My mom is dating a guy that she completely loves, which is great. The only problem is, I don't like him. They seem like they are always fighting and the guy is always blaming stuff on my mom, when it's not even her fault!
I want to tell my mom how I feel, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. What do I do?
My mom is with the wrong guy
I’m really sorry to hear that this is happening and that you have front row tix to all these feuds. It can be tough for anyone to see one of their ’rents to date someone who doesn’t seem like the right person. It’s harder to get the confidence to tell that parent how you feel about everything.
Think it's too difficult to talk to your mom face-to-face? Take a different approach. You could try writing her a letter. This way you have time to pour your feelings out but you can still go back and edit it up to make sure it's not TOO emotional. Make sure your note is respectful and mature. Tell your mom that you love her and don't want to see her get hurt. You can give specific examples of sitches where you felt uncomfortable. You could also ask your mama if you could set up a time away from her BF where you two can discuss further.
The right words
If you do choose to write a letter, use the “I” technique. In other words, make this about you. Just focus on your feelings. I know, it sounds selfish, but this why you won't hurt mom's feelings. Why? You won’t be offending her or her BF because you’ll be simply showing her your side of the whole stich. By not using the accusatory "YOU," your mom won't get defensive and you won't seem like you're pointing fingers and disrespecting her. For example instead of, "You really change when you're around your boyfriend," try something like, "I feel like we don't spend as much quality time together now that you have this BF." End the letter by suggesting ways to repair the sitch that don't flat out ask her to leave her boyfriend. Schedule regular mom-daughter only walks or a Sunday brunch date that both of you agree to keep.
If all else fails
Still not seeing a change and concerned that this guy might be abusing your madre? Share your concerns with a trusted adult like your grandma or an aunt. They should know more about the sitch and will probably talk to your mom, too. And hey, even if things do get better it can be totally confusing seeing your mom date someone new. So, if you wanna vent you could always talk it out with those trusted adults. Best wishes!
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BY JEAN L. ON 12/29/2009 7:00:00 AM
POSTED IN dealing with divorce, problems with my parents