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101 Comments | Add Yours

My BFF and I are drifting apart

 

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I've been best friends with this one girl for 8 years. Last year, I moved to a new school and now we barely talk. Whenever we are on the phone or online, there's nothing to talk about. I really miss my best friend, but how can I keep this friendship going without it getting too awkward? I don't want to lose her.

Hey girl, sometimes even the best friendships drift apart and it’s neither girls’ fault. You start going to different schools; you see less of each other. It happens gradually and sometimes you don’t even realize it until it may seem like it’s too late. Here’s the thing though: it never is.

While you may not be besties with this girl anymore, your friendship is far from dead. You’ll find by reconnecting and making an effort to see each other, you can def bring this distant friendship back from its “grave.”

It Comes Naturally
 
First of all, don’t feel bad about what happened. Neither of you did anything wrong; your schools just came between you. A lot of times close friends fall into new cliques, move or go to different places, etc. What’s important to know, however, is that there are definitely new people around you. You don’t have to be limited to one best friend and you’ll find if you have an open mind, your new crew at your school can become some of your closest friends, too.

No Lost Connection
 
As for your old bestie, getting the convos flowing again is as easy as finding the strength to make the first move. The next time she’s online, try IMing her. You’ll find since it’s been a while since you chatted there will be TONS to catch up on. Ask about her classes, sports, activities, summer plans -- anything. Once you break the ice, it will be like you never were apart in the first place.

As for the awkwardness? Realize it’s not there. Sometimes people can make things way more awk than they have to be by acting and being uncomfortable. Don’t be that person. Know you may not have talked recently, but you’ve got eight years of friendship under your belt (and eight years of memories and inside jokes for those silences).

Let’s Get Together
 
Once you have your convo and reconnect, continue to talk regularly with your friend. Make a point to bring her back into your life. Invite her to sleepover one weekend. Try inviting her to the next party you have or to meet your new friends. You’ll find the more you talk and see each other (when you can, of course), the more you’ll build a bridge over that gap of separation. Sure, you may not be the besties you used to be, but in the end, what matters is that you still and will always be friends.

Good luck, girl!

Infinite xoxo’s,
Alyssa B.
 
FRIENDS GOT YOU FRANTIC? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk.    

POSTED ON 4/28/2010 12:02:00 PM

POSTED IN growing apart

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aww thats ok i have that same going on right youll get through just talk it with her peace

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by gkegke on 5/27/2010 10:40:11 AM

 
 

MODMODMODMODMOD
I feel like im losing my best friend! This year she has become really good friends with this other girl. I dont have a problem with that, but they always spend time together and have all these inside jokes and i feel like the third wheel. Theyre friends with these few older guys and thats all i hear at lunch. They just sit and talk to eachother about the guys and all this stuff i dont know about. So i kinda just sit there and listen cause i dont know anything theyre talking about. Also she tells this other girl all these secrets and not me Frown Shell be like "oh i forgot to tell you." She may not mean it, but it really hurts. I want my bff back! What should i do?




Hey girl, I'm sorry. I know it's really hard being the odd one out, and you should try to tell your friend how sad it makes you. If you let her know you feel like you two are growing apart she'll be more conscious of how your feelings may be hurt. This article isn't exact to your situation since one of the girls isn't your best friend, but you'll probably find some helpful advice in it: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2010/03/15/left-out-BFFs.aspx . Keeping your hurt feelings inside won't help, so try to let your friend know so you can be happier. Good luck! 
Abby C.

report

by rachiiann on 5/19/2010 3:31:43 PM

 
 

modmodmodmodmodmod so a few days ago at a field trip some older guy was hitting on my friend bella, so to get him to go away my friend lana told the guy bella was her lesbian lover ( lana tends to say odd things like that to strangers to be funny)but someone must of overheard her telling part of the story and now there are tons of rumors going around the school that lana actully is lesbian. she not, and she was really upset and started crying yesterday about it. i want to help but i have no idea how to stop the rumors. its really hard because lana really hasnt ever liked any guys at our school yet and she kind of dresses sort of frumpy. i think this has led people to believe the lies. but she's really not lesbian and its stressing her out big time. please help me help her!

 

Hey girl,
Oh, I am so sorry to hear about the misunderstanding.  People can be way immature sometimes.  It's great to know that she has a friend like you thinking about her.  The best thing you can do is to be supportive of her during this rough time.  And if anyone asks, you can set the rumors straight.  Other than that, it's best to remember that gossip usually moves out as fast as it comes, so hopefully people will be over this soon and talking about something new.  If it gets worse or you two think you need more support, think about talking with your school counselor.  xoxo


Marie H.

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by koalaqueen395 on 5/15/2010 11:00:48 PM

 
 

i know that's right me and my friend haven't talk for 2 years and we promised each other to keep in touch with each other and she haven't called me yet. wat can i do to keep in touch with her .

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by princess2016 on 5/15/2010 8:57:01 PM

 
 

awww, I'm sorry.

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by sixteengirl93 on 5/15/2010 1:36:39 PM

 
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