mood swings, it seems like your pops may be bi-polar or depressed. Try to write him a heartfelt note about his behavior and how it’s affecting you and your mom and sister. He may be in denial about his mental illness, but if you tell him how upset you get when he threatens to kill himself, he may realize he needs to get professional help, not just for him, but for his family as well.
Getting back to the good times
You said you can’t stop thinking about how he'll be the fun dad that he once was. Try not to think about that too much and instead think about all the fun times you did have. People change, so sometimes we have to adjust to new behaviors and attitudes. If you only think about your dad in a negative way, you might start to feel hateful toward him. You just need to remind yourself that he’s still your father and you can still have a good time with him. Add a reminder of the fun stuff you used to do in your note. Tell you pops that you'd love to go back to having great times like that. Maybe even suggest some ways to get back to hanging with dear ol' dad. Weekly brunch dates, anyone?
I know right now things feel like a complete mess. Just remember that your father is still your father and he loves you no matter what. If he knows that you support him 100%, he may begin to get the help he needs so he can go back to being that fun-loving dad you remember.
-Liz L.
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BY CAITLIN R. ON 10/20/2009 7:00:00 AM 46 COMMENTS