Paulette W.

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Dear Carol

Being Friends With Mean Girls

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There are two girls who are really nasty to me. I want to be their friend, but it is hard because of the way they treat me.

-Trying Hard

Dear Trying,

Maybe it's time to stop trying so hard with them and spend your energy on other girls. Do you really want to be friends with girls who are nasty?

Want More Advice? Order Carol Weston’s Girltalk Fourth Edition: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You. It’s got the answers to all of your most important questions. So if you're looking for tips, quotes, advice, or just plain info about growing up, friends, boys, school, family stuff, substance abuse, or any problems big and small, check out Dear Carol's Girltalk or For Girls Only. They'll help you feel confident, inspired and energized!

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BY CAITLIN R. ON 1/1/2010 7:00:00 AM 143 COMMENTS

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Hey Everyone--
If you don't want to wait for a mod to answer your questions, I'm happy to give advice. Just post a comment on my profile and i'll answer you within a day. Love to the girlies
<3

SuNsHiNe_LuVeR on 2/15/2010 10:05:29 PM

MOD~MOD~MOD~MOD~MOD
I have a tiny problem... I have been having trouble this year finding out who I really am, but I think I finally got it... but the thing is, I act differently around different people, and it's really annoying to me. I'm generally the same, but I am more shy and more weird around different people... and I won't even talk in some of my classes. How can I solve this?

Hey babe,

It's tough to be the same around everybody - for all of us! But remember that you're strong and you're beautiful, no matter who you're talking to. There's nothing to be self-conscious about - just talk and behave how you feel most comfortable. There's no sense faking it just to please other people!

Lauren C.

pag53 on 2/12/2010 6:03:29 PM

Hey girlies!!
Do you want real advice for Boys, Stress, School, Family, Friends, Social Life? Well I've been through it all. Just come to my profile! Leave me questions and ill answer in 3 days or less! Rate your questions by putting *,**,or*** so I can tell how urgent ur questions are!
Luv Ya Lots!!
-Aajbre

aajah8507 on 2/3/2010 7:26:23 PM

hey everyone:] if you ever need advice or someone to talk to, leave a comment on my profile. I'd love to help and I love giving advice. Spread the word! --Ciena

colormyheart13 on 1/29/2010 12:56:35 AM

Hey,
Why are you thier friends anyway? U might as well find a new friend of a nice boy that would be a good friend.

kat98 on 1/26/2010 5:46:02 PM

I want to be friends with theson't talk to me. girls but they don't talk to me. Is it because i am shy???

vpk1998 on 1/26/2010 4:44:40 PM

I want to be friends with these girls but they never talk to me. Is it because i'm shy??? Any Advice?

vpk1998 on 1/26/2010 4:39:56 PM

Hey.....join my advice club!!!! Just go to my profile, answers some simple questions, and bam! you can ask advice on ANYTHING and fellow club members and I can answer your questions!!

piggy7 on 1/24/2010 9:55:45 PM

MOD.MOD.MOD.MOD!
i have a BFF who is younger than me. but i can go to her with anything and i know that she will be there for me, but not to long ago her dad said that he doesnt approve of our friendship and that i make her do things she doesn't want to do, and its not true. he is a youth pastor at our church and my older brothers are kinda rebellious against him because they dont approve of his ways, well anyway, so he said that he doesn't bless our friendship and that it will only be bad. i wasn't suppose to know this but she told me. i cant talk to him to get his reasons because well im not suppose to know this, but i also found out that all her cousins and even some family members talk trash about me and my family. it really hurts. i decided to push it aside but now i can't deal with it. she acts really differently around me, like she is this perfect little angel and she really changed, i just want my old BFF back, but i don't think that will happen. Should i say bye to her forever??
Also we go to the same church to avoiding her will be kinda hard...
PLEASE, i really need your help

hey girl,

have you tried talking to her about this? I'm so sorry to hear this. you must be so hurt. I think you should ask her if you can have a chat and just let her know that you are really hurt but that you aren't blaming her.

xoxo

sammy d

Sammy d.

missAttitude<3 on 1/23/2010 11:42:24 PM

So, I love my friends, I really do, but whenever I come up with something I think is cool, or find something that I like they always have to copy me and become obbsessed with it. It really bothers me, ecspecially because other girls always copy them, so it's not like it was ever even my thing, and I end up ditching it even though I loved it so much. Help me!

