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GUYS | DEAR CAROL

How long should I wait for my ex?


 
I’m 13. My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. He says he still likes me a lot, but he just needs some “space” and “time.” I really, really like him, and I told him I’d wait ‘til he’s ready. But it’s been so long that I’m tired of waiting. I want to ask him about it, but if I do, he might find me annoying.
 

Dear Tired of Waiting,

Most breakups don’t come with tidy explanations. Rather than breaking up with you outright, he may have though it would be easier to say he needed time. Ha! Easier for him, not you. Please don’t wasted any more hours waiting for his text or call. Not only does waiting in the wings as Little Miss Available put you in an unflattering light, it’s eating up your valuable time. Get out there and laugh with friends, and remind yourself that you are too young and wonderful to be moping and hoping about one boy. If way down the road you two pick up where you left off, fine. For now though, don’t be sitting at the intersection wishing it would happen.

 
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BY CAROL WESTON ON 3/13/2013 12:00:00 AM

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MOD MOD MOD!!!!!
At camp, there was this one guy, and we slow danced, and I really liked him. Then, he asked me to be his girlfriend for the night, and I got so caught up that I thought he meant really be his girlfriend, and actually, he only meant pretend so he could impress his friends. What's worse is that I still liked him after. I thought I would get over him, and then we danced one more time, and this time, he told me how other guys saw me. He said that they saw me as hot and beautiful and a 10 outta 10 and a smart, sweet girl. And then, he said that he didn't see me that way. He only saw me as a friend. He broke my heart, and I just can't stop thinking of him. Also, on the last day, he was making sure that i didn't really hate him, which I don't, even though everyone says I should. My mom said he was trying to keep his options open in case he decided he did like me. He sounds like a jerk, but I still cant get over him. How do I get over this guy?




Hey girl,

To get over him, you just need to take your mind off of him by doing other activities. Each day it will be easier to stop thinking about him, and soon you won't even think about him at all. You should also try to meet nicer guys who do think of you as being beautiful and smart, and don't just wanna use you for a couple of slow dances. Good luck! x0x0 
Casey L.

by romanticbookworm13 on 7/19/2011 12:51:35 PM

 
 

MOD MOD.... k, so me and this guy started liking eachother about a year ago. I finaly had the courage to tell him and we've been 'together' ever since. It's been 10 months. My friends say he needs to be a better boyfriend. He never comes on time and he always changes plans. But he still makes it every once and a while. I LOVE hanging out with him and i feel at home whenever i'm with him. He respects me and doesn't cross boundaries. A little more than a week ago he started ignoring me and was obviously avoiding me. I called him and asked what was up and he said he needed a 'break' to figure out what he wants. I've been missing him like crazy and can't get him off of my mind.... ?????????? Help?




Hey girl,

Ouch, this is so tough. But this happens during relationships sometimes, especially when you've been going out for as long as you have. It might be that his feelings have fizzled (which unfortunately happens sometimes, with one person in the relationship losing interest just because the "honeymoon" phase of the first few months is over). It could be that he met someone who didn't steal him away, but who made him wonder what else is out there (which is also normal - we're young and it's so rare for people to stay together for many years right now because of the need to explore). And it could just be that he wants to be alone for a while. Either way, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong - so try to be upbeat about it, even if it's hard. This gives you both a chance to stretch your wings and see what else is out there, whether it's a new guy, more quality time with your besties, a new sport, or a hobby you always wanted to try. He's using this time to "figure things out," so you should use this time for YOU as well. Pamper yourself and treat yourself to all the things that make you happiest. Try not to wait around for him - usually, guys use "break" as an easy way to break things off without hurting you as much. Instead, focus on yourself and let time pass. I know you don't wanna hear this, but time will make it hurt a lil less <333
Lauren C.

by Jazzi_12 on 7/18/2011 11:16:49 PM

 
 

MOD! Im so upset. Me and this guy like eachother. The thing is he goes to a different school. That isnt the problem though. I live in the in the middle of no where, & i hate it because i dont get to hang out with anyone. Anyways, this guy reeeally wants me to hang out, but he keeps asking me to hang out when I cant/not allowed. He's coming over to my house this week, but he almost broke off our 'thing' because i couldnt come to his house today! I dont know what to do. I know that if he really liked me he would stay with me & we'd be able to ger around it. But he's not used to not being able to hang out everyday. He told my bestfriend it would be hard to date me because i can hardly ever hang out!

 

 

Hey chica! If this guy doesn't respect you and your situation, then he's not worth your time. Sorry to put that bluntly, but he should understand. Of course, it's natural that he wants to see you, but it's not your fault, since your rents make the rules. Maybe, try talking to your parents about it. Maybe, they can be more flexible.

xxx

Becca G.

by jordanll on 7/17/2011 11:01:47 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
Lauren, thanks for the advice. I have another question. We've been texting a bit lately. How do I tell him I'm not going to wait around forever without hurting him, even though he's hurting me.




I think it's better not to be too direct about that. You don't want to come right out and be like, "I'm not waiting for you anymore!" since you might hurt him, and that'd be bad just in case you want to try dating him in the future. Instead, just be a little more distant - a little less available, if that makes sense. Obviously staying friends with him and chatting with him is totally fine, but don't let it go beyond that "friend" zone. Be friendly and warm but, if anything crosses that line, just politely tell him "You know I'm not your girlfriend." Don't be in a rush to respond to his texts either - just treat him like you would treat any of your other friends, girl or guy. That way, you aren't playing any games or hurting him...you're just friends, as you should be until he's single again <3
Lauren C.

by jayhawk94 on 7/17/2011 3:20:15 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
This is about as complicated of a problem as it can get, but I really need some advice. There is this guy that I really like. He has liked me for years, but I turned him down a couple of years ago because I wasn't ready to date yet. He asked this girl out, but said he didn't really like her when he asked her out. They have been dating for almost 2 years now. He told me that he still likes me, but he can't break her heart. He also said that if anything happened between them, we would date. His girlfriend is my friend, and I know that he really really likes me, but he doesn't want to break up with her. How long am I supposed to wait? I can't just wait around forever. Please help!




Hey girl,

If he's been with her this long, he isn't just sticking around to avoid hurting her. I'll bet he likes her a lot - but also likes you - so he's pretty confused. Either way, it's been two years, so you owe it to yourself not to wait around for him. To be honest, if he was gonna break up with her for you or anyone else, he probably would've done it already. Instead of waiting and constantly wishing he'd finally do it, appreciate your feelings for him but try to expand your "horizons" (as they say). Do something good for yourself! Join a sport, take a new summer class, and spend lots of time with your besties. If he does break up with her in the future and you still have those feelings, then you can see how it goes. But don't put your life on hold for him <3 
Lauren C.

by jayhawk94 on 7/17/2011 2:40:27 PM

 
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