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ADVICE | TOUGH STUFF

Still sad after a friend's death

 
I'm having a super-hard time coping with my friend’s death. I tried to numb it out but it’s all coming back. I can’t get a hold of myself! 

I cry myself to sleep and the only things I'm interested in are listening to music and staring into space. My school doesn't have a counselor and I feel like there's no one to talk to. PLEASE help me!

Hey babe, I'm really, really sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how tough that must be and I'm sure you're feeling all kinds of emotions that are new and confusing to you. Please know that you can get support and that things WILL get better in time.


Put it out there, in private

I know it's not gonna be easy, but you need to get your feelings out so you don't bottle it all up inside. Even if it's not talking to anyone about it just yet, try jotting your thoughts down in a journal once a day. It's a lot more helpful than you might think. Write down some of your favorite memories you had with your friend. You could even pen her a letter telling her how you feel or what you'd really like to tell her.


Share your feelings

I'm sure you're not the only one feeling the way you do right now. Your other friends are probably experiencing the same sort of thing, and it could be helpful if you all sat down and talked about it. It's comforting to know you're not alone.


Get help getting help
 

Another way to get help? Turn to your parents. They love you and want you to be happy and healthy. If you want to start seeing a counselor, ask them for advice. Even if your school doesn't have one, search your local church or place of worship for someone to talk to or even a support group. There are other people who know what you're dealing with.


Other resources 

It's going to take time for healing and it's totally normal to be grieving the way you are. You've got tons of GL girls here that love you and are always here if ya need to talk!


Check out our Tough Stuff page for a bunch of articles and advice on dealing with loss.


Feel like you need to talk to someone ASAP? Check out this page for a list of numbers and support centers you can call.


Hang in there, babe.  

-Katie S. 

GOT YOUR OWN TOUGH STUFF SITCH? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk!  

POSTED ON 2/16/2010 7:00:00 AM

POSTED IN

< PREVIOUS   NEXT >   

65 Comments | Add Yours
SORT: OLDEST FIRST | NEWEST FIRST
 

modmodmod!!!!!!! my parents won't let me see my bff.one nite i slept ova her house and a bunch of other people were there too we were just playing practical jokes and she took it way too far to the point where my poor 9 year old friend(she was the youngest) was covered in ketchup on her 1 arm.she wanted to go home so she called her mom and said plz come get me as she was getting her stuff sshe dropedd stuff on her head and called my other friend a bad word..........and she heard it then she said im gonna kill 'er..............of course she didnt mean it.........it was just a whole big mood swing when(lets call her cassie the nine year old)cassie heard wat (lets call her jessica)jess said cassie started to like freak out!!!! she almost had a ciesure!!!!!
How could i get them to let me see her again(jess)!!!!!!
PLZ HELP THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!

 

Hey babe, sounds like a lot of drama! I understand why your parents are worried...it sounds intense.  Ask them what their reasons are for not allowing you to see your friend, and then see what you can do to prove those reasons aren't true anymore.  They may have to talk to her parents, or to her, but they just want to be assured these girls aren't a bad influence or anything.

Brittany B.

by 1gymnast1998 on 7/29/2010 7:56:42 AM

 
 

DO YOU NEED ADVICE????
HEY! If you need advice or just for someone to listen! Check out my profile!!!! I’m a very good listener and love helping people. I’ve live through tons of stuff and a lot of embarrassing stuff as well so don’t be afraid! I’m here to talk!!!

by GoGreenGoPeace on 4/4/2010 10:22:37 PM

 
 

HEY YOU! yeah, you! Need help or advice on guys???? Well you questions bout them dudes will be answered! You can gaurentee that i will answer that day, the following day, or the following day after that. But it will probably be on that day or the following day. Yep, i am a teenager thats going through the same stuff chica. And don't worry, its all confidential! Be fearless, and ask me anything! :]

by purpledancer733777 on 3/30/2010 11:27:13 PM

 
 

I feel for youFrown When I was in second grade my friend died of brain cancerFrown You might need to talk to someone about that. If I were you I would pick like an hour of just crying out loud! Just get it all out and know she is in a better place.