viasia21 on 1/23/2010 8:27:41 PM

Why would u want to be with mean people? Try finding some other friends who won't be mean to you. It's the least you deserve

haleyhay3 on 1/23/2010 12:47:54 PM

The problem isnt if the other girls will accept me, Im close with them. I need advice on how to not not take any crap from these 2 girls, and how to balance the 2 different relationships.
MOD MOD

Hey girl, stand up for yourself when girls aren't very nice to you: know where to draw the line, what to take and when to walk away. As for two relationships, spread your time equally. Be fair to both parties.

xoxo

Alyssa B.

friendsforevarbetta on 1/22/2010 9:11:27 PM

The problem isnt if the other girls will accept me, Im close with them. I need advice on how to not not take any crap from these 2 girls, and how to balance the 2 different relationships.

friendsforevarbetta on 1/22/2010 9:00:14 PM

MOD MOD....I am in a super duper complex situation right now. There are 2 girls who have been my BFFs for a while. It started as a group of 4 and 1 moved. Now there are 3 of us, and well, now I feel like its just the 2 of them. They have changed soo much! They have both been sexually touched, (at 13/14!) and drunk and all of that stuff. Apperently they have been gossiping about me a whole lot, and they didn't even know it was my b day when it was. There is another group in our grade, and the 2 groups do not get along, but I get along well with all of the girls in this other group. I am now good with both groups. The problem is, they gossip about each other A LOT, and I am excpected to be like a spy. I cannot handle this, I have already said a bit that I should not have, and now one of the girls who was my BFF told me "Dont say I never warned you" when I told her I wasn't a gossip. I want to say that I refuse to tell anyhitng even if there is gossiping going on, and I will. But the 2 girls, are of course, popular, and they are making all of the boys be rude to me. I have no idea what to do, my best friends aren't my best friends any more! I am soooo stuck, and I have no one to talk to! Help please, I need some advice

hey girl,

wow, sounds like a tough situation. but i think what you realized is that the group of "popular" girls aren't who you thought they were. and that you want to be friends with your GOOD REAL friends again. so what you need to do is reach out to them and let them know that you are sorry you dissed them. and they will, if they are good people, understand. I have a feeling they will

xoxo

sammy d

Sammy d.

friendsforevarbetta on 1/22/2010 8:39:37 PM

I don't get it -- why would you want to be friends with girls who are mean?? If it's because you want to be popular like them, it's not worth it. Trust me -- been there, done that. I found myself a really great friend group -- the Nerd Herd -- and everyone is soo nice. You'll end up like these girls if you become friends with them.

shelbydiane on 1/19/2010 7:17:13 PM

hey!if they r so mean, y do want to be their friend? maybe it's time u stop trying to be their friend.find some other people to hang out with. they will soon see that they missed out on a great friend.
if anybody needs advice on something, im here to help.
don't forget to check out my page:]

HollisterChick101 on 1/18/2010 4:44:45 PM

sorry forgot to put mod mod

most of my friends r really mean. not to me but to other people. i have fun hanging out with them but should i not be their friend because their mean to other people

kikicc on 1/18/2010 3:19:08 PM

most of my friends r really mean. not to me but to other people. i have fun hanging out with them but should i not be their friend because their mean to other people

kikicc on 1/18/2010 2:32:09 PM

hey you hang around mean girls you will become one.would you rather have friends that dont like you or none at all. the real friends might be weird or geeky but that is better than mean girls. one day the mean girls are going to ignore you and your new friends but at least you hhave true friends.

teaxs811 on 1/17/2010 2:21:45 PM

i tried that and i must say IT IS NOT WORTH IT. do you really want to be around people you hate and make fun of you

partygirl96 on 1/16/2010 6:13:47 PM

MOD MOD
ok so i used to tell my mom EVERYTHING,i would describe my whole day and tell her about my crush and talk about my friends. But now, i dont tell my mom anything anymore. I want to talk to my mom, but i dont know why i wont do it. My friends talk to their moms about everything, and me and my mom used to be like that but now were not. I really need to talk to my mom but it just seems too awkward. What should i do?

