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GUYS | DEAR CAROL

My first kiss was a major letdown


 
I've always dreamed of my first kiss being wonderful. But a couple days ago, my boyfriend kissed me and it was kind of nasty because he shoved his tongue down my throat. Then he said I was an OK kisser for a first-timer. I felt insulted. I want to break up with him, but I can't get the words out. My other plan was to make him want to break up with me, but it’s not working. What should I do?


Dear Wants to be Single,

Breaking up is tough, but it’s better than staying in an uncomfortable romance with an insensitive guy. You want out, so let him know. In person or on the phone, say, "We’ve had fun, but this isn’t working. Let’s go back to being friends, OK?" Once you’ve let him go, don't second-guess your actions. Instead, have faith that your next kiss, whenever that might be, will have more sparkle. And it will be a first kiss with someone new.
 
 
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BY CAROL WESTON ON 5/23/2012 12:00:00 PM

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38 Comments | Add Yours
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My crush and I almost kissed this summer, but we both kinda chickened out Frown

by iloveballet&singing on 11/16/2012 6:58:32 PM

 
 

Remeber never try to make him dumb you if you dont like him just dumb him especially he could spread rumors about you when you were trying to make him break up with you

by zania on 7/15/2012 4:36:36 AM

 
 



MOD! MOD! MOD! MOD! MOD! MOD! MOD! MOD!MOD! MOD! MOD! MOD!MOD! MOD! MOD! MOD! Ok, I'm going into high school this year and, this is really embarassing, but I have never been asked out- no one knows but me( cuz I have told everyone who asked me that I have) I'm REALLY behind and this is driving me crazy! I know I should expect this since I am so shy around guys i like and pretty much avoid them, but I'm ready for something, anything. Help!

 

Hey girlie,

I know you feel totally behind (especially compared to your friends), but the truth is... you're not! It's totally normal to start high school never being asked out, never being kissed, whatever. The timing has to be right for that to happen - there has to be someone around that you like enough to want to date, and he has to like you, and you have to be allowed to date, and you have to get to know each other enough for dating not to seem weird... basically, a whole bunch of things have to "line up" to make that happen. And it's completely normal if that hasn't happened yet! Try not to stress out too much about it. Just focus on adjusting to high school, meeting new people, and talking to new guys. Be open with them, be yourself, get involved in clubs/sports, and don't forget to be out-going if you see someone (boy or girl) that you want to get to know better. If you expand your social circle and make an effort to get to know everyone, you'll be in great shape for scoring your first big date Smile


Lauren C.

by theatrenerddd on 7/15/2012 1:31:16 AM

 
 

My boyfriend has told my friends that he wanted to kiss me , but he hasn't and I'm really scared. This will be my first kiss and I just don't know what to do Frown

by Hannahp11 on 6/23/2012 11:02:26 PM

 
 



***MOD!MOD!MOD!***
This is probably really wierd, but, My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 months and.. I really want him to kiss me.. He's said he wants to too, but he still hasn't.. I'm waaayyyy too timid to kiss him (plus, I've never kissed anyone before) and he's pretty shy too, do you have any advice on how I can get him to kiss me?
please answer..
thanks Smile




Hey babe,

You can't really force him to unless you take the initiative and kiss him yourself.  You're gonna have to talk to him about it or set up an ideal situation in which he might feel like it's a good time. 
Jordan S.

by thecheergirl98 on 6/6/2012 7:15:04 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
On the last day of school, me and my crush(who is also my BGF) were walking to where he gets picked up and where I walk home, and when after I said goodbye to him and another friend of mine, as I was walking away, I thought I heard and say that he loved me. We never say the "love you" thing like friends do, but I don't know if that is what he said or not because it was noisy. What should I do?




Hey girl!

It's totally possible he did say something along those lines. But don't convince yourself that's what he said; you need to find out the truth. Will you two be hanging out this summer at all? Do you normally text or IM? If you keep in contact you'll be able to gauge his feelings. Don't come right out and ask, since that could leave you in a totally awkward situation. Good luck! 
Rachael A.

by moemay98 on 6/4/2012 3:11:23 PM

 
 

Yeah, people were making fun of me because my boyfriend and I didn't kiss yet. We've only been going out for a week! But I don't really care. I want it to be special. Besides, I like him a lot and I don't want to rush into anything.

by romanticbookworm13 on 5/29/2012 6:17:51 PM

 
 



MODMODMOD
My bf gets really nervous when he's around me. When we are alone, he's just a little nervous. But when we are with our friends, he's really nervous and just stands there. Is there a way to breal this tension?




