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She's a friend-stealer!

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I have a friend (a really close friend), but she always tries to steal my friends. If she sees me with one of my BFFs you can actually see the jealousy on her face.

Every school year she tries to claim a girl as her new friend, but it never works out. And whenever she's with one of my BFFs it's like she tries to make me jealous—rubbing in their phone conversations or letting me know she went over her house. I know these people don't really like her but she doesn't know that.

Also, this "friend" will hate one of my friends one month and the next month be all, "You're one of my best friends!" I'm sick and tired of all this friend-stealing and confronting her won't work. How can I let my friends know what she's doing without sounding insane? And how can I stop this madness before she takes away my ultimate best friend?'

-Depressed & Lost Friend

Dear D&LF,

I can totally see how irritating this situation must be for you. But if everything that you say is true, why are you worried about losing your best friends? Besides, no one can "steal" anybody away, your friends have minds of their own and won't easily be swayed by just anybody. If your friends really don't like her and they're closer to you, then just have faith in your solid relationships with them.

As for this "friend" of yours: Just ignore her petty ways. Once you stop reacting to her immature actions, she'll start to stop. By getting angry and bothered, you're actually just showing her that you are jealous and provoking her to keep at it. The next time she goes on about how she hung out with one of your friends, just say a simple, "That's cool" and walk away.

If you really feel like you have to give your friends a heads up about this whole dealio, have a light-hearted chat with them after school. Don't give in to all of your built up resentment OR go nuts on the haterade. That might make 'em think that you really ARE jealous or in your words "insane". Just something like, "Don't you think so and so is being a little to obsessive and clingy?" should do the trick.

Always remember that true friendships have a bond that can never be broken.

xo Larissa

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BY CAITLIN R. ON 11/11/2009 7:00:00 AM 38 COMMENTS

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38 READER COMMENTS

me and my bffls have a sort of unspoken agreement to never be jealous, it wrks really well!

veggigurl123 on 2/21/2010 9:39:58 PM

OMG! I totallly had the same prob w/my friend. i don't even know if she is really my friend. I mean, she is always bragging about all the stuff she has...i feel bad 4 u. Maybe the comments can give u a suggestion of what 2 do with that girl...I think that u should let her b 4 a while. If u don't want 2. Talk 2 her. If she doesn't listen, u can always talk to a counsular. hope it goes well with her

cooties11 on 1/25/2010 8:10:42 PM

MOD?MOD?MOD?MOD?MOD?MOD?MOD?MOD?MOD?MOD?
I only have 2 Best Friends, One of them now has moved away and the other 5 miles from me. In July, I got both of them together and 'tried' to have a sleepover, well... the one that moved away started being a total bit* and the other one felt so uncomfortable she left. I'm still friends with both of them, but now they always are fighting each other, how can I make them stop? Anyway at all?

Hey girl! Tell them they don't have to be friends with each other, but they are both your friends. Sometimes people don't ever get along and that's just the way it is, so your two friends might be just like that. Just try to hang out with them seperately.

xoxo

liz

Liz L.

lexalicious on 12/26/2009 1:13:06 AM

Have the same problem..
Good advice<3

[xganzxalleinx] on 12/12/2009 3:32:51 PM

MOD! MOD! MOD!
You know that friend that hurts me sometimes I was talking about? She hugged me REALLY supprime tight today and actually PULLED me down today. She wouldn't apologize eather! She cut my knee open when she pulled me down and bruised my arm pretty bad. I told her if she were to hug me again I wouldn't be her friend anymore, and I wasn't kidding arround. She always thinks its a joke and she wont leve me alone! I really don't want to hurt her fealings eather but I'm really scared she will REALLY hurt me bad someday!

Hey babe, she doesn't sound like a friend very much at all. I would leave her alone for a while and hang out with other groups at school. It's not ok for anyway to ever hurt you and if this is the way she acts then you can do better. You deserve great friends, not ones that hurt your feelings.

katelin s.

popcorn159 on 11/24/2009 11:04:31 PM

Hey girlies everywhere! come check out my profile! my quotes with make you LOL!

rightfield1 on 11/24/2009 7:00:56 AM

MOD
Do you enjoy the Beatles? Sorry that was random.

Hey girlie,

I love The Beatles. 'Happiness is a Warm Gun' is my favorite Beatles song .

xoxo Keltie

Keltie E.

