GirlsLife.com - My friend's dad is dying of cancer

My good friend’s dad has terminal cancer. I’ve never had the feeling of knowing someone is going to die soon, so I don't know what to say to him. I don’t know how to act around him in normal circumstances or at times when I want to comfort him.

How can I still act normal around him for most of the time, and what can I say to comfort him in this difficult time?

Hey chica,

I’m really sorry to hear about you’re friend and his dad. Losing someone special is always hard and it’s as painful to watch your friend go through it all. However, don’t over think what you can do to comfort him because you’re care and concern is the start of everything that he’ll need.

Be a Cheerleader

Although you’ve never been in your friend’s situation, I would definitely encourage you to try to see it in his view. Would you want everyone to be constantly reminding you of what is going on by acting awkward around him? Or would you rather have your friends there to cheer you up and just be there for you? This isn’t to suggest that you make your friend completely ignore what’s going on, but to make sure that he’s not totally brought down by this.

Just Listen

In order to truly comfort your friend, you can also be a bit upfront about it. Tell him that you are aware of what’s going. Acknowledge it. And then, ask him what you can do or what he wants you to do in terms of supporting him. Then, just listen. You don’t need to bring it up again and again if you don’t know what to say because that just might make him feel awkward too. Whether or not he talks, simply be there to show that you’ll be with him entirely.

As your friend goes through these difficult times, pay more attention to his every word and action and he’ll know that he’s not alone.

Good Luck,

Jean

GOT YOUR OWN TOUGH STUFF SITCH? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk!

POSTED ON 4/6/2010 6:41:00 PM

My bff's mom has cancer too, and it's spreading and she just had surgery. I always feel helpless, but i just try to support her, keep her mind off things and i always listen when she needs to talk. And sometimes she just cries and i hold her and we sit there and cry. She tells me it helps a lot even tho i feel i am not helping. So the main thing is to be there for your friends. It sounds cheezy and lame but it's true. I hope I helped.
MOD MOD MOD!!!
Okay so me and my bff are going to an amusement park on saturday. I can invite one more friend but idk who to invite. I am trying to decide between 2 girls. One of them is my other bff but she is getting her wisdom teeth pulled tommarrow and idk if she will be up for it by then. But she is the kind of girl who will go even if she is in pain because she loves roller coasters so much, and everyone loves her. she is just so fun to have around. My other friend is nice and fun, but she is a bit arugemental (idk if thats a word haha). Like she super sweet but she always feels like she gets left out and stuff and like she always assumes ppl are mad at her when they aren't. I love her so much though because she is always open and talks to u about things. Idk who to bring HELP!!!!!!!!!

that's really hard....my friend's mom died when she was in third grade from cancer...i wasn't friends with her then but about 6 months ao her mom's story was on the front page on the newspaper and then just 2 months ago it had been three years we all thought she would be really sad but she organized a whole pmc kids rideon the day of it....my point is with time it'll get better.

by xodancegrl98 on 8/19/2010 9:06:57 PM

tell your friend, I am sorry for your loss after his dad dies, and just try being there for them.

by sixteengirl93 on 5/17/2010 6:48:49 PM

yeah, it's really hard. i know cuz my friend's dad has a horrible stomach cancer and he is almost definitely going to die and it is really scary... u just gotta offer 2 help and be the best friend you can be
good luck

