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ADVICE | DEAR CAROL

Bored with my besties

 
Whenever my best friend comes over, she doesn’t like doing anything. I like her, but I’m always bored.

 

Dear Bored Bud,

Make a list of stuff you like to do—alone and with other friends. Get creative, adding everything from playing Scrabble by the fireplace to making peanut butter brownies. Instead of asking, “What do you want to do?” and getting a shoulder shrug, throw out some suggestions. Or list your top-three faves and pick together.

 

Maybe she just hates making decisions or being put on the spot. If you make it easy for her, she might jump right in. If she isn’t the least bit interested in your ideas and doesn’t offer her own, it doesn’t mean she’s a bad friend. But, you also don’t have to invite a wet blanket over when you’re looking for some fun over winter break. Maybe she’s a good lunch buddy or phone pal. Surely, you have other friends who’d love to come over and hang out.
 
 

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.


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BY CAROL WESTON ON 3/2/2012 12:00:00 AM

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34 Comments | Add Yours
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MOD MOD MOD
The other day at lunch i was with my best friend and she was acting like she was mad at me or annoyed with me and she said some pretty mean things to me!i txted her tonite and asked her if i did something wrong and she said no. For some reason i dont belive her though. What should i do?

Hey girl,

Try talking to her in person next time you see her instead of texting -- it's easier to convey emotion when you can see the other person. Don't be confrontational, but you do have the right to tell her that her words hurt and you want to know what's up. If she's going through something, you want to be there for her, but you shouldn't have to be friends with someone who's unkind to you! If she still says there's nothing wrong, let it go, but be wary if she starts saying mean things to you again later.

Meghan D.

by peacenluv22 on 3/16/2012 10:14:51 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I have only have two close friends that I hang out with, but other than that, I only have a few other friends...I guess you could call me anti-social because sometimes I'm scared to meet new people because I get nervous about what other people will think of me. How can I make new friends and get less nervous about meeting people??




Hey girlie,

It's ok to have a few friends that you really trust! Some people are great at having tons of friends, while others prefer a few close ones. But if you do want to meet more people and feel more comfy around them, try getting involved in something new! The only way to really feel more at ease in social situations is to push your comfort zone and do some things that make you nervous at first. If you challenge yourself by joining a new club, speaking up in class, texting a classmate and asking if they want to hang out after school, or something else a little "out-going," you'll get better at it every time you do it! Smile 
Lauren C.

by iRokkin on 3/15/2012 8:15:09 PM

 
 

MOD MOD I have had this BFF for 8 years and I suddenly found out she told one of my deepest secrets to another girl who hated me for it. And she felt completely justified in doing it. I have so many things she has told me that I am ashamed t even hear, and she goes and says something I didn't mean and only said out of anger. I'm hurt and I want to trust her but I can't. I talked to her about it, and now she thinks it's all normal. I told her who I liked but I won't talk to her about things now because I am afraid to trust her.



I'd watch your words around her for a bit.  Don't tell her anything until she wins back your trust. Jordan S.

by romanticbookworm13 on 3/12/2012 7:55:40 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD! Ok, so I really need advice. My Best Friend has a friend that is a boy, and he bullies me. I try to be nice to him, but he is mad at me because I told the school psychologist that he was cutting himself, which he was, and now he hates me and is really mad at me, but even worse, he is trying to ruin my BFF and I's friendship. What should I do!?



You should try to go to her first.  Let your BFF know your worries before things really start to get affected by him.  Get in there before he has a chance to and head him off.  Talk to her about what she wants you to do if things start to change, so that way in times of doubt, you have a go-to plan.

It's likely that he feels like you're against him for now.  So, you can also try and talk to him about why he feels this way about you, and let him know that you want to try and repair the relationship.

Good luck, chica! Jordan S.

by Allicat13 on 3/10/2012 2:24:30 PM

 
 

MOD how come my comments never get posted? so i really wanted to know if 13 is a good age to be able to go to the mall with my friends? i have been out like this before, but when i asked my mom later in the year she said no. i guess im also asking how to decode mom.Smile
thanks and please answer this


Hey girl,

We're doing our best to answer all of your questions, so if yours isn't answered right away it means we are super busy! Some girls go to the mall when they are 13, but every mom is different. Ask your mom why she's not letting you go. Is it because no parents will be there? Tell her you'll check in with her at designated times, or have a parent go to another store while you're with your friends. Is it because she doesn't know the people you'll be with? Invite them to your house beforehand so she can see who they are. If you talk to your mom calmly and don't get upset when she says what you don't want to hear, you'll be more likely to get her to say yes. Good luck!

