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GUYS | DEAR CAROL

Should I ditch my BF for my new crush?


 
I have a boyfriend who I don’t really like. I want to break up with him, but I’m too scared that he’ll get really upset. The thing is, I like someone else. I want to ask him out, but I can’t unless I break up with my boyfriend first. And what if my new crush says no? I’m afraid to be single. Am I completely insane? HELP!
 
Dear Stuck with One, Stuck on Another,
You’re not insane, and it certainly makes sense to break up with a guy you don’t really like. But slow down before asking out the new guy, and don’t be afraid of being single. At most schools, the majority of girls and guys are single—especially at the beginning of the school year. Besides, do you really want to be holding hands with someone new right after a breakup? It's time to let your BF know that he’s about to be your ex-BF. Be civil, clear and as gentle as possible. Tell him you think you two would be better as friends, or that your parents aren’t OK with you dating, or that you need to focus on homework, or that your feelings have changed. The words may sound cheesy or awkward, but its better than staying silent when the good times are over, and better than just sending a text.
 
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BY CAROL WESTON ON 9/2/2011 7:00:00 AM

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40 Comments | Add Yours
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MOD MOD MOD MOD
There's this really cute guy, who doesn't know we share the same planet. He holds the door open for everyone coming in after a short outside break, so should that be a good time for me to say something? How should I talk to him?




Hey girl,

Yes! Perfect opportunity! Say something like "Thanks!," then stop and say something else like, "Oh that shirt looks great on you" or "I saw you guys playing Frisbee at gym today, you're so good!" It'll catch his attention and definitely make him look at you a second time. Start off small and then you can work on chatting more and more Smile 
Lauren C.

by AvatarTLA on 10/20/2011 11:01:23 PM

 
 

I pefer going solo, I used to have crushes. but then i had a dream my crush was driving me around in his car (even though hes only like 11!)the next day I looked up what it ment, and it meens that my crush is controlling my life. so after that i desided i love being single. and a songs that go with it are Single ladys, :by beoncey . and I Hate boys! by:?

by adribear on 10/19/2011 3:20:19 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD
Okay, so there's a guy two of my good friends like. I used to be best friends with one of them, but she drifted off to some mean girls. The other girl and I argue a bit too much to be best friends. Anyway, I'm starting to like that guy. I've never liked any guys they've liked before, so thats not a repeating problem. I'm trying to block these feelings out, but I just can't. I don't know what to do.




Hey girl,

You all might like this guy, but we're forgetting one thing here - what does he feel? Does he like you? Does he like either of them? Because you all could LOVE him but, if he's not interested, nothing will happen! So there's no reason causing drama or going public with your feelings until you're sure he feels them too. Try talking to him more and casually flirting just to see how he feels. If he doesn't seem into it, that's ok - he's allowed to have his own feelings and, honestly, in this case it makes it easier for you to let it go!
Lauren C.

by AvatarTLA on 10/13/2011 10:09:10 PM

 
 

Mod mod mod mod
Heyyyooooo ok so do guys like when gir
S are taller than them bc my bf is like 3 inches shorter than me hahaha well is tht ok or does he feel like weird? Thanks bye!




Hey Girl,

If your BF is dating you, chances are he doesn't feel weird that you're taller than him. So if it seems okay to him, then no need to worry! Check out this post for a guy's point of view. 

Rachel N. Rachel N.

by bluedevils5 on 9/29/2011 11:42:31 PM

 
 

MOD,MOD,MOD My best friend has this problem and usually i am the ultimate advice giver but this one i just cant get a good grasp on. She had a boyfriend, a guy shes dated before(football type) and brokeup with him cuz he practically ignored her and this time she had the same problem. Well she moved to a new house within the town and met this neihbor boy (the skater type)He asked her out but she said she hada boyfriend. She decided to break up with the ignores her boy and said maybe theyd try again after his football season to see if thats the reason for his ignoring her and then she made the mistake of going out with the neighbor rite after they broke up. Now she says she misses theboy she broke up with and doesnt know what her feelings are for her current bf.how can i help wheni have only ever had 1 bf and imstill with him now for more than 2 1/2 years. Her stitch is outta my league and idk which boy is outta her league,HELP!!!!

