GirlsLife.com - BFF dilemma: My mom hates my buds!

My mom thinks all my friends are bad examples. How can I make her see that they’re good people?

“Try to see your mom’s point of view, and consider making a few friends outside of your group. Get to know some new girls, and learn to have good times with old and new friends!” —Katherine, 13

“See if you can invite the friend she thinks is trouble over along with her mom. Talk about rules and boundaries, and get to know them. Hopefully, your mom will let you hang out with all your friends again.” —Emily, 11

“Respect your mom’s opinion, but talk to her. Let her talk, too, and don’t interrupt. After she is done, say, “If you got to know them you would see that they are good friends.” Your Mom ought to be happy that you want her to meet your buds.” —Austyn, 12

“Let Mom know the mistakes you make are your mistakes. Once she sees that you want to stick to your values, she’ll trust you and not blame your friends for your bad decisions. She worries because she cares for you and your safety.” —Lauren, 15

“Have your friends over, and prove to your mom that your girls aren’t that bad. Try to include your mom in the activities you and your friends do. Moms love makeovers, facials, manicures and karaoke, too!” —Natoshia, 11

Now it’s your turn to help a GL reader: What would YOU do if your mom hated your buds?

BY GL ON 2/25/2012 12:00:00 AM

Hey kgirlpanda, sounds like you guys both have good points to me. Instead of continuing an argument, it's always best to agree to disagree. Both of you need to accept each others opinions and move on. That's how she feels and this is how you feel, no prob. I have different viewpoints than my friends all the time, but that never stops us from being friends. It makes the friendship better because we learn from each other. Hope this helps! Xoxo

MOD
One of my friends and I had an argument today and it's awkward now. Our argument was about old people being racist. Her point was that some old people, like her grandma in Ireland, don't hate certain races but lack awareness about ethnic diversity because they've grown up in a predominantly white culture. She said it isn't really racism, it's more of a "cultural thing". She's not talking stuff like "(whatever race) is horrible" but more like "those people do that because they're (whatever race)". I disagreed. I said that blaming racism/negative stereotypes on your culture or accepting other people doing it is unreasonable and wrong. I also said if being racist is your culture, that's not a good culture. I think the problem was that she thinks I meant her grandma is racist (which I don't) and that she's white (I'm multi-racial) and she has never had to deal with negative stereotypes or racism. Basically, I think SHE lacks awareness. What can I do without telling her she's wrong? Lynae P.

MOD MOD MOD
So lately I've noticed how pushed aside I can be with one of my best friends. When it's just me and her, she's amazing and we're great friends. She always tell me how amazing I am and how much she loves me, and she is always there for me like I am for her. But when it comes to these other girls that we both know and have talked to/hung out with before, she never really invites me along when they make plans. I don't really get why? The girls don't not like me, I know that for a fact because they'er always nice to me whenever I get the chance to talk. And my bestie is not the jealous type, so it's not like she doesn't want me to get close to them. Am I not pushy enough?
I wasn't as social back in grade school, only this year did I finally start branching out...but it wasn't soon enough. I've been on summer break for about a week now and I've barely done anything, whereas people are already getting settled into summer just fine, having plans every day. I feel like a loser...

Hey girl,

First of all, you're definitely not a loser! I'm so sorry that your friend is leaving you out. If you want to stay friends with her, it's important that you tell her the truth about how you feel about the way she's treating you. That way, you can work it out! She might apologize and say she didn't realize what she was doing. But if she keeps leaving you out and hurting your feelings, it might be time to look for some other friends to hang out with, too.

Meghan D.

by PunkRose88 on 6/9/2012 12:33:09 AM

by kgirlpanda on 6/5/2012 6:30:37 PM

MOD MOD MOD
my parents won't let me sleepover at my friend's house!! they keep saying i'm not old enough but i'm already 12! what can i do to change their minds?? THANKS!

Hey chicstaa!

You have to prove to your parents that you're mature enough to handle the nights out! Put together a pro/con list of reasons why you should and shouldn't be let out (make sure you include the negatives, that way you've really thought about why your parents might be saying no!). Sit down with them and ask them what they think you could do to prove your responsible habits. And if it doesn't work out- well, everything happens for a reason! Just maximize the time you have with friends until you can go out! Showing that you think your ready could help your parents to change their minds a little sooner!

Tess M.

by sugar7410 on 5/31/2012 11:46:24 AM

mod!
i had a friend since 4 grade(4)Then in 6grade,she got into "populargroup" and changed.Then we friended another girl(6) who liked the same things 4did.6 started being mean to me calling me weird and about how I look.I dont usually get mad so when I do,I get MAD.I talked to my mom and counciler and they suggested sending notes to 6.I did, and nothing got better.Then,I was so sad and jealous that 4 liked 6 better than me, I sent 4 a letter saying I was mad at her that she was replacing me and how it seemed like she didnt care (called me when 6 was over at her house saying how much fun they were having).After reading she asked if I was mad and I said yes.then she started crying to her friends.
Then I sat alone at Lunch, my other friend(5)deserted me, and I was a total outcast.I dont like talking on the phone unless someone calls me first... She never called or came up to talk.
Was it all my fault that I lost my bestie?
PS: where do i look for an answer to a comment? xD

Hey girlie,

It wasn't your fault that you lost her - it sounds like a mix of lots of things that happened, most of all that you guys grew up and grew apart. You can't force anyone to be your friend, and it's clear that they didn't care you were feeling bad. That's not how friends work - a good friend would feel guilty or upset that they made YOU upset, not calling you to rub your face in it. It sounds like they let their new "popular" status go to their heads - and girl, you are so much better than that! Try to take a deep breath and look at this in a positive way. You've cleared out all the negativity in your life and all the people who bring you down - now, you can get involved in a new club, new sport, or snag a part time job to meet new people who share your interests. And over time, those people will become good, strong friends - not like these girls who let you down! <3

Lauren C.

by luv2micky on 5/27/2012 5:14:07 AM

mod mod mod mod mod mod mod mod mod mod mod mod mod
i have a problem! so ive been friends with these 2 girls since first grade, and their my best friends. but we never had any middle school classes together so i became super close with these other girls. lately i havent been liking my best friends. theyve been dirty and they swear a lot and their kind of being b****s! i like my other group of friends so much better! but i cant just ditch my best friends cause ive known them forever! what should i do?????

You don't have to totally ditch your besties, but you CAN hang out with other people! And that's totally ok! Try spending less time with your besties and more time with your newer friends. It's ok to still be in touch with your BFFs while you're making friendships with other people - it's natural for friends to grow up, drift apart, change, etc. as they get older. Over time, you might realize you just don't click anymore and you've all started to lose touch. Or you might all reconnect. But if you don't feel comfy around them anymore, try to pull away and be a little more distant. Spend your time with your new friends and get to know even more people. Use this time to explore who you are and who are the best friends for you - "friends forever" are awesome when they happen, but don't feel locked down to the people you've known the longest <3

by sparkles333 on 5/24/2012 11:15:47 PM

Becca G.

is modding

Lauren R.

is modding

BFF dilemma: My mom hates my buds!

ADD A COMMENT