Meghan D.

by gingeriscute22 on 3/10/2012 11:21:32 AM

 
 

Mod Mod Mod
All my friends are on vacation and its only the first day of spring break and im bored to death. And I would try and make more friends through facebook but my dad says that facebook ruins your life... So i cant have one no matter what I say. Advice on how I can talk or trick him into letting me get a facebook and what I can do for fun in minnesota where theres still snow on the ground???

Hey girl,

You need to respect your dad's wishes, at least at the time being, but you can still have fun without facebook! Try texting some of your friends or meeting some new pals in your neighborhood! Ask your parents what's going on in your town, or catch up on some favorite TV shows, or plan a family game night. Spring break will be gone before you know it, so have fun and don't stress!

Meghan D.

by nyagross on 3/9/2012 11:42:05 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
It all started last year. I was in the most popular group in school.Over the time people got "mature". Everyone started kissing, dating , and cursing.I didn't know what to do. The girls in my group started to get into arguments with me. They'd say thats why no one likes you and you don't have a boyfriend. I would call all of them promiscuous and of course i had to explain what it meant.Right now were all 11 and I'm not ready for that. I don't have to many friends now and a bunch of fake friends.

 

Hey! That's really rough, but you have a lot of integrity to stand up to your friends like that. It seems like it'll take forever, but you will meet genuine people who share your interests and won't pressure you to be someone you're not. your old friends might even come around someday. Hang in there!  


Helen S.

by DivaD01 on 3/9/2012 6:29:34 PM

 
 



Mod mod mod!!! Please help!!
One of my best friends is being a witch!!!! So she told me who she liked and not my other bestie. So my other bestie was trying to figure it out. She told me to give her clues but I said no to every guy she guessed. She guessed the guy my friend liked and again I said no. Then she said oh I know it's him someone told me. She wouldn't tell me who. So later that month my friend says that she didn't like the same person anymore. So I asked her who she liked. She said she wasn't gonna tell me cuz I told everyone who she liked. I was super confused and when I asked about it it turns out my other bestie said that I'd given her clues to who it was. I tried to explain and she always cuts me off! But then she goes and tells everyone oh don't tell maddie she tells everyone anything. When I object she's like um YEAH u do. So no one trusts me!! What can I do about my friend friend?? Thanks




Hey girl,

It sounds like she doesn't want to hear the REAL explanation here. I'd try one more time - the next time she says, "Maddie tells everyone's secrets," be firm and don't let her cut you off. Say something short and confident, like - "I respect my friends' secrets and I don't spill them. I don't know why you think that but I would never do that to someone who trusted me." If she still doesn't listen, you're going to have to put this behind you. It takes time to build up trust again among your friends, but you'll have to be patient and prove that you're loyal, trustworthy, and zipped-up when it comes to secrets. I know it's annoying, but sometimes people will believe what they WANT to believe - and we can't do much about it. Just try to be a good friend and things will go back to normal <3
Lauren C.

by Nmun2000 on 3/8/2012 8:47:28 PM

 
 



Mod mod mod mod mod mod-- I have to go bra shopping and I hate that! Advice on how to like it more??? Thanks




Hey girlie,

You probably hate it because it's awkward sometimes and can feel tedious, aka long and boring. Just try to get excited about it, like you would if you were shopping for a cute dress or new purse! Your bras go on your body every single day, so there's no reason they have to be boring old things. Try jazzing it up with a new color or style! Go to a new store for your bra. Try on other stuff while you try on bras, like tee shirts or pajamas. Basically, just try to lighten the mood by making it a fun experience! If you tell yourself it can be fun to look for bras, over time it will feel more fun! (and with all the zebra/leopard print or hot pink bras out there, why should it not be?)
Lauren C.

by softballismyBFF on 3/8/2012 7:30:53 PM

 
 

MOD!! i need some friend advice plzzzz!
I have a main friend group at my highschool that I usually hang out with about 6 or 7 girls but they are all kinda paired off into best friends except for ME! well idk but it sure seems like it! or there just all better friends with each other than they are with me or something so I always feel like an outsider. I did have a best friend (G.) in elementary school but then in gr 7 and 8 everything got messed up and we werent really best friends still and now we are just really good friends but she has a new bff, N.; and then c. and v. were INSEPERABLE since the very first day of school. and N and J#1 have been best friends since preschool and that leaves me and J#2 but she is kinda besties with annother girl who isnt really in our friend group. plus I always seem to get cut out of the circle when they are standing in the hallway and I just feel really out of it sometimes like idk Im not important. advice plzzzz????? thanks soo much!