Smile Hope you feel better!

by peacelovebooks<3 on 3/7/2010 5:35:28 PM

 
 

heeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!is anybody there!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by snowy012 on 3/2/2010 4:22:00 PM

 
 

hehehehe

by snowy012 on 3/2/2010 4:20:34 PM

 
 

hi i am new

by snowy012 on 3/2/2010 4:19:56 PM

 
 

Yes i know how you feel I lost a friend a year ago and i am still crying over it. He was the one who understood me to. What I have to say is what would he or she want you to do? He or She probably doesn't want you to cry. I think that's what my best friend would have wanted so I try my best to be happy....for him.

by Realluvsherman on 3/2/2010 2:09:33 PM

 
 

I have a BFF who ALLWAYS makes me laugh and one day i was soooooo mad becuse she made my other BFF that was my BFF 4 5 years hate me.she told her lies and now i have a attutude with the old friend.2day she said "hey there is ur mom.gOOdBye"all sour like soo i said bye relly crouky and walked of.she did not say it sour how ever yall thought it was she just souned mean 2 me.but i have a feeling she forgives me.......

by Alysha239 on 3/1/2010 7:12:29 PM

 
 

I am sorry. I think right now one of the best thingss to do is write down your feelings and keep a journal. Also try to start hanging out with people who make you smile. If you like music make some playlists. Make one for every mood. Sad songs for when you feel low and upbeat songs for when you just want to smile. Dancing around your room and doing things that make you happy help. But anytime something is hurting inside talk. write if you can't. Write a song! even if it's not good it just helps to have a tune.!

by popsweet838 on 2/25/2010 4:04:29 PM

 
 

<<<<>>>>*** READ THIS!! SERIOUS STUFF!

Okayy soo I have a friend! and she is really mad at her mum/mom And she said to me,
"I'm soo angry at my mum, I'm thinking of running away or commiting suicide!!!"
I dont know what to do if she does it I will live with the guilt for the rest of my life, and i cant do that!!
Please Help me!

by E. on 2/24/2010 12:24:57 PM

 
 

ATTENTION ALL GIRLS READING THIS!

if ur reading this girl talk column, u obviously care about advice. visit my profile, post me a question(if its super important, put ***** at the top) and ill answer in 3 days, guaranteed. if ur profile isn't publicly visible, i'll answer ur questions on MY profile. thanks! pass it on to ur friends!

~aspiring advice columnist, lauren

by soccergirl524 on 2/21/2010 1:50:12 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
Today, my cat, Lizzie, had to be put down. She was not very old (like 6 years she should be in her 30s in human years). Yesterday I found her on the ground stiff and foamy stuff everywhere. We took her to the vet, we found out her blood sugar was really low, her temp. was low, and she kept having strokes. We got to take her home with an IV with sugary fluids (my moms an Rn so it was the easiest option because we could not afford her to stay overnight)Over the course of the night she was not getting better so we took her to the vet and put her down. We believe it was because of a pancreatic tumor, which had formed in like 3 hours for her. She was SUCH a good kitty and she had a cute squeaky meow and had a tongue that felt like sandpaper and I loved her sooo much and now shes gone. Everything seems to remind me of her in some way and whenever I think of her I start to cry, we buried her in the backyard and I wear her collar as a bracelet to remind me of her. How can I cope with this so when I go to school I don't start crying? (Sorry it was so long, I really need to ven




Im so sorry that happened Frown i have two cats who i love so i could understand being upset about that. Time will heal it so just be patient Smile it will get better. If things dont get better, talk about it with your family and friends. Getting all your feelings out in the open will help heal everything. Feel better girl. xoxo kerra 
Kerra S.

by sillyaubee on 2/20/2010 11:22:07 PM

 
 

Today, my cat, Lizzie, had to be put down. She was not very old (like 6 years she should be in her 30s in human years). Yesterday I found her on the ground stiff and foamy stuff everywhere. We took her to the vet, we found out her blood sugar was really low, her temp. was low, and she kept having strokes. We got to take her home with an IV with sugary fluids (my moms an Rn so it was the easiest option because we could not afford her to stay overnight)Over the course of the night she was not getting better so we took her to the vet and put her down. We believe it was because of a pancreatic tumor, which had formed in like 3 hours for her. She was SUCH a good kitty and she had a cute squeaky meow and had a tongue that felt like sandpaper and I loved her sooo much and now shes gone. Everything seems to remind me of her in some way and whenever I think of her I start to cry, we buried her in the backyard and I wear her collar as a bracelet to remind me of her. How can I cope with this so when I go to school I don't start crying? (Sorry it was so long, I really need to vent)

by sillyaubee on 2/20/2010 11:08:31 PM

 
 

i am sorry

by 66soccergirl on 2/20/2010 9:23:57 PM

 
 

i am so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by 66soccergirl on 2/20/2010 9:23:39 PM

