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The 411 on mixing friends

 
 
I hang out with two groups of friends: my preppie friends from before and my sporty newer friends. My old friends complain that I hang out with my new friends too much, and vice versa. Last weekend, I stayed home alone because I didn’t know which group to hang out with and didn’t want to let anyone down. I tried to get them together to know each other better, but it didn’t work out. I don’t have one friend from either group who understands how hard it is for me to choose. Can you please give me ideas on what to do?

 

Dear Fought-Over Friend,

While going out with two guys is pretty much against the rules, having lots of different friends isn’t. You don’t really need to choose—there’s enough of you to go around and enough days in the summer to hang out with lots of people. If the old friends say, “Want to go to a movie?” you can say, “I’d love to,” or “Sorry, I made plans for tonight but how about tomorrow?”

 

Try not to feel apologetic or defensive—the more comfortable you are with the situation, the more comfortable others will feel. One more tip: Don’t spend your time with one group talking about what you like and what annoys you about the other group. Good luck!

 

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BY CAROL WESTON ON 7/5/2011 8:00:00 AM

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MOD,
I'm not sure what I should do. I have two super close friends. But now there's a new girl at our school (lets call her J).One of my friends (lets call her K) was friends with J over the summer. But now since school started, J has completely turned on K and is very rude to K to her face and behind her back. But because J has no one else, she still hangs out with my friends on us. K is afraid to stand up to J, so my other friend (M) and I have been standing up for her. We've told J we have no interest in being friends with her if she continues to act like this. She doesn't understand this though. M and I know its hard to come to a new school, especially in a small town where everyone already has their own small group friends, but she is walking all over K and K is miserable. We have told our teacher, but I'm not sure it will change anything. M and I have told J four times as directly and kindly as we can, but she doesn't get the message. J's attitude isn't changing




Hey girl,

Maybe it's time to follow through on your claims then. You've said you didn't want to be friends with J if she continued being so mean to someone who didn't deserve it, so maybe now it's time to pull back and be less available for her when she wants to talk/hang out. Being around so much negativity isn't healthy for anyone! And it's so great you're helping K feel more secure and wanted by sticking up for her - that's totally the right thing to do. But when J realizes that she can't just walk all over people or she'll have to pay the price at some point, she might realize that being a bully isn't worth it <3 Or maybe not...but then, at least you've cut that negativity out of your life!
Lauren C.

by CanadianGirl_0606 on 10/27/2011 7:01:35 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!
Hi ;) So I went to a new school this year and I made a few new friends. thing is, I don't want to be in their 'group'. I'd like to be friends with both groups, but I want to be in the other group. The other girls are OK with me sitting with them at lunch and whatever, but I'm having trouble leaving the other girls. They were nice to me when I didn't know anyone, but I'd like to be friends with the other group more this group just doesn't feel right... How do I seamlessly move into their gropu without hurting the first group's feelings?
Also, I want to try out for basketball but I'm not very good! How can I get better in time for tryouts?
Thank you so much and I appreciate it!




Hey girl, why do you have to choose one group? Balance both by splitting your lunches with them. As for basketball, just practice, practice, practice a little bit each day. You've got time now; use it

xoxo 
Alyssa B.

by elleeroses on 8/23/2011 11:51:52 PM

 
 



MOD I have a friend (I’ll call her Jenna) that's 4 years older than me that I met through the barn where I ride. Yesterday she invited me to go a horse show on Saturday with her sister (6 years older than me) and said that they were meeting two of Jenna’s friends there. My parents are fine with it but they’re all at least 4 years older than me and I don’t really know Jenna’s friends. I’m scared it'll be awkward with me being there. I’m not sure if I should go or not even though I really want to... if I go how can I stop it from being totally uncomfortable? Thanks!




Hey girl, by not letting yourself be uncomfortable. Forget the numbers and jsut be you around Jenna and her pals. They won't notice the age difference unless you pick it out.

xoxo 
Alyssa B.

by candgrl on 8/18/2011 10:51:13 PM

 
 



MOD I have a friend (I’ll call her Jenna) that's 4 years older than me that I met through the barn where I ride. Yesterday she invited me to go a horse show on Saturday with her sister (6 years older than me) and said that they were meeting two of Jenna’s friends there. My parents are fine with it but they’re all at least 4 years older than me and I don’t really know Jenna’s friends. I’m scared it'll be awkward with me being there. I’m not sure if I should go or not even though I really want to... if I go how can I keep it from being totally uncomfortable? Thanks!




Hey, Girl! Sorry for the “stock” message. We’re psyched you’re here but since this is a super busy time, mods aren’t able to answer personal advice or contest questions. We’re approving your comments now so the girls can start offering feedback right away! If you still have questions, please come back, we’re happy to help…or just let the other chicas answer now! (They give awesome advice, trust us!) Love and thanks! ♥, Your Blog Patrol Babes 
Alyssa B.

by candgrl on 8/18/2011 6:26:23 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
My friend said that her older sister and her older sisters best friend and her sisters best friends sister who isd my friends age are going to a 16 and under club and that they were sneaking in and stuff and that it's going to be fun (their going tomorrow night) and didn't invite me! My mom said their lying because she's never heard of that club before but I feel so left out What should i do? Please help! By the way,their sisters are 13 and were 12. Thanks!
Briana




 Hey Girl!

Sorry to hear you're feeling left out. If you're really offended, try bringing it up with them -- but don't be mean and accuse them of trying to hurt your feelings. Maybe they just want to spend some time with their sisters -- so don't be hurt, and understand that it's not personal.
Sarah G.

by JBfan97 on 8/15/2011 3:13:42 AM

 
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