Hey girl! If you think that your friends arent really letting you in, maybe they arent the best friends for you to have. If some of them have friends outside of the group then it is okay for you too as well, so try and branch out. You can never have too many friends! If it is really bothering you how they are treating you then let them know and if they really care about you they will include you more. 
Ana D.

by honeycakes on 3/8/2012 3:33:24 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I feel alone, I have friends but I switched schools to an online school and I try and email and text them but they rarely respond.I love my parents but they work constantly. I just want to talk to someone. What can I do to avoid feeling like this?




Hey girlie,

Try asking your parents if you could get involved in a town activity, like a travel sport, part-time job, night class, etc. That way, you can be around other people, socialize, meet new people, and get outta the house! You could also ask your friends to hang out on the weekends/after school. Instead of just randomly texting them, this gives you a way to meet up and catch up on each other's lives! <3 Plus, you could check out the peer-based help at the bottom of this page. Calling them could give you someone your own age to talk to about your feelings, come up with a strategy to meet new people, and leave you feeling way less lonely Smile
Lauren C.

by rainyseattlegirl on 3/8/2012 1:45:07 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD ~~~~~
My cousin is my bestfriend. We're the same age in in the same class at school. We get along about 40% of the time, and we're laughing and having a lot of fun. The other 60% of the time we spend in a fist fight. We tick each other off on purpose just for fun by poking, insulting, drawing on each other, then she hits me, and I smack here, and the teacher has to pull us apart. She's kicked, punched, cut and shoved me multiple times. I don't start the fight, I'm only defending myself because she is very strong. I try to treat her with respect, but we still fight a lot, and my mom gets mad because I come home with black eyes. What would you sugest for us to get along?




Hey Girlie,

It's not okay for anybody to hit, kick or punch you! I suggest that you either stay away from her or talk to her about it! Whether she's your family or not, friends should never treat each other in a harmful way. If she has an overly aggressive personality, I think you should advise her to get help by talking to a counselor or any other adult! Hope you guys will be alright! 

XoXo, 
alicia m.

by tomatos97 on 3/8/2012 11:19:06 AM

 
 

Hey chicas! Do you need imediate advice, but want more than one persons opinion? Then come to my club, Dear KD! We give advice on anything, from guys, to fasion, to friendships, to, well you get the point! Tong No question is too weird or embarassing! Some positions are open, so if you are interest come join! Thanks! ~KD xoxo

by smiles48 on 3/7/2012 6:45:06 PM

 
 

MODMODMOD
ok so me and my bff are reaalyy close. but the thing is, whenever i go to her house, she always wants to include her little sister. she is really sweet, but whenever i want to talk to my bff in private, she can't get a hint to go away. I want to have a sleepover with her over spring break at her house, but i don't want to be spending more time with her sis than with her.
Thanks!!



Hey girlie,

Do you two ever go to your own house for your sleepovers?  That's an easy start.  Then you can mention it to your bff that you wish you'd be able to spend more time with her, and less with her sister.  Let her know that you adore her baby sis but that you have things that you'd prefer be just between you and her, and not including her sis as an eavesdropper.



Jordan S.

by lizziefizzie on 3/6/2012 1:36:40 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD!!! I have a bf and some really great bff's and I'm a swimmer so like last weekend i had a swim competition that was 2 days (Saturday and Sunday morning) so my bff invited her to a birthday party sleep over type of thing and i told her that i can't be there for all of it but i will try to make it for a couple hours saturday. well i had to call and cancel with her cuz i had to go back to the pool that night my mom set me up to stay at my bf's house for the night there was no issue cuz hes a swimmer to. so monday when my friend asked where i was i said at a swim comp and she said i know it didn't go til 10 and when she found out by another girl where i was she was was furious i tried to explain but she still isn't talking to me i fear that i have lost one of my bff's and i'm not willing to break up with my bf for her what should i do it wasn't even my fault my mom set it up i really need some help please!!!



Hey babe,

Your best option is to force her to talk it out with you.  If she refuses to listen or talk to you, then wait it out about a week or two and then revisit the topic.  Maybe even have your mom back you up.