Hey girl,

Start out slow. Tell her little things about your day. Get her to tell you little things about hers. Once this continues for a little while you'll feel more comfortable opening up to her. It's great that you want to talk to her because a lot of girls shut their mom's out of their lives and they lose a valuable resource. You'll get there, just start talking.

xoxo Keltie

Keltie E.

monopoly on 1/11/2010 10:12:58 PM

MOD
Hi!
My bgf who is not my bgf he is my bff told me he likes me. And I love him but not really like that. And his best friend told me he likes me too! OMG! both my bgfs like me? They are like my BROTHERS! So the thing is I dont want them to get in a fight over ... ME. What should i do?

Hey babe, If you don't feel that way about either of them, it'll be easy to try to keep them from getting in a fight over you: just let them both know that you love them as friends but aren't interested in them that way. They might be hurt at first, but if you give them time and space they'll probably get over it.

xoxo Allie

Allie S.

Lovely_star33 on 1/11/2010 8:27:52 PM

there is this really mean girl in my class named brynn sometimes she is nice but somtimes she can be so mean what should i do i need advice ASAP!!! -help caroline

dancincarly125 on 1/11/2010 8:19:17 PM

ATTENTION ALL GIRLS READING THIS!

if ur reading this girl talk column, u obviously care about advice. visit my profile, post me a question(if its super important, put ***** at the top) and ill answer in 3 days, guaranteed. if ur profile isn't publicly visible, i'll answer ur questions on MY profile. thanks! pass it on to ur friends!

~aspiring advice columnist, lauren

soccergirl524 on 1/10/2010 1:54:21 PM

MOD
What is the best way to flirt with a guy from across the room durring class? Love you GL!
-BOBBITTA

HI babes, I suppose the best way to look at him, make eye contact and smile. That has always worked for me xo JANA

jana k.

bobbitta on 1/7/2010 11:44:06 PM

hey chickies!!! need advice?? don't know if its gonna get answered?? well worry no more!! just post on my profile with your situation and question, and i will reply on yours!!! neat, huh???
i give advice on school, stress, family, friends, really anything you can think of, even the toughest of situations. don't wait for your questions to be answered! get them answered NOW!
hpfan0912

hpfan0912 on 1/7/2010 8:08:05 PM

My friends are a year or 2 years older than me they treat me like im "too young" to listen to thier conversations. What should I do?

smilesrule123 on 1/7/2010 6:46:08 PM

MOD
i don't want to take piano lessons any more. there, i said it. the problem is, how do i tell my mom? she is really proud of the fact that i play, and at first, i loved it. but now practicing and lessons are just a drag and not fun for me. i have been playing for 6 years now and i think it's time to quit. i just don't want to hurt my mom. help!

Hey girl, tell her just that. While you love piano, you want to focus on other things now and piano is keeping you from doing the activities you're thinking of making a career off of. She'll understand.

xoxo

Alyssa B.

sweetbabe! on 1/7/2010 12:34:50 AM

Hey Mod!
Thanks for the great advice! We set up a time every night to talk & he's actually coming down to see me on some weekends!! How cool is that!! Thanks again!

Hey girl, that's awesome! You're def welcome!

xoxo

Alyssa B.

maddie08 on 1/6/2010 11:15:43 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
there are these two girls at my school and they never EVER cared about until about this last week. They are both cousins and it all started off with one of them talkingto me onsn tellin me to fight and tha she could beat me up. I told my parents and a teacher heard about or and talked it over with us. I deleted her off m msn and she deted me. I thought that problem was over until her cousin came I the picture, today at school n friend was taking pictures with her camera of me and her other friend near the cousins, later the acused us of stalking them and rakin pictures of them, which we were decinetly not doing! They spread it all over school and this bot said they could sue us! I'm sick and tired of all the drama they are causing and the problem is they are my sisters friends! Don't give me advice saying talk it ove wiu them or tell an adult bc I've done both! I'm tryig to avoid them but they just keep bullying! Help me please!!! Please please help!!

Hey girl, I know you don't want to hear it, but you need to continue talking to a teacher or guidance counselor about them. Tell your parents. At this point, only an adult can really get them to permanently give bothering you a rest. Stay clear of them and just keep your distance. Be polite to their face to avoid adding heat to the fire. The flames will die down -- just give it time.

xoxo

Alyssa B.

