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ADVICE | DEAR CAROL

My BFF has super low self-esteem--and it's driving me nuts

 

 

My best friend and I are very close, but she has such low self-esteem. She’s always saying things like “I’m dumb,” or, “I’m so ugly.” Then she says I’m so “pretty or smart or lucky,” and that I have the “coolest clothes.” It annoys me because she’s a great person! I think she insults herself just so I’ll give her compliments. Her parents are divorced, and she always fights with her mom. How can I help?

 

 

Dear Worried,

Your company and compliments, respect and affection are already helping. But you’re right, it’s a shame she spends so much energy putting herself down. You might even mention that the only thing you don’t like about her is that she’s constantly belittling herself.

 

It’s too bad she and her mom are at odds—parents don’t always do all they can to boost kids’ egos and help kids feel wanted and wonderful. Encourage your mom to invite your friend to dinner, and ask Mom to offer some encouragement of her own.

 

Finally, tell your friend that we all have little gnomes on our shoulders—one is kind, one nasty. My nice gnome whispers that I’m positively brilliant. My nasty one sneers that I’m a moron. So I tune out the criticism, and turn up the volume on the praise. We should all try to be the best we can be, but it’s then OK to go ahead and listen to the gnome saying, “Way to go!” That’s my secret to self-confidence. Pass it on.
 
 

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BY CAROL WESTON ON 6/24/2012 12:00:00 AM

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MOD MOD MOD! (and mod on my last post but I didn't know to write mod) I know a girl who dances with me. Ballet already makes people more body conscious, but my friend has been worrying me. She always says that she's too fat and everyone else is thin, when her stomach is flat. There's a boy she's talked about in her school who obviously likes her, but she doesn't think he does because she can't believe someone would like her. We all tell her that she's thin, but she worries that the # on the scale is too large for her age when it's NORMAL! She talks about needing to work out more and not eat so much sweets. I don't think she has an eating disorder, although I never see her in a scenario where it would be made obvious. How can we make her see she's a beautiful girl?

 

Hey girl, I think you need to get an adult to talk to her. It sounds like she's completely normal and thin but is sliding down a slippery slope where it can definitely get dangerous! Try and have another serious talk with her too. Sorry this is happening to your friend! 


lauren r.

by dragonsrox1000 on 12/1/2012 12:41:10 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!!!!
I am 14 and a female and i'm 5'3 but i'm 10 pounds overweight.My ''friends'' make fun of me and stuff and it's to the point where I like get all upset and stuff and cry and won't eat for days at a time because they make me feel like disgusting and stuff and then it gets to the point where my parents tell me that if I don't eat they'll take me to the hospital.I guess the point is should I tell them how I feel or try to find some new friends?

 

Hey girlie! I answered this question on your other post, but it boils down to this: let your friends know how you feel and give them a chance to be better friends.  If things don't get better, ditch 'em for some new friends who make ya feel good. xoxo 


Kate G.

by taylor6158 on 8/24/2012 1:09:50 PM

 
 

My best friend has been my best friend now for basically 10 years. I love her! But we have had some differences lately but thats ok. Anyway on Instagram she takes photos off the internet and says they were taken by her and they weren't. The last time we hung out she was rude to me and i feel that i need to expose the fact that she does this. It't to many photos!!!!!!! EVERY single one of my photos are taken by me!!!!!!!!! It bugs me so much because she gets a lot of likes on them and she lies about a ton of other stuff to! She went to a summer camp and said that she will do a gymnastics program there every morning and i went on the camp site and theres no such thing as gymnastics there. Im fed up with it!!!!! What should i do?

by bridget.murphy134 on 8/23/2012 5:05:08 PM

 
 

Thanks so much!

by Appleduck101 on 8/17/2012 2:51:49 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD
I used to go to a regular school but then I transferred out and went to a gifted school and got very advanced in music. Now whenever, I go and see my old friends from my neighborhood school, they all consider me as some kind of genius. It's not only the kids, it's everyone. I guess that's not a horrible situation, but some of my old friends think I'm some kind of know-it-all and that I'm trying to be arrogant. I can't even talk about my school or music without feeling like I'm bragging. What should I do to prove to them that I am just as down-to-earth as I was before I left?

 

Hey girlie! If you're sure you aren't bragging (sometimes people do it without realizing), then the best thing you can do is avoid the topic altogether for a little bit.  If you only answer questions about school when you're asked, then people will calm down and you'll feel less like you're bragging.  If you don't want to avoid talking about school or music (and I wouldn't blame you!), then just remember to keep stories shorter and relevant to what everyone is talking about. xoxo 


Kate G.

by Appleduck101 on 8/17/2012 1:46:43 PM

 
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