 

Hey girly, this is a tough stitch. Maybe she should take a break from guys, just so she can have time to decide who she really wants to be with. Tell her to take some "me time" where she spends time with herself or her girlfriends where she doesn't worry about guys. After she's had time to make her time, tell her to make a decisicion. Hope this helps!!! Smile Smile

Lynae P.

by Baybgrl on 9/17/2011 5:47:36 PM

 
 

put your hand over your mouth
make a wish
post this on 10 other polls
look at your hand

by Integrity on 9/14/2011 7:16:05 PM

 
 



Mod Mod Mod Lynae P Ok so you prob dont remember me lol but heres what happend I asked him "Hey Umm Ik this is a stupid question but is it diffrent from being a freshman too a sophomore ? (Just To Start A Convo) and hes all like yeah the works harder .... ( Like He had know interested) And I Just Dont Know What To Do ! And He Just Keeps Looking at me ! My friend whispered in my ear and told me he keep looking at u idk what to do know ! WHAT SHOULD I DO ? Thanx ALOT !




Hey girl,

I'm not Lynae, but my advice would be - Play it cool! Just because you chatted him up (and just because you like him) doesn't mean you have to feel awkward about him looking at you all the time. Sit and walk with confidence, try not to look at him to check if he's watching you, and surround yourself with people you love to make sure you are having (and look like you are having) a great time. As a lil time passes, you can try talking to him again! If he doesn't make a move before then Smile But time is the only thing that will help ya avoid the awkwardness and figure out if you've got a shot! <3
Lauren C.

by kikiluvzu28 on 9/11/2011 12:59:32 AM

 
 



MOD! MOD! MOD!
i like a kid in a grade below me and this year we're in different schools and i really like him and am worried that he'll fall for someone in his own grade and not me Frown but he shows all the signs that he likes me, he has even called me pretty Smile but i wont see him til next summer and a couple times in between that cuz he goes to my old school so i go and visit his class and my fav teachers. im just so worried he'll fall for some else thats not me Frown HELPPPPP!!!!




Hey girlie,

Why not try to see him more often than that so he doesn't "forget" you and fall for someone else? Do you have any mutual friends who could help you hang out with him? If you can't, you could still chat - on AIM, Facebook, via text/email, on the phone, etc. It might feel a little awkward or nerve-wracking at first but you should totally give it a try! Especially if he's hinted that he likes ya... you don't want to ask yourself "What if...?" if you lose touch with him, you know? <3 
Lauren C.

by boy crazy<3 on 9/10/2011 9:24:10 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
Ok, so I'm really good friends with this guy, and we have both liked each other since we met last year. Since we go to different schools and both of us are really busy, we haven't tried to date. We both just got out of relationships, and the other night he asked me if I wanted to be friends with benefits. But, I'm not sure if that will work, since we like each other. I feel like if we start hooking up we'll get too attached and then start being jealous when we talk to other people. On the other hand, I'm really attracted to him and I haven't hooked up with anyone in a while and it could be reallllly fun. Help!!




Friends with benefits is never a good idea, especially if you like him. Try just hanging out instead of hooking up with no title Smile




Brittany G. 
Brittany G.

by JessJess13 on 9/9/2011 10:03:27 PM

 
 

I have unfortunately felt this way about another guy when I was with my bf. It just doesnt seem right to be with a guy and then have those feelings about someone else. It could be a sign you need to move on or it could be a sign you need to strengthen your relationship with your bf.