☮Bubbly☮ on 11/23/2009 11:52:40 PM

Hey D&LF!

I am not trying to take her side or anything but have you ever thought that maybe the reason why she is jealous is because she does not have any other friends besides you. If this is the case then "tend to her needs" try and be better than just her Best Friend know what I mean? Cause I have a similer problem with my BFF. I have a BFF and she has a sister who is 11 soooooo...then I want to be both of there friends but my BFF gets jealous whenever I want to spend time with her. It is because she does not have any other "close" friends besides me. Do you see what I am trying to say here? I STILL don't know what to do. My Mom says to just try to "tend to her needs" and be the Best Friend I could possibley be! So if that is a true fact in your case then just do what I am doing! I truly feel bad for you! That must be REALLY hard for you! To have your best friend do that to you! Hope that helps!

Mandylou95 on 11/23/2009 10:50:43 PM

MOD!MOD!
Heyy um so my best friend for like 12 years has been ignoring me for the last year and to this day. We live right near each other (walking distance easily) and she never calls and only texts me to see if we can drive her to school the next day. My other friend who is friends with both of us said that my other friend had said that i was being mean and ignoring her even though i haven't. She has other friends that shes happy with and same with me. Should we just not be friends anymore? I don't know what to do, christmas is coming up and usually we get something for each other but i dont see it being worth it since we hardly talk. THANKS!!!!

Hey girl! It sounds like that girl isn't your friend anymore, so I would suggest you stop talking to her. She seems to only be using you for rides. So just stop all contact with her and find some new friends. I'm sure you can find some who will actually want to talk to you. Good luck!

xoxo

Liz

Liz L.

crazycuttie9 on 11/23/2009 3:19:31 PM

MOD
When I was younger, I went to elementary school with my bff. We have been glued to each other at the hip for so many years, but when I went to middle school, I started hanging out with some girls from a different elementary school and we started getting really close. My bff and I started growing apart and she started hanging out with other people. I like the girls in her new group so we can hang out together then. But, she doesn't like the girls I hang out with. I feel like I can be more of myself around the group of girls I usually hang out with. My bff is pressuring me to hang out with her group more, and I don't really want to. What should I do???

Hey girl! That sounds like alot of drama. You should talk to them and figure out how to resolve everything.

Eryn G.

libbycm135 on 11/21/2009 4:44:02 PM

MOD
I have to get the swine flu vaccine Monday. I'M SOO SCARED!!!!!!!

Hey girl! It will only hurt for a sec and it will be help you alot.

Eryn G.

makayla4ever on 11/21/2009 1:04:33 PM

Mod! hi how are you? Okay so I kind of feel like me and my bestie are falling through a little bit

And her birthday has pased but she is going to have a party soon. I've made her a bunch of stuff so what is something really special I can buy her?

Hey girl! the most special gift is something that is special between the two of you, like a pretty framed picture or a collage of all your memories. (maybe something related to an inside joke or something just the two of you share) You don't have to get her anything expensive to give her a good gift!

Megan R.

erichmo on 11/21/2009 7:36:39 AM

Depressed, and Lost friend. that would be hard. to go through that situation and I am sorry.
please check out my profile. my name is Danielle.

sixteengirl93 on 11/20/2009 5:04:13 PM

Ok I need your help, mod.
So I have this friend with who I used to be BFFs...and I mean BEST FRIENDS. Last year, and the beginning of this year we were uber close. She was my best friend and we loved her. There's this other girl in our class who I'm kind of friends with who she used to hate, which was fine with me. But all of a sudden, after a sleepover at other girl's house, she wouldn't talk to me. She would tell everyone I bombarded her with texts, when I can't even text. She told people I had just gotten "annoying" and she needed a break. So I gave her some space for about a week, and we gradually started talking again, but then her boyfriend wante to dump her, and she thought I made him (SO NOT TRUE!) So I sent her a note saying "I would never do that to yoh, I swear, etc" and she responded with "LEAVE ME ALONE STOP SENDING ME NOTES!!!" I was really upset after this. And I should mention that through all the non-talking, her and other girl became BEST FRIENDS. Like how me and her were before. No we're gradally talking some again, she's not mad anymore, but her and other still hang out all the time. They never leave each other's side and they call each other their "best friends". It makes me sick to my stomach to see them like that. She used to be MY best friend, I loved her so much...and of all my friends I never thought she would be the one to ditch me for the popular crowd. I don't know what to say to her to get her to understand how much I miss our friendship. She never told me directly why she was mad...I just heard it through others. I can't believe it's happening like this. It's killing me and making me want to leave our school. She was my favorite person in the whole world and now she won't talk to me hardly at all. I miss her so much...what am I supposed to do?? ;(