Jordan S.

by hayley**98 on 3/5/2012 5:11:42 PM

 
 

help! i'm totally freaked out about high school next year! how do i know if i make the right friends? any tips on what i could do to start off the year on the right foot? THXSmile

by myfatsquirrel on 3/4/2012 5:58:34 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
If I enter a contest and if i enter again the same day, does re-entering make me closer to winning? THX!




Hey girlie,

The way we choose our winners is like this - a computer takes every entry we get, then mixes them all up and chooses ONE at random. So you could win if you enter a bunch of times...but a person who only enters once could win too! We can't tell ya whether you should enter over and over, or just once/ a few times. You gotta do what feels best for you Smile 
Lauren C.

by Madisklogg on 3/3/2012 10:30:30 PM

 
 

Softball6, i disagree with the moderator. Use the curler FIRST!!! If you dont, the curler gets full of mascara. Use the curler at the tip, then mildde, and longest at the bottom of your eyelashes!

by Danerka on 3/3/2012 8:13:15 PM

 
 



MOD!
My house is extremely boring, and it is so cold outside. What can i do to have fun? We play vid games, but those r guyish, and my town has nothing interesting. No movie theatres, nothing! What can i do to have some fun?




Hey girlie,

Try inviting your friends over for a fun sleepover - movie marathon themed, a relaxing spa slumber party, even a cookie swap night! Those all involve things you can buy at a local drugstore or supermarket Smile You could also grab a digital camera and go around town with your friends, trying to see who can take the "best" or "most artsy" or "coolest" photo. That can be SO fun because it makes you see your "boring" town in a new way! You should also read this article of 60 things to do when you're bored for ideas!
Lauren C.

by Danerka on 3/3/2012 8:09:24 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
this is with me n my bf .. he said he was mad at me n he hung up so we were talking and he was all i gtg n i said ok whatever n he said i love you! n im like i i love you too but why dont you wanna talk? and he said because my family is here an i dont like them getting into my personal life an im like are you embarrassed by me n he said no an then he was all when is the latest i can call you back n i said eight n he said he would call me back an i said you promise? n he said ya n i sai on your life? n he said on the life of my bigtoe n im like ok n he didnt call an i was talking to his sister on fb and i told her to tell him to call me then she said what if he says no and i said ok then whatever n she said he said no so she told me to call her n i called her n then she said tht he was sayin no no dont answer! n then so i told her to tell him he is a jerk n she told him n he said i know and then friday the next day he avoided me and we didnt talk ALL day. what do i do???




Hey girl,

You need to catch him IN PERSON, not online or through texts. First, apologize for being so aggressive and not trusting him when he didn't call. Then tell him you're not happy with how you both dealt with that fight and you want to know what's really going on with him. Tell him you understand you could both use space sometimes and family does sometimes get in the way, but running away from a fight/problem isn't the way to deal with it. Try to be open and understanding - make sure he knows you really do want to know what has been bothering him. It's hard to say exactly what it could be (we can't read his mind), but it's WAY important to talk about your problems in relationships so you can work through them!
Lauren C.

by beautiful nerd! on 3/3/2012 5:54:58 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
I'm just wondering, but how do the models in GL magazine, be models for GL? Are the models from agencies? I know GL readers can sometimes be used as an unpaid model but I was just wondering. Thanks!! Smile




Hey girl,

We use a mix of models from all different places! If you're interested in getting involved, your first stop should be that "Model for GL" page where we talk about using readers as unpaid models Smile (Thanks for researching ahead of time, we love that!)
Lauren C.

by cloudyday on 3/3/2012 4:57:56 PM

 
 

Sometimes this happens to me.

by amileofroses on 3/2/2012 11:28:43 PM

 
 

My friend is so boring and is not afraid of expressing how they feel, unlike me. She always wants to watch boring old TV and I get sick of it. When I suggest that we should do something else she says no. Flat out NO!! To my face! She doesn't even make it descreet! Help me!

Hey girl,

Your friend might be snapping because she thinks you're mad at her for being boring, and feels like you're attacking her. Try asking what she wants to do (other than TV) next time, or suggesting something you know she likes. If you go about it in a nicer way, she might be more open to new ideas. Or bring a new game or activity to her house when she wants to watch something -- it will be harder to turn down when it's right in front of you!