My flirting gets me in trouble, I was flirting with a hot guy I just met and then I ended up having a crush on him and wanting him. Somehow those feelings just went away, maybe that will happen to you.

by luckykel on 9/9/2011 9:55:36 PM

 
 



hey mod,
there's this guy that i like but my friend is going out with him i would never want to hurt her. Over these few days i have noticed that she is mean to him. she never hugs him she doesn't talk to him and when he is not at school she wants him but when he is she hates him. I think he might like me though because he has a nickname for me, he always hugs me, and he always comes to me to talk about my friend? does he like me?




Hey girl,

He could like you, but you know as well as I do that he is off limits right now. If your friend is mistreating him, that's not your job to swoop in and make it better - but it could be helpful to talk to her calmly and casually about the behavior you've noticed lately. Say something like, "Hey is everything ok between you and ___? It just seems like you don't talk much anymore and you've kinda be short with him." This could make her realize how she's been treating him - and either decide to end it because she isn't happy or try harder to give him the GF he deserves. Either way, your goal is not to flirt with him, be his therapist in regard to your friend, or break these two up. You've gotta just try to be supportive on both ends and forget about your crush while he's unavailable. 
Lauren C.

by fashionsense on 9/8/2011 10:11:05 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD Hey!! There's this guy at my school who I've known for four and a half years. He always puts his backpack next to me at the end of the day and asks me the homework. I feel sooo comfortable around him. I saw him staring at me today in class too. He always talks to be and makes fun of me but then tells me he's kidding. Does it sound like he likes me?? I've liked him foreverrr! What should I do? Thanks! <3

 

Since you know  him best (as opposed to me ;)) Check out this article on how  to find out if a guy likes you: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2011/08/09/How-to-tell-if-he-likes-you.aspx  Smile

 

Brittany G.

Brittany G.

by SuperStarTennis14 on 9/6/2011 9:41:35 PM

 
 

MODDDD!! I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I like a different guy that I've known for a long time. I told my bf that I wanted a few days to myself. I don't know what the best decision would be because I love my bf but I think I want something new. What do I do?

 

While you have this time to think, ask yourself the pros and cons of going either way and make your decision from there Smile

 


Brittany G.


Brittany G.

by jobrofan34 on 9/6/2011 9:07:04 PM

 
 

HEYY MOD!!
So I have recently come to the realization that Im in love with my best guy friend. We've been best friends since 7th grade and now we are already over halfway through high school! My parents love him and we often hang out alone or with our other friends. I just feel so safe and comfortable around him. And he always makes me feel special by the little things he does for me. I've thought about us dating before I started to like him and I was suprised at the natural feeling I got from the idea and not the awkward one like I thought it would be. He broke up with his ex-girlfriend this past may and he has recently told me that he is ready to start dating again. I guess my question for you is how do I hint that I want to be more than friends without losing him?




Hey girl! 




Since you have such a good friendship, and because he's mentioned to you he might be ready to date again, I'd go for it! If he really is your best guy friend, he wouldn't want to lose you just because you developed feelings for him and he wasn't feeling them back. I'd just have an honest conversation with him the next time you hang out alone. Good luck! 
Devin A.

by LoveEverlastingXOXO on 9/5/2011 2:06:25 AM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD okay so i told this guy id go to homecoming with him and its because i used to like him but then i got to know him and i dont Like him At ALL... i Also kinda lied to him about why i couldent date him (i said my paresnt read my texts and i wasent allowed to date) but anyways i dont want to go to homecoming with him but i also dont wanna go alone because im going with friends and they ALL Have a date and i dont wanna be the only one without one and i just dont know what to do :/

 

Hey chicky, mhmm this is a toughie. Is there another guy you like that you could go with? If so take him with you. And if the guy asks you how come you have a date, just say he's a friend or tell him how you really feel. Hope this helps write back if it doesn't!! Smile Smile Smile

Lynae P.

by Justfall on 9/3/2011 8:31:40 PM

 
 

DONT tell him that your parents arent ok with you dating if you plan on going and asking out your crush!!

by jennntheswimmer on 9/3/2011 7:12:56 PM

 
 