Hey girl, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. The thing is these thing happen ... a lot. I remember I lost one of my best friends too after an argument. I couldn't imagine my life without her and then it happen. And it wasn't the end. I made new friends. That's what you have to do too. This girl is losing out big time, but she's making that choice for herself. Right now the best thing you can do is get to know your other friends more. Give your ex-BFF some space. You're not going to have what you used to have back and that's a shame. But you can have something like that with someone else. It'll be okay, sweetie. If you really love someone, you can let them go. And if your BFF comes back? Well, then your friendship is truly meant to last forever. But right now? Not so much.

xoxo

Alyssa B.

Taylorswift on 11/19/2009 7:13:58 PM

Listen if the girls she is trying to "steal" are aware of this then you wont lose them. If they knw dat this girl trying 1 up you then they will stick by your side andmake sure nothing comes in betwwen your friendship. This "friend" of yours needs to get the boot in my opionin. Her being jealous is jst a bad vibe for you to carry around and to be worryed about making friends. I would kick her to the curb!!
xoxox- KiKi

Soccerplayer4ever on 11/18/2009 11:15:42 PM

3. Say your crush's name 3 times.
4. Paste this to 4 other quizzes. If you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday, but if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck! SEND THIS TO 5 QUIZZES IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOU'RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH'S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKS

Jaden Shae on 11/18/2009 2:00:39 PM

aeroprincess96 on 11/18/2009 4:04:50 PM

hmm. I just dont think friends are stealable. If they really are your friends, theyll always stick up for you! <3
xoxo Emily

lemonslovelimes on 11/18/2009 5:45:11 AM

ATTENTION TO ALL GIRLS WITH A CRUSH!!!! Do u fell like ur hearts going to burst when he smiles? Do save his texts so that u can read them again and again? Are ur friends tired of hearing about him because you talk about him so much? We need to help each other out! Its hard to talk to guys especially when you think ur all alone! I had an idea. For twilighters this is well known, but new moon comes out this Friday. I think this is a great opportunity for girls to help eachother. Every girl reading this should ask their crush to the movies this Friday. U can ask knowing that other girls are swallowing their fear and doing the same thing. U can ask them to go as a friend, with a group of friends, or, if ur brave, as a date. As proposer of this idea, i asked my crush out today. I was terrified he'd reject me but HE SAID YES!! I want to help other girls get the same reply, so I am opening my profile to questions about guys(which i will try to answer at the best of my ability), support(because just thinking about asking him is brave), or comments about my idea(good and bad). If u do ask him, tell me!!! I want to hear stories about how you asked and what their reply was. If u like my idea, great, thank you for reading this huge letter, but if you dont please dont leave rude comments on my profile. i will accept constructive criticism but i have feelings too. Anyway, if you're planning on asking him, im rooting for you. Thank you for reading! <3

stepheroni on 11/17/2009 8:07:23 PM

MODDD!!
i have a close friend that has a lot of bad things about her, but she also has a lot of good things about her. me and my other friend both notice it and so does everyone else. we tried to talk to her about it but she just gets mad and doesn;t listen! what should me do?!

Hey girlie,

People HATE when they have flaws pointed out to them. Your friend might even know her bad qualities and be ashamed of them, but she might not know how to change. Be there for her and try and talk to her again without being too harsh. Tell her you love her for who she is, but you know she could be better. Good luck.

xoxo Keltie

Keltie E.

luckygirl25 on 11/16/2009 9:00:02 PM

MOD!! okay so i have this close friend...and there is a new girl at our school. everybody says tht she is annoying but i like her. and my close friend told me how annoying she was and how she didnt like her. well i saw them at my church together the next week and i know that they had a sleepover. i'm not jealous it just annoys me that she is two faced!!! should i tell the new girl how my friend feels?!

Hey girl! I would just keep it to yourself. No need to start drama if it doesn't matter. You could say something to your friend about what she said before but try not to let it bother you too much!