 
 

im so sorry to hear about your friend

by 66soccergirl on 2/20/2010 9:13:15 PM

 
 

aww, thats so sad :,(

by cattiekat on 2/19/2010 10:11:59 PM

 
 

I had a friend who committed suicide and this article just made me burst into tears Frown Frown Frown

by Luckychica101 on 2/19/2010 9:39:11 PM

 
 

I'm extremely sorry for your loss, I know what you're going through my dad passed away April 12, of 2009.

by sixteengirl93 on 2/18/2010 8:03:39 PM

 
 

MOD MOD

 

Hey babe, if you weren't alright with it, then it wasn't alright. definitely tell an adult!

xoxo Allie

Allie S.

by sportygrl12 on 2/18/2010 7:26:50 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD please do not show this

 

Hey babe, I'm so sorry, that's awful! You NEED to tell someone, right away, either a parent or a teacher or a guidance counselor. what happened was not right and someone (an adult) should do something about it so it doesn't happen to anyone else.


xoxo Allie

Allie S.

by sportygrl12 on 2/18/2010 7:10:55 PM

 
 

Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Ok, now that I have your attention, you can view my profile and ask me any question for advice. Multiple questions are allowed. I will respond within that same day 99.9% of the time and my advice is reliable! Smile


You can also ask the mods for advice or someone else if you don't find what you're looking for...

by NaturallyWonderful on 2/18/2010 5:05:15 PM

 
 

If you ever want to talk I'm really good for help with coping with a death. My friend's mom died and I convinced my friend NOT to commit suicide.

Courtney H

by cavadini on 2/17/2010 10:06:53 PM

 
 

I ma so sorry girl. I had a friend die to it was bad. By the Way Check Out My Profile!

by crazyskater15 on 2/17/2010 4:21:33 PM

 
 

aw im so sorry about your friend!

by kewlgirl13 on 2/17/2010 3:13:55 PM

 
 

ohh my god!! im sorry for you Frown i want to cry now Frown am sorry

by sally123456 on 2/17/2010 10:00:26 AM

 
 

heyy sry for ur loss...its really hard ot lose a friend or family member...especially if ur extremely close...if u need 2 talk or ask a q, ask it on my profile...ill get bak to u ASAP...

<3 Labluver1996

by Labluver1996 on 2/17/2010 8:54:38 AM

 
 

im so so sorry about wat happened w/ ur friend, id be devastated if that happened 2 me. i cant imagine wat ur gong thru. im so sorry

by whitney malvitz on 2/16/2010 11:12:22 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD I think I might have depresion I am happy at school and when i am with friends but when i am at home with just my mom i am sad this sounds harsh but I dont feel like I like my mom at all and Im just sad at home Im not aloud to date or go out with friends alone so there is not much outside of school I go to my friends houses for slumber parties but I cant do them at my house very 0ften because my mom doesnt want to she just yells alot and I feel stressed out PLEASE help I need ADVICE i cant live like this anymore

 

Hi doll, I think you need to talk it out with someone. Maybe see a guidance counselor so that they can teach you ways to have an affective conversation with your parents. xo JANA

jana k.

by emandemf on 2/16/2010 10:17:21 PM

 
 

I'm SO sorry, just looking at this makes me cry Frown

by NaturallyWonderful on 2/16/2010 9:34:13 PM

 
 

i would sob all day if i found out my friend died!
Let me know if u need advice; i'd luv to helpSmile
(i'll answer u on my profile if your profile isn't publicly visible)

by jojoyce_27 on 2/16/2010 9:10:53 PM

 
 

awwww, im sorry ur friend died

by JJ25 on 2/16/2010 8:50:29 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
I'm worried that I might have depression or something like that. No matter how much I sleep, I'm always tired. I definetly have a loss of energy. I am sad a lot of the time. I argue with people a lot even though I'm not actually mad at them. I looked up some symptoms online and in addition to those ^ I also have:
•Frequent vague, non-specific physical complaints such as headaches, muscle aches, stomachaches or tiredness
(headaches, tiredness)
•Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school
(I'm really smart but I have missed a TON of school this year because I just doon't feel like going)
•Outbursts of shouting, complaining, unexplained irritability, or crying
(Sometimes random things make me blow up, even if I'm not PMSing)
•Being bored
•Increased irritability, anger, or hostility
(Like I said before)
Do you think I might have depression? I'm really worried.