Hey girl,

He might just be a shy kind of guy! Try helping him into the conversation when you're with friends. For example, if they mention a movie they've just seen, say, "Oh my BF really wanted to see that, didn't you, so-and-so?" Or maybe you could suggest a more interactive hang out such as bowling or mini golf. That way he won't feel like everyone is looking at him, and he will have something else to concentrate on to take the attention off of him.
Kelly G.

by sheepinthesky on 5/28/2012 1:33:19 PM

 
 



MODMODMOD
ok so i really like this guy, lets call him mark, so i think mark used to like me last year but i think he stopped when i posted that i loved justin bieber on my facebook profile. But then i started to like him at the beginning of 7th grade and im going into 8th now, i dont think he likes me and he has been acting like a jerk lately, should i give up on him and search for someone new?




Hey girlie,

This is a super personal decision! Since you're writing to us and asking if you should give up on him, that idea is probably already strong in your head. You might be feeling tired of crushing on him for so long, or you might be feeling tired of him not liking you back. Whatever it is, if you're losing interest in him, it's totally fine to scope out other guys for crush potential! You don't have to 100% decide "Ok, today I don't like Mark anymore" - you can let the crush die out while you're searching for someone else. Go with the flow Smile
Lauren C.

by sarahstarxx on 5/27/2012 2:31:35 AM

 
 

Hey I'm a little confused right now. This guy I've liked since the beginning of the year is trying to get me to ask out his best friend. PROBLEM1 I don't like his best friend at all and I really like him. PROBLEM2 I was going to tell him how I feel today but then he dropped that whole you should date my best friend thing even though there's only like three days of school left for us. And PROBLEM3 I'm not sure if I should anymore and I'm not going to see them ne more because were all going to different highschools. Advice please!!!! PLEASE NE1

by Flgirl on 5/25/2012 6:03:32 PM

 
 

okay, so i'm not the best in these situations, but I'd tell him how you feel. see what happens! if it goes dow hill, then find someone else. start over, and see if your first kiss with a new person will be the one that you were looking for. I'm still waiting for mine, and the perfect guy. Smile

hope this helped.

hey, I'm an amature ;) author, so if you could tell me what happens, i might be able to use it in one of my books if thats okay with you...

by iloveharrystyles on 5/25/2012 5:24:23 PM

 
 



MOD
Yesterday, I was going through a major crisis. I found out that my boyfriend had a porn problem. We talked about it, and he said he felt really bad for doing it, and that he would never do it again. I was glad that he said that because I was starting to wonder if I should break up with him. But then my best friend got mad at me for not breaking up with him! She said that he lied to me, and that a bunch of the sweet things he said weren't true, he was just making sure that I didn't break up with him. I couldn't believe she would say that. And now I can't talk to her because I feel like she will just try to convince me to break up with him, when I know that I don't want to. What should I do?

 

hey! the problem with porn is that, while it's natural to be curious about some things, porn objectifies women and men in a pretty unhealthy way. Probably many boys and girls in your grade have tried viewing it at least once, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing to do. I tend to agree with you for not breaking up with him. He told you about it, and most guys would not have done that. This also depends on the extent of the problem. Is he seriously addicted, or does he just feel guilty for looking it up now and then? Just because he has looked at porn does not mean any sweet thing he's ever said to you was a lie. Tell your friend that you're not ignoring the problem, you and your boyfriend have talked about it and are moving on. It's not really any of her business anyway. good luck!  


Helen S.

by crazydreamer16 on 5/25/2012 5:16:23 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD,
I have a really big problem! I was at my friends house and we were playing outside with her brother. (who's my age)I was heading over to the trampoline when her brother stuck his arm out in front of to block me. (idk why he did that.) so he wouldn't let me pass him and I told him that if he didn't let me pass I would kiss him. he still wouldn't let me pass, so I kissed him. he kind of just stood there in shock and let me pass. my friend didn't really care that I kissed him by the way. I didn't see him for the rest of the day. then I saw him about two days later. he was kind of acting weird like he would sometimes be a really big flirt and sometimes he would aviod me. his sister (my friend) said that he really wants to kiss me agian. I don't know what I should do because I'm only 13 and I didn't even want to kiss him in the first place. on the other hand I did enjoy it. I'm just really confused. sorry this is so long.




