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ADVICE | DEAR CAROL

Change your image right now

 
I’ve created an image for myself that I don’t like. I wear gobs of makeup. I smoked so a guy would like me. I stole my best friend’s boyfriend, and now I like her new boyfriend. I’ve tried to change, but it’s hard.

 

Dear Bad Girl,

You feel lousy, right? But behind that makeup and smoke is a good person. Come on out! Change is hard—for you to do and others to recognize. But since you no longer want to play rough-and-tough boyfriend stealer, find healthy ways to feel confident. What are you good at? Soccer? Singing? Science? Spanish? Build on those strengths.

 

As for changing your rep, lose the makeup and put a positive attitude on your face—even if it feels kind of forced at first. Ask guys and girls friendly questions such as, “What did you do during vacation?” It may take a while to replace the old image, but congratulate yourself on having the guts to change.

 

Oh, and hands off the cigarettes and friends’ boyfriends! Your health and friendships are far more important than getting a guy.
 
 

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.


For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com or like her Facebook page.

 

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BY CAROL WESTON ON 12/30/2011 12:00:00 AM

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MOD! MOD! MOD!
I have a confession to make.....I look at life in a negative way. I am so emotional. I don't let go at all, and when i do, it's almost rarely. I have a problem with depression, and I'm never really that happy at school partly because I was so unpopular and I don't have much friends. In fact, I lost some friends because of my depression and because I was so emotional. They...well...they were boys. I hung out with them for almost a year and a half even though I know they didn't treat them right. They were so special to me though, and when they told me I couldn't hang out with them anymore(a couple months ago), I was devastated. Before that, I thought my depression problem was ending, but no, it wasn't. There was this one boy I couldn't let go of, whom I liked...he doesn't even care though, and he definitely won't be my friend.Now he is controlling my life, and I'm depressed more than ever. Got any advice?




Hey girlie,

I know it's really hard to think about things this way, but the only way you can be happy around friends is to be happy with yourself first. Find hobbies that make you feel alive and passionate. This could be anything: volunteering, writing, working out, painting, learning about a certain topic, decorating your room, etc. Anything that puts a smile on your face! The next step is to get involved at school - but in activities you've never tried before. That way, you broaden your social circle and help yourself meet people who share your interests. Get to know them and try your hardest to be your light-hearted, friendly self. Hang out outside of school, work on homework together, talk about boys and movies, etc. It's not good to hold in your bad feelings, but it's also not right to overload a new friend with all of your troubles. (It's something that might push them away because they don't know how to help you, you know?) Try to find a balance of being honest about yourself and being respectful of their feelings, too. Next, talk to someone qualified and stable enough to help you with your negative feelings/thoughts/emotions. You DON'T have to deal with this yourself! The counselor at your school (or even a trusted teacher) can help you find someone who will listen without judging, help you work through your feelings (and why you're feeling them), and help you come up with ways to feel better. You don't have to live feeling so negative all the time - I promise you, it can and will get better. Just put yourself out there and don't be afraid to talk about it! <3 Lots of love!!
Lauren C.

by shannv82 on 1/5/2012 10:46:14 PM

 
 



MOd Mod MOd
Lauren C. Thanks, it means a lot coming from another writer. Thank you for the great advice! You probably are right. Thanks, I'm glad that I'm not alone on that one Smile!
So thanks!







You're so welcome Smile Good luck writing and especially with reading! It's super important to be proud of your work and get it out there for other people to experience it, so this is a challenge it'll be good to overcome. I know you can do it <333
Lauren C.

by LLL328 on 1/5/2012 10:39:08 PM

 
 



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My BFF, Lizzie, is becoming VERY different. She likes this guy named Luis, and they video chat ALL THE TIME, and, A LOT of guys like Lizzie. Lizzie's starting to become very arrogant and snobby and bossy. She's arrogant because she keeps saying everyone likes her, and she's snobby and bossy because she's ALWAYS bossing people around! She'd starting to be REALLY sarcastic, and she gets mad over the DUMBEST THINGS! She's been ignoring my texts and calls almost ALL WEEK, and I see that she posts thing on Facebook from her phone, and she was talking to my neighbor, James, on Facebook a few nights ago! She says she's been "busy", but that's not true! She's been on Facebook all of these days! What should i do? I'm afraid of talking to her about it because she gets mad REALLY easily. What should I do? My friend Gianna says if I want things to get better, I HAVE TO talk to her about it! Please help!
Jordan




Hey Jordan,

Personally, I wouldn't stress myself out by having a convo with her about this. It sounds like she's so blinded by this stuff that she won't listen. Instead, I'd stop texting/calling and giving her something to ignore. I'd spend time with my other friends and leave her alone. She clearly wants to be alone to Facebook/talk to whoever she wants, so let her. The point of this? She'll notice she isn't getting attention from you anymore...and she'll wonder where you've gone/why you don't need her anymore. Just keep having fun without her, staying confident, and loving yourself. She's bringing tons of drama into your life when things should be easy and happy! See if she reaches out and contacts YOU. If not, you don't need the nonsense in your life. If she does and wonders where you've been, try to explain why you've been acting distant. That could be the wake-up she needs <3
Lauren C.

by cheerrox1111 on 1/5/2012 8:43:53 PM

 
 



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I'm on a basketball team not to be stuck up or anything, but my twin sister and I are like the best ones on the team. All of a sudden, my coach starts yelling at me and his daughter is always echoing what he says. It gets really embarrassing and affects my self confidence even though I know he just wants to make me better. Everyone is always yelling at me. I'm so frustrated and don't know what to do. I love basketball but should I just quit and try to focus on other sports. I don't wanna give up though. Please help! Smile




Hey babe,

Part of being on a team is being able to take criticism. Sometimes, you have to apply some of it and make your skills stronger...and sometimes you have to accept that it was said in the heat of the moment and move on. Think about it: when practice gets intense or a game gets into those crucial last seconds, your coach probably gets stressed/excited and will yell commands even if you're already playing well. Try not to let it get you. Learn from it and stay confident - use it to motivate you to be better!! As long as you're playing your hardest and doing your best, you have nothing to worry about! <3
Lauren C.

by Danielle:)3 on 1/5/2012 8:43:21 PM

 
 



Mod Mod Mod
I am a writer, so I write a lot. We were given an assignment to right a fable for religion class that has a moral. I wrote mine and it ended up to be two pages long. Most people's were shorter. Anyway we had to read them out loud to the class and I was confident and everything and I am not nervous in front of my class. But when I began to read i started shaking and my heart was pounding and my breath was caught, why does that happen? How can I get it to stop?
Sorry, this isn't a typical question about boys or whatever but I always want to share my writing to see if people like it or want to critique so why do I get like stage fright? I do not get that when speaking otherwise, like reading out of a textbook or presenting a presentation is easy for me.
If you can't answer, just tell me you don't know, please reply though. I would like any sort of feedback on this. Thank you and please answer, I hate posting a bunch of times so a mod will find my Q. Thanks!




Hey girlie,

Even if you never normally get nervous in front of people, it's totally normal to get kinda scared when you're reading your own work! I'm a writer too and I get a little insecure when people read my work (or even when I share my creative ideas with them), just because you don't want them to hate it or judge you. It's a very special and personal thing, to be vulnerable and let people into your crazy head of ideas! Smile Especially since yours was longer than everyone else's, you probably felt weird, like the spotlight was all on you. But it'll get easier the more you do it!
Lauren C.

by LLL328 on 1/5/2012 6:33:36 PM

 
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