You and your bestie are super close—you share clothes, sign up for the same teams and shoot texts back and forth about a bazillion times a day. But lately, you’re sensing something big is bothering her—and you’re just not exactly sure how to talk to her about it. Here’s the scoop on what to do when your bud’s bummed—and how to help her tackle the toughest of times.
HER ’RENTS ARE FIGHTING
How she feels Stuck in the middle, maybe even feeling somehow responsible.
Help her deal Since things at home are hectic, get your chica outta there as much as possible. A one-on-one Saturday night sleepover at your place will give her a breather as well as a chance to open up. Or join a new club together to give her a boost of confidence and a nice distraction from the drama. Girls are asking why she seems sad? Don’t give ’em deets. Your pal’s sitch is private, keep it that way.
A FAMILY MEMBER DIED
How she feels Shocked, upset and totally sad. She’s really missing her loved one right now.
Help her deal The best thing you can do for her is be present. Go to the funeral if she wants you to. Send a sympathy card or bring over a casserole. Your bestie is bound to miss school so offer to pick up her assignments. Saying something like “Hey, I know you’re really missing your grandma right now,” will acknowledge how sad she is and give her the chance to talk. She’s not up to that yet? Just being there for a hug is help enough.
SHE’S SUPER STRESSED
How she feels All over the place. Like life is moving too fast and she can’t catch up. Basically on the brink of a freakout.
Help her deal Help her get some balance back by planning a stress-free (and fun!) outing like shopping, the movies or getting mani/pedis. Be there as much as you can for your superstar sistah—bring flowers to her concert or hold up a sign at her cross-country meet. That kind of support will have your girl smilin’.
SHE HAS A MAJOR SECRET
How she feels Scared, alone and unsure of how to ask for help.
Help her deal If something’s way wrong with your friend (she’s lost a lot of weight, she seems sad 24/7, she’s a no-show at girls night), gently say, “You don’t seem yourself lately...can you tell me what’s going on? I’m your best friend and I won’t judge you, I promise.” If she opens up to you, listen intently then offer your best advice or help her brainstorm some solutions.
The sitch is serious? Find a trusted adult, counselor or doc for her to talk to, and offer to go with her. If she’s really in crisis (threatening suicide, for example), tell an adult everything you know immediately. Once your BFF gets help, keep her strong with thoughtful gestures and little notes letting her know just how fab a friend she really is.
BY CAIT ROHAN ON 9/4/2010 12:00:00 AM
POSTED IN how can I help my friend