Kerra S.

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Tough Stuff

When a friend is cutting...

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One of my great friends recently started cutting himself. He's not depressed and I'm pretty sure he just does it for the attention. I've read that it is a cry for help. A couple of days ago, he came to school with a few scratches on his wrist. I decided not to take it too seriously because it was the first time.

The next day, he came in with more cuts that were much deeper than before. I told my teacher so he can get the help that he needs. My teacher had a meeting with his parents to discuss his needs the next day. Last night I sent him a very nice text asking how he was feeling. He responded, “Thanks a lot. Thanks 2 u everyone hates me. My parents grounded me for 3 months!” I was shaken. I knew I had done the right thing. I responded, “I’m sorry ur parents grounded u. But w/ counseling I think u will come 2 forgive me.” I know after a while he won't hate me anymore, but for now it hurts. What should I do?

Hey girl!

First of all, you did the right thing! Don’t second guess yourself or feel guilty about anything. Your friend needs help with his cutting and with the cause of his cutting—which seems to be a lack of confidence.

He's gonna get better!

Now that you've opened up, hopefully he can get the proper help from school counselors and his parents. All you can really do is let him know that you were worried about him, and that’s why you got him help. He will come around eventually, especially if he sees that you are supporting him through the whole process.

Be patient when ya patch things up

Your pal is probably angry because he feels like you betrayed him. Give him some time. Once he goes through counseling he'll realize you didn't mean to hurt him at all. After things have calmed down a bit you may want to write him a cute, heartfelt card about how much you care for him. Include funny pics, your fave song lyrics, your apologies...whatever you think will make him chin up.

Let him know that you're there for him if he needs you, but give him space and time to get professional help. Just remember that you made the right decision, and that any good friend would have done what you did. If he chooses to cut you out of his life, then let him. It’s his loss for losing such a fantastic friend!

~Liz L.

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BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/3/2009 7:00:00 AM 83 COMMENTS

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mod
ok thanks for the advice before and i talked to my school teacher but now my friends super angry at me and dosen't trust me anymore just because i told the teacher about her hurting herself i feel like i did the wrong thing when i'm with her but i know it was right to tell what can i do to make her see that??

Hey girl! You did the right think because you don't want your friend to hurt herself and she might need help.

Eryn G.

blueberry1357 on 11/20/2009 3:24:55 PM

your friend need serious help talk to her make her feel good an any way or take her to a spa

tweetymay on 11/19/2009 9:27:04 PM

I know, how that feels too. I made a mistake and did the right thing with telling my mom about my friend cutting herself.

sixteengirl93 on 11/19/2009 5:13:02 PM

thanks mod
i talked to my school teacher and she is sorting the whole thing out!!

blueberry1357 on 11/16/2009 11:05:27 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD!!!!!
ok so my best friend recently started burning,cutting and beating herself with a baseball bat she is also getting beaten up by her father and her mum does nothing about it and add to that she's suffering from a major breakup!!! she's upset, afraid and really stressed and in tears all the time i really want the old her back what can i do to help her!!!please give me advice because she's driving me crazy ever since she broke up with her bf she's been crying every single day moving and dating and using a new guy every single day!!!

Hey girl! You need to get her help ASAP! I know you might not want to but you need to talk to your guidance counselor. Your friend is partaking in destructive behavior and it needs to be taken care of right away. There's not much you can do except tell her that she needs to stop because she is hurting herself. It would be best to get an adult involved in the situation though.

Good luck!

Liz

Liz L.

blueberry1357 on 11/16/2009 1:25:12 AM

His parents shouldn.t ground him that will only make things worse. His friends shouldn't regect him it will also only make things worse. Nobody should be putting pressure on him or making him feel bad.

kita10pony on 11/11/2009 6:55:47 PM

Trust me, He should get over it and my sister is doing this same thing, and she tells me that is feels good so maybe to her it does!? You may just need to relax, I mean try not to bug him or get him even more mad, because then he might cut him self even more! Hope this helped!

mazola on 11/10/2009 7:53:25 PM

MOD i have been really depressed latley..and i really want to talk to someone about it. but i dont want to talk to a friend because i dont want them to judge me. and i dont want to talk to my family because i would feel really bad. and i kinda want to talk to a teacher about it..but..i really dont want them to talk to my parents about it...because i realllly dont want them to find out..any suggestions??

Hey girl! Try a guidance counselor or confiding in a doctor. If will def feel good to talk to someone and get however you're feeling off your chest!