-Taeler

Taeler L.

luckygirl25 on 11/15/2009 10:31:52 PM

MOD MOD i know this is off the subject but im so scared about 2012 will the world really end??

hey girl, 2012 is just a movie. Don't worry about it actually happening. Just relax, have fun, and have no regrets! best, Kristen <3

Kristen Y.

emzimrol on 11/15/2009 7:41:28 PM

MOD MOD MOD! Thank you for the advice on my friends! But I have a few more questions: Ok, my BFF Rachel always hurts me (Like hugs me WAY too tight out of nowhere and digs her nails into my skin) I keep telling her to knock it off but she never listens. Also, she makes me feal really uncomftorbal because sometimes she toutches my...down there cheaks. Im really worried that she is really gonna hurt me someday.......

hey girl! Next time she hugs too tight, say Ow! Let her know that it really hurts, and you don't like it. And if you don't want her to touch your butt, tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable and ask her politely to stop. If you let her know that you really don't feel comfortable with the hugging and the touching, I'm sure she'll try to tone it down. Best, Kristen <3

Kristen Y.

popcorn159 on 11/15/2009 6:47:04 PM

MOD MOD MOD!!! thanx 4 da help. ok so, heres the thing ( this has been like kinda bugging me 4 some time) i dont play sports or dance or anything. im not over weight AT ALL im not lazy im just not good AT ANY sports. is that normal?? also i love to sing and im acctally kinda. . . .really . . .like. . .really good. i just dont tell people that. i sing like 24/7 really lound at home (idc if my family hears me) and like hum and sing to my self at school. lol. so im not not good at anything. (sorry this is long) so hears the point k? my friends like to call my couch potato cause i dont play a orginized sport or dance like them. im NOT lazy even the slitest bit and im outside wit my neighbors like everyday as soon as we can. so being called a couch potato and them telling people i dont do anything really bothers me!!i no it shouldent but it does. what should i do? any ideas how to stop them? any ideas how i could get them to know im not not good at anything or a couch potato??? any ideas how i could persue my sining(without taking piano lessons)??? help!! please!! thank u soooooo much. i would really like to lift this weight off my shoulders. thanxxxx. XOXO.

Hey girl! It's fine to not be good at sports. The best thing to do is to just tell your friends about how you're feeling. Let them know that even though they're just kidding, it bothers you when they call you a couch potato. And let 'em in on your long for singing! As for pursuing singing, try to join a chorus or choir class at school and see if you can take singing lessons to get even better. Best, Kristen <3

Kristen Y.

tayofan4ever3196 on 11/15/2009 5:59:46 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD!!!!!! Lets say you enter a contest and win. Can you win something again? or do you have to wait a certain time to win again?

Hey missy, yes you can win again just not right away. We like to give other girls who haven't won the opportunity to win, so we ask the girlies who have won, to wait until they eneter another contest. But you can enter again.

Lynae P.

spotsdots8 on 11/15/2009 1:43:42 PM

Want to eat healthy but not ready to go full vegetarian?
Solution: Go semi-veg! This means that you will not eat cow and pig but still eat chicken and turkey (basically cutting out red meat). Or, you can give up all of those and just eat seafood.

Solution2: Moderation! Instead of every meal, eat meat just once a day or maybe once every couple days.

Solution3: Lower quantities! The average American eats 6 servings of meat a day (2 servings per meal) when all they need is 3 a day. How about you eat meat every meal but only half a serving each meal?

glamgirlteen on 11/14/2009 2:31:04 PM

tell them how you know shes jealous. tell her i know what your trying to do and make her confess to your friends and that way youll all be friends.

mz hot on 11/14/2009 10:08:22 AM

MOD MOD MOD!!! There is a girl named Saryna at my school and she will NOT leave me alone! She is REALLY mean to other people (Calls them stupid, dumb, retarted ect.)And I really dont want to be her friend, but apparently SHE want to be MY friend. I also REALLY dont want to hurt her fealings. What do I do? Im so confused!!!

Omgoodness! I have a friend JUST like this, so I totally hear ya girl. Ugh. Since she obviously likes you a lot and wants to be friends, maybe you could nicely let her know how much her bad 'tude is hurting other people's feelings. Chances are she'll really listen to you since she values your friendship so much. But if this chick still doesn't let up her mean behavior, let her know straight up that it's not cool with you. If she cares, she'll change her ways, and if she doesn't, then she'll walk on her own. Good luck!

Jiae K.

popcorn159 on 11/13/2009 4:44:36 PM

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So what are you waiting for? Go check out Club Awesome!

