I was best friends with a girl for six years, but this year I have made a lot of new friends and a possibly new best friend. She suddenly got really clingy and annoying and sometimes I don't even want to be her friend anymore.
She follows me around when I hang out with my other friends and gets mad when I don't invite her to hang out with us. I feel like I have grown up more than she has and it is really getting on my nerves.
I'm not sure how to handle it because every time I talk to her about it, she goes on about how I'm her only friend and how bad her life is. What should I do?
Hey girly, sorry to hear about the frustrating sitch. As much as we love our buddies, clinginess can get really old really fast. But before you do anything, I think there are a few things you def need to think about.
Walk a mile in her shoes
Now I don’t mean throw on your BFF's fave flats and head out for a walk, but you need to try to put yourself in her position (“her shoes”). You’ve been hanging out with your new pals, which is totally cool, but your lady is feelin’ a bit left out. It sounds like she’s worried about losing her bestest (and one of her only) friends: Y-O-U. So when she tags along or gets upset that she didn't get the invite, you’ve gotta understand that it’s just because she doesn’t want to lose your amazing friendship. Think about it: if you felt that way, what would you do?
Talk it out
I know you’ve tried to talk to her in the past, but give it another go. Except this time, try a diff approach. Instead of focusing on how frustrating her following your around is, talk about how you're still bestests even if you've added a few more sistahs to your own set. And when she brings up her lack of buds, help her out. Point out unique qualities that she has (is she a great artist? A math wiz?), and encourage her to seek out those areas where she might meet new peeps with similar interests.
Mix it up
Next time you hang with your new gal pals, invite your bestie along. Introduce her and help her feel comfortable. That way, she’ll feel better, plus you’ll be able to hang with all of your friends at once. You don’t have to separate your BFF from your other girls. And who knows? Maybe she'll fit in just fine.
All else fails...
If you've tried all of this and nada seems to be working, there might be no choice but to put a li'l distance between you and your old pal. Growing apart from somebody is never fun, but sometimes our interests and who we hang with change. Keep it touch with your girl, but if your heart's not into it, stay friendly and focus on doing what makes you feel best.
I hope things work out, girl!
~Kristen Y. <3
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POSTED ON 2/17/2010 7:00:00 AM
POSTED IN group, growing apart