Mod Lynae P. Yeah I Have one More Question lol Just want to say thank you sooo much ive been going nuts about this for like 2 weeks ! And im the type of girl whos really funny around her friends and family and really shy around boys ! Even if i say hi it would make things really awkward but i will take your advice and say hi lol But How can i make myself more comfortable around guys? Like I Have guy friends but they are like my old friends like i was friends with them before i really started liking guys so i have no clue how to be comfortable around guys especially since this is high school not middle school or elementary! Thanx Laughing <3

 

Awww girl I'm so glad I could help you! I think one thing that will help you feel more comfortable is remembering that they're just boys. Sometimes when we have crushes, we put them on a pedestal or look at them different, but they're human just like us. And you never know they might be nervous around you too. Smile Hope all this helps you!!!!!!!!!!!! Smile Smile Smile Smile

Lynae P.

by kikiluvzu28 on 9/3/2011 7:02:47 PM

 
 

Mod Mod Mod Lynae P. Well Idk Yet like when our table is sometimes full and i get to lunch late and have to sit next to him i get butterflies or when i see him in the hall ways i try to look the other way because ik hes looking at me because i have my friend to look at him while i look away ! lol Does that mean anything ? Like i said hes pretty cute but i dont think i should date since im only a freshman and hes a sophomore ! but then again idk what i think! & Plus a couple of my friends thinks he cute too .even tho they say it was ok that i called dibs on him i think they might get mad or something ! When i do talk to him what should i say? Sorry alot of questions lol i just love GLs advice it helps me alot !Thanx A Bunch On Both Question !

 

Don't worry about asking too many questions! I'm here to help ya, so ask away lol. I defintely think he likes you. Mhmm I would start off by just saying hi and waving. After you get comfortable enough saying that you can move to conversations. Ask him what are his classes like, what sports he's into, things like that. And no worries you guys are only one or two years apart so that isn't too bad. Let me know if you have anymore questions!!! Smile Smile Smile Smile

Lynae P.

by kikiluvzu28 on 9/3/2011 6:41:13 PM

 
 

Mod Mod Mod Mod Mod Mod Heyia! Well I Just started high school like 2weeks ago and theres this guy that sits at the end of the lunch table that me and my friends sit at . Hes pretty cute and all but he keeps looking at me/us! idk which one . But when ever i see him in the all way he follows me with his eyes idk what to think... Tuesday i plan on talking to him is that what he wants? or does he like me? Thanx A Bunches !

 

Hey girlfriend, sounds like someone has a crush lol. Yeah try saying hi to him or smiling when you see him looking at you. Now he may like you but the real question is, do you like him? Smile

Lynae P.

by kikiluvzu28 on 9/3/2011 6:11:11 PM

 
 

Around Xmas last year I was dating this guy and I ended up dumping him for another, older, hotter guy. I asked this guy out around new years and got turned down. Before that my EX was begging to get back with me I kept saying no. A couple months later, I relized that I still loved my ex. I've been trying to get back with him ever since. Never give up the one you love for the one you like...

by lova1<3 on 9/3/2011 5:33:25 PM

 
 

Mod Mod Mod Mod
Im not sure what to do. I've been texting a boy in my grade for about a month now cause it was summer, but we've known each other since Pre-K. He likes me, and Im taking my time to make sure I really like him back before we go out. School just started so we finally get to see each other. He's hot and extremely athletic, and we have the same sense of humor. The problem is we argue atleast once a week when we text each other. It hasnt happened now that we've seen each other, but if we don't always get along, am I just asking for trouble? Also, he knows he is going to move away within four years, maybe earlier. Am I just setting myself up for heartbreak? I really want us to work out. Thanks so much.

by 2sprinkles2 on 9/3/2011 2:33:03 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD!!! First week of high school new crush already? ok, so i like this guy in one of my classes. its only been a few days though, he seems super nice, funny, and he's cute, he sits by the window, so sometimes when i look at the window at the paragliders and he'll start mouthing words to me, and we laugh, any tips on how to get him to like me? should i text him, fb him, or waitt??? help please!!