Sweet_sour on 1/6/2010 10:23:18 PM

I feel ya gurl bt u can make it throuh it!

josiepink1 on 1/6/2010 8:53:05 PM

why would you want to be friends with mean girls? i wouldn't.

hi!!! on 1/6/2010 6:40:26 PM

okay. so i had a bf, then broke up with him for another guy who said he liked me and this other girl. then i told him me and my bf broke up and he said oh yeah i like the (other girl) more. and he doesnt want to go out with me and im drepressed alot and really sad. like really depressed. im NOT talking to my parents about it because they dont want me dating. I'm about to cry, and im sooo depressed. please help...

sophiag97 on 1/6/2010 6:28:11 PM

I think it is a good idea to try to be nice to the mean girls, you could make them nicer, therefore changing the whole atomsphere of the school, I say keep trying and go for it! I know some people might not aggree, but thats okay cause its their opinion. Just be careful with your actions toward them, you dont want to make anything worse.

memyselfandmusic on 1/6/2010 5:21:51 PM

moderator i know it takes awhile for you guys to respond sometimes. but did you get my comment? i really need you to answer my question and its been an hour. so i was just wondering if you got it.

Hey girly, I think we got it. Check and see and if you need to, ask your question again!

Lynae P.

pghpens on 1/6/2010 5:03:50 PM

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ClubTreehuggers on 1/6/2010 4:04:17 PM

Hey chicky, everybody makes mistakes, that's how we learn. So instead of beating yourself up over what you did, try to avoid putting yourself in another situation like this in the future. It's best you loose ally connection with that website, so since you can't delete your account block it from your computer. The less you go on the site, the less trouble you'll get in. Just take everything a step at a time girly!

Lynae P.

pghpens on 1/6/2010 4:04:06 PM

Check out my profile and feel free to ask me for advice on anything!

stellarsophie33 on 1/6/2010 1:43:05 PM

Hey girls,
Your probably annoyed with all see my profile stuff but listen to this:

I will answer anything you have! I will answer questions like periods, guys, vegetarian, workout, makeup, hair, style, ANYTHING you can think of. I do this for FUN. I love doing this so you could even ask a random question.
I give great advice and please comment on my profile!

modmodmod on 1/6/2010 1:34:21 PM

Mod help!!
I'm leaving for Florida for 3 months to show my horses & am TOTALLY scared they my BF is going to leave me? What do I do?? I'm seriously worried!

Hey chica!

The best thing to do in long distance relationships is to communicate...A LOT. Talk every day and let each other know how much you miss them. If he's good for you, he'll accept the fact that you have to be gone for 3 months but if he can't do that, he's just not mature enough for you. Talk to him about setting up a talking schedule and you should be good to go.

Liz R.

maddie08 on 1/6/2010 5:50:00 AM

MOD!!!!!! Ok I have a lot of acne! I'm only 11 and all my bf's broke up with me cuz of this! Now they got everyone to call me pimple face! Is there anyways I could get rid of it? I've visited the doctors and dermetoligists a bunch of times but no luck.... Also, there's dance coming up and whenever we get juked and keep dancing I get all sweatyyy! Ewwwww and btw could you make this private!?!?? Plz and thanks

Hey girl, no way to make this private sorry! Just try to keep your hair out of your face, wash your skin with mild face wash like Cetaphil and moisturie daily. If you use a light lotion specifically for your face, it wont clog your pores. xo JANA

jana k.

Medinas on 1/5/2010 11:59:38 PM

MOD
im srry

I've been asking a lot of questions lately bit this is my last one!
I know the symptoms of having your period and I haven't had mine yet but all I'm experiencing in breast pain! Nothing else?! What's up with that?

Hi babes, everyone keeps talking about symptoms. SOMETIMES there is some breat tenderness or cramps that go along with having your period, but these things do not go hand in hand. Just because you are feeling tender doesnt mean youre getting your period and just because you have your period doesnt mean youre going to have all that stuff that sometimes goes with it. It could just be that your breasts are growing. xo JANA

jana k.

Sweet_sour on 1/5/2010 11:20:58 PM

MOD MOD
how can I make my thighs look toned and thinner instead of flabby? Any good exersises and how to do them? Thanks! O and also I wanna tone my stomach! Help on that too! Thank you!

Hey babes, the best thing to do for legs is to do squats and lunges. They have tutorials on youtube that are SUPER helpful. As for stomach, nothing works better than a healthy diet and situps. xo JANA

jana k.

