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Tired of the trash talk

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One of my friends has been talking trash about everyone in our crew, including me. She’s nice to me face-to-face, but then she starts badmouthing me to our other friends when I’m not around. She clearly doesn’t like me. How do I get rid of her?

Dear Tired of It,

She clearly doesn’t like you? All that’s clear is she likes to gossip. And now the rest of you are talking about her behind her back, too. This behavior among groups of friends is normal, but mean-spirited gossip can be destructive. Instead of trying to get rid of your friend, can you help her change her ways? Next time she wants to trash someone nice, say, “Nobody’s perfect, but I like her, so I don’t want to criticize her.” Kindness beats cruelty every time. And next time the girls want to dish, pick a celeb or dissect a character in a new movie or book. The world can be hard enough – friends should support friends.

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BY CAROL WESTON ON 5/10/2011 8:00:00 AM

POSTED IN bust my bestie problem, bad friend, dear carol solves BFF probs, group, dealing with gossip

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This post reminds me of a movie I saw called "Odd Girl Out". Whenever the girl's friend was around, she was smiling in her face but when the girl wasn't around, the girl's "friend" badmouthed about her. You should confront her and tell her how you feel. If she denies, your spy skills have to come out. Sneak around a little bit. Try to prove her wrong. But if she wasn't badmouthing you in the first place, apologize and say it was a big misunderstanding. Hope this helped

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by itsLeahBroo on 4/27/2012 7:45:54 PM

i'm normally the person that does the bad mouthing. i just cant help it. when i get mad or jealous i tell ppl their secrets. once i told this complete stranger one of my friends secrets. i backstab ppl all the time. HELP ME

Hey girl,

You said in your other post that you gossiped about a pal because you were jealous she was spending time with other girls, so maybe it's time to look to the deeper cause of your behavior with other girls, too. Gossip can make you feel important and make other people want to talk to you, but in the end it's unkind and only leads to hurting people you love. Instead of telling other people's secrets, try spreading good gossip, like how awesome your bff was in her soccer game last week!

Meghan D.

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by abigail11 on 4/21/2012 9:12:50 AM

Mod! Theres this girl in my grade and ever since grade 7 started,(i'm in gr 8) she hates my bff and I. But the problem is I have no clue what we did to make her so mad at me, although I don't think I even did anything.It's been getting me down lots lately. Me and my bff had to go to counciling with the girl and her friend in gr 7, that's how bad it was. Since then, it's been controlling my life, and Im losing my confidence. I feel I am being judged by everyone, especially The popular people, and I feel unwanted at school and at even church(the girl and I go to same church), and my parents had to convince me to go to bible camp. I hate talking to my parents about it, and I feel if I tell anyone else than my bff the girl will get mad at me again. But she's nice to my face and I don't know what she does behind my back. How do I deal with her and what to say to her? And who can I talk to about it, and even though it's indirect, is it still bullying?Thx so much

Hey girlie!

Is there any adult or teacher at your school that you feel like you may be able to talk to? Or perhaps a guidance counselor? They could probably give you better advice than I could on the subject because you could give them more details. Sometimes all you can really do is confide in your parents though. if you sit them down and really talk to them rationally then they'll be able to help you out, I promise!

Jordan S.

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by marshmelo on 10/6/2011 1:12:49 AM

at my old school gossip and the want to be popular ended up hurting a lot of girls... don't encourage it, if all your other friends do it try to find other stuff to gossip about that won't hurt your crew. At my new school i have at least 3 friends from each clique and the gossip is very low.

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by devann8 on 10/5/2011 10:39:29 PM

MOD MOD MOD
Okay, so I have this BFF I've known for about 3 years. She can be super-sweet, awesome, funny, and loyal, but also lying, rude, and manipulative! She told me that one of friends was mad at me, and I asked the friend if she was mad at me and she said no! I don't know why she lied! She also claims she's "pyschic" and has been saying I'd end with my boyfriend. Who turned out to be my ex. Then she switched it to my crush! I'm tired of all the lying. And when I say are you lying, she gets all defensive, but I can tell she is. Me and my friends are tired of the lying. What can we do?

Hey chica!

If you can tell that she's lying, try to just ignore it. It seems like she likes the attention, so maybe if you stop giving her so much she'll stop making things up! You could always try to talk to her again because the more she hears it, the more she'll be able to realize how upset you guys are with her. Good luck!

Katelyn L.

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by AvatarTLA on 8/16/2011 3:59:29 PM