I can only imagine how tough
things are for you. Because we wish you only the best, it’s extremely important
that you speak to a trusted adult, such as a family member, doctor, guidance
counselor, teacher, etc. ♥, Your Blog
Patrol Babes


 


Also, for additional help,
check out: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2008/08/04/HELP!2.aspx


 






 
Megan R.

by lilangel08 on 2/16/2010 8:03:08 PM

 
 

Hey girls, do you like to bake but don't have the right recipes??? Club Bake It would love to share her recipes. Club bake it is where young bakers join together to get ranked with levels of achievment.
come and be the first member.
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by Club advertisements on 2/16/2010 7:54:14 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MEGAN R MOD MOD MOD
but im so afraid to tell her. i don't know what to say. And she would tell my brother and sister and they would make me feel bad. and he wouldn't stalk me because he's only thirteen and he's dating another girl (i know here online) too. so like..i think it's okay but still. i think i'm just worried because i know it was dangerous. he has tons of other peoples numbers from online too though.




Even though online seems safe, it really is a false security.  This seems really sketchy and dangerous...Please tell a trusted parent, family member, or teacher ASAP.  
Megan R.

by Christi on 2/16/2010 7:49:37 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD (MEGAN R)
but i can't tell my mom she'll never let me touch the computer again! and i know that he is my age for sure. is it really that bad? because most of me is okay with it. and i'm getting a new phone in a year or a little less so can i get my number changed then?




Hey babe, if you tell her , I promise you she will let you touch the computer again! It's better to tell her than to have something terrible happen...like him stalking you.  If you tell her the truth and you're honest, she'll be more likely to trust you later!  
Megan R.

by Christi on 2/16/2010 7:37:28 PM

 
 

Dang thats rlly too bad ): but i think u and ur friends who were also friends with her should get together and talk about it.


Check out my profile girls, and please leave a comment, thanks!

by SportyGal on 2/16/2010 7:10:51 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD!!!!
i met a guy online. really like him. i gave him my number so we can text (i know hes my age). but somewhere deep down...i feel like i might've made a bad decision. what do you think?




Hey babe I think you should tell one of your parents ASAP...no matter how trusting someone seems, it's often not the case.  Tell your parents and you can get your phone number changed.  
Megan R.

by Christi on 2/16/2010 7:05:05 PM

 
 

omg i am super sorry! hang in there though, i'm sure you can do it

by Kristin95 on 2/16/2010 7:04:18 PM

 
 

that sucks. be strong girl. i know you can do it.

by kgirlpanda on 2/16/2010 6:51:46 PM

 
 

Frown thats sad.. I don't know how it feels but share your pain with someone that you know & totally trust.. it REALLY helps!! (parents?)

by Ana Paola on 2/16/2010 6:40:51 PM

 
 

i'm so sorry to hear that, i can't tell you i feel the same way because that hasn't happened, but i hope you feel better soon! if you need advice, i can help you out Smile

by beachbabe13 on 2/16/2010 6:09:00 PM

 
 

ATTENTION ALL GIRLS READING THIS!

if ur reading this girl talk column, u obviously care about advice. visit my profile, post me a question(if its super important, put ***** at the top) and ill answer in 3 days, guaranteed. if ur profile isn't publicly visible, i'll answer ur questions on MY profile. thanks! pass it on to ur friends!

~aspiring advice columnist, lauren

by soccergirl524 on 2/16/2010 5:16:24 PM

 
 

Hey girls!

*********Looking for a fun club? Want daily fashion and beauty tips? Want fun quizzes? Got any questions you just MUST ask? Do you just want a fun club? Then join Club Fashion and Beauty!
******************************************♥♫

by Club Fashion and Beauty on 2/16/2010 5:02:08 PM

 
 

Frown Sorry sweetie. death is one of those life-long mysteries. don't numb it out, time will heal u but i cant say how long until that is. for me, i think of myself as a person, and then i think "why are there people on earth? why am i here?" and all that. i wonder about this a lot. i tell myself that when someone dies (everyday a lot of people die) its life and im glad they actually got to experience it. i hope u realize that your friend had the blessing to actually live, and to experience life. sometimes u dont realize how good life is, and how blessed u are to be living. so anyway, i think of everyone as blessed and they're living people and they lived, and eventually they'll die. sorry this is long and kinda confusing im just saying my thoughts on all this and it might be random...hope i could help in some way.

by pearlnagem on 2/16/2010 4:54:59 PM

 
 

omg one of my best friends came so close to comiting suicide but thankfully we got her helped before it was too late.
my grandma passed away during the summer of 06 thats almost four years ago, and i still cant help but cry when i think about it.
trust me, things WILL get better in time. if you need to talk to someone just comment on my profile Smile
peace love cheer
megan

by headoverheals on 2/16/2010 4:45:09 PM

 
 

oh my gosh i am so so so sorry girly. i hope ur doing ok now. xoxo

by laffin4life on 2/16/2010 4:44:14 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD!!! What are some cool, sweat resistant, but stylish clothes to wear in during spring vacay? Also, what are some stylish colors for spring/summer? I'm going on a cruise to Mexico and Belize with my BFF!