by popstar234 on 5/16/2010 10:12:20 PM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi Girls!
*******
Thanks for reading this. I am reopening this club. We are now about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING! From food to body we can help you with anything!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
We also have jobs available. Come check out the page and if you want a job let me know. (v.p. and anything else is available)
````````````````
Hope to talk! XOXO

by <3beauty123 on 5/11/2010 5:54:34 PM

Oh..Mii..gosh same here my best friend's dad is dying of cancer and starts chemo in a month he also has a brain tumor.. i don't know what to sat to her.
so far i have just said well i am praying for you hunn. i promise things will be ok but they might get worse before they get better.

herparents also just both got laid off and are having financial troubles and has to move to a smller house in the area.
i am afraid she will get depressed..i am soo sorry.. <3

by morgie.mae20 on 5/10/2010 6:28:05 PM

MOD
Is there any way someone on Girlslife.com to be able to become a moderator? Is it POSSIBLE?
If so, how could I?

Information about becoming a mod is on the page that discusses interning at GL.

Kayla C.

by babygirl1010 on 5/6/2010 8:19:29 PM

omigosh im soooo sorry. I know that its so hard losing someone ur close to, but just remember that you will get through this. It'll be ok.
ps check out my profile please and comment

by m3girl97 on 4/19/2010 12:36:49 PM

That is so sad! My cousin has a friend who is dying of cancer but with lots of support for your friend I'm sure he'll get through it.
Infinite X's and O's

by icecreamsandwich13 on 4/17/2010 5:51:40 PM

by aqua girl on 4/10/2010 7:00:24 PM

i'm sorry about that. that's so sad. the best thing i think is just be there for her, listening to her and being really nice to her. also don't bring it up.

by aqua girl on 4/10/2010 6:41:44 PM

MODD!!!
I think there is something wrong with me. I always bottle my emotions up and I never feel like I can tell anybody how I'm truly feeling. I'm always worried about hurting peoples feelings so I never do the things I wanna do. I end up exploding into tears when I bottle my emotions up for too long and when people ask me if I wanna talk about it I never tell them what's really bothering me. I'm also incredibly shy (which sucks because I'm in high school now and I shouldn't be shy). Plus I always feel like I'm holding up an image around everyone. I never feel like I'm acting like myself. I just don't know what to do.

Hey girl, you just gotta be yourself. Don't worry so much. Live each day as a new experience, enjoy it. Your friends will love you for who you are.

Lauren R.

by Gryffindorgirleb on 4/10/2010 1:10:24 PM

aww i'm so sorry for u and ur friend! and all of his family u should try being really super nice and maybe give him some space when he needs it!

by purple9111 on 4/9/2010 6:30:51 PM

that's so sad!!!

by checkersoflife on 4/9/2010 6:12:37 PM

Dear Mod,
I got home last night to find my dad watching something on youtube... I didnt think anything of it. I just looked at the history from last night on his comp. and turns out, he was watching really bad videos on there.
I really need help. Please reply as quick as possible!!! SHould i tell my mom? Who??
Thankz!!

Hey girl, that is a pretty awkward situation. I guess if you are really worked up about it you could confront your dad.

by cheyz09 on 4/9/2010 8:15:17 AM

I just started a new school and met these new friends and this girl's dad was dying. Ppl were super mean and insensitive, so I was the only friend she had for a long while, so I feel for you. Being super nice and just hanging around the person makes them feel like you're supporting them, even if you never talk to them about it.

by cvfan on 4/8/2010 8:14:27 PM

ATTENTION ALL GIRLS READING THIS!

if ur reading this girl talk column, u obviously care about advice. visit my profile, post me a question(if its super important, put ***** at the top) and ill answer in 3 days, guaranteed. if ur profile isn't publicly visible, i'll answer ur questions on MY profile(NOW WITH 1600 PLUS COMMENTS!!!). thanks! pass it on to ur friends!

~aspiring advice columnist, lauren

by soccergirl524 on 4/8/2010 5:07:41 PM

i'm so srry about tht but just provide your friend with the support they need. try to give them positive thoughts. Hopefully everything will be fine

by luvs2dance on 4/7/2010 7:45:45 PM

Very sorry. That happened to me x-cept it was my BFFs mom. She had lung cancer. My friend called me the next day crying for hours. *sad face*
