My bestie and I have been friends since we were little, but
lately she’s been doing some mean things. Sometimes she’ll destroy my lunch
before I get to eat it or take my phone and text people inappropriate things.
Sometimes she even gets physical and will hit me for no reason. I tried to talk
to her about it, but she shook me off. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but
I’m getting to the end of my rope.
Friends don’t become frenemies over night, and they
certainly don’t become bullies for no reason. Take heart, though, babe, ‘cause
we’re here to help solve the sitch of the sweetie-gone-sour.
What’s causing the behavior?
Take a moment to consider what was going on in your bullying
bud’s life when this bad behavior started. Are her parents splitting up? Did
her BF dump her? Is she suddenly struggling in school or sports? Any number of
things could be contributing to her sudden turn around. Remember: Whatever is
causing her behavior doesn’t excuse her
behavior. Figuring out the likely cause will simply help you choose a tactic
for talking it out.
People of all ages and genders bully each other because for
whatever reason, they want to feel superior to someone else. Instead of
achieving that feeling through personal success, they create it by making those
around them feel bad. Your bud wants to be in control, the alpha friend who
dictates what’s going on in her social group…and that includes bossing and
bullying you around. Whether you stand for it is up to you.
You’ve tried to speak up once with poor results. The next
time you do it, you’ve got to be assertive. When she reaches over to grab your
tray at lunch, snatch it back, look her in the eye and tell her to please knock
it off. If she persists, tell her to stop. And if she still tries to torment you, get up and walk away. There’s
no reason for you to allow her to behave badly. Later, take another tactic. Pen
a letter from the heart that explains what you’ve been thinking and feeling
about her behavior. She won’t be able to walk away from it, and unless she
wants to kiss your best friendship goodbye, she’ll read it and take it to
heart. Hand it to her after school and let her read it in private.
Give her space
If she still persists, start to back off. Sit with different
friends at lunch and stop making plans. When she asks you to go do something,
say you’d rather not. And when she asks why you don’t want to go, be blunt.
“Look, Sarah, we’ve been friends since grade school, but lately you’ve been
really mean to me. I don’t want to go to the mall with someone who steals my
phone and hits me. Sorry.” Feel free to quickly end the convo…then keep yourself
open to an apology.
Once the air has cleared, you two do need to talk this out. Make sure she knows that you
are there to support her, to listen when she’s having a bad day and love her
when she’s feeling lonely. But you won’t allow her to bully you anymore. And
BY BRITTANY TAYLOR ON 10/11/2011 12:19:00 PM
POSTED IN bust my bestie problem, bad friend, 411 on fighting with friends, how can I help my friend, my BFF is so bossy