I have a disease that affects my hips and is incredibly painful. I started a new medication and the pain went away for a while, but now it’s back. I can’t sleep and my hips hurt really badly, but I still haven’t told my mom. She's so much happier now that she thinks I¹m feeling better, and I don’t want to hurt her. Please help!

I’m way sorry to hear about your sitch but let me start by saying by not telling your mother how you’re feeling, you’re hurting her even more. She wants to see you well and take care of you. Even though you’re lying with the best intentions, your mom can’t make you feel better if you’re keeping your pain from her. And trust me when I say it’ll hurt her a lot more knowing you couldn’t tell her how you’re feeling than just saying the medication isn’t working. But no fears, girl. I’ve got some tips on how to tell her that will keep you both optimistic about the future.

In your mom’s shoes
First thing first, why should you tell your mom? To understand the reason, it’s important to think of this from her perspective. She’s there to take care of you; it’s her job as a parent. She loves you and wants to see you well and comfortable. She’s happy now because she thinks you’re feeling better.

When she finds out the medication is working, she won’t be hurt because of you. It’s not your or her fault the medication no longer works. She may be upset that you’re in pain, but she’ll channel those feelings into helping you again. She’ll call the doctor and you’ll see him and try a new method. She won’t be offended. What’s happening to you is something neither of you can control, but with the right care, can help. That’s why it’s so important to let her know when something isn’t working. You shouldn’t have to suffer because you’re afraid she’ll be upset.

How to tell her
In this case, it’s better to tell your mom sooner rather than later about how you’re feeling and when she’s alone. The next time you see her, ask your mom if you can have a private word. Be honest and tell her that while the medicine was working for a while, you’re in pain now. Ask if you can go to the doctor and seek a new solution together. Keep an optimistic attitude -- it’ll help her keep hers sunny side up. Be gentle, honest and genuine when you talk to your mom, and it’ll all be all right.