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GUYS | DEAR CAROL

How to get guy friends


 
Sometimes, I wonder why I don’t have friends who are boys. Not a boyfriend, just friends who are boys. I just want a good guy friend to go to for support that girls sometimes can’t give me. How do you make friends who are guys.
 
Dear Guy Friends,
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “the only way to have a friend is to be one.” Guys are people, too. And they don’t just offer support but, like you, sometimes need support. To make friends, express interest. Ask, “How’d the game go?” or “Is your grandpa getting better?” or “Did you get the interview?” Next, be a good listener. If you say, “How was your weekend?” and he says “Coulda been better,” follow up with a sympathetic, “What do you mean?” Back and forth communication is the key to all friendships.
 
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BY CAROL WESTON ON 10/7/2011 7:00:00 AM

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My bf and I were doing great, and he even loved me. Saturday I saw him and everything was fine. Then Wednesday he called me out of the blue, saying "we need a break" that he's "stressed out" and that it "kills him that he can never see me" so we need to "take some time off." It killed me inside & was unexpected. I then found out that he also has feelings for another girl, who has a boyfriend! His best friend says he still loves me and will be coming back, but I just don't know what to do. The day after we broke up he texted me asking "How are you?"... is this just him showing consideration or does he regret breaking up? should i contact him and eventually go back to him? ahh Cry




It sounds like consideration--take some time to yourself so that you don't run the risk of getting hurt and can sort out and acknowledge your feelings




Brittany G.  
Brittany G.

by bookworm31 on 10/8/2011 1:00:00 AM

 
 



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I find boys scary to talk to. I'm 14 have ok self esteem, pretty (not amazingly so but I'm ok), weird sense of humor, random, slightly immature, and I'm pretty much fine doing anything they want to do (not sexually. I don't want to go very far) but starting a conversation is hard. And it's weird because sometimes I just (for no reason I can understand) know what to say so the person I'm talking to usually likes me then. I can include anyone in a conversation when I'm like that and keep everyone comfortable. Even talking to pretty much strangers. What's up with me? Also I have a high IQ. Would It be hard to date boys not as smart as me? (not trying to sound stuck up)




Hey babe,

It's possible that dating some boys might make you feel too smart - like, if your intelligence levels/thirsts for knowledge don't match up, you might not feel like you have as much in common with him. Just remember not to nix a guy because he isn't SUPER bright, ya know? But it's ok to have standards! And you will find a guy who has similar interests, things in common, and a good head on his shoulders, as long as you look for it Smile As for talking to guys, read this article. It's a sorta different situation (since it's talking about a dinner date), but the concept is the same. Pretend you're confident til you actually genuinely feel confident! Go for it by starting a convo with something simple - "Hey, what's up?" is just fine. And keep your ears open for moments to ask him more questions or offer your own opinions/experiences. That's the way to keep a convo going! As an intelligent person, you might want to prepare so intensely for these convos that you feel totally unprepared without a script. But it's best to just let them go naturally Smile
Lauren C.

by Mikah D. on 10/7/2011 11:29:00 PM

 
 



Thanks again Lauren C.! You give the best advice! Smile




I'm so glad to help!!! Have a good night, girl Smile 
Lauren C.

by ilovepiano15 on 10/7/2011 11:26:25 PM

 
 



@Lauren C. Thanks, I never thought about him just being a unpredictible person.
And also I was wondering, I have never had a boyfriend but a lot of friends do but I've been asked out a few times. And i feel bad because my friends who do have boyfriends and stuff are stick thin and I'm not(can't workout as often as you know (: ) and sometimes I think I'm not pretty enough. Which I shouldn't be doing but I do sometimes do. People tell me I'm pretty and I have a lot of friends and stuff and I love myself but how can i boost my self confidence on days when I just feel horrible?! I'm just being patience and wait for the right guy because I don't want to be the person who have a different boyfriend every month I want a steady boyfriend. How can I look datable to guys at school without look desperate? Thanks so much!




I totally understand! It's weird because we could be totally happy and amazing in all other parts of our lives, but if guys don't seem interested, we immediately beat ourselves up and wonder what we're doing wrong. But the truth is, you're probably totally fine! If people tell you that you're pretty, and you're able to surround yourself with loving friends, and you've got sports/clubs that make you feel totally alive inside when you're taking part, then you've already won. So continue doing what you're doing, building your confidence, and trying to assure yourself that you're happy on your own. When you're happy and satisfied on your own, a guy will come around when you're least expecting it. I promise you - desperate flirting in order to get a BF looks desperate, but being confident, happy, and independent will really catch a guy's attention! 
Lauren C.

by ilovepiano15 on 10/7/2011 10:58:42 PM

 
 



mod mod mod
I have a crush on a very shy guy. We have a all our classes together and go to church and soccer. But the problem is I barely know him and we hardly ever talk. What can I do to get to know him better.




Hey girl,

Take advantage of those things you have in common! He's very shy, so his shyness might come off as disinterest or rudeness. But really, he might be glad you make the first move! Try using the age old strategy of asking a question: ask him what time practice is on Saturday, or if he does the youth group at your church (and if he'd wanna go together), what pages were assigned reading for homework, etc. It's tough and you'll probably feel nervous/awkward doing it the first few times but, after some time, talking to him will get easier and easier! Give it a try! Smile
Lauren C.

by 25noodles on 10/7/2011 10:53:05 PM

 
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