GL sat down with popular blogging trio and authors of Girl Talk—Nicole O’Dell and her daughters Emily and Natalie—to score trustworthy answers to your daily dilemmas. Here’s what they had to say…
I feel left out! I have no boobs or period yet, and my friends all do.
–Amri
Nicole: I totally understand how that feels, Amri, but there’s nothing you can do to grow up faster, and everything will come in the right time. I’m sure you’re just months behind some of your friends, and I’d imagine many other friends are in the same boat as you.
Emily: I’m 11 and things are starting to change with my body. It’s all part of the process and I take those changes as a sign that things are happening. Don’t worry about it, I can promise that one day, probably really soon, you’ll get boobs and your period!
My closest friend is really good friends with a girl who used to be my best friend (but we fell out.) The girl I fell out with talks to my closest friend all the time, even when I’m there and want to talk to my friend! My closest friend talks to the girl a lot, too! It annoys me because I’m left walking on my own behind them sometimes as they are talking to each other. It's not like I want to join in, but I just get frustrated and annoyed when they are talking continuously! I don't think I want them to be talking to each other for some reason. Also, I’m not sure if the girl is just talking to my closest friend so I won't be included - though I’m not sure if this is true!? Please help me with this dilemma, as I’m with these girls all the time at school, and it's been going on for ages now. Thank you!
–Stephanie
Nicole: Well, Stephanie, I first want to say I think it’s awesome how you aren’t jumping to conclusions. You’re really smart to be honest about how you feel based on what’s happening, but not assume you know their motives. Too many times relationships fall apart because of assumptions.
This is a very common problem, and it even happens into adulthood, unfortunately. In the end, your true friends will stick by you no matter what. Those are the kind of friends you really want, anyway. But, remember, it’s OK for them to have other friends, too. Don’t be too clingy or jealous. It won’t help the situation at all, and will drive them away from you.
Natalie: Yes! I see this at my school all the time. I try my best to stay out of this kind of drama because it causes so many problems and then blows over. I recommend you talk to your friend and let her know how you feel, but not in a whiny way and not as though you don’t want her to have other friends. Just try to accept other people’s choices and be yourself. If you try to control your friends, they’ll pull away.
My parents always seem to be fighting with each other and it always makes me uncomfortable. I have a feeling that they are going to get divorced but I don’t know how to handle it. I am scared to bring it up with them because I don’t want to upset them even more. Should I just ignore it?
–Gina
Nicole: No. You should definitely not ignore it. These feelings you’re having are real, and your parents need to have the opportunity to talk to you about them. Maybe they’ll be able to assure you that everything is fine, but even if it isn’t, they can assure you of their love for you. Keeping your feelings to yourself lets the fears and sadness grow, but talking about it gives everyone the opportunity to heal.
Emily: This is something I’d definitely talk to my parents about. I’d be afraid—probably because I wouldn’t want to hear bad news. But talking about it doesn’t make the truth any less true. Not talking about it only keeps you suffering. So, to me, the only good option is to open up.
I have been struggling with anger management problems for the past two years and it has made me pull away from a lot of my friends. I am on medication and can keep it under control most of the time, but every once in a while my anger builds up and I just snap. I have been so worried about having one of these episodes in front of other people that I’m too scared to hang out with people from school and make friends. Will people really care that I have this problem?
–Luiza
Nicole: I’m very sorry you’re going through this, Luiza, but I’m glad you’re getting help. My recommendation is that you begin to make friends and hang out with people, but with a trusted adult who can help you, at least at first. If someone like a parent or youth leader who knows your situation can be around when you are hanging out with other girls, they can help watch for cues or triggers that you might be struggling. That way, you’ll feel freer to enjoy yourself without worrying as much.
Natalie: Wow. I can totally see why this would be a challenge. I think if I were in your shoes, I’d do what my mom suggested. I wouldn’t really want it to be my mom who hung out with me, but I can think of a few people from church I might confide in and ask for help. Then, once I saw I could handle myself, I’d slowly stop involving other people.
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Girl Talk by Nicole O'Dell.
BY GL ON 3/5/2012 12:00:00 AM