My parents are divorced and they fight a lot about what's best for me and when I can visit my dad (I live with my mom). My mom always thinks my dad lies about everything he tells us, but he doesn't. My parents got divorced when I was little. I feel a lot of times like it's all my fault that they fight and get angry with each other.
They don't know that their fighting is taking a toll on me. I don't know what to do and how to make it right again. Please help me, because I don't know who to stick up for. My mom, my dad, or both?!
- Stuck in the Middle
Hey girlie, sorry to hear about the tough sitch. My BFF’s ‘rents had a messy divorce, so I know it can be really rough to go through. It’s always hard to be stuck in the middle, especially when the two sides are your parents—two peeps who you really love and care about! But no worries, girl. Things can def get better without having to pick sides.
No more blame game!
As much as your ‘rents argue, you’ve gotta know it’s NOT your fault! Mom and Dad divorced because of each other, not you. They may have a lot of differences, but they do have one thing in common: Y-O-U. Mama and papa will always love you and they both want what’s best for their darlin’ daughter…even if they don’t always agree on what that might be. So when they fight, it’s because of they have diff opinions, not because of you.
The best of both worlds
Just ‘cause you’re the middle man doesn’t mean you have to pick a side. They’re your parents, so how in the world are you supposed to choose? And really, they shouldn’t expect you to! That just adds a ton of pressure that is so unnecessary. If they disagree, that’s one thing. But it’s neither fair nor right for them to drag you into it.
Now talk it out
Your ‘rents obviously care A LOT about you, so it sounds like they don’t know just how much their fighting gets to ya. Sit down with them and let them know how you feel. If they just can’t get along when they’re around each other, have a heart-to-heart separately. Chances are, once they each know how much their fighting hurts you, they’ll try to set aside their differences and behave more like the adults that they are.
Honestly, things may never be peachy keen between your ‘rents, but if you let ‘em in on how you’re feeling, things are sure to look up (for them and for you). I hope things get better, girl, and if you ever need to talk, don’t hesitate to look to your friends, fam and even your GL besties for help. Good luck!
~Kristen Y. <3
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POSTED ON 1/11/2010 7:00:00 AM
POSTED IN dealing with divorce, 411 on family feuds