-Taeler

Taeler L.

softballchickexoh12 on 11/10/2009 5:26:27 PM

you did the right thing with telling a grown up i would of told him on the next text "sorry but i think i did the right thing and i am sorry i got u in troble i didn't mean to"
~Pokergirl14

pokergirl14 on 11/8/2009 7:19:43 PM

I have a friend that cuts to and someone turned her in. and now with counseling she finally stopped and dosn't hate the person that turned her in. (i actually think shes happy that someone told on her) But u TOTALLY did the right thing! and im pretty sure he will come around and u guys will b friends again! :]

paige123ang456 on 11/8/2009 3:46:56 PM

You definitely did the right thing.I went through the same thing with my best friend.She was especially mad because she had told me and another friend not to get teachers involved, but in the end that's what it came to. Just try to stay in contact with your friend as much as possible,and let him know how much you care.He will be so thankful to have you as a friend after the initial anger subsides.My friend still thanks me today for saving her.

pirategirl333 on 11/8/2009 9:47:59 AM

You did the right thing. If you hadn't said something, he could have been killed, or bleed to death, so you saved his life. You are a great friend and by telling the teacher that just proves the fact. Props to you!

bubblegum4 on 11/7/2009 9:36:58 PM

When I was in grade 5 I cut myself because I was being bullied by my music teacher and a mean boy at my middle school. It was really hurting me and I thought no one knew what I was going through. So thats why I did it. But now since I am in grade six I never did it again. I learned my lession because I thought that I was hurting myself but I was really hurting my friends and family! I think you did the right thing.

lovable219 on 11/7/2009 7:58:59 PM

don't worry. just know you did the right thing

miss pinksie on 11/7/2009 12:41:31 PM

aww i'm so sorry girl ): that's never something people want 2 go thru. my cuzin used to have this problem cause my uncle (his dad) we be mean to him for no reason and he even slapped him once. he's not cutting anymore (thank God) and he just learned to get over his dad. hopefully all goes weeeell for u.
peacee<3

dodgers4ever on 11/6/2009 10:00:25 PM

MOD~~
My really good friend is cutting also. She just showed me this morning and I didnt know what to say. I know I should tell an adult but I dont want to hurt our friendship. Will you please help me?
Thanks so much! :]

Hey babe,

I know you don't want to hurt your friendship, but not saying anything is hurting your friend. When people do that it's mostly a cry for help and even if she says she doesn't she actually wants someone to listen. Talk to an adult or a teacher or a counselor and get her the help she needs.

xoxo Allie

Allie S.

HOLLYWOODANGEL1 on 11/6/2009 7:41:13 PM

OMG!!! Thats totally sad. You did the right thing!!!!!

dancingbigsis on 11/6/2009 3:57:22 PM

Sometimes its hard to tell if they are doing it for attention or not. I've had a friend who's been cutting herself since grade 7, and were in gr.9 now. Does he have a reson to be upset? My friend gets constently bullied, Has been tormented at school, and beat up a couple times, and has had huge fights with friends that keep comeing back, He might need someone he could vent out to, and you seem like you really want to help him feel better.
Good Luck

organiccheese on 11/6/2009 2:26:40 PM

omg that's pretty scary stuff!!

Kristin95 on 11/6/2009 10:18:57 AM

Dear girlife,
I don’t want to tell a boy teacher if I start my period in class.
What should I do?

Hey, if it happens, just ask him if you can go to the bathroom and if he says no for some reason, say it's an emergency. He'll get the hint!

katelin s.

lasyel on 11/5/2009 9:07:16 PM

don't worry you did the right thing, if he is mad at you for saving his life he is obviously not a true friend

girliegirl459 on 11/5/2009 7:19:26 PM

i know how ur friend feels. I used to cut my self and when MY friend dont the gidence counsler, i was really mad. but i got over it. he will to.

Laura♥GL1996 on 11/5/2009 7:05:33 PM

He will thank you because you kinda saved his life. He could really hurt himself or die.

Smile_if_U-want on 11/5/2009 5:36:31 PM

oh no!!

that is soo sad!
i hope your friend gets better and will like you again!

check out my profile girlies!
post a comment as well!

misher4 on 11/5/2009 10:52:53 AM

MODERATOR!!!!!! My friend has been VERY rude to me, but she's nice to everyone else! She tells everyone my secrets that I thought I would trust her with. I can't even have a crush b/c she will have a crush on the guys she'll think I will like (I stay very loyal). She talks about me behind my back. She lies to me. She's always in my business. She tells me what to do even though I'm older than her and I know what I'm doing. She says that she's better at playing the guitar than me. She hits me. She hits me a WHOLE LOT harder while we're playing basketball on defense AND offense. At basketball practice today, when she hit me, I nearly cried and a lot makes me cry. She treats me like an idiot. She doesn't accept my friends. She calls my brother a retard, she calls my Mom overprotective and stupid, and she calls my Dad fat. And finally, she stalks me. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not a very violent person, but I really want to whack the snot out of her, but I know it's wrong. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm on the edge! Should I ditch her?? What in the world should I do???!!