 


Hey chica! I'm soo sorry but I'm super busy trying to respond to everyone's comments! I'll get back to you as soon as I can! In the meantime ask some of the other GL members who offer advice help! I'm sure they'll be more than happy to dish out some advice! Thanx for understanding!!!! Smile Smile


Lynae P.

by sugarandspice on 9/3/2011 1:57:43 PM

 
 

First week of high school new crush already?
ok, so i like this guy in one of my classes. its only been a few days though, he seems super nice, funny, and he's cute, he sits by the window, so sometimes when i look at the window at the paragliders and he'll start mouthing words to me, and we laugh, any tips on how to get him to like me? should i text him, fb him, or waitt??? help please!!

by sugarandspice on 9/3/2011 12:11:48 PM

 
 




MOD MOD MOD
I like this guy at school. He doesn't really talk to anyone though. But, he stares at me sometimes and in gym class yesterday (we only have gym, art, and cooking class together) he looked like he wanted to say something to me, like he was holding it in, but he never said a thing. I asked my BFF to talk to him about me a little bit to see if he's interested, but when she talked about me, he said "Who's Briana?" I was SO heartbroken! I want to talk to him, but I'm to shy and scared. What should I do? Please help!
Briana








Brittany G. 
Brittany G.

by JBfan97 on 9/3/2011 8:49:28 AM

 
 

Hey girls! like FASHION AND STYLE? then come join my new club, Fashion Friends. i talk about the cutest and trendiest fashions, recommend great clothing/products/stores, and teach u how to find YOUR inner beauty! stop by and come on in! hope to c ya! Smile

by iheartu? on 9/2/2011 9:54:49 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I am crushing on this cute boy in my English class. He's funny, smart, and athletic. Sounds perfect right? Problem is, he's my bffs boyfriend! I try to tell myself that he's taken and there is nothing I can do, but I find myself thinking about him all the time. Should I keep wishing that someday they'll break up or just congratulate her on finding a great guy and move on? Thanks in advance.




I suggest you do the second one. If their breakup is messy and upsetting you fating the ex would not go well. There are plenty of awesome guys out there. Youll find another Smile xoxo kerra 
Kerra S.

by bookeater20 on 9/2/2011 8:36:06 PM

 
 

thats one of the reasons why i dont want a bf because then when your single, its like you feel alone so i dont plan on getting a bf soon haha

by BeyondHazelEyes on 9/2/2011 6:39:41 PM

 
 

ok, single is better

by colorqueen101 on 9/2/2011 6:27:23 PM

 
 

thanks mod!

by fijipop02 on 9/2/2011 6:25:55 PM

 
 



MOD MOD!!!!! MOD!! I need help! my ex likes me again, so he keeps on emailing me and everytime i dont respond he asks me why. if i said i was busy he says with what. its kinda creepy! today at lunch him and my other ex we sitting at lunch and the ex who doesnt like me was making fun of me.. the ex who does like was joining in! now, he emailed me asking if i was mad at him. how do i tell him to lay off and stop flirting with me?




Email him and tell him that. If youre nice about it and tell him exactly what youre feeling then he may lay off. Just be honest but be nice about it. good luck! xoxo kerra
Kerra S.

by fijipop02 on 9/2/2011 6:11:04 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!!!!!!!!
OK well my best friend's friend's brother likes me. well he liked me and i think he likes me still. its just that he only liked me cause his sister showed him a pic of me and he was like o she is hot. we go to the same school,but he i a year older then me. he wanted to talk to me,so i talked to him at his locker and said hey in the hall a few times1 but idk if he likes me still,or if he he changed his mind. i know that my friend will see him and her friend so she will probably tell me if he said anything about me. its just idk cause i really like him alot and idk what to do if he changed his mind!!




