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ADVICE | DEAR CAROL

I don't want to be a pushover anymore!

 
I am a huge pushover. I constantly worry about what others think of me and can never get the courage to stand up for myself without feeling guilty. I get so flustered that I want to run and hide, which is usually what I end up doing. Any advice on assertiveness?

 

Dear Pushed Over Too Many Times,

A lot of girls are shy and accommodating. Ask yourself this: If you speak up, what are you guilty of? Having an opinion? Being an individual? The fact is, you don’t approve of everybody’s actions, and everybody may not approve of yours. And that’s OK.

 

To become more assertive, start by speaking up more at home, in your favorite class and with other girls (many of whom also feel insecure). Think about what you are best at, and develop those skills. Little by little, you can feel powerful instead of invisible.
 
 

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.


For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com or like her Facebook page.

 

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BY CAROL WESTON ON 4/20/2012 12:00:00 AM

POSTED IN , , , , ,

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26 Comments | Add Yours
SORT: OLDEST FIRST | NEWEST FIRST
 

I feel your pain. Sometimes, I want to get back at people, but end up forgiving them, even if they really hurt my feelings. I just want it to stop!

by peppercyndaquil13 on 8/20/2012 6:50:20 PM

 
 



MODMODMOD! I'm always soooo worried about what people think about my face and hair. Sometimes I have bad acne, other times my hair is messy and crazy. How do I fix that?




Hey girlie,

It's sooo easy to get wrapped up in looks, but think about it - EVERYONE is going through the same thing you are right now! The acne, the insecurity, the discomfort with your bod. Everyone is going through puberty and growing super fast, so everyone is more uncomfy than they seem. The best thing to do is take care of yourself so you feel good: 

- Work out regularly, to release endorphins and get in shape. Check out our Workouts section for some great ideas! http://www.girlslife.com/category/workouts.aspx

- Clear skin is totally within reach! Check out this article for our A-to-Z acne-free guide: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2011/08/02/GLs-A-to-Z-guide-to-clear-skin.aspx

- Adjust to your changing bod. Your hair might feel crazy or greasy sometimes, but that's probably because your hormones are in flux. Sometimes you won't know how to feel, or how to keep up with all the changes. Do the best you can - take a cool shower and wash off all the "messy and crazy." You'll wash off the messy and crazy from your mind too and be able to start all over, fresh and new Smile Hang in there, babe!
Lauren C.

by hjade12 on 8/2/2012 6:30:19 PM

 
 

We have one thing in common caring what others think, if i say it matters i'd be a hypocrit. So i wont, what i will say, is dont car, i used to care i finally realized, of people hate me, they hate me. Even the nicest people are hated theres nothing you can do except be you. Dont waste your time worrying about what others say and think, take it from me its a waste of time, their immature. Focus your time into others things, talk to your friends, be happy excited talk about something else, not something that will bring you down. As for sticking up for yourself, you could talk to your counsler about it, o if your unconferterable with that, google good combacks, however i recomend the counsler, ive been bullied before and sometimes i still am by the same person and i finally realized there not going o stop they'll always hate me and im not going to change me to please her. But the counsler got me through the hardest parts of it, and helped me find ways to stick up for myself.

by 1tennischik on 7/13/2012 12:00:49 AM

 
 

I get the same way to somtimes every on dose u will be fine

by danceismylife123 on 5/10/2012 9:15:54 PM

 
 

i likr u

by kmdtwin on 5/10/2012 5:00:47 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
Okay so the other day at school at lunch this guy in my class put his arm around me and the my friend on my other side of me slapped his hand, then he slapped her arm. Should I have done/do something? Do you think he likes me, because he's never done anything like that before(put his arm around me), although he has slapped me really hard and then he got sent to in-school suspention and ever since (like today) he calls me a cry baby. I don't like him and i get chills when i think about him liking me. Does he like me???? Because I am obviously so confused!!!!

 

Hey! He seems like he does, but I think the more important question is why is he acting abusive toward you? If he makes you feel uncomfortable ever, you should tell someone! 


Helen S.

by furryfriend99 on 4/27/2012 8:48:36 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!!!!!
Please help!!!!
I'm involved in all county chorus but the all day practice (which is mandatory or you cant be in it) is on the same day as my sixth grade ( like all the classes together) photo!!! I'm graduating and dint want to miss it!!! I also don't want to come in late for the chorus thing!!! Help ;( Cry

 

Can you see if its ok to miss your practice for e few minutes as you take the picture? I bet they'll let you leave for a bit to take the picture since youre graduating. Just ask! xoxo kerra


Kerra S.

by chick987 on 4/25/2012 9:41:42 PM

 
 

I work to on standing up to some of the guys at my school. They just don't respect girls like the should. It's not cool.

by unicornninja on 4/25/2012 5:34:56 PM

 
 

Okay for some reason im really moody all the time! my mom says its cause im growing up but its getting outa control! i cry ALL THE TIME, i get angry and trash stuff, i get in fights with my friends, and suddenly im less social! I miss my friends but suddenly i dont know how to act, which has never been a problem before! i used to be out going and happy! what do i do now?!?!?!

by 1Dgurl! on 4/24/2012 9:18:29 PM

 
 

Want to be healthy but don't know how? Join this club for tips weekly on being healthy and share some of your own secrets. Don't tell someone to starve thereself because here we get healthy the healthy way.

by rainyseattlegirl on 4/24/2012 7:11:16 PM

 
 

you are you,like you said you are not that big, all that matters is what you think, ignore the bullies and stand up for your self Smile be true to You you are awesome!Smile

by hslol101 on 4/24/2012 6:13:20 PM

 
 

omg i feel the same way but now i already stood up and good luck to youSmile

by amy303 on 4/24/2012 6:08:36 PM

 
 