Hey girl, you should ditch her, no question. This girl is not a friend. Distance her gradually. Stick to your other friends. Hang out with her and talk to her less and less. It's easy to let a friendship die over time. And for now? The hitting is a BIG no-no. Tell your coach what's up and let them take care of it. You don't deserve to take that especially if it hurts.

xoxo

Alyssa B.

bombergirl97 on 11/4/2009 10:29:47 PM

MOD MOD
eveytime i get mad, angry, sad, or depress because of something i always blame myself (even though its never almmost my fault) and i think to myself 'i wish i was dead, just let me die. it'll be better if i'm erased.' i think i really hate myself... any advice?......... from ANYONE?

Hey babe,

A lot of people blame themselves when things go wrong but the truth is that you can't do everything by yourself. If you're having a lot of thoughts like this it might be a good idea to talk to a school counselor or a therapist about why. It's absolutely not true, no matter what you think you did wrong! Just remember that.

xoxo Allie

Allie S.

*mimi* on 11/4/2009 7:31:30 PM

MOD MOD MOD
my neighbor, andrew, is my same age and he is being really discusting. he pulls down his pants in front of me and i dont see anything but ill see him do it then he is always slapping my butt and touching my breasts. i hate him and i dont know what to do. also he spreads rumors about me and my friends! please please help!!!!
love,
answerless girl

Hey babe,

That is TOTALLY inappropriate behavior! You need to talk to your parents about it and get some help. That kind of stuff can get out of hand really fast. You should definitely avoid this guy as much as you can and get your parents to talk to his parents about getting him to stop.

xoxo Allie

Allie S.

bergmanb on 11/4/2009 6:46:52 PM

good luck

sans11 on 11/4/2009 6:29:46 PM

My freind use 2 cut himself he's been on and off
he just likes the pain. my over friends have problems to like drug and horrilbe things like that. don't worry he'll forgive you if U can't wait ask his parnets to let u 2 talk. tell him you really care and that he could be hurt badly or even die. like my friends almost did. good 4 u 4 not keeping it a sercert.unlike me
Bestest luck

Tw-yGu-i on 11/4/2009 3:47:12 PM

MODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMODMOD
i really want to help out with the homeless people and families in my community. but im not sure how. i am soon going to join a youth mission group at my church and i sometimes volunteer helping with meals at our local homeless shelter. but i also want to do something else. any ideas?
thanks!

Hey girl! Check with your local community website. A lot of times there will be info about how you can get involved. Talk to your mom or dad too. They might know about some opportunities. Libraries often post volunteer opps on the bulletin board.

xoxo

Liz

Liz L.

Crazy Chica 14 on 11/4/2009 3:46:11 PM

i know someone who cuts and trust me they soon will realize that they are not just hurting themselves they are hurting everyone around them!! so things can only get better and if they don't realize that it is hurting everyone else just talk to them that is the best way for them to understand how you feel!!

-chey<3

C-Latricia on 11/4/2009 9:15:54 AM

C-Latricia on 11/4/2009 9:10:55 AM

i know what you are going through... and it is really tough... you did the right thing and he will thank you later

hoopschick:D on 11/4/2009 7:48:29 AM

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Club Sport on 11/4/2009 6:48:52 AM

THIS IS A SIGN!!!!!!!!!! my best friend in the whole world is cutting!!!!!!!!!!! my other friend told the teacher and my friend who is cutting is really mad. but this article right here assured me that everything is going to be okay!!!!!!!!!!! thank you soooo much GL!!! I can't thank you enough!!!!!!!!!!!

narnianpirate on 11/3/2009 11:14:44 PM

mod****
my best friends does that... and i did it twice. so i feel like i don't know how to stop her. any ideas?

Hey babe, talk to her and let her know you're worried. Tell her you're there for her to talk to but encourage her to tell a trusted adult or to talk to the school counselor.

katelin s.

i.love.cobra.starship! on 11/3/2009 10:25:14 PM

aww, thats sad. no one should do that. u did the right thing.

penny103 on 11/3/2009 9:55:13 PM

hey Katelin S. (aka Mod)
I have a huge crush and i know he liked me b4 fall break and now we havent talked :/ i dont now how to flirt without looking like a fool so i never flirt :/ so i am wondering how do u flirt modestly and how do i respark his intrest?

Hey babe, just be confident, cool and casual. Be yourself! Check out this page too: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2007/11/17/Flirting101.aspx

katelin s.

beaches4ev on 11/3/2009 9:45:03 PM

I hope you and you'r friend will fell better soon.