Hey babe,

Do you like him? That's what is most important. It's good that your friend doesn't mind, but you should only really kiss a guy if you have feelings for him. I would definitely get to know him better before I kissed him again. Just hang out with him (with or without your friend) and be his friend first. Then you can decide if you really want to kiss him or be with him. Don't make any decisions until you spend more time with him - you don't wanna waste your kisses!
Kelly G.

by kaitlin177 on 5/25/2012 4:03:41 PM

 
 



MODMODMOD:
I am finishing eighth grade this year,and there's this guy that I've liked since seventh grade. He's really nice to me, and I'm almost positive that he likes me back. He gave me so many hints, but I couldn't bring up the courage to ask him out. I am going to a different high school next year, and I really like this guy! My friends told me that I should tell him about my feelings for him, but I don't know if I can do it! I don't know if I can keep a long distance relationship with him! the high school I'm going to is really hard, so I won't have as much free time as I do now! He's my first crush and I've really liked him since the beginning of seventh grade! Please help me!!!




Hey girl,

Now's your chance! Since you're going to a new school you might as well tell him how you feel. If you want, you can always wait until you get settled in your new school and see if you still have feeling for him even though you aren't seeing him. If you still like him, and find that you do have some extra time you could devote to being his girlfriend, then you can ask to hang out and tell him! 
Kelly G.

by flowerpower905 on 5/25/2012 3:02:05 PM

 
 

Hey, all first kisses are awkward. But it's something you should both laugh about, not insult each other over. And he's being a jerk about it. Dump him, you'll feel better after. Smile

by OMGabi on 5/25/2012 8:32:43 AM

 
 



Mod?
I recently started crushing on one of my classmates. We're friendly at school, but we don't have many mutual friends and we don't really talk/hang out outside of school. The thing is, we're a lot a like and have tons of mutual interests and opinions, and we're going to the same college in the fall. I think even if he isn't interested in dating me, we could be really great friends. How should I let him know that I want to get to know him better?




Hey babe,

Especially since you're going to the same college in the fall, you should strike up a convo and chat! You might not become besties right away, but ya gotta start somewhere Smile Try adding him as a friend on Facebook to start things off. Then, send him a message or chat with him and say something about going to the same college next year, then ask him a question or two - like, "What are you thinking of majoring in?" or "Are you excited to find out which dorm you're living in?!" Be yourself but also be friendly and reach out to him! He'll probably appreciate having a friend to face freshman year with Smile And it'll be a great way to bond!
Lauren C.

by Ari on 5/24/2012 11:30:42 PM

 
 



Mod mod mod
I have a crush on my BGF we r in 7th grade my friend tol him I like him and he tends to flirt with everyone but a lot with me we joke alot and get along great I'm a wicked tomboy so we like the same things I know he likes a mean popular girl but acts like he could like me too when he was walking home from track I was in the car and he stopped talking to his friend and waved my friend told him we would make a cute couple and he got closer and said I know he also used to sit next to me but got moved for talking to me to much today I went into his class at study skills to ask my friend something and when I was walking out he grabbed my hood and he knows I hate hugs so he opened his arms real wide to give me a hug! He is one boy who will always give me the time of day. Although he can be perverted




Hey girlie,

He totally sounds like he's flirting! It's kinda normal for guys his age to be a lil "perverted" (they're going through puberty and have weird senses of humor right now), but he sounds like he acts sweet and flirty around you. Enjoy it - and don't forget to flirt back so you can see where it goes Smile
Lauren C.

by Farmer16 on 5/24/2012 8:58:33 PM

 
 

MOD!!!
My bf and I have been dating for a week, but I never really get a chance/ do not know how to talk with him. I want to know more about him before we further our relationship, but I do not know where to start. I do not want to just bombard him with questions. Plus, what are some ideas on how to start a text conversation with him? Thanks!

 

Hey Chica,

Good idea-it's great that you want to get to know him better before going further in your relationship. You don't need to bombard him with questions, try starting with something simple. Ask him about his siblings or his parents. You'll be surprised how much conversation will come from one question. When you're starting a text conversation say, "Hey, what are you up to?" or "How was your day?". He'll have plenty to say back.




Marisa D.

by Bridgge2010 on 5/24/2012 3:56:58 PM

 
 



MODMODMOD:
My crush is my best friend of course. He is so sweet and always flirts with me. We went to the park alone before and then to the movies, where he bought everything. I'm not sure if it was a date or not. And then when he asked a bunch of us to go to the movies and I said I couldn't, he then canceled on everyone else. The problem is, he used to like this one girl(my friend) and whenever he is around her, he acts different. Not mean, but he is always flirting with her. I guess I really just want to know if he likes me and what I should do now that it's summer. My family is going kayaking next week, should I ask him to join? And also, what can I do to motivate myself for excercise?




