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My BFF has super low self-esteem--and it's driving me nuts

My best friend and I are very close, but she has such low self-esteem. She’s always saying things like “I’m dumb,” or, “I’m so ugly.” Then she says I’m so “pretty or smart or lucky,” and that I have the “coolest clothes.” It annoys me because she’s a great person! I think she insults herself just so I’ll give her compliments. Her parents are divorced, and she always fights with her mom. How can I help?

Dear Worried,

Your company and compliments, respect and affection are already helping. But you’re right, it’s a shame she spends so much energy putting herself down. You might even mention that the only thing you don’t like about her is that she’s constantly belittling herself.

It’s too bad she and her mom are at odds—parents don’t always do all they can to boost kids’ egos and help kids feel wanted and wonderful. Encourage your mom to invite your friend to dinner, and ask Mom to offer some encouragement of her own.

Finally, tell your friend that we all have little gnomes on our shoulders—one is kind, one nasty. My nice gnome whispers that I’m positively brilliant. My nasty one sneers that I’m a moron. So I tune out the criticism, and turn up the volume on the praise. We should all try to be the best we can be, but it’s then OK to go ahead and listen to the gnome saying, “Way to go!” That’s my secret to self-confidence. Pass it on.

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BY CAROL WESTON ON 6/24/2012 12:00:00 AM

My best friend has 2 best friends like every other person. Me and another girl. The other girl is moving 2 Florida. That's very far away from where we live. At first i felt bad for her and thought we would be closer than ever. That's not exactly the case..She does sailing every summer and there are 2 girls who do it and they are soon 2 be 8th graders. We are soon 2 be 7th graders. My BFF is also god sisters with a friend in their group of friends. All she has been doing is hanging with them. I have heard they are nice girls. I know most of them. One of them i go on vacation with her every year. But she's more friends with my older sister than she is with me. My older sister is going into high school but she hangs out with kids that are older than her. Thats what my BFF is doing. She hurts my feelings whenever i text her she always is bragging about how her and her "friends" are having such a great time. My BFF and i had a sleepover last night and hung out. She was nice and prettybitchy

MOD MOD MOD
I when ever I sleep over my BFF's her older sis is always with us. She's really mean to my BFF and to me. When ever I leave she tells my BFF that everything goes wrong when I come and that I'm ugly and fat and makes really mean comments when I'm around. Its gotten to the point to where I ask my mom to pick me up WAY earlier than usual. I have really low-self esteem and this isn't helping. What do I do?

Hey girlie! Tell your mom or your BFF's mom, this girl is ABSOLUTELY bullying you and you can't let her make you feel down. Until somthing can be done, have your best friend stay at your house so you don't have to deal with her sister. xoxo

Kate G.

by cupcake8715 on 8/17/2012 1:45:52 AM

hi mods
i have a lot of baby cousins, but the ones i am closest to are 4, 1, and 1. The one year olds are twin girls and the 4 year old is a boy. They always talk about me babysitting them, but when im older. How old do you think i should be? Should i be over 13 because im 12 and dont know how to change a diaper yet. Whenever I ask them they just say that i can babysit them when im older. What should i do?

Hey chica! Babysitting little kids (like babies and a 4 year old) is a big job, and made even bigger when the babies are twins. There are lots of things you need to know about babies to make it safe for you to be with them alone- think, if something happened (like one of the babies got sick), you wouldn't be able to do much to help them out. Instead of babysitting, ask if you can help watch your cousins when their mom or dad is home. That way, you'll get some practice in babysitting them, but you have their parents in case you don't know how to handle a situation. The parents have to decide when THEY think you're old enough to babysit- there isn't a magical age, it's all about how comfortable they are leaving their children at home with you! xoxo

by pandasrock292 on 8/7/2012 11:21:54 AM

mod mod mod!!!
I've been friends with a girl for a really lllooooonnngggg time, but lately she keeps pointing out everything I'm insecure about and blowing it out of proportion. like one time I was sitting there minding my own business and she's like 'gosh ur chubby!!' i know I'm not fat but I'm not exactly skinny either. I've told her 2 stop but she won't. I think I'm starting 2 believe her. other than that she's been a really good friend and I don't want 2 lose her friendship but I want her 2 stop calling my fat. also she talks about one of my other friends that she doesn't get along with.

Hey chica! Everyone has a friend that they love 90% of the time, but that is a bully that other 10%. The key to dealing with friends like that is to brush off their remarks as a little bit of jealousy. This girl probably envies something about you and is making herself feel better by putting you down. Don't worry about what she says. If you're comfortable with your body, keep reminding yourself that and just brush her comments off as insecurity on her part. xoxo

by nutmeg814 on 7/27/2012 12:39:04 AM

by bridget.murphy134 on 7/21/2012 7:08:30 PM

So my best friend has 2 best friends like most people. Me and another girl. The other girl is moving to Florida and that's waaaaayyyyyy far away from where we live. At first i felt bad for her and thought we would be closer than ever. But that's not really the case.... She does sailing every year in the summer and there are girls soon to be 8th graders and we are soon to be 7th graders. Don't get me wrong i hear their nice girls. But she has been hanging out with them ALOT. Like whenever i text her "Hey what's up?" She will always say "Downtown with (soon to be 8th graders)" She hurts my feelings because she's ditching me way to much for them. One of the main reasons i don't hang out with them is because my sister. My sister is going into high school but she hangs out with kids that are a year older than her. She made all of those friends because she switched schools in her first year of middle school. Thats how my BFF made her friends. (Sailing and school) One of the girls in their

by bridget.murphy134 on 7/21/2012 6:56:29 PM

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My BFF has super low self-esteem--and it's driving me nuts

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