♥, luvinlife828
(Rosie)

by luvinlife828 on 4/7/2010 6:33:34 PM

im so sorry. :~(
my grandma passed away from cancer. but she still with me.

by j4zm09 on 4/7/2010 3:15:00 PM

MOD MOD MOD!!!! k so two questions!!! so the first one is any good tricks that can get rid of a pimple fast not with and ance products just household item????? then the second is i am due to get my period tomorrow and it will last when i am going on a trip next week well the beginging and i always have super bad cramps but i have already seen a docter and she said it was normal... but got any ideas how to make them not as painful???? thanks!!!
XOXO,
Heart333

Hey Girl! For that pimple, try compressing a super hot washcloth on it. The steam will help it come to the surface and basically pop on its own. As for the cramps, check out our period section of the site! We have some great tips for a happy period. If the problem continues or gets worse, try talking to your doctor about other options. Sometimes medication might be the best way to cure the PMS blues! xo Lizzie

lizzie n.

by heart333 on 4/7/2010 1:33:55 PM

***MOD MOD MOD MOD**** I'm sick today, i have a bad cold and my head feel like its being smashed by a million bricks and its spring break! I can't hang out w/ friends today or i'll make them sick, and I'm so bored. Any ideas of what to do today?

Hey girl, what a bummer! If its nice where you are I would go outside and spread out a blanket and just take it easy. That way you can at least enjoy the weather without over doing it so you can get better sooner. Of course you can always use this as chance to watch all your favorite TV shows and movies, just be sure to get lots of rest.

- Gabrielle

gabrielle m.

by summernight_dreams on 4/7/2010 12:45:06 PM

MOD*MOD*MOD so, i don't think i have any true friends. i thought i did, but i can't trust them. they don't invite me to anything, then post pictures on facebook and talk about how much fun it was in front of me! they don't save me seats at lunch so i have to sit with ppl i'm not good friends with. this is a BIG group of ppl so it'll hurt if they all dump me. and i will also talk to a few ppl in the group about how the other ppl are leaving me out and they will say that they are my true friends. but then they go and do the same thing. now that they are all ignoring me, i think i annoy them. b/c of that, i get paranoid and think i annoy everyone who i talk to. and a lot of the ppl i'm not friends with are ppl i have tried being friends with but it never worked out. i probably have one close friend now because my other friends(the ones that i can't trust) told a really big secret to people and the school counselor so she is not even friends with them anymore. i don't know what do. i start highschool next year and i probably won't see them again(4 schools go into northwood) and i'll make new friends. but i want to end this year a good year. i don't want to be alone on the last field trip(to the beach) with the ppl i've been with my whole life. i want to take pictures with a bunch of friends but that won't happen if i don't have any friends. i don't even want to go to the 8th grade social anymore either. and it'll suck if i don't b/c i already have the dress. i just want to have my friends back. i don't know if i should dump them or try to regain a friendship with them. any advice? i know its complicated but i just want to know what you think. thank you!!!! p.s. sorry it's a lot.

Hey girl, I'm really sorry to hear all of that. Feeling left out is something I think everyone goes through at some point, and its definitely no fun. Instead of trying hard with the people who are leaving you out, try backing off for a little bit and focusing on other things. Don't be paranoid that you're being annoying. Just because they're mean doesn't mean you're annoying! Hopefully you'll have a good time at your social events and a good summer. Highschool will be a whole new chapter in your life, and you're going to meet so many great new people. Its hard to believe now, but one day you'll barely remember all those people who were rude to you in middle school. Good luck girl!

by ♫RockOn64♫ on 4/7/2010 11:18:47 AM

My cousin has congustive heart failure. He is at Mayo. He is only a junior in high school. I don't know what to do. He has never been "normal" he's had lung liver and heart problems all his life and has not gotten over 5 ft. He's not mentally disabled though. He's awesome. I don't know what we would do without him. I bet he's soooo scared but he only has his parents with him because the hostipital he's at is 10 hours away from his home, a farm. I hope I can visit him or his siblings (back at home) this week, but my sister Is in the musical at school and is busy all week as her shows are from Thursday to Sunday and I have my first JV soccer game as an eighth grader on saturday ( which I would be glad to miss). Wow. That felt good to get that off my chest.

