My friend is really great, and we've been buds for years. But she's just so smart! She beats me in all my grades, no matter how hard I try. She also has better clothes, better things and never messes up or embarrasses herself like I do. She just seems so perfect, although I know that's not true.
I don't want to be jealous of her! I want to support her. But it's just so hard to feel happy for someone like her over and over again, while in the meantime my self-esteem is dropping! Lately, I've been trying really hard to get better grades than her. I just feel so dumb in comparison. I don't want our friendship to feel like a contest! Please Help!
With a friend so “perfect,” it’s tough to feel like you weren’t left in the shadows. To make things better, you’ve got to stop focusing on her and turn the spotlight on someone else—yourself!
We’ve all gotten the occasional bad grade, opted for sweats instead of nicer clothes and clumsily slipped or spilled food on ourselves. But it’s OK to make mistakes! Botching things up is all a part of being human (psst! You’re not a robot!). If you never made mistakes, how would you ever learn from anything? It may SEEM like your bestie is perfect, but she has her own flaws and problems just like anyone else.
Star of the show (your OWN show!)
Measuring yourself against your pal is like comparing apples to oranges. You may have things in common, but you’re actually way different. Instead of focusing on what she’s great at, look at all the things you’ve accomplished! Aced that really tough algebra exam? Lookin’ especially cute in your new outfit? Bravo, girl! Sure, it’s awesome to congratulate her, but acknowledge your own personal bests, too.
Make it work!
Think of your friendship as a partnership, not a contest. Instead of trying to outdo her, support her. When one of you does well, the other should be happy, too. And if you falter? Friends should be there to hear you out and help ya laugh it. All of your “imperfections” really just make you…the awesome person that your "perfect" pal is friends with.
I know it can be tough to see it, but you're great. Feel better and I hope this helps!
~Kristen Y. <3
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POSTED ON 12/2/2009 7:00:00 AM
POSTED IN dealing with jealousy