:<) :>(

libbydog411 on 11/3/2009 9:36:56 PM

I've come sooo close 2 doing that ven scratched my self
Mod thats not what I'm modding about I was wondering if giving my friend a panty liner or bra in a purse thing I'm giving her full of like shampoo, conditioner, bodymist, bandaids, a toothbrush, socks, body wash and other stuff btw hows that stuff 2 go in it I alredy put it in there but can take it out. I'll have 2 give it to her at school btw the bags like a makeup bag.

Hey babe, I think it's fine to add but not necessary. I'm sure she's appreciate it either way!

katelin s.

Memesputerpunkingirl on 11/3/2009 9:33:59 PM

You DID do the right thing,that's all that matters!

Hope your friend gets better

actress96 on 11/3/2009 9:31:45 PM

thanks..yeah ik that hurting myself wont make the pain go away..but just something about makes me feel better..but i did realise i could die from it im really trying to stop.... but the only thing is with talking to her...she wont listen to anyone..sometimes she rolls her eyes...and that really hurts.. and ik shes just gonna go and tell everyone and make them all turn on me...

softballchickexoh12 on 11/3/2009 9:17:22 PM

MOD
my friend this year is saying how she really hates school. she is in a bad mood during lunch because she feels so strongly that we shouldn;t have to go to school and it is just a joke. She said she would rather work at mcdinalds that styay in school and that she would probably drop out before graduating. i am worried about her and she won't listen to anyone who tries to explain that school is good for you...what should i do?

Hey babe, it sounds like she's just going through a tough time right now and wants to vent. Or she could be saying all of this just for attention and perhaps there's another issue she's dealing with. Talk to her one-on-one to see what's going on and offer to help her with schoolwork if she needs it or just to be a shoulder to lean on.

katelin s.

potterfreak11 on 11/3/2009 9:10:29 PM

MOD my best friend (well...not so much anymore...) has been really rude lately. she wont talk to me or a few of my other friends when older, faster swimmers (we r on the swim team) are around. now i have been sick and injured this whole season, and she knows if i was swimming as much as her, i would prolly be kicking her but...or at least giving her a better compitition. but she acts disgusted when she talks to me..and i really dont know why.. and i recently just got swine flu..which is horrible for me because i have asthma and i could get really sick from this. (which is already happening) and she wont even talk to me. she hasnt asked me how i am, she hasnt told me to feel better or anything. i dont think she realises...i could get seriously sick...like i could go to the hospital. its like shes mad at me for being sick..she thinks she had swine flu (she really didnt...) but shes telling people she had it..and shes saying o well i went to this meet and swam, i went to school i went to morning practice...and so on.. its like she WANTS to get this..its NOT fun...and i really dont think she gets how hard this is for me... im starting to get depressed because i cant do anything i want to do and iv even tried cutting myself....and it doesnt help to have your best mad at youor whatever because you are sick. i reallydont know how much more i can take. please help me

ps sry it was so long

Hey girl! Don't ever hurt yourself to deal with pain; it won't make it go away. Try talking to her. You'll feel better when you get it all out in the open.

-Taeler

Taeler L.

softballchickexoh12 on 11/3/2009 8:56:24 PM

that was a great thing to do, I;m sure he wil thank you sooner or later

hockeygirl1020 on 11/3/2009 8:34:15 PM

This is very sad but has to do with this issue...today I found out that a friend was in the hospital because she attempted suicide yesterday. I had no idea anything was wrong, because she is very distant to me these days. We don't know yet if she will make it. I remember that last year, she started cutting herself, and that's when she became more distant towards me. She had over 40 cuts all the way up her arm, and I saw them myself. A lot of people thought she only did it for attention. She did go see a counselor last year, but now she is in the hospital, and we don't know what will happen. I hope that she can pull through.

trendypenguin on 11/3/2009 8:16:45 PM

Hey Girl!
That was a VERY good thing you did!!! =)
It takes courage and loyalty to tell someone that, even if your friend might give you the cold shoulder now, he'll come around.
You saved him from MANY future injurys, and risks he might of took.

KUDOS 2 YOU!
-YouBelongWithMe14

YouBelongWithMe14 on 11/3/2009 8:04:08 PM

im srry, i dont mean to offend anyone, but i would NEVER cut myself. i just dont really know how anything can come to that....i undertand depression and all, but ehy hurt yourself? and why hurt yourself THAT WAY? =/

beastiez on 11/3/2009 7:59:09 PM

wow i cant belive he would say that after you have helped him.

COMMENT ME GIRLS!!! THANX=]

-MARiA♥

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fashionista89 on 11/3/2009 7:04:36 PM

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Tough Stuff

When a friend is cutting...

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