by Balloonluvr on 4/7/2010 10:53:37 AM

aww that sad but u should talk to him or it will just get weirder

by coly33 on 4/7/2010 10:51:17 AM

that is so sad! im so sorry this is happening. if you ever need someone to talk to im here for ya

hey girls! I give advice on just about anything! I'm really experienced in being an advice giver and can help you get out of even the toughest sitch! so post a comment on my profile and I'll be happy to help ya

by summerlover0116 on 4/7/2010 10:41:52 AM

I'm so sorry. I couldn't really say I understand, but I am sorry. Try to do things with your friend to get her mind off of it for at least 1 hour a day, and if that doesn't work just listen to anything she needs to say.

by calalove99 on 4/7/2010 9:14:09 AM

My mom had breast cancer and all my friends comforted me until my mom got out of the hospital.

by zumiez on 4/7/2010 8:53:40 AM

Frnd just listen to ur heart as ur frnd is hurted ur frnd need support if u are not going to cheer him up then who be support for ur frnd

by CuteBebo on 4/7/2010 5:48:12 AM

by Cali_Babe on 4/6/2010 10:35:55 PM

Do you love to write?
Do you want to try to write?
Then (club) Writers Corner is for you!

We have a website (go to my profile for a link) where all teen girl writers can ask for advice on what tot write, get directions on how to write certain genres, share their writing pieces, and talk about life in general.

Sound cool? Then what are you waiting for? Click on my profile, comment, click on the link on mi profile, and enjoy! (and of course write.)

by Writers Corner on 4/6/2010 9:50:15 PM

I've lost lots of pppl

by Memesputerpunkingirl on 4/6/2010 8:37:38 PM

this is the same thing thats going on wit me. except... im the friend wit the dad thats has cancer.

by verenice<3 on 4/6/2010 7:56:40 PM

My Grandparents both had terminal cancer. Its really hard to live watching someone you love go through that

by haleyhay3 on 4/6/2010 7:40:33 PM

wow that sucks

by aqua girl on 4/6/2010 7:40:23 PM

It was really hard when my grandma passed away just three months ago, but thankfully I had all my family and friends to help me go through. Just having them there made it easier.

by LoveLifePeace on 4/6/2010 7:38:18 PM

It's pretty weird how this girl writes asking how she should act around the dad, not how she should comfort her friend. That's what I thought it would be. Weird... :/

by CutieWithGlasses on 4/6/2010 7:36:29 PM

This is sooo sad. I can't imagine knowing that your going to die.

by LolaGranola on 4/6/2010 7:33:56 PM

MOD MOD MOD
Ok, so me and my sis just watched our neighbors house burn down,

and I was wondering if there's anything you can think of to do to help them.Also, how can I not be so paranoid that ours is next? Thanks!

Oh man, I'm so sorry! If you want to help them out, try starting a fundraiser for them. You can ask your friends, your neighbor's friends, family, etc. to make small contributions and give it to them as a gift to help them out with buying new clothes, food, etc. You should also make sure they know how much you care about them and how you're there if they need anything, even just to talk - right now, knowing that people are supporting them will mean SO much! And house fires happen but are rare. Just make sure you're careful with your electronics and don't light matches or anything else that could start a fire. You'll be ok <3

Lauren C.

by yellowducky2713 on 4/6/2010 7:19:05 PM

by soccergirl524 on 4/6/2010 7:13:16 PM

OMG!!! Im so sorry for ur friend!! Send the family all my love!!! and also people plz comment on my Profile!! I have no comments *WAHHH* *SOB*

by lollipop12 on 4/6/2010 7:02:42 PM

I agree with this, and it is a tough time when a loved one is dying, so your friend may want someone to talk to. Just listen to him and give your advice, also if he starts acting strange (like not talking to you strange), just give him some time alone, because maybe he just needs to absorb all of this in. I'm so sorry, and if you need someone to talk to, I'll be here.

by DogLuv848 on 4/6/2010 6:58:56 PM

That is so sad and i'm so sorry. I think you shouldn't try to be extra nice or else your friend will feel vulnerable.

by 1cutiepie24546 on 4/6/2010 6:52:09 PM

Becca G.

is modding

Lauren R.

is modding

My friend's dad is dying of cancer

ADD A COMMENT