Hey Chica!

Of course he is your best friend! It always seems to work out that way, doesn't it? That sounds like a date to me, especially if he offered to pay for everything. Does he flirt with her the same way he flirts with you? Then he might like both of you. If so, give him some time. Keep hanging out and your relationship could turn into something more. I say you def want to invite him kayaking. What a great way to spend some time together! Whether you go as friends or not, you'll have a fab time. How to motivate yourself to exercise? Why don't you pair up with a friend? Make a pact to go running four times a week or do laps at the pool. Motivate each other!  

Marisa D.

by pinto.lover on 5/24/2012 2:58:32 PM

 
 

MOD!! I'm so confused! this guy and I have kinda been texting and he always says he doesn't like me. but he acts like he does! he says he talking to one of the girls he likes an they might go out later in the summer, so I asked him if he'd give my number to one of his friends then he totally flipped out and was tellin me how the other guy wouldn't think I'm good enough for him and how he prob wouldn't go out with me. also how I'd have to text the guy first because his friend nvr texts girls first even I he like them (so he says). me and the guy(who I text) said he'd just give me his friends number but he just randomly stopped texting me and nvr gave me the guys number! wth I'm so confused! so does the guy that says he doesn't like me actually like me since he got jealous and got pissed? PLEASE HELP!!!!

 

Hey  Girl! 


This guy may not want you to talk to other guys because he does like you, and he may not be able to show his emotions well, so he comes off as a jerk. It is also possible that this guy is a jerk and is picking on you for some reason. If this is the case, let him go! There are always more guys out there and I bet some of them are a whole lot nicer.

SarahO.

by FootballG2518 on 5/24/2012 1:12:49 AM

 
 

my first kiss wasn't extravagant but it also wasn't like that, it was just a simple cute kiss

by Tiger Lily on 5/23/2012 11:27:49 PM

 
 



Mod Mod Mod!!!! ok so i just found out that my boyfriend has some friends who are girls that are sluts! I talked to him about it and he told me that they just recently became like that. He thinks that are sluts too. Worst thing is he told me that they don't like me because I'm his GF and they like him. Weird thing is they have BFs and they are pretty intimate or act intimate with them. I'm confused and I don't know how to deal with this. Thanks




As long as your relationship with your boyfriend is healthy you do not need to worry about the other girls. It is good that you and your boyfriend can talk about your concerns and that he agrees with you. Stay true to who you are and do not let their behavior confuse you or influence they way you act. Focus on your relationship and everything will work out for the better. Good Luck! xoxo Kerra 
Kerra S.

by Tiger Lily on 5/23/2012 10:39:06 PM

 
 



MODMODMOD
I got my period on the 19th last month, and didnt get it yet. I think I have an infection down there because my discharge is stinky and green and it itches all the time. I dont want to get it treated. Could this cause my menstruation to be late?




Your period can be very irregular within the first couple years of it starting so do not worry if you are a couple of days late. It sounds like you may urinary track infection and yes this could be the cause of your late period. Unfortunately it will only continue to get more uncomfortable if left untreated. Do not feel embarrassed to talk to a parent or doctor about this as vaginal infections are very common among girls! Your doctor will be able to give you antibiotics that can have the infection gone within a couple of days! You can also try drinking cranberry juice, this can help if you do have a urinary track infection. If you do have an infection you really do need to talk to a doctor before the infection spreads. Again, this is not something to be embarrassed about as it really is common. Good luck! xoxo Kerra 



 

 Kerra S.

by futurewriter16 on 5/23/2012 9:56:28 PM

 
 

Gross. And sad that your first kiss was ruined..

by curlygirl16 on 5/23/2012 9:48:02 PM

 
 

That's gross and rude. Sorry about that Frown

by unicornninja on 5/23/2012 8:27:37 PM

 
 



Mod Mod I like this guy from work I think he likes me too as a friend at least because when he took his break he came back up where I was and talked to me and then when I went on my break he followed me and talked but he's kinda shy so we just became friends on facebook would it be alright if I sent him my number in.a message on facebook and said text me sometime? Or would that be to bold? Thanks much mod

 

Hey girl, no I think that's fine! Or you can just chat him on facebook and start there? That might be easier. 


lauren r.

by Colorful1 on 5/23/2012 8:22:50 PM

 
 



MOD MODMOD!
I need help keeping healthy. I always try goals but I can never keep at it! Iv'e always been stick skinny and now im getting bigger. I want to start eating healthy foods but idk what to eat! (and what foods make your breath stink and what make it smell good?) I understand if you cant answer all my questions thankyou!!