We'll see you there!

Club Awesome is awesome!

lasagna on 11/13/2009 4:28:28 PM

Mod Next week is my besties birthday! she and I are both really excited! But I'm not sure what to get her. Today at school I asked her what she wanted and she said CANDY! CANDY out of all things! So what is something a little extra I can get her?

Hey girl! You could collage a bunch of pics of you guys together. She will love it!

Eryn G.

erichmo on 11/13/2009 2:04:32 PM

She is just really jealous that you can make friends easier. You are probably her onlt friend, if she is getting really potective, you should introduce her to some new people. She deserves new friends just like you.

Check out my profile; I give the best advice!

God Bless!

Abriella123 on 11/11/2009 8:13:46 PM

MOD !
Is there anything wrong with having a friend with benefits ?

Hey babe,

If you're both okay with that, it can be fine, but it usually gets really complicated and people's feelings usually change and someone gets hurt.

xoxo Allie

Allie S.

hip_hop_hottie on 11/11/2009 7:08:00 PM

Have you thanked a veteran today?

Happy Veterans Day!

Thanking all who have served (and serving now)!

~lasagna~

lasagna on 11/11/2009 5:22:06 PM

MOD MOD MOD!!!
I love my BFF's (In a totally, non creepy, friendship kinda way) But one of them keeps talking bad about one of my other friends, Molly. I really wish she would stop because Oliva (Gossip friend)is really getting on my nearves about that and I feal like I shouldnt be her friend anymore becuase she talks bad about Molly and says that she is fat, weird, stupid, ect. and Olivia is totally racist. She doesnt like Obama (and I do, and I dont think she knows I do) because he is black. (One time, I was at her house and all the sudden out of the blue she just goes, Gosh, I hate Obama! And I go, Why? And shes like: Cause he's black, duh) And that really hurt my fealings. Should I stick with Molly (the girl that Olivia doesnt like) or Stick with Olivia? PLEASE HELP!!!

Hey girl! You need talk to these girls and tell them how you feel. You should ask them to not act they way they do, they might be able to change.

Eryn G.

popcorn159 on 11/11/2009 4:27:24 PM

MOD!
Ok my BFF, Olivia she's kinda like the "leader" of our group. But one of my friends she always sucks up to her and like worships at her feet!! She always partners up with her in class, follows her and always pushes me or yells at me when I try and get next to Olivia. She's always so mean at school to me and then I get angry and say something to her and then she get's mad. But when were talking to each other on msn on video call we're like best friends and the couple times she's come over she's really nice. What should I do? I want to talk to her but she get offended really easily and I tried talking to her before but she denied everything and she got mad. Help Please!!

Hey girl! You need to talk to them so that they know how you feel.

Eryn G.

Im.Unique.YAY! on 11/11/2009 4:24:01 PM

MOD! MOD! MOD! MOD! MODDERS!*!*!*!*!*!**!
My ex-bff is trying to steal my BFF away from me. And just yesterday, she went up to me and said, 'You may have thought you won, but its not over.' and then she faked cried! Only one of my friends believe me about her wicked ways and she is such a hypocrite! sorry, i'm a bit angered because she just called me and said something seriously rude. my mom knows and all but my mom wants me to work it out with her. I tried talking to her but nothing works!

Hey girl! You could talk to the guidance counselor at your school to see if there is anything that they can do to help. You could also talk to her parents about it.

Eryn G.

☮Bubbly☮ on 11/11/2009 4:22:05 PM

Wow that sounds annoying and wow us girls can be too desperate!
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lasagna on 11/11/2009 3:53:19 PM

MOD MOD MOD!
my friend always talks about people in a bad way even if that person is her friend or my friend. I try to get her to stop by saying talking about people is not cool and then she waits 2 minutes and then talks about people again! How do I get her to stop talking about people?

Hey girl! You need to tell her that its not nice to talk about people behind their back because that is when rumors start, and no one likes rumors.

Eryn G.

club everyday life on 11/11/2009 3:34:01 PM

That sux, but Larissa is right! just ignore her and she'll eventually stop cus it seems like shes just trying to make YOU jealous

Check out my profile girls, and please leave a comment, thanks!

SportyGal on 11/11/2009 9:42:55 AM

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Leora F.

is modding

Girl Talk

She's a friend-stealer!

38 READER COMMENTS

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