Meghan D.

by Malia23 on 3/2/2012 11:14:58 PM

 
 

my bff moved to new york this summer(i live in california)and we were like totally inseperatable. she is coming back this summer but im having a really hard time at school without her. ive made some frends but the main person i hang out with is brittney and she can be really mean and ive come home crying so many times this year. shes really funny and and she makes me laugh all the time. but i feel like im not myself at all with her. and when im not all happy and acting crazy she gets all mad and shes always telling me u better be fun in history today!!! my sister hates her and has told me from the start that she doesnt like her but i keep going back to her cuz shes like my security blanket and i dont know where else to go even though my frend francine is soo nice and cool. help!! and brittney is in almost all my classes and i sit right next to her in all of them!! what do i do? sorry its so long!

by fearless;) on 3/2/2012 7:58:45 PM

 
 



MOE MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
One of my best friends had this huge fight with her mom, and didn't come to school because of that. Afterwards, she started cutting herself, which were worried about cuz she was voted most happy, had then her mom threatened to send her to Military School!!! And she is really nice and happy and usually gets good grades!!! I am really worried! What should do??

 

hey! The best thing you can do for your friend is be there for her, listen when she wants to talk and help her find a counselor if she needs an adult to talk to. She can also get some help here: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2008/08/04/HELP!2.aspx 


Helen S.

by buzzingbee on 3/2/2012 7:03:23 PM

 
 

I've had that happen but my big problem is my friend doesn't talk. So what do I do about that? Because I LOVE to talk!

by Lexer-Lynn on 3/2/2012 6:28:12 PM

 
 



mod mod mod soooo, I have this friend who's kinda shy and nervousish ( kinda like me Tong). we get along great, but sometimes when we can't think of anything to day, there's a really awkward pause and if i look her in he eye, waiting for what to say, its uncomfortable and if i look away i think it hurts her feelings. also, the last couple times we've hung out, i've been the one inviting her over. should i wait for her to invite me before having her over or hanging out again??? thank you so much!!!

 

hey! If you run out of things to say you can always start asking her questions about her day, or interests that you share, that usually sparks conversation. You don't have to wait to have her over again either Smile 

 


Helen S.

by Kstar101 on 3/2/2012 6:26:28 PM

 
 

Also, you're just really bored with most of your friends, branch out to new ones. Reach to many friends with lots of different personalities- that way you can't be bored!!


Join my club, 'Orchestra Nerds and Band Geeks.' It's a loose and fun club where we talk about anything and everything- But especially music Smile Go to my profile to join!! svds

by svds on 3/2/2012 6:24:20 PM

 
 

good advice!
** hey everyone! join my club, funky hats club, if u hav a cool hat or like hats!!! we discuss fashion and beauty, hair, and did i mention hats? awesome! join pls! Smile**

by beaglegal on 3/2/2012 4:35:39 PM

 
 

That's exactly like my best friend. Everytime I ask her if she wants to hang out , she's either too lazy to or just makes up a lame excuse.

by michipie205 on 3/2/2012 3:57:36 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD! i have two questions! first off i had EXTREMELY thick hair and i play a lot of sports and get home late and shower late. since its so thick, it always damp in the morning. i like it straight not all wavy. but it takes forever to straighten and always gets wavy again @ skl. any advice? ok 2nd question i have straight eyelashes that just stick straight out. i curl them but then they get straight after about 10 minutes! what can i do to prevent these things?
Thanks!<3




Hey girly! For the hair trying blowing it dry real quick before bed because sleeping on already dry hair tends to straighten it out by the morning. For the eyelashes, put mascara on them first and then curl them. Also, hold the curler for about 30 seconds so that it can set in and the mascara can dry, holding them in place. 
Ana D.

by softball6 on 3/2/2012 3:12:43 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD
Okay, so I just got my period and every time I lay down it, like, gets on my underwear and pants. how do I prevent this? Also, I am a swimmer so I need to learn how to use a tampon, how do you use a tampon? Oh, and which brand of tampons would you recommend? Please reply ASAP. Love, Gina.




hey girly! When sleeping try the extra big pads to make sure that they cover everywhere and you wont be stressing out all night. Also, for tampons the new Kotex mini tampons are great and they are small so they can fit in a pocket and no one will ever notice! 
Ana D.

by lolapuppys on 3/2/2012 7:24:47 AM

 
 

***Hello! L-O-V-E Taylor Swift? So do I! If you're a HUGE, kinda big or somewhat fan, please come join my club 'Taylor Swift Fan's 4-ever!' (Optional: I'm looking for officers. Application is on the club) Thanks a bunch and hope to see ya there!***

by DaNcInGQu33N9812 on 3/2/2012 2:47:24 AM

 
 

I should really do that



1st comment! Smile

by usmcbratknc on 3/2/2012 1:46:02 AM

 
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