Youre gonna have to see him and talk to him to be sure of that. So try and find chances to get to know him better. That will help you know. xoxo kerra 
Kerra S.

by Alykat18 on 9/2/2011 6:07:54 PM

 
 

Have you ever gotten a stock message from a mod when you needed advice? Well if you need to talk, I'm listening. I'll give you my best advice, which I have a lot of experience in giving, so feel free to visit my profile! My profile will have a link to my advice page. But MAKE SURE TO TELL ME WHERE YOU WANT YOUR ADVICE POSTED, WHETHER ON YOUR PROFILE, OR MY ADVICE PAGE, OR ON MY PROFILE. OTHERWISE I'LL POST WHERE YOU POSTED YOUR QUESTION. Thanks! Smile

by foreverme! on 9/2/2011 1:56:09 PM

 
 

It was a really bad idea to tell her to lie to him and say her parents aren't okay with her dating. He's just going to hurt even more when he sees that shes dating another guy and lied to him if her crush says yes.

by smileitsjulia on 9/2/2011 12:50:01 PM

 
 

Hey girls!

Need advice? Well, I’m here to help!
I can give advice on just about anything,:
Boys
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Sports
Workouts
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And much more!

Also, if you love quotes, go check out my new club “Amazing Quotes” on my profile, and join!

Thanks! Smile

by facebooker1240 on 9/2/2011 12:00:33 PM

 
 

if you've ever had trouble with bullies and cyberbullies and you need support from girls who have been there and can help you through it,then you should join this club. Never let bullies rule you! You have the power to stand up to them! Here we can give you the encouragement to do it!

by cutiecayley333 on 9/2/2011 11:35:16 AM

 
 

Mod mod mod. A few months ago, i started to have a crush on one of my guy friends. In the first week of August, he asked me on a date. He's been really distant since, though, never texts me first anymore, and we never hung out. I texted him two days ago asking him a question about his football practice and he never answered. He could've just been busy, but his behaviors been so weird lately. should i ask him about it? if so, how should i do it without sounding clingy or anything? he has a football game today, should i just text him and say "good luck" instead? i just want to be friends again.




Hey girlie!

Oh boy, I know what that's like!  I think texting him the "good luck" is a good idea.

I can definitely see how he may be busy.  After all, having sports practices, scrimmages, and games along with having school is no picnic.  Give it a little bit of time, if it continues past football season then send a text his way asking what's up or why you don't talk as much.

In the meantime, stay the same way, texting him good luck for games or occasionally asking how everything in his life is to show him you'll be there to support him.
Jordan S.

by renee95 on 9/2/2011 10:43:39 AM

 
 

MOD mod mod mod mod mod mod mod
Hi i asked out this guy yesterday that i have liked since kindergarten and he said no but then e said maybe i'll tell you tomorrow. should i be scared or excited?




Excited! 
Jordan S.

by Schweetie2000 on 9/2/2011 10:08:02 AM

 
 

O mi gosh, i love that song!

and it probably is a good idea to break up with your BF if you no longer feel the same. keeping the relationship when you don't have any romantic feelings toward him is just leading him on.

But your other crush might think you are trying to make him your rebound (which is good/bad, depends on how you look at it). instead, try being friends with him.

And being single isn't scary! Smile

by basketballcutie11 on 9/2/2011 8:59:37 AM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
i went to the denist in march they said i have straight teeth but a small gap betwen my teeth we go back in january n the gap MAYBE will get bigger do u think i need braces




Hey chica!

Talk to your parents about what they think you should do, or what you need.  Braces cost a lot of money, so it may be a good idea to sit down with your dentist and ask if there's any other way to close the gap without having to get braces. 
Jordan S.

by ☮Dreamlover on 9/2/2011 8:34:14 AM

 
 

Ridin' Solo-Jason Derulo

by caseysister2001 on 9/2/2011 7:39:26 AM

 
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