Anybody need advice? Please join my new club, Ask Rainbow. I will answer everything (:

by mermaidrainbow049 on 4/23/2012 10:45:03 AM

 
 

I kinda need some advice like that. My best friend is kinda loud. One day I didn't feel well (cramps) and she wanted me to play a game with her and my sister and I tried to tell her no, but she ended up pulling me up. Thankfully my dad was watching and stopped her. Now I try better, but I feel guilty too since she's crazy and hyper. I don’t always want to hand out with her, but when I don’t I feel guilty. She’s just really loud and crazy and I’m… well, I’m not. Any advice?

by emmyie11 on 4/22/2012 8:10:16 PM

 
 


MOD MOD MOD! Hi so there is this this girl at school who copies me on everything. The way i act she acts the same and the way i dress the same also my weirdness about the hunger games she copies me! It really gets me since once she even got the same username as me on this thing but with 2013 on it. I hate how she always follows me around. Once she was mean to me then she followed me around all day. She always yanks me about everything! She once even spread a rumor about me! What should I do, she is trying to push me aside and be friends while being a bully to me. I stated this problem to her but there was no effect! I feel like the girl in the movie roommate from the commercials!


 


Lynae P.

by radiogirl on 4/21/2012 2:14:01 PM

 
 

@Cupcake_queen_101_ - I like Taylor Swift!

by future_artist on 4/21/2012 10:30:27 AM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD.
hi. um i have been called fat about 17 times in my life. Idk what to do anymore. Im not that big! HONESTLY. im tired of people calling me fat and saying i stuff food in my mouth whenever i see it. I'm a picky eater so I dont even get it? and people who dont even know me call me fat? I dont know what to do anymore. please help


Hey girl,

Don't listen to the haters -- it sounds like all of those people are just meanies! If you're comfortable with how you are, that's all that matters, so don't let what people say get to you. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and if those people can't see that they aren't worth your time!


Meghan D.

by princesschick1999 on 4/21/2012 9:12:33 AM

 
 

Mod mod mod mod!!!
Any good ideas to hide a diary?? I haven't wrote in any but I want to start!!
Also any good country artists like Jason aldean?

by Cupcake_queen_101_ on 4/20/2012 11:32:59 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I have really low self esteem. I hate how i look, my personality, and everything about myself. I feel alone. What should I do

 

Hey! I felt the exact same way you did when I was younger and you know what? it got better. Read books, have fun, and get to know who YOU are, and I bet you'll learn that that person is really cool. I only get to talk to you here for a few seconds, and I already like you. So love who you are, girl! And if you feel overwhelmed, you can always go here for help: http://www.girlslife.com/post/2008/08/04/HELP!2.aspx 


Helen S.

by msindependent on 4/20/2012 8:49:18 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!!! Ok so yesterday my "friend got rly mad over something rly stupid and untrue and she said some rly hurtful things to me. so today she was ignoring me and in my 4th period class i tried to talk to her and she ignored me. then at lunch i saw she was alone and walked over and she kept telliing me "leave me alone." and in 7th period i got out of class early and my other friend told me she was like yay ______ (my name) is gone. im rly upset and i dont know what i did to her and why shes mad. should i just throw away this friendship? and btw im the one who should be mad cuz she said hurtful things to me.

 

 hey! She's being immature, so yeah, I think you should give this one some space for a while. It'll probably take some stress out of your life. good luck! 


Helen S.

by fearless;) on 4/20/2012 6:19:17 PM

 
 

Don't worry, Girly!!! Once you find a true bestie you're come out of your shell. On the mean time... any boys that are hot???

by Sarah510 on 4/20/2012 5:00:36 PM

 
 

I used to have this problem, but I have gotten over it! Laughing

by future_artist on 4/20/2012 4:51:46 PM

 
 

The Agency
For all you Middle School chicas who need advice on boys, beauty, friends, fitness or just some peeps to help you keep your cool during tough times. Along with the newest trends and gossip, you'll be hot stuff. Calling all Agents: Officer positions open

by ostar21 on 4/20/2012 3:52:19 PM

 
 

MODMODMOD
I just got my eyebrows waxed for the first time a few days ago.I keep on breakin out where i got them waxed.Will it happen again if i get them waxed again?Why am i breaking out?




Hey girly! After getting your eye brows waxed they put on Aloe and a soothing lotion, usually the lotion is what makes you break out so next time ask for just the aloe and it should help with the breakouts. 
Ana D.

by snowver11 on 4/20/2012 12:59:05 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD
I need help...I felt sick earlier this week. Then I went to school on wednesday. Then I went to school thursday but left because I didn't feel good again. Today, I'm at home, but I feel better. It's just when I'm at school that I start feeling bad. I get tired, my head pounds, I get dizzy, and it's like a cloud is hanging over me. Now I feel really guilty for missing so much school...how can I feel less guilty, make sure I can go to school without being sick, and keep my grades at an A average?




Hey girl! If this problem continues you may want to see a doctor. To me it sounds like a bit of anxiety, but I am no professional. If you feel like you have to keep your grades at As and have such high expectations for yourself you may be stressing out and that is what i causing some of these issues.  
Ana D.

by summergirl21 on 4/20/2012 11:53:22 AM

 
 

that doesn't sound like being a pushover to me!

Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!! Join my club: Operation: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Our mission is to post anonymous notes in public places for other people to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!! In my club, we will have daily quotes that you can put on post- its to uplift girls. So please join my club so we can tell everyone that we are beautiful the way we are!

by heather99 on 4/20/2012 8:17:16 AM

 
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