 

Hey babe! How about some cotton sun dresses and soft skirts?  You could bring a pair of jean shorts (easy to move around in and will keep you cool), and light weight cover-ups for when you want to wear a swim suit!  

Megan R.

by skibunny9 on 2/16/2010 4:35:20 PM

 
 

OMG I feel sooooooooo sorry for you! I hope u feel better!! That's super tough.... Frown

by skibunny9 on 2/16/2010 4:29:28 PM

 
 

aw im sorry! its gotta be really really hard........

just know that all of us here on GL are here to support you!

by Hershey on 2/16/2010 4:23:16 PM

 
 

Comment on my pro xoxo

by {writerflair} on 2/16/2010 4:03:38 PM

 
 

that sucks, i'm sorry about that Frown

by aqua girl on 2/16/2010 3:40:01 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD!!!! What are some ways to burn belly fat, in a healthy way!!! I do crunches, but is there anything that works great!! Thanks so much!! MOD MOD MOD MOD!!!!

 


hey girl i answered this on one of your other posts


Hallie R.

by beautygirl212 on 2/16/2010 3:39:56 PM

 
 

Aww that's tough :[



I§abella

by CutieWithGlasses on 2/16/2010 3:18:12 PM

 
 

Oh, i feel so super bad 4 u! Frown

by Glamno5 on 2/16/2010 1:01:12 PM

 
 

It is okay my teacher has just died and my school was so sad we had people talk to us for a whole week!!! :[

by emdroxz992233 on 2/16/2010 12:26:07 PM

 
 

MOD!! MOD!! MOD!! I have a cat named Joey and he is pretty old. Every since yesterday morning he has been acting really weird. My mom thinks he had a stroke and she is takeing him to the vet today and he will proably have to be put down. This upsets me soo much, I cant take it anymore. I feel that its my fault because he was fine in the morning and he started acting weird later, but the thing is that I was with him all day from the time I woke up to the time he started acting weird, I think that its my fault because maybe I could have prevented it from happening. Please tell me how I can cope with this, I hae been upset about it and every time I look at him I want to cry or I do cry, when I think about it I cry. What do I do?

 

hey girl! i am so sorry! to make you feel better, we all see many pets come and go during our life times. and it is hard because we just grow to love em so much! but believe me, there was prob nothing you could have done. what happens with animals just happens sometimes. besides, i know how cats dont sit around much, so it's not like it was your job to be watching it! i know it's hard to move on from a pet, but just make sure you keep a pic of it so remember your little love, and get a new one when you are ready!

Hallie R.

by ginaxluver on 2/16/2010 12:21:37 PM

 
 

oh wow, im so sorry 2 hear that. God bless!Smile

by gotsmiles:)086 on 2/16/2010 12:01:31 PM

 
 

Sometimes it can be hard to get over death. Follow this advice and you will hopefully feel better. Smile
by the way, i really dislike the pics at the top of sad articles (like this one). they freak me out so sometimes i dont come on gl just cuz i hate the pics. could you consider this thanx

by actress456 on 2/16/2010 9:48:23 AM

 
 

ATTENTION ALL GIRLS READING THIS!

if ur reading this girl talk column, u obviously care about advice. visit my profile, post me a question(if its super important, put ***** at the top) and ill answer in 3 days, guaranteed. if ur profile isn't publicly visible, i'll answer ur questions on MY profile. thanks! pass it on to ur friends!

~aspiring advice columnist, lauren

by soccergirl524 on 2/16/2010 9:27:07 AM

 
 

O i am so sorry!

by 1lilyphant1 on 2/16/2010 8:23:05 AM

 
 






CLUB FEARLESS !!!!!!!!!!!!




by clubfearless on 2/16/2010 8:12:28 AM

 
 

omg girl! i am soooooooo sorry to hear your friend died. i hope the advice helps!
he girls come check out my profile and leave a comment!!!!!
please and thank you!
-Liz

by rightfield1 on 2/16/2010 7:03:08 AM

 
 

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by CLUB BOY CRAZY<3 on 2/16/2010 7:00:29 AM

 
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