Sweet_sour on 1/5/2010 11:12:46 PM

mOD
there is this guy in my curling club and he is pretty cute, when we play games he usually ends up on my team and compliments me on my play. I'm not sure if. Like him yet bc i've only known him for about 5 weeks. But I was wondering how I can tell if I liked him and if he liked me? What are some signs.
Also, there is this cute guy on my class who suddenly wants to sit beside me hang out with me, and do group projects with me, what's his deal? Does he like me? How can I tell?
One more is, I'm almost tweleve and still kinda flat, what are sum signs of breast growth and around when they should be in the full process of growing!
Thanks soo soo much!

Hey girl, if a guy likes you, he tries to hang out with you and talk to you as much is possible. It sounds like both of those guys like you, I wouldnt rush into anything, just see how you feel towards them. You will definitely know when your feelings move from just friendly to actually liking someone. As for the boob thing, it is all genetic. I am a mix between my mother and grandmother. There is no sure way to tell how big yours will get or when they will start growing xo JANA

jana k.

sweet_sour on 1/5/2010 10:47:08 PM

Dear MOD,
There is this guy that likes my best friend thats liked her since last year. She didn't like him but then she started to like him just this month and he started dating someone just as she started to like him. She doesn't know what to do now because he really seems to like his new girlfriend. I know it seems kind of bad for her to not like him and then suddenly like him but this is really hard for her. Is there anything she can do and is there anything I can do to help her?
Sincerely,
Anne

Hey girl, all you can do right now is be here for her and try to help her keep her mind off of it. Be supportive and listen to her but dont let her sit around analyzing it all the time. That will just keep her sad. Right now he is off limits so she should focus on living her life and enjoying herself. If they break up and she still cares about him, I dont see any harm in her trying to see if things can work out. xo JANA

jana k.

mileyspark on 1/5/2010 10:15:13 PM

Mod!!!!!!! Plzzzz helppp. Okkk so my dad is sooo mean! Today, I forgot to pick up a sock from under my bed.... And I got grounded for 2 months.... Also... I got A bad grade.... Butt I'm tooo scared to tell my parents cuz then they yell at me andr threathening to kick me out of the houz... Plzz helpp I'm really scared of them and I don't know whatt to doo! Plz help! Thanks!

Hey girl, nobody should be getting kicked out of their house. I think you need to bring this behavior to the attention of a teacher, guidance counselor or trusted adult. xo JANA

jana k.

Medinas on 1/5/2010 9:13:29 PM

Dear MOD,
My mom is, no offense to her, kind of nosy. I don't tell her as much as I could but thats because she always turns around and tells my dad or my grandma or even one of her friends! It annoys me, so I don't tell her anything. Because I don't tell her all that much, she reads my text messages, emails, and is always trying to find out more about my life secretly. I don't know how I can make her stop telling people and stop looking at my stuff! Can you help?
Sincerely,
Anne

Hi doll, just be honest and upfront. Say, I want to be able to tell you stuff but you make it hard to do that when you turn around and tell everyone my business. Your mother wants you to trust her and be able to tell her stuff. Speak up. xo JANA

jana k.

mileyspark on 1/5/2010 9:00:22 PM

MOD
No one said high school was going to be easy. I need some advice on how to make more friends. i know a lot of people know who i am i'm not an outcast or loner but i sometimes feel like i'm outside looking in. like i run out of things to say to people so i'm only left with things to say that make me seem like something i'm not or worse stupid.
p.s.: i'm having the speaking problem with my bff-of all people--i'd hate for her to have more to say to other people than with me
thanks mod!
Qu33nie14

Hey babe! no worries! It's natural to have silence and pauses in conversation. If the other person has nothing to say, then they probably feel like they're being the awkward outsider looking in, or they could just be spaced out/zoned out and have stuff on their mind. Stay confident and believe in yourself. If you keep your confidence and cool, you won't have to worry about not having anything to say.

Megan R.

queenie14 on 1/5/2010 8:52:38 PM

MOD
Also, is there anyway to slim down on my thigh size?

Hey girl! You could try lounges or running with a slight incline.

Megan R.

awesomesauce on 1/5/2010 7:41:21 PM

MOD thanks alot

softball1112009 on 1/5/2010 7:34:42 PM

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Being Friends With Mean Girls

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