 

Hey girl, try and eat from all the food groups and keep healthy proportions of each. If you're working out, be sure to eat lots of proteins to help your muscle groups! Also, if you're craving sweets, eat fruit! Those are the good sugars that taste good and are good for you. Honestly, I would just do a good search for stinky foods, but stay away from garlic, that stuff makes people smelly for too long! 


lauren r.

by chick987 on 5/23/2012 8:00:41 PM

 
 

i hope my first kiss isnt like that! gross!

by fearless;) on 5/23/2012 7:05:32 PM

 
 

hey girl,

when i kissed a guy for the first time he texted me a couple hours later saying i did it wrong! how embarassing! dont let this guy get you down! hahahah there are other girls out there like me who had the same thing happen!

by gozuko4740 on 5/23/2012 6:33:39 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!
Hey again Smile I am usually WAY to nervous to call him! Any tips? Thanks Smile

 

 Hey girl, if you're too nervous to call right away, text! Or maybe contact him through Facebook. It's always easier to build confidence through text than voice. Then when you're ready give it a go and call! 
lauren r.

by xXMissBehavedXx on 5/23/2012 5:58:33 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD!!!!!!! Ok so me and my BGF (also my crush) and I have gone to diff skools for 2 years now, so we mainly keep in touch over text. Problem is that I ALWAYS (literally!) have to start the convo. He has NEVER EVER started one in 2 years!!! He almost always replies, we usually text eachother for like 3 hours, and he seems to get really into the convo. What gives???

 

Hey girl, I wouldn't take it personally. People are busy and maybe he's not by his phone all the time. I'm sure you brighten his day when he receives a text from you! If it really bugs you, talk to him about it. Maybe give him a call sometimes and just ask him what's up. 


lauren r.

by xXMissBehavedXx on 5/23/2012 5:43:25 PM

 
 



Mod Mod Mod Mod Mod Mod
I sit behind this guy in latin who I like alot.Lately Ive noticed him look over at me alot in the halls and class.Sometimes he smiles and other times he looks bored/angry.Also hes changed how he usually walks in the halls and has ended up walking closer to me the past 3days.But he hasnt talked to me in almost 2weeksFrown I also kinda talk alot but when Im around him I become painfully shy.And he doesnt talk much when hes not around friends too.I suck when it comes to me dealing with guys.So what do you think the looks mean?What should I do?I was thinking if he doesnt make a move by the last day of school I would tell him how I feel.Please help.Thanks if you do.
p.s I'm pretty sure he knows I like him.And he said he doesnt like like anyone in latin class

 

Hey girl, I definitely think he thinks you're a cutie! Try talking to him more even if its just about boring school stuff. In class, ask him about a homework assignment or maybe if he wants to study with you. Begin by just saying hi to him when you pass him in the halls and in class and work up to having more conversations. 


lauren r.

by MimiB on 5/23/2012 5:34:56 PM

 
 

First kisses are weird. I thought it would be amazing, but I was too nervous to enjoy it. =P

by MadiBird on 5/23/2012 4:12:33 PM

 
 

My first kiss was terrible. I barley knew the guy & all he wanted was my body. When I told him no, he broke up with me over text and moved onto my friends. It was sloppy. I really regret my first kiss. I would rather be a "lip virgin" then not being one but having a horrible first kiss.

by Blushing-Beauty on 5/23/2012 3:51:31 PM

 
 

Your first kiss is never perfect and amazing cuz most likely, you'll suck at it. But, if he insults, dump him. No guy is worth that. Also never kiss a guy because he says you should. Listen to YOUR heart.
I had my first kiss with a guy who turned out to be a jerk, but even he said the kiss was good.

by scamp24 on 5/23/2012 3:34:21 PM

 
 

what a tool! if he can't kiss, he has no business telling you you're 'an ok kisser'....no one is perfect at first, don't even worry about it girl, find a boy who respects you for who you are, not how you kiss

by massieBismyhomegurrl on 5/23/2012 3:23:45 PM

 
 

Yeah, Most guys want to please you so if you want to wait make them.

by powercat13 on 5/23/2012 2:57:56 PM

 
 

I'd say break up with him. My friends older sister didn't have her first kiss until she was 16 and she said it was the best decision she ever made. Only kiss em if they make you feel like a princess!

by sprinklz28 on 5/23